Ubuhlobo besikhathi eside nokuzibophezela othandweni kuvame ukuvimbela ukungahlanzeki kokuziphatha kwabashadile abasha, ukungakwazi kwabo nokungafuni ukuyekethisa, ukuhlambalaza, ukuhlambalaza, njll. Ngenxa yalesi sizathu, imindeni engu-42% ihlukana. Amaphesenti angu-31% nabesifazane abangu-23% bahlukanisa ubuhlobo babo ngenxa yokudakwa komlingani wabo wesibili. Okwesithathu, isizathu esiyinhloko sokuhlukanisa kungukungathembeki komyeni noma umfazi.
Okuthakazelisa kakhulu, kunezinyanga ezithile ngonyaka kanye nezinsuku zeviki lapho ubuhlobo besikhathi eside buyosongelwa. Iphephandaba i-Mirror lenze izifundo ezikhethekile, futhi zathola ukuthi, ngokuvamile abantu abashadile bahlukana ngoJanuwari. Akumangazi - uNyaka Omusha, impilo entsha ... Ngaphandle kwalokho, kungenzeka ukuba uthole ubuhlobo, ubeke wonke amaphuzu angenhla futhi, nangaphambili kuwo ungenaso isikhathi esanele. Kanti futhi ku-80% womyeni noma umfazi ushiya umndeni ngoMgqibelo noma ngeSonto.
Ungenza kanjani isigamu sakho sesibili ungakhohlwa izibopho zakho othandweni, ukuthi ungasindisa kanjani umshado?
Kuvela ukuthi kunezici eziningi eziqinisa noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, zenza ukuba ubudlelwano bobudlelwane buhlukane. Uma uhlala endlini yakho, futhi ungaqedi indawo yokuhlala, khona-ke amathuba okuhlukana kwakho ayancishiswa ngo-45%. Ingane evamile kanye nokuhlangana komshado ngaphambi komshado kusiza ekuqinisekiseni ubuhlobo, nakuba iningi likholelwa ngenye indlela. Ngokuvamile abantu abashadile bayakhulumisana, kodwa kubonakala ukuthi kubaluleke kakhulu ukugcina inani - ukugxeka oku-1 - ukuncoma okungu-5, ngaphandle kwalokho, uzothola isehlukaniso. Bathi labo ababukeka ngendlela eyodwa, hhayi ngokumelene nomunye, bayajabula othandweni. Umcwaningi uHans-Ver-Ner Birhoff wathola ukuthi uma abashadile becabanga ngendlela efanayo, banokuziphatha okufanayo, ngakho umshado wabo uzoba namandla kunabo bonke. Futhi yini eyenza abashade bakhohlwe zonke izibopho bese beya komunye umndeni? Kubonakala sengathi isizathu singase sibe imfundo engalungile emndenini. Isazi sezinqondo uPaul Likken sathola ukuthi izingane zabazali abahlukanisile ngokuvamile azikwazi ukudala ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo. Konke mayelana nemizwelo nokuziphatha abakopisha kubazali babo. Amabhangqwana amasha nawo angakwazi ukugcina uthando lwabo. Uma lomshado ungaphambi kweminyaka engu-21, kungenzeka ukuthi isehlukaniso esisheshayo. Abantu abadala abasanda kushada banamathuba amaningi okuphila okujabulisayo, futhi unyaka ngamunye ophilayo ungezela amaphesenti engeziwe - amadoda - 2%, abesifazane - 7% yokuthi isehlukaniso ngeke kwenzeke. Inkolo evamile ibuye ihlanganise abantu ndawonye. Futhi ukuphila endaweni edolobheni, ngokuphambene nalokho, kwandisa amathuba okuhlukanisa.
Isayensi iqhubekela phambili phambili. UProfesa we-Psychology uJohn Gottman kanye noprofesa wezibalo uJames Murray bakholelwa ukuthi cishe amaphesenti angu-100 anganquma ukuthi ngabe umbhangqwana othile uzohlala yini emshadweni "odele futhi ojabulisayo." Bahlaziya ukuphila kwemibhangqwana engu-700, futhi ngokusho kokubheka kwabo, basungula ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi bathole isikhathi eside senyunyana yabo ekuqukethwe kwezimpikiswano nezingxoxo. Abashadile banikezwa isihloko ukuze baxoxe futhi bakhuthazwe ukuqala ingxabano. Uma bobabili ngenkathi bexoxisana, belalela izimpikiswano zomunye umlingani, ngaso sonke isikhathi, noma ngabe amaphuzu okubuka ahlukene, azama ukukhombisa uthando nothando lwabo, khona-ke ubudlelwane babujame ukuhlolwa. Kodwa, uma kunjalo, ingxabano yaphenduka ulimi oluhlukumezayo, futhi abashadile baqhubeka bephindaphinda iqiniso labo, ngokungahambisani, cishe, phambi kwabo kwakuyisihlukaniso.
Ifomula yothando ayisungulwanga, ngayinye inayo yayo. Kodwa, uma okungenani sifisa ukuxhumana okuqinile nokuthembekile - ingxenye yendaba isenziwe, bonke abanye bazosizwa uthando nokubekezela.