Akulona yini iqiniso ukuthi wena empilweni yakho uhlangabezane nabesifazane abanjalo abathi ngezikhathi ezithile bashiya abayeni babo, kodwa amandla abo ahlala ngesonto noma amabili, noma ngaphansi, futhi, njengezigebengu ezibuyela endaweni yesehlakalo, baphinde bazitholele eduze nabathembekile babo? Futhi kufanele uzibuze ukuthi kungani owesifazane onjalo ethatha isifundo sokuphuza, ephakamisa isandla, ehlangene ohlangothini futhi elahlekelwa wonke umholo omncane, edlala i-poker.
Mhlawumbe uzokukhumbula ukuthi uma kungenjalo, ngakho-ke umama wakho unomngane onjalo ovame ukushiya izenzakalo ezimangalisayo empilweni yakhe, ucela ukuchitha ubusuku, kodwa kufanelekile ukuba umyeni wakhe abe sembundeni ngezimbali nezimbali uthembisa, ngokushesha ubuyela ezandleni zabathembekile.
Kulungile, uma kwenzeka lokhu kwenzeka okokuqala, kodwa uma umyeni okwesikhombisa kule minyaka emibili edlule uthembisa izintombi zakho ukuthi zithole umsebenzi omusha, uya olwandle noma ziphule zonke izibopho nge-slyubovnitsey, kodwa zihlale ziphule izwi, kufanelekile ukusekela "abathandi" abanjalo izinkinga, ezinye zazo eziningi ezishaja inambuzane? Futhi ingabe kungenzeka ukuthi uqonde ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka futhi uzama ukutshela owesifazane uhlobo oluthile lweseluleko esiwusizo oluzosiza uma ukuxazulula inkinga yakhe, okungenani ukufinyelela ezingeni elisha lokuqonda?
Ngakho-ke, yiziphi izizathu ezihlakaniphile, amahle nabesifazane abazobe behamba phambili bebambelele ezingxenyeni zabo zesibili, okuye kwaphela isikhathi sokuba umphefumulo?
Kodwa kuthiwani uma ashintsha konke okufanayo?
Abesifazane abaningi bayaqiniseka ukuthi bazokwazi ukuthonya isiphetho nomlingiswa womuntu ngisho ngaphandle kwesifiso sakhe. Ngenxa yalokho, laba besifazane, bezama ukuphakamisa umyeni wakhe, bewela esicupheni: bacabanga ukuthi kuzuzisa ukubeka umzamo omncane kanye nesikhathi nakho konke kuzoshintsha. Indoda ngesikhathi esifanayo kusukela eseceleni sezilwane ezifuywayo, ngaphandle kwe-remote kude ne-TV, amabhulukwe ezemidlalo ngamadolo okugcoba kanye nobhiya akukho lutho oluqaphelayo, ngokungazelelwe liba yincwadi ehlakaniphile futhi kuyoba injabulo ukuhamba nomkakhe emidlalo yaseshashalazini. Umhlukumezi wasekhaya, ongahlali owesifazane noma izingane zakhe, ebacindezelayo futhi ebaphakamisela izandla, uzoba umuntu ongcono ozosekela nokusekela.
Futhi owesifazane onjalo, ngokuzibonakalisa ngokumangalisayo njengenhlamba enamandla onke, ekhuphuka esikhwameni sakhe, futhi akuzange kube nezinguquko eziyisimangaliso, noma cha. Yebo, akunakwenzeka ukubiza isimo esinjalo singathemba ngokuphelele, kodwa izinguquko emadodeni zingenzeka kuphela lapho kuhlolwa kabusha izindinganiso zakho, njengabantwana, akuhlangene naso. Kodwa ngisho noma umyeni wakho enquma ukushintsha kangcono, kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuthi abantu abalungile abakho emvelweni.
Esimweni esibi kunazo zonke, owesifazane uzobe esesimweni esibucayi ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi kufanelekile ukucabangela ukuthi ubuhlobo obunjalo buyadingeka yini. Labo abajwayele imisebenzi yomhlengikazi odumile u-Eric Berne, bayazi ukuthi lolu hlobo lokuziphatha lubizwa ngokuthi "umfazi wodakwa". Kulokhu, lo wesifazane ukhathazekile ngempela ukuthi umyeni wakhe usebenzisa utshwala, akasebenzi, adlale ukugembula, athatha izidakamizwa, uvame ukuphakamisa isandla sakhe, njll, kodwa kuzo zonke izimo zokuziphatha komyeni wakhe azama ukuthola isizathu sokumgembula. Waphakamisa isandla sakhe - kusho ukuthi umkakhe wayephekwe ukudla okungenakusihlwa, walahlekelwa yonke imali ekhasino - mhlawumbe abakwa-boss saws emsebenzini. Uhlelo lwe-Ithaca lobuhlobo lungathatha impande emndenini isikhathi eside. Ngokufanayo, ukushiya umbuthano ononya, omunye wabalingani kumele ashintshe ngokujulile uketshezi lwezehlakalo ezifanayo.
Ukwesaba ukuba yedwa
Ngokuvamile, amadoda enza indima yabesifazane abafuywayo basebenzelana nesimo sengqondo samantombazane ngesitatimende esithi "Noma ngubani owakunake ngaphandle kwami", "Ngakuthatha eceleni kwendlela yokuphila ngakhipha indoda kuwe", "Ingabe uyintombazane? Bheka ukuthi uneminyaka emingaki, ubukeka kanjani. Ucabanga ukuthi othile uzoba i-pozaritsya kuwe? ". Futhi kubonakala sengathi abangane bami bahlelwe yindoda enomkhuhlane futhi bashaye umbhobho owodwa, ukuthi uzodinga omunye umuntu, uma uba owesifazane ongashadile.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ezweni lethu, empeleni, abesifazane abaneminyaka ephakathi nendawo bakhulu kakhulu kunamadoda, kanti ngakolunye uhlangothi - kubantu besifazane abahlala emlonyeni womphakathi wethu futhi kukhona isimo sengqondo esibi-sobubele. Ngakho uma owesifazane onjalo ehamba, uthi, ukugubha uNyaka Omusha nabangani bakhe, bese cishe, abanye bazofika behambisana nabashade babo futhi bazobukeka befuna ukuphikisana nomuntu ongeke akwazi ukulwa naye okhululwe ejokeni lomyeni wakhe.
Futhi iziphi izikhalazo zabazali, izintombi kanye nabanye abantu abaseduze ukuthi iqiniso lokuthi owesifazane oyedwa angeke abe nomuntu ongeke abe nomunye umuntu ukuba acele usizo ekuxazululeni izinkinga ezincane zasemakhaya nokufaka isicelo sokuhlukanisa, ngeke esakwazi ukuncika ukuthi umyeni wakhe uzolengisa amashalofu endlini yokugezela, alungise inyama ephukile kanye ne-cutlet ukuthwala isikhwama samazambane emakethe. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, bambalwa abantu bacabanga ukuthi ukugwema umuntu oshade naye, owesifazane, mhlawumbe, uzosusa umsebenzi wokupheka isobho, ucabange ukuthi ukupheka ngodla. Isipikili, uhlanza uhlelo lokuthuthwa kwamanzi oluvaliwe noma ukulungisa inyama kungenziwa futhi ngumsebenzi we-ejensi enikeza izinsizakalo ezifana "nehora lesilisa".
Ngisho noma owesifazane esaba ukuthi uma ehlukanisile ngabashadikazi, akakwazi ukuhlela impilo yakhe, umuntu kufanele acabange ukuthi ufanelwe yini ezinye izinkolelo ezithathwa ngumphakathi noma ubandlululo, ukubekezelele ama-antics wabathembekile? Uma ungeke wenze isinqumo esicacile, ungathatha iphepha kanye nemininingwane imininingwane nezinzuzo zomuntu osesikhathini esiseduzane. Kulungile? Ingabe unayo izimbongolo eziningi?
Ukuzethemba ngaphansi kwe-plinth
Noma nini lapho isineke siphela, abesifazane abakhuthazela ukuziphatha okungavumelani kwamadoda abo banquma ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuqeda lokhu kuhlazeka. Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi ibhizinisi lakhe elimnyama linganaki ukuzethemba, ngoba lona wesifazane uqala ukungabaza ukuthi uzohlala yini ngaphandle kokwethembeka kwakhe. Yebo, izolo wayengenasisindo, ephuzile ngokweqile, esongela ukulimala, konke lokhu kwabonakala ngabantwana. Kodwa nanamuhla, emva kwalokho, ukhululekile kunamanzi, ngaphansi kwengotshani, ecela izinyembezi ukuba acele intethelelo kubo bonke abantu, uthembisa ukuthi lokhu kwakuyisikhathi sokugcina futhi usevele usekuqaleni kwendlela, ekugcineni ukuthi abe ngumyeni nobaba omuhle.
Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ungakholelwa ezithembisweni ezinjalo ukuthi akekho umuntu ovamile ongabonakala ephula? Kulokhu, uma kuziwa kumuntu ojwayelekile, izimo ezingenhla akufanele ziphakame.
Kodwa kungani abesifazane behlushwa ukuhlaselwa okunjalo, ukuthethelela abantu kaningi?
Iqiniso liwukuthi iningi lezinkimbinkimbi zethu zikhona ebuntwaneni. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngokukhethekile ukuzethemba okuphansi. Owesifazane onokwethenjelwa owakhuliswa abazali abavame ukudumisa ingane wayegxekwa nganoma yisiphi isizathu, uma eqhathanisa impumelelo yakhe nempumelelo yabanye abantwana, isibonelo, izingane ezifunda nabo, omakhelwane, abafowabo abadala noma odadewabo. Ukukhula, amantombazane anjalo akakwazi ukuhlola ngokwanele ukufaneleka kwawo, abakholelwa ukuthi angafaka isicelo esingcono kakhulu, futhi umbono wabanye abakuzungezile ubaluleke kakhulu kunalowo.
Unecala ngaphandle kwecala
Abesifazane ngale ndlela yokuphila bahlale bekhathazekile ngokuthi isimo sengqondo esibi somuntu abazithukuthelisa. Umyeni wami wayenamahloni, okusho ukuthi angizange ngiphenduke kuye, ngimshaya, mina ngimangalela, ngifanele isimo sengqondo esinjalo.
Lapha kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi bobabili abalingani kufanele basolwe nganoma yisiphi isigameko - cishe akusoze kwenzeka ukuthi umuntu unecala, kanti omunye uphoqelelwe ukuba enze ngendlela ethile nangenye indlela. Khumbula ukuthi empikiswaneni umuntu usebenza njengesisusa, okungukuthi, umhlukumezi, omunye uphoqeleka ukuzivikela . Amadoda, ajwayele ukuhlala esimweni esinjalo, azama ngawo wonke amandla awo ukuhlakulela emkhatsini wabo umqondo wecala, ngaleyo ndlela bazame ukuziphendulela futhi basuse umuzwa wecala lokuziphatha okungalungile. Eqinisweni, umhlukumezi wasemakhaya uzizwa engumbusi wobulungiswa, futhi isisulu sinamathele kuye ngisho nangecala.
Lesi simo futhi sivame ukuba yingane kusukela ebuntwaneni, ngesikhathi sokunaka ukunakwa, isimo sengqondo nothando lwabazali noma ezinye izihlobo ezindala, kwakudingeka ukufakazela ngazo zonke izindlela ukuthi umntwana ufanelekile.
Ukubambisana okuhle
Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho ubuka ubuhlobo obungenalutho bonke abantu, izazi ze-psychologists ziyabona ngokucacile ukuthi izizathu zokuthi owesifazane akakwazi ukushiya indoda njalo kunalokho. Isibonelo, ingaba uhlobo oluhlukile lokuthembela: kusuka ngokomzwelo, ngokobulili kuya kokubhaliwe.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abanye baneliseke kakhulu ngendima yesisulu. Njengoba bengacabangi lesi simo, abaningi bayamangala, yiziphi izinzuzo owesifazane, oyingxenye yesiqingatha esicindezelwe njalo? Uma ubamba kancane kancane, ungabona ngokucacile ukuthi abesifazane abangenayo emshadweni bangathembela ukusekelwa komphakathi, bazwela abangane abangaphumelela. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lesi simo senza ubuhlobo bube yinyunyana engafanele, lapho umfazi enza konke okusemandleni akhe ukukhombisa ukuthi uzama kanjani ukuphuma kumyeni wakhe, uzama ukuthola umsebenzi ongcono, amahlazo futhi amkhuthaze lapho ethatha utshwala, kodwa lokhu akunikezi imiphumela. Ngenxa yalokho, owesifazane ujwayele iqiniso lokuthi bonke abamzungezile bayamhawukela futhi lokhu kuphenduka uhlobo lokuxhomeka kwengqondo.
Esinye isici esingavumeli ukushayela oshade naye, kungaba yinto evamile yokuzuza impahla. Abaningi bakulungele ukubekezelela ama-sizmen omyeni, ukunganaki lutho nje ukuze angashintshi indlela yokuphila, ukuze bathole izipho ezibizayo umlingani ozinikezayo ukuze ahlenge icala lakhe. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi akufanele sikhohlwe ukuthi ubudlelwane obunjalo bubuhlungu ngokomzwelo, futhi ngokushesha kuzodingeka ukuthi omunye ucabange ngalokho okubaluleke kakhulu: amanye amalungelo, isibonelo, ithuba lokuya eParis ngezimpelasonto noma engozini yempilo nokulingana.
Ukuxhomeka kobulili
Ukuxhomeka ngokocansi kungenye yezinhlobo zokunamathisela ngokomzwelo. Abesifazane abawela kulo mgibe bakholelwa ngobuqotho ukuthi akekho omunye kodwa umlingani wangempela wezocansi angaqonda ngokujulile izidingo zakhe ezijulile futhi azigculise ngokugcwele. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lungahlanganiswa nenani elikhulu labalingani abesifazana abathintana nabo ngokobulili ebuhlotsheni obudlulile, okusho ukuthi unento yokuqhathanisa umyeni wakhe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi - ukwephula inhlangano enjalo nokukhulula umthwalo osindayo akuniki ukuzethemba okuphansi. Ngenxa yalokho, noma yikuphi umuntu akwenzayo, izizathu ezingenangqondo zenzelwe izenzo zakhe, futhi yena, uqobo lwakhe, uqiniseke ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka, ukushaya, ukuphuza nezinye izono kuzothethelelwa futhi uzophinde abuyele ekhaya futhi aqhubeke nobuhlobo njengokungathi akukho okwenzekile .
Izingane kufanele zikhule noyise
Isibonelo sokuthi ubaba kufanele abe nobani wakhe futhi kungakhathaliseki isimo sakhe sengqondo kumkayo nenzalo yakhe, kungcono ukuhlala emndenini ogcwele kunokuba nomama oyedwa noma uyise wesilisa, kwakukhona inkathi yamaSoviet lapho kumenyezelwa ukuthi umshado kufanele ube munye futhi konke ukuphila. Kulesi simo, lona wesifazane usebenza njengesisulu, utshalwa isikhathi sonke nomzamo wokukhulisa izingane futhi enethemba lokuthi esikhathini esizayo bayokwazi ukubonga konke akwenzile. Kodwa okuphazamisayo ukuthi izindlalifa eziyingqayizivele, ukubona ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zobudlelwane obubusa emndenini, okungcono kakhulu, cela abazali ukuba bahlukanise ngokwabo, nakakhulu - bazibophe ngokwabo, bathole imali eningi.
Kumele kuqashelwe ukuthi umndeni ngamunye ungumuntu ngamunye futhi owesifazane angabambelela ebuhlotsheni obungasetshenzisiwe ngesinye sezizathu ezibalwe ngenhla, futhi uboshwe yizici ezisezinyaweni. Ngokwemvelo, ukuxhomeka okunjalo kuyakhathaza, okwenza owesifazane abe nexhala futhi ecasulwe, futhi uma yena ngokwakhe engakwazi ukunquma ukuthi ukuze enze esimweni esibekiwe emndenini wakhe, kuyobe kungenakuqhathaniswa ukuxhumana nomqondo wezengqondo womndeni noma we-psychotherapist. Yiqiniso, ngithemba ukuthi emva kokuthola okokuqala ezandleni zakho kuyoba nemfundo ephumelelayo yokuxazulula zonke izinkinga zomndeni, kodwa ungakusiza ukuba uqonde isimo bese uxazulula isimo.