Ngihlale ngiphuza ubhiya nabangani bami uma siya kuma-movie noma nje siphume. Futhi yini engalungile ngalokho? "- U-Denis, oneminyaka engu-15, ukhuluma ngenselele, esihlangana naye eduze nendawo yokuthenga yezitolo eSokolniki. "Ngaphandle kwendoda ye-cocktail noma ubhiya akekho okumele kwenziwe," wanezela umngane wakhe uSonya iminyaka engu-14. UDanila ujoyina ingxoxo yethu, cishe u-15: "Siphuza ukuba sijabule, siphumule ... Akusikho into okufanele sikhathazeke ngayo, asikho izidakamizwa noma yikuphi ..." Ukuthenga utshwala esitolo, futhi ngisho nangaphezulu esiteji esizungezile , akunzima, nakuba imithetho ivimbela ukudayiswa kotshwala kubantwana, ikakhulukazi eduze nesikole *. Eqinisweni, konke kubukeka okuhlukile: ngenxa yenguquko yesikole, izingane zilawula kalula ukugijima ngemuva kwebhiya noma into enamandla. Abazali bathuswa kakhulu yizilingo zezingane ezinotshwala. Asinakekeli kuphela impilo yabo, siqonde ukuthi yini engabangela ukuphuza utshwala. Ngesinye isikhathi asikwazi nje ukuthi singene kanjani esihlokweni sokuphuza utshwala, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kudingekile ukuba sisebenzise izinyathelo eziqine kakhulu nokuthi yini okufanele senze uma ingane ibuyela ekhaya ngokucacile iphoqa.
Kungani benza lokho
Ingxenye yesithathu yabasha abaseRussia abaneminyaka engama-13 no-16 ubudala baphuza utshwala njalo, kodwa abaningi bajwayele iwayini nobhiya kusukela beneminyaka eyishumi. Izingane kule nkathi zivame ukucabanga ukuthi abantu abadala abazithandi ngokwanele, abazikhathaleli kancane, kukhona umuzwa wokungabi nalutho kwangaphakathi nozungu, okuyinto abafaka ngayo ngosizo utshwala. Intsha iyathokoza ngokukhululeka nenkululeko ehambisana nokudakwa. Phela, utshwala luyisiluleko esinamandla sokuphumula. Kuyasiza ekunciphiseni ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, ukuqeda amahloni, izinkinga, izithiyo zokuxhumana. " Ngaphezu kwalokho, udoti kanye nogwayi yizo kuphela ezifinyelelekayo futhi ngenxa yalokho izici ezikhangayo zomhlaba omdala. Intsha icabanga ukuthi utshwala benza bakhulile, ngakho-ke bafuna ukuphuza izibuko nezibuko. Ngakho, ngokuxhuma, ukuba abantu abadala, baphoqelela abazali ukuba baqaphele ukuthi kakade bayeka ukuba izingane. Eqinisweni, akubona bonke abasha abathandana nokuphuza utshwala, abantu abaningi abaphazamisayo. Kodwa noma ngabe icala liphela ebuhlungu, utshwala lubamba indawo ebalulekile emibonweni yabo ngokukhula, ukuthi kunzima kakhulu ukuba bayeke futhi banqabe ukuphuza ngesikhathi esizayo. Ungasizi futhi ukhulume ngezingozi zotshwala: eminyakeni engu-14 yempilo ibonakala ingenamkhawulo. Intsha ayikholwanga nje, ayithathi ngokungathí sina izingxabano zethu, ngakho-ke noma yikuphi amagama abantu abadala abhekene nokuphikiswa: "Kungani wena kanye nami singakwazi?" Enye into ebalulekile yi-"collectivism". Intombazane idinga umphakathi wabalingani, lapho ebonakala khona njengomuntu. Iminyaka yokugcina yesikole yinkathi yodwa empilweni yethu, lapho umqondo wokuba eqenjini, izindinganiso ezijwayelekile zokuziphatha, umbono wabangane akuyona nje ebalulekile, kodwa kuyimfuneko edingekayo yokuthuthukiswa komuntu ngamunye. Yingakho, uma uzama utshwala, intsha isaba ukuthi ingabonakali emehlweni abangane futhi ayikwazi ukuyeka. Baphuza okuningi kanye nakho konke okulandelanayo, hlanganisa iziphuzo ezihlukene zenkinga, okwenza izidakamizwa ziqine kaningi. Ekuhlolweni komshini wokuzivocavoca, owenziwa yiqembu labachwepheshe bezengqondo, eholwa uProfesa Temple University (USA), uLaurence Steinberg (uLaurence Steinberg), abadlali banikwa ithuba lokuzikhethela: beka uphawu lokukhanya oluphuzi noma ukushayela. Ukudlala ngedwa, kokubili abadala nabaselula bakhetha inketho ephephile. Emdlalweni weqembu, intsha ibeka ingozi kabili, futhi ukuziphatha kwabantu abadala akuzange kushintshe. Ukuba khona kweontanga kuthinta imizwelo kangangokuthi izingane zenza ngokungenangqondo, futhi isifiso sokuthola ukuqaphela sikhulu kangangokuthi kuvimbela ukuba bahlole ngokwanele ingozi.
Ukusabela kokuqala
"Sinamadodana amabili, ophezulu ufunda esikhungweni, omncinyane usezingeni leshumi," kusho uMarina, 46, - Mina nomyeni wami sanquma isikhathi eside ukuthi sizobe sithembekile ngokweqile mayelana nophuzo: uma ufuna ukuzama, zama. Ekhaya, ngezinye izikhathi bangase baphuze ingilazi yobhiya nathi, izikhathi eziningana umdala wabuza ukuthenga ibhodlela lewayini ngenkathi esekuzalwa kwakhe kubafana abajwayele. Yiqiniso, asizange sibanikeze i-vodka, kodwa abazange babe nesifiso sokuzama into enamandla. Ngenxa yalokho, indodana endala ayiphuzi nhlobo, ngaphandle kwalokho, uhlale ehamba ngemuva kwesondo, kodwa omncanyana wasikhipha isimanga ... I-spectacle, kumele ngithi, yayingeyona emnandi kakhulu. Kodwa sabe sisabela ngokuthula kulokhu, asizange simthukuthele, sambeka nje ukuba alale ... Yiqiniso, yena ngokwakhe wayesaba kakhulu ukuthi ngesikhathi eside, ngicabanga, ngikhumbula lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho. " Wonke umuntu omdala weshumi akawazi ukuthi ingane yakhe yaphuza utshwala yini. Ngamaphesenti angu-17 kuphela acabanga ngalokho abazokwenza uma ingane yabo iqala ukubhekana nezinkinga ngotshwala, kodwa abazali abangama-80% bangenza uma izinkinga ezinjalo ziphakama. Abanye bethu banquma imingcele kusengaphambili, bachaze indlela yokugwema inkathazo: "Yebo, ngiyaqonda ukuthi uphuza ubhiya epaki. Kodwa angikululeka ukuba uphazamise ngewayini noma nganoma yini enye-ikhanda nokukhwabanisa kunikeziwe "; "Kungcono ukuza ukugubha ukuphela kwekota ukuya ekhaya lethu - egcekeni lesikole kunethuba lokuhlangana ne-precinct"; "Lapho uhamba ekamelweni, ungakhohlwa esitokisini phezulu kwesasikwama. Emoyeni ulambile, futhi kuyodumaza uma kuvela ukuthi ucabanga ngewayini, kodwa mayelana nesidla - cha. " Kodwa uma, ngemuva kwakho konke, ingane yakho ibonakale idakwe ngokweqile futhi kuleli fomu okokuqala libonakala likhona emehlweni akho, ungesabi. Wanquma ukukubonisa inhlanhla yakhe - lokho kusho ukuthi uyathemba futhi ubala ngokuqonda kwakho nokusiza kwakho. Abaningi bethu esimweni esibucayi baphonsa amakhanda abo bese bewela phansi kwentombazane. Kulokhu sinyunyiswa ukwesaba, intukuthelo, isihawu, ukuhlangenwe nakho komndeni okhuni, umthwalo wemithwalo yomzali kanye nomqondo wokungabi namandla. Ngempela, ukusabela kokuqala kwabazali ukukhamuluka ("Ungakuqaphela kanjani!"), Qala ukufunda izinkomba noma ngisho nokushaya. Okunye okukwedlulele ukulila ("Kungobubi kangakanani"), impikiswano emzungezile ingane ("Ake siphuze, sidle, kwenze kube lula"), ukuhlambalaza, amahlaya, ukuzama ukujabula. Futhi lokho kanye nezinye ukusabela kuyingozi. Esimweni sokuqala, siqinisa amahloni kanye necala lomsana, osevele ezwa ukuthi wenze kabi. Futhi okwesibini, ngokuphambene nalokho, sibonisa lo mfana ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe kuyamukeleka kithi, akukho lutho olwenzekile - lutho, ibhizinisi lansuku zonke. Zama ukugwema noma yikuphi ukuphawula, wenze ngokuzwakalayo, ngokuthula, ngendlela endala. Ukunikela ukugeza, vula iwindi, ulale. Uma ingane yakho iphuza kakhulu nabangani abaneminyaka engu-14 ubudala, lokhu akusho ukuthi waqala ukuphuza. Kungokuthi nje uneminyaka yobudala bokuqaphela izindima ezintsha nobuhlobo obusha.
Uma abazali benendlela ethile yokuziphatha nezingane, kuzosiza kunoma yisiphi isimo - kungaba i-vodka, izidakamizwa, noma yini. Ngicabanga ukuthi anginakho ukwesaba ezindabeni zokuphuza utshwala, ngoba izingane zami azinezifo ezinzima, futhi lokhu kuyisici esinqunyiwe. Uma omunye wabo esebuya ekhaya ngemuva kokuphuza, ngizobuza ngomoya ophansi ukuthi ngabe wayethanda yini ukuthi uyaphuza, kuphi futhi ngubani. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-9 ubudala, abazali babevame ukushiya endlini kusihlwa - e-cinema, emidlalo yaseshashalazini, ezitolo zokudlela. Futhi ngashiywe yedwa. Sasihlala ngaleso sikhathi eCzechoslovakia. Emgodini wekhaya kwakukhona amabhodlela amaningi athakazelisayo: i-whisky, i-vermouth, iwayini eqinile, i-cognacs. Ngithole le bar futhi ngahlela mina kusihlwa ukudakwa kwezincane zabantwana. Ngithengisa i-whiskey noma i-vermouth. Isiqingatha sokunquma, okuningi ngangingakwazi ukuphuza. Ngilalele umculo futhi ngakusindisa. Kubonakala sengathi nganginethuba lokuba utshwala. Kodwa kwakungenayo imiphumela kimi. Mhlawumbe abazali baqaphela ukuthi inani leziphuzo liyancipha, kodwa ukunakwa akuzange kukhokhelwe kuso, ngoba amabhodlela e-bar avuliwe isikhathi eside. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngezinhloso zokufundisa kungenzeka ukuba unikele ingane utshwala ngolunye usuku. Njalo nobaba wami lapho ngineminyaka eyishumi nanye. I-cape yakhe yayisezingeni eliphezulu. Kwakuwusuku olushisayo lwehlobo. Sakhuphukela esiqongweni sentaba, futhi kwakukhona indawo yokudlela enhle kakhulu. Futhi thina, sithukuthele, sijabule, sasihlala phansi sidle. Ngokungazelelwe ubaba wanginika ubhiya. Ngathi, "Woza!" Waphuza ikam elikhulu. Sasidla kahle, siphumula futhi saqhubeka nokuhamba kwethu. "
Ukubambisana nokuThemba
Uma ingane ibuyele ekhaya isiphuzile, kubalulekile ukukhuluma naye, futhi abazali kufanele bakwenze ndawonye, bebelokhu bavumelana izenzo zabo. Ingxoxo kufanele iqale hhayi ngosuku olufanayo, kodwa ngokushesha ngemuva kokuba ingane ingenangqondo. Kuyinto engenangqondo ukukhuluma kahle nomntwana ophuzile: ngisho namazwi anemusa kakhulu futhi anengqondo akunakwenzeka ukuzwakala. Kodwa futhi ukuyeka kabusha le ngxoxo isikhathi eside akudingekile. Uma sidonsa isikhathi, singazikhandla ukukhuluma ngalokho okwenzekile noma ukungazi ukuthi siziphathe kanjani emva kwalokho, kunengozi ukuthi ukusabela kwethu kuzokwenzeka nakwezinye izikhathi - ngenxa yesigqoko njengejacket eboshiwe. Qala ngento eyinhloko - kusuka kulokho ozizwayo lapho ubona indodana noma indodakazi yakho: ukuveza ukwesaba kwakho, usizi, ukumangala, ukuthukuthela ("Lapho ngifika emnyango izolo, ngangesaba, ngoba okokuqala empilweni yami ngazizwa ngawe nyansi "). Ngesikhathi esifanayo, gwema ukulahla amagama nokuhlola ("Wangidumaza"), khuluma ngawe kuphela. Khona-ke ungabuza ngalokho okwenzekile ngosuku olulandelayo: "Uphuze ini nokuthi ungakanani?"; "Ubani omunye owayenawe izolo, uzizwa kanjani?"; "Uthandile ukunambitheka kwalokho okuphuzayo?"; "Kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi awukwazi ukuyeka ngesikhathi?" Uma ingane ingafuni ukuphendula imibuzo yakho, ungafaki, uma uphendula, phendule. Isibonelo, tshela ukuthi konke okwenzekile kunoma yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho. Kodwa kubonakala sengathi lapho sineminyaka engu-13, kusencane kakhulu ukuqala ukuphuza: umzimba awukashintshi umthwalo onjalo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukukhuluma nabasha kuphela mayelana nezingozi zokuphuza utshwala, ukutshela okwesabisa, ukugxilisa inhlamba nokwesaba, akusebenzi. Utshwala luyingxenye yesiko lethu, futhi izingane zibona kahle hhayi kuphela ukuhlupheka umuntu ophuzayo okuzifakazela yena noma abanye. Bayazi (kusuka kokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo nakwabanye) ukuthi utshwala buletha injabulo: kuthuthukisa isimo sengqondo, kubangela ukuzwa okungavamile, kunika isibindi, kusiza ukuxhumana. Kunzima kakhulu ukukhetha umugqa wokuziphatha uma othile ehlukumeza utshwala emndenini. Kulesi simo, akulula ukuthola izingxabano ezizozwakala, ngaphandle kwalokho, abazali abathanda ukuphuza ngokuvamile abazizwa benelungelo lokunciphisa ingane. Kodwa nokho kukhona imithetho eminingana. Ungavumeli intsha ukuthi iphuze nomuntu omdala. Gwema ukuziphatha okufana nokuthi "Ungathathi isibonelo kubaba wakho!" - bacindezela kuphela ukuxhumana. Chaza ukuthi ungabona kanjani utshwala obuncane, ufunde ukuhlola ukunambitheka kwewayini, uchaze ukuthi iziphuzo ezihlukene zithinta kanjani umzimba. " Ngezinye izikhathi kungase kubonakale ukuthi isinqumo esiqondile kunazo zonke ukuvinjelwa okuqinile. Le nqubo ayisebenzi, futhi cishe cishe izoshukumisa lo mfana ukuba ahlole izinto ezintsha, azozifihla ngokucophelela kakhulu. Kodwa ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani nokuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi ingane idakiwe, nokuthi ngabe uzophindaphinda lolu phiko, kuyadingeka. Kodwa-ke, uma umndeni unobungane obuhle, ukuvinjelwa kungasebenza: ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba futhi uthando lwabazali, mhlawumbe, luzomenza acabange ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Uma ingane ingenakulahlekelwa, ngoba abazali bakhe abazange basondele kuye, ukuvinjelwa kuzoqinisa kuphela udonga lokungaqondi kahle. Ngokudabukisayo, kungenzeka ukuthi kulo mzuzwana umuntu kufanele acabange ukuthi ubuhlobo bethu nengane budinga ukulungiswa ngenxa yesizathu esilula ukuthi sikhule. Kodwa noma ngabe kwenzekani empilweni yengane yakho, kubalulekile ukugcina isisekelo sobuhlobo bakho - ukuhlonipha, ukuthembana noma okungenani ukuxhumana okuncane. Kuphela kulesi simo intombazane izokuzwa ngisho nangesikhathi sezenzo ezingenangqondo kanye nesibindi esikhulu.