Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungukuthi unqatshelwe injabulo, injabulo, futhi kwenye - ukugwema ukuthembela, ngoba uma uxhumene ngokomzwelo nomunye umuntu - kusho ukuthi uyazethemba, kodwa kanjani? Isihloko sokubandakanyeka ngokomzwelo akusiyo kuphela kwengqondo, kodwa futhi ifilosofi nenkolo. Isibonelo, kubuBuddha, eTaoism, ukuhlukumezeka, inqola yamukelekile. Futhi ngo-Orthodoxy, ukukhathazeka kulahlwa, futhi lokho okubizwa ngokuthi "ukucabangela" kukhuthazwa. Ngokuphathelene nokucwaninga kwengqondo, ngizohlukanisa imibono "yokuthembela" nesithi "okunamathiselwe." Uma uchitha ukubandakanyeka kwakho ngokomzwelo, balahlekelwa "I" yakho, ukuthi ungubani ukuxhomeka. Kodwa uma imizwa ikulawula, kodwa uyakwazi ukubuyela ku-"I" yakho, unesimo sakho - lokhu umuzwa onempilo, uthando. Kodwa-ke, uma ungakwazi ukubhekana nemizwa yakho, ukusabela, ukulawulwa kwesimo, ngakho-ke, ukukhuluma ngokwezesayensi, sibhekene ne-pathology of drives, umlutha. Ngolimi lwezwe, sizokhuluma ngomunye umuntu: "wabambelela, wanamathela," "kuqhubekile, pereklinilo." Ngokuqondene nabantu abangafuni ukuba nezilwane ngenxa yalesi sizathu esingenhla, amazwana alandelayo angase afanele lapha: i-neurotic yilabo abagwema ukubunzima kokuyeka ukuhlala. Kodwa indlela yokubhekana nabantu abadala? Ngabe ngabaculi, izimbongi, abaculi abangenakho ukuphoqelela? Lokhu kungumuthi womuntu odala, futhi uma uqinisa imizwelo, usebenza ngokwengeziwe!
Kuyinto yebo. Njengoba sonke sikhumbula, uVan Gogh wayethwele kakhulu - wayinquma indlebe yakhe ekuhlaselweni, noma ekuthunjweni. Uyazi ukuthi izazi zesonto zicabanga kanjani? Indoda ingaholwa imimoya ekhanyayo, futhi ingaba - mnyama. Muva nje, izazi ze-neurologists ziye zathola ukuthi amandla angama-60 kuya kwangu-80 kuwo wonke amandla asetshenziswa ubuchopho abandakanyeka ezinkambeni ezingahlotshaniswa nanoma yikuphi ukuvusa kwangaphandle. Futhi lokhu kungukusebenza kwangaphakathi, okungaqaliwe kwabesosayensi bobuchopho okuthiwa igama elithi "amandla amnyama". Ngaphambilini, abacwaningi bakholelwa ukuthi ubuchopho baphumule nje ngokuphumula, futhi enye yomsebenzi wayo ngokweqile waphathwa njengomsindo wobuchopho. Kwenzekani? Okubhekwa njengomsindo, eqinisweni, kwakuwumkhakha wokwenyuka komsebenzi wobuchopho, osebenza lapho siphumula. Kalula nje, leli gesi likhishwe hhayi ngesikhathi somuntu, kodwa uma likhululekile. Lokhu kwenzeka eminyakeni yamuva kuye kwafundiswa ezincwadini eziningi ze-neurophysiological laboratories. Empeleni, izinhlangothi ezintsha, ezingaziwa ngaphambilini zangaphakathi zomsebenzi wobuchopho zitholiwe. Kodwa kuvela, lokhu kungabalulekile? Kungani sidinga amandla uma siphumula? Ekuboneni kokuqala, izinzuzo azibonakali ngempela. Noma kunjalo, umsebenzi walezi siteshi unencazelo ejulile: uma senza lula futhi singangeni emigameni yesayense, indima yabo ukusivumelanisa nokuthi kuzoba yini, ukulungiselela imicimbi yesikhathi esizayo. Lesi simo sasibizwa nge-SPPRM - "inethiwekhi yendlela yokwenza ubuchopho."
Ukuthola lokhu kuhlobana kanjani nesihloko sethu namhlanje? Iqiniso liwukuthi ubuchopho bomuntu othembeke kakhulu ezintweni azisebenzi ngokugcwele. Amandla afihlekile, amandla angenakuqhathaniswa asinika amandla, aphefumulela, asiza ukujwayela ikusasa, ukuze aphile, njengoba ekhuluma, ngokugcwele - le namandla iyancipha uma kuncike ekutheni i-pathological dependence. Futhi uyazi ukuthi kungani? Ngoba, njengoba kuvela, yinto yangaphakathi, eyimfihlo yobuchopho obangela izimo zethu ezingokomzwelo. Ngenkathi eminyakeni eyishumi eyedlule uMarcus Reichl, isazi sezinzwa saseMelika, eqala ukuchaza into eyenza ukuthi ubuchopho bufe, lapho umuntu egxila emsebenzini owodwa, bamane bamkholwanga. Bathola iphutha. Kanjani? Umuntu, uthi, konke kuqhutshelwa emdlalweni wezokugembula oyinkimbinkimbi, konke-ukunakwa, isikhathi, nobuchopho abusebenzi? Delirium of uhlobo oluthile! Kodwa cha! Ngalesi sikhathi, kunento efana nezinqubo zokucindezeleka, okungukuthi: umsebenzi wobuchopho unciphise! Yingakho "ukulungiswa" akukwazi ukuphuma kumbuthano ovaliwe wokukhangwa kwamathambo. Bakha isimo esifana nokucindezeleka. Ifihliwe umsebenzi obonakalayo, kodwa kubalulekile ukuzama ukuyiyeka - futhi umuntu uwela ekucindezelekeni okusobala, ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo okubizwa ngokuthi "ukwephula". Kungenzeka yini ukuthi uthande umuntu futhi ugweme ukuthembela? Kubonakala kimi ukuthi uma uthanda kakhulu, uma uncike kakhulu kulowo - ucabanga ngakho, ulindele kuye ukuqinisekiswa kothando lwakhe ... Vumelana, uma uthanda umuntu, ngeke ukwazi ukuphatha okwenzekayo ngekhaleni elibandayo. Awuzange ubize - kuhle, kulungile. Azange anike izimbali - ngakho-ke? Ushintshe - akukho lutho olwesabekayo ... Ubani ongakwazi ukusabela ngokuthula kangaka?
Ake sikhumbule ukuhlukaniswa kwesiGreki ezindala zezinhlobo zothando: i-eros (ugqozi), i-agape (uthando oluhlobene), i-storge (uthando-ithemba), uthando (uthando). I-Eros uthando, ukukhanga, isifiso, okungekho amandla kuwo. Isitayela sothando lomuntu onjalo: ukucindezela, ukuhlaselwa, ukunqoba. UFilia uthando-uthando, kunalokho, umuzwa ongokomoya kanye nesineke. Kuseduze nothando lwentombazane, kanye nokuthanda kwabangane. I-Agape ayizinhle, uthando lwomoya. Ugcwele umhlatshelo nokuzidela, okwakhiwe ngokubekezela nokuthethelela, futhi ukhumbuza uthando lomama, ukukhululeka nokuzidela. Storge - umzali, uthando lomndeni, ugcwele nokunakekelwa. Ukuthembela okukhulu kunikelwe yi-eros. Futhi uma ubuhlobo buqhutshwa kuphela ngothando, ubulili, ke-ke, kunjalo, kunengozi enkulu yokuthembela othandekayo. Ekuxhumaneni okunjalo njalo kuyingxenye ebuhlungu. Kodwa uma ubuhlobo "ubude obugcwele", kukhona ukwethenjwa, ububele, nobuhlobo kuzo, kungumzwelo wangempela, uthando lweqiniso. Enye i-nuance ebalulekile: uthando luvame ukuvela njenge-eros, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ezinye izingxenye zengezwa ezinyangeni - agape, igatsha, lishaya ... Ubuhlobo bukhula futhi buya ezingeni eliphakeme. Futhi lokhu kuyinjabulo kokubili, indoda nendoda. Kodwa-ke, kuvame ukuthi kwenzeke ukuthi oyedwa kulabo bobabili ulungele ukuthuthela kwelinye izinga, kanti lesibili asikho. Omunye kakade unesithakazelo esincane, ngifuna ukuzethemba okwengeziwe, ukusondelana okungokomoya, kanti okwesibini akuzivumeli kimi, ugcina ibanga, uvala yonke imizamo yokushintsha uhlobo lobuhlobo. Futhi-ke umuntu othanda ubuhlobo obuseduze obuningi uba ngaphansi kokuthembela. Akaqondi ukuthi kwenzekani, kungani efihlekile kuye, esuswa - yena, ekhuluma ngokushelelayo, ushaya ikhanda lakhe odongeni ukuze aguqule isimo. Kungcono kakhulu, ngokujwayelekile, ukungasho ukuthi "yena", kepha "u", ngoba abesifazane bavame ukuxhomeke ekuthandweni. Futhi amadoda afaka ukubaluleka kakhudlwana ekwenzeni izinto ezithandwayo, ngokocansi, kanye nocansi obuthakathaka kuze kube ngokomzwelo, umphefumulo. Ngokomzwelo, ubulili obunamandla bukhulu kakhulu kunobuthakathaka. Kwabesifazane, ubulili, yebo, kubalulekile, kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu umqondo wokubambisana, uzwela nokuqonda okufanayo. Kodwa-ke, ngiyaphinda, lokhu kuyinto eyaziwa kakhulu. Futhi iqiniso lokuthi owesifazane esikhathini esifushane angenza umuntu abe nencazelo yokuphila kwakhe, futhi indoda ngenxa yalokhu kuzodinga isikhathi ezimbili noma kathathu ngaphezulu, imenze axhomeke ebuhlotsheni nomakhethi wakhe. Ungenxa yakhe - yonke indawo, futhi yena kuye - ingxenye kuphela yendawo yakhe, futhi hhayi okuningi. Futhi, eqinisweni, ufuna okunye, uqala ukunamathela kulezi zinsuku, uzinamathela kuzo, angeneke, akanakuqonda ngokuqondile ukuthi kwenzekani. Siyazi ukuthi ukuthembela othandweni kuyaphathwa kabi - ngokungafani nezinye izidakamizwa. Ngicabanga ukuthi akunakwenzeka ukuthola i-antidote, ukwelashwa kokufaka endaweni. Ngisho nasekulashweni kokuxhomeka kwezidakamizwa, udokotela unikeza okuthile ngokubuyisela, into eyingozi kakhulu. Ebudlelwaneni bomlingani, akukho okunye okunye. Awu, ungenzi i-lobotomy!
Ukuthembela othandweni kubhekene nobunzima, ngoba kuthinta i-value-semantic sphere yokuphila kowesifazane. Cabanga nje: lo wesifazane osemncane wathandana, wachitha amandla amaningi, imizwa ebuhlotsheni, lapho ayekholelwa khona, umuntu ayecabanga naye ukuxhuma isiphetho sakhe, abelethe izingane zakhe, athole indawo yokuphila kwakhe, futhi ngolunye usuku wathi kuye: "Ngiyaxolisa, Angikuthwala wena, ungowesifazane omuhle, kodwa angikwazi ukudala izimo ozidingayo ukuze uphile, izingane azikho imfashini manje, "njll." Uphahleni "lungashukumisela - kokubili ukuphelelwa yithemba nokuphelelwa amandla, futhi ophuzweni, kanye no-spree ... Ukungahlehlisi kwendlela yokwenza umkhondo kungenxa yokuthi akukho muntu ohlukumezayo kuwe e oxosha! Futhi manje lo wesifazane uphonsa amandla akhe onke ukuze afune amaphutha akhe: ngithini okungalungile? akunjalo? Wenzenjani? Khona-ke kukhona imizamo yokuthola ubuhlobo. Kodwa akabonakali ukukuphikisa ... Umbuthano uvala. Kodwa-ke, le ndaba ayinathemba, nakuba iveza ukuhlupheka okuningi kwengqondo. Kusukela ekuthandweni komlutha ungayilahla. Into esemqoka owesifazane eyazi ukuthi isimo sakhe siyingozi futhi sidinga ukulungiswa kwengqondo. Kubonakala sengathi isimiso sokwelashwa kokudakwa kotshwala. Lapha, ngemuva kwalokho, bathi futhi: ngenkathi umuntu ophuza engaboni ukuthi uncike ekutheni utshwala futhi akafuni ukuphulukiswa, akukho lutho oluzovela kulo. Ngokuqondile! Kubalulekile ukuthi owesifazane afune ukuqeda uthando lwakhe olubuhlungu. Ngolunye usuku umama wangilethela indodakazi yami. Umfundi, oneminyaka engu-21 ubudala. Uthandana nomfundi ofunde naye, futhi uyayiphatha kahle. Le ntombazane ibukele umfana emnyango, ibiza ngewashi, ihlupheka. Lapho efika endlini yakhe, unina wayithatha wathi: "Cha, waya kumalume wami waya e-Lugansk!" Futhi, efuna ukuthanda kwakhe, engacabangi isikhathi eside, wagijimela esiteshini - waya eLugansk, engenambatho, izingubo ezifudumele, engazi amakheli omakhelwane. Wagijima edolobheni, wachitha ubusuku esiteshini, umfana wakhe akazange ahlangane (akazange ahambe noma yikuphi) - futhi wabuyela eKiev ngomkhuhlane (kwasekuqaleni kwentwasahlobo). Ngemva kwalokho, umama waqaphela ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuba indodakazi yakhe ibonise udokotela. Intombazane yathi ehhovisi lami, inkulumo eyinhloko: "Akukho lutho, uyangithanda!" Bonke abesifazane abathandana nokuzithemba, bazithokozisa ngeso lengqondo lokuthi esikhathini esizayo umuntu uzoba yilokho aphuphayo - ephendula imizwa yakhe, uthando nokukhathalela. Ngiyanitshela ukuthi uma le ngxoxo ifundwa owesifazane othembekile, uyomemeza: "Awu, ake uprofesa lapha athi ufuna - ngizobe ngisahluke, uKolya wami (Petya, Vasya) uzongithanda!" Ngiyaphinda: kuze kube yilapho owesifazane ebona ukuthi kwenzekani kuye, futhi akafuni ukumisa le ndaba, ngeke akwazi ukumsindisa ebuhlotsheni obuthandekayo. Futhi okunye, ngaphandle kwalesi sikhohliso "Uyongithanda," uhlanganisa amantombazane awela othandweni ngokuthembela? Mhlawumbe izici zomlingiswa zivamile? Noma okuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo kwezingane?
Cishe bonke abesifazane abaxhomekile banempawu ezilandelayo. Ekuziphatheni - ukuphoqa ukuchaza okuthile kumuntu futhi ngokujwayelekile "ukuba usondele". Emoyeni - amaconsi aphelelwe yithemba ukuba abe nethemba, agxila ezinkumbulweni lapho "konke kwakukuhle," ekucatshangweni - ukungakwazi ukucabanga ukuthi uyaphathwa. Futhi, ekugcineni, into esemqoka: ukunqotshwa kwalowo muntu, okungukuthi, ukuphazamiseka kokuzihlonipha. Usho ukwehlisa isithunzi? Cha, ukuzethemba kungakwanela, ngisho nokuphakama. Ukuzethemba okunciphile ukuphela lapho umuntu eyeka ukuzwa ukubaluleka nokubaluleka kwakhe "Mina". Lapha kungaba njalo, futhi mhlawumbe i-hypertrophied "I", uma ingahlanganisi ngisho ne "I" yomunye, kodwa ngokukhohlisa kwayo, iguqulwe njengephupho. Ngangaki ngibheke abesifazane abanokuzethemba okukhulu, benemiphumela emihle yempilo - futhi ngenkathi begijima ezinyaweni zabantu, bazidela ngokugcwele. Lokhu kuziphatha kunqanda ngokuphelele owesifazane wokulingana, isikhungo sokuvuthwa. Akasaqondi ukuthi yini ebaluleke kakhulu kuye: umsebenzi wakhe? izingane? izintombi? impilo? Ngenxa yokuthi indoda encike kuye, isiye saba yinto ephelele kakhulu, isihloko esiyinhloko empilweni yakhe. Futhi yimuphi umuntu angabangela ukulahlekelwa isikhungo sedonsela phansi? Yini noma ngubani oba yiyona eyinhloko yezocansi ezinamandla? Amadoda anemali, amandla, umsebenzi, abesifazane, amakhasino, ukuzingela, ezemidlalo ... konke okuphakamisa isimo sabo, konke, ababalekela ekuphelelwe yithemba nangenhloso yokuphila kwabo. Muva nje, ngivame ukufunda ukuthi kunezici ezithile zokudla: ukudla, ekukhulumeni okungokoqobo, okuvela kwi-SMS-izincwadi - kubangelwa indlala yokuzwa. I-paradox: kakhulu futhi sinethuba lokuthola izinzwa ezintsha, futhi konke ukulamba okungokwengeziwe! Akukho okumangazayo, ngoba siphila ezikhathini ze-ersatz-sensations. Njengoba kungase kuzwakale i-banal, asikwazi ukuxhumana okwanele nemvelo, imisindo yemvelo nama-aromas. Yebo, sibheka amafilimu e-ZD, siya ezindaweni zokudlela nge-cuisine enhle, sivakashela i-SPA, kodwa umzimba wethu nomphefumulo wethu usabikho okubonakalayo endaweni yemvelo - imibuthano e-dacha lapho izwa khona i-jam ne-pine shavings; umsebenzi ovamile wendoda yasemaphandleni noma umsebenzi wesifazane, ukuxhumana nabantu abaseduze - hhayi nabalingani bebhizinisi, kodwa nabangani ... Uma umuntu engenawo "ukuphila" kwangempela, uzizwa ephangiwe futhi eqala ukugcwalisa ukulahlekelwa kwabo - ekudleni, ekuhambeni kwe-intanethi , ngisho nasotshwala. Indoda iyomile impilo, kodwa ayikwazi ukumnelisa. Uhlobo luni lomuntu olungabizwa ngokuthi ozimele?
Ngicabanga ukuthi kuvumelana nokuzimela. Ozimele angabizwa ngokuthi umuntu owazi ukuxhumana nomhlaba ukuze alondoloze ibhalansi phakathi kokupha "nokuthatha". Uma nje sishiya emhlabeni, sisheshe sikhathele njengabantu ngabanye. Uma nje sithatha - singabathengi banal. Umuntu ozimele nguye okwazi ukuqonda amathalenta akhe, amakhono, ngegama, owenza uhlelo lukaNkulunkulu. Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu - umuntu ozimele, uma kuncike kunoma yini, ngakho-ke ngokuthanda kwakhe, okuyinto engumnikazi, kodwa hhayi ngokuthanda komunye. Sinenombolo yehlobo. Ngifisa sonke sibe nesimo sehlobo sasehlobo futhi ake nginitshele enye i-anecdote. Impi. Amasosha aseSoviet, engavumeli ukuphila kwawo, athole isikhathi sezwe lazo. Bazivumelanisa nazo zonke izinto: igazi, izinyosi, ukuhlaselwa ... Abakwazi nje ukujwayela izifundo zezepolitiki - ngakho babe nabafundisi bezepolitiki. Futhi emva kwempi, elinye i-politzanie, ngemva kwalokho umfundisi wezombusazwe uthi: "Futhi manje wena, Ivan, nawe Efim, ubhala isicelo esikhwameni, ungowasezingeni eliphezulu kakhulu, sincoma." Bhala. U-Ivan: "Uma bengibulala, ngibheke njengomakominisi." UFima: "Uma bengibulala, ngibheke njengomakominisi. Uma kungenjalo, cha. "