Kungani kunzima ngathi ukukhuluma ngocansi komunye nomunye?

Ukuze ujabulele ucansi, udinga ukwazi ukukhuluma ngocansi nomlingani wakho. Yebo, lapha igama elithi "ucansi" lilotshiwe ngokuphindwe kabili - sekuyisikhathi sokujwayela ukukhuluma ngakho ngokusobala.

Abacwaningi base-Oxford baqinisekisile ukuthi: abesifazane bakhuluma ngempela amadoda amaningi. Sichaza amagama angu-20 000 ngosuku ngokumelene nesilinganiso sabo esincane esinezinkulungwane ezingu-13. Ngicabanga ukuthi kungani nge talenta enjalo ehlonishwayo, kusalokhu ngathi kunzima ngathi ukuthi "ngalokhu" nendoda yethu?
Kungenzeka ukuthi, phakathi nosuku sinezinkhulumiswano eziningana, siyakwazi ukuxoxa ngokuphila komngane wethu oxhumana nabo ngesikhathi sidla nomngani, futhi ngokujwayelekile asivumeli umamukeli wocingo ezandleni zethu, ukuxazulula umshini wemibuzo ehlukahlukene. Akumangazi ukuthi kusihlwa, silele embhedeni, asinamandla noma amagama okukhuluma ngomuntu siqu kakhulu. Incazelo enjalo izoba usizo kakhulu, uma kungenjalo "kodwa": ngisho nalapho siphumule, asitholi amagama afanelekile okuxoxa ngokuphila okusondelene. Ngakho yiziphi amagama okudingayo ukukhuluma ngocansi?

Umbono wezintathu ezizolile
Mhlawumbe, ingcweti uLomonosov yazama ize, lapho edala inkolelo yakhe futhi ecabanga ukuthi yiziphi izixhobo zamagama ezizobe zifanelekile kangcono kulokhu noma leso simo. Naphezu kokuthi umnikelo wakhe ekuthuthukiseni ulimi lwezincwadi kubaluleke kakhulu, akazuzanga enkulumweni yomlomo. Yebo, ayikho indlela enjalo emandleni nasenamandla, ngenxa yokuthi sonke singakwazi ukuxoxa ngokuthula ngobunzima bomlingani obuseduze.

Kodwa-ke, ochwepheshe emkhakheni we-psychotherapy bakholelwa ukuthi abantu bengazi kahle ukuthi "bathule" abathathu, ngenxa yokuthi okungenani sizama ukukhuluma izifiso zomunye nomunye. Siphoqeleka ukusebenzisa amagama wezokwelapha, noma isilulumagama esigcekeni, okuyinto ehlukumezayo. Akuyona enye indlela efanelekayo yokukhetha lokhu - ulimi olubizwa ngokuthi amanoveli wesifazane. Kuyinto edabukisayo ukucabanga: nangu nina ababili, kusihlwa, ukukhanya okufakiwe, isimo somsondo. Futhi-ke uthi: "Uju, ngikhathazekile ngokuthi izenzo zethu zobulili ziye zaba nesifiso esincane kakhulu futhi ezingavamile." Futhi uthi: "Yebo, umhume wami ngesizathu esithile awusayifuni ukuthatha induku yakho ye-jade." Ukuzama okungenani ngandlela-thile ukunciphisa ukuhlushwa kwezinkulumo ezinjalo, njengomthetho, kuholela emhubheni ofanayo: uqala ukulalela, futhi lokhu kukhulumisana, ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile, hhayi ngisho nezingane zonke ezinjengokuthi zithini ngabantu abadala.

Kungani ?
Akukhona nje ukuthi kunzima ngathi ukuthi sithole igama elifanele, kunezinye izici ezivimbela ukuthi singakhulumi ngocansi. Umphakathi wangomhlahlandlela uthumela izimpawu eziphikisanayo: izigcawu eziningi ezibukekayo eziboniswayo ku-TV naku-intanethi, kuyilapho kunzima ukuthola ifilimu noma uchungechunge abalingiswa bazo bezoxoxa ngokuphila okusemthethweni ngokuvulekile. Abaqondisi nabakhiqizi babonakala besakaza umyalezo kithi: ungakwenza, awukwazi ukukhuluma.

Isihloko sobulili siyiqiniso ngempela, ngisho noma sibheka ukuthola amagama afanele, cishe ngeke sizame ukukusho ngokuzwakalayo. EWest, ukunakwa komphakathi kudonseleka kule nkinga: ukubukeka kwe "Vagina monologues" akuyona ingozi. Siyaqhubeka sithule futhi sithembekile kumasiko.

Labo bantu abanenhlanhla abangenandaba nombono womphakathi babhekana nohlobo oluhlukile lwezinkinga. Ngakho-ke, esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko ezivimbela lo mbhangqwana ekuqhubeni inkhulumomphendvulwano mayelana nokuphila ngokobulili kuyimithi ekuthuthukiseni ubudlelwano. Abanye abathandi ekuqaleni baqaphe ngamagama, besaba ukucasula omunye nomunye. Njengoba ukuguqulwa kuyasondela, ukwesaba ngokuvamile kudlulela, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi imibhangqwana ibanjwe kulesi sigaba. Futhi, ngezinye izikhathi azibandakanyeki ezindabeni zobulili kuphela, kodwa futhi nasekuphileni komzwelo komunye nomunye. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubudlelwane obunjalo bubeka engozini yokuhleleka.

Khuluma ngocansi futhi kuvimbela ukuphelela. Lokhu ukugula kwamaqhawe esikhathi sethu kwathonya ukuzethemba, ukuthula kwengqondo, futhi manje kubeka injabulo ekuphileni kwangasese lapho kuhlaselwa. Abantu besaba ukuthi ngokuhlala ngokwabo, ngeke bajabulele umlingani. Isibonelo, amadoda ayesaba ukuthi awafuni njalo futhi, ngokufanele, angakwazi. Futhi bahlakulela isifo sokulindela ukukhathazeka kokuhluleka ngokocansi. Kwabesifazane, noma kunjalo, isithakazelo kwezocansi sinciphisa, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ngisho nokuzonda kungase kuthuthuke. Ngenkathi singenasithakazelo kulowo mathuba wokuya esizindeni sezindela, sibuza abaphuthumayo ngokuphuthumayo ukuthi benzeni?

Isichazamazwi somuntu siqu
Inkhulumomphendvulwano enzima ilula kakhulu ukuziphatha nomuntu osondelene nomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, into yokuqala abaphakamisayo bezocansi ukuthi bafunde ukuvulelana. Abathandi bangasondela, batjele ingxenye eyodwa hhayi nje ukuthi usuku luhambe kanjani, kodwa futhi uma babelana ngemfihlakalo. Ngisho nezimfihlo ezivela ebuntwaneni zizokwenza. Njengoba ukwethenjwa kwanda, ukuhlukumeza kokubili, ezimweni eziningi, kunciphisa.

Futhi emva kokuba uthola ukuqiniseka, ungaqala ukudala isichazamazwi sakho socansi. Ngokuqinisekile ngoba akekho amathuluzi anikezwa ngolimi lwethu okufanelekile ukuxoxa ngokuphila okusondelene, umbhangqwana ngamunye kufanele athole amagama afanele ngokulingwa nokuphutha. Ukufunda ulimi lothando kuwumsebenzi wokudala. Kubalulekile hhayi kuphela ukwakha izincazelo zakho, kodwa futhi ukuzigcwalisa ngencazelo nemizwelo okuyibili kuphela oziqondayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi - kuyathakazelisa, ngakolunye uhlangothi - kunzima kakhulu ukwenza, ngoba akukho algorithm esilungisiwe. Kodwa akeke kusabesabe. Njenganoma yiliphi iqembu elincane, i-slang ethize isakhiwa ngokuzenzekelayo, futhi "ama-memes" wakho wezocansi azovela kubangani bakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Into esemqoka akuyona ukugwema inkinga, ungayigcini nje ngoba kunzima ukuthola amagama. Futhi uma kungenzeka, thola izingxoxo zocansi kalula ngangokunokwenzeka. Phela, abaculi kuphela ababandakanya kakhulu ebhizinisini labo - banomsebenzi olungiselelwe, isifanekiso, abayilandelayo. Kudingeka sibe ovulekile ngangokunokwenzeka, ukuqonda, ngokucophelela ngokuqondene nomuntu othandekayo, ukuze sikwazi kancane kancane sifunde ukukhuluma ngocansi, bese siqala ukuqonda ngokubheka. Ngendlela, ngokuvamile lokhu kwenzeka, ososayensi baseNyuvesi yaseMissouri bathola: abantu abashadile bangasho ngaphandle kwemagama mayelana nezifiso nezinhloso zabo komunye nomunye.