Amadoda avela ku-Mars, abesifazane baseVenus ... Ngesinye isikhathi incwadi enegama le-psychotherapist uJohn Gray yenza inguquko yangempela ezinhliziyweni zezigidi zabantu. Ukuphumelela kwakhe okukhulu kwachaza nje: wathinta inkinga ebaluleke kunazo zonke yobudlelwane bobuhlobo - ukuhambisana nendoda nowesifazane. Ingabe ngempela sihlukile? Indlela yokuqonda uma uhambisana nomlingani wakho? Futhi kanjani ukuzuza ukuvumelana phakathi kobudlelwano? Isihloko sethu samanje sizozinikezwa izimpendulo kule mibuzo neminye.
Okuhlukile: ukuhambisana phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane
Iqiniso lokuthi iGrey encwadini yakhe ngokucacile yathatha izithombe zeMartians noVenus, akuyona into engavamile. Ngokuqondene namaplanethi ahlukene kungachaza kalula isimo salezo zingxabano ezikhazimulayo ezikhona phakathi kwamadoda nabesifazane. Kodwa njengoba bobabili bobulili bethu bezinhlobo ezifanayo zezinto eziphilayo, umehluko okhona okhona kwi-psychology yobulili.
- Okokuqala, sibona izenzakalo ngokuhlukile. Amadoda abona isimo sonke, futhi abesifazane baqaphela kakhulu imininingwane, begxila kubo.
- Okwesibili, abesifazane bazwela futhi banomzwelo, ngakho abaqondi ukuvimbela abantu nokubandisa. Ngezinye izikhathi ukungabikho kokubonakaliswa kwangaphandle kwemizwelo yowesifazane kungachazwa ngisho nokungahloniphi nokukhathazeka komlingani.
- Okwesithathu, kumadoda amaningi, uhlelo oluholela ekuboneni ulwazi luyisiteshi esibukwayo. Ngenkathi abesifazane benomsebenzi ofanayo owenziwa uhlelo lokuhlola. Ngakho igama elidumile lokuthi amadoda athande amehlo, nabesifazane abanezindlebe.
- Futhi okwesine, sinokucabanga okuhluke ngokuphelele: kunengqondo emadodeni nasemifanekisweni (enembile) kwabesifazane.
Ngakho-ke kuvela ukuthi imibono ehlukene kanye nezimpendulo kwisimo esisodwa kuholela ekungaqondani nasezingxabano phakathi kwabantu abathandekayo.
Kuyini ukusebenzisana?
Abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi ukuhambisana kwendoda nowesifazane kuyisivumelwano esiphelele ebuhlotsheni, uma izindinganiso nemibono empilweni zihambisana no-100%. Eqinisweni, lokhu akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele. Ukuhambisana ukuzimisela komlingani ngamunye ukufunda izindlela ezicashile zomunye nomunye, thola ukuyekethisa nokuxazulula izinkinga ezivamile. Ngokungangabazeki, kusekelwe emibonweni yothando futhi kusekelwa ukufana kwezithakazelo, imikhuba, ukubukwa. Kodwa ngisho noma umlingani wakho ehluke ngokuphelele, ungakha umshado oqinile naye, ngokuzama ukusebenzisana.
Indlela yokuqonda ukuthi uhambisana nomlingani wakho?
Umbuzo uyinkimbinkimbi futhi iseluleko esivela ezinkanyezini ezidumile kuwo ngeke uphendule. Eqinisweni, ayikho indlela ecacile yokuhambisana - ngakho konke kuyedwa. Kodwa ukukhuluma ngokujwayelekile, kungenzeka ukubiza abalingani abahambisanayo abanobudlelwane phakathi kocansi, babe nezimiso ezingokomoya ezifanayo, baqonde, bahloniphe futhi balalelane. Ngamanye amazwi, ungaba ohlangothini oluhlukile lwamasiko nezenhlalo, kodwa othandweni nomshado ube munye. Uma kwezinye zezigaba ungahambisani nomlingani wakho, lokhu akusho ukuthi awuhambisani. Kuphela nje udinga ukuqala ukusebenza ekuthuthukiseni ubuhlobo, futhi cishe, uzothola ukuvumelana. Kodwa uma intshiseko enjalo ingena kuphela komunye wamaqembu, kufanelekile ukucabangela ukuthi kungani udinga ubuhlobo obunjalo.
Ukuhambisana nendoda nowesifazane othandweni: Indlela yokufeza ukuvumelana
Cabanga ukuthi ukhuluma izilimi ezahlukene futhi uzofunda ulimi lwangaphandle lwangaphandle, oluzovame kokubili. Ngakho-ke ebuhlotsheni: kubalulekile ngothando, olululwimi oluvamile, ukutshela ngezidingo zabo, ukwesaba nokuhlangenwe nakho, ukuzinikezela emibonweni yabo empilweni.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, umuntu kufanele akwazi ukusebenzisa kahle isimiso "sokuphikisa ukuheha". Isibonelo, wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi izakhi zofuzo bonke abantu banesifiso sobuholi. Ngakho-ke, noma ngabe uyindoda yebhizinisi eliphumelelayo, eduze komuntu wakho uba yisigqila futhi uholele kuye. Lokhu akusho ukuthi udinga ukwenza sengathi ushintshe uhlamvu lwakho. Thatha njengesipiliyoni esisha sokwazi. Uma uba mncane futhi wesifazane isikhashana, ngeke nje ugcizelele ukubaluleka kwabathandekayo bakho, kodwa uzokwazi ukuqaphela indima yomgcini wendawo yokulala kuwo wonke owesifazane.
Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu - khuluma nomlingani wakho. Musa nje ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zansuku zonke, kodwa nikelelane ezinhlelweni zenu, nihlanganyele okuhlangenwe nakho. Funda ukuveza izidingo zakho ngokuvulekile, ngaphandle kokufihla ngemuva kokungaqondani kanye namacala. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukwakha ukuthembela ebuhlotsheni futhi ufunde ukuvula. Ungesabi ukubonakala ungenangqondo noma ubuhlungu. Umlingani onothando uzothola ukuqonda nokuzwelana njalo. Futhi ungasho ngokuqiniseka ukuthi ukuhambisana okugcwele kwendoda nowesifazane akuyona inganekwane, kodwa kuyiqiniso elihle.