Owesifazane ofanelekayo wothando olunjalo yinto enhle futhi engenakulinganiswa, engachazwa kabi ngamagama, izinzwa.
Ama-pragmatists kanye nezidakamizwa abakholelwa othandweni nhlobo, bayaqiniseka ukuthi owesifazane ongcono lomuntu ongaphelele akakho emvelweni. Buza ukuthi yini evuselela ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane, bayokutshela mayelana nokuziphendukela kwemvelo, umzabalazo wabesilisa kubesifazane noma abesifazane kubantu besilisa. Ekulandiseni kwabo kuzoba nezinto eziningi zokuziphatheka kabi nokungazizweli.
Iqiniso, njengenjwayelo, liphakathi nendawo phakathi kwalezi zimbono ezibucayi. Futhi wonke umuntu unethuba lokuhlangabezana nomqondo wakhe, kahle, noma cishe owesifazane ophelele. Yini okudingeka uyenze lokhu? Kudingekile kuphela ukuqonda uhlobo luthando nobuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane.
Uma sisondela ekutadisweni ngothando nge pragmatism enempilo, ngaphandle kokungabaza ngokweqile noma intshiseko, khona-ke kuvela ukuthi uthando ekuboneni kokuqala kunezizathu zalo. Asithandani nanoma ubani ekuboneni kokuqala. Umgomo wethu wendoda noma wesifazane ukhona ekhanda lethu noma enhliziyweni yethu. Futhi kuhle uma kuhambisana futhi kungokoqobo. Ngesikhathi sokuhlangana nomuntu ofana kakhulu nalesi simo esihle, sithola lokho okuvame ukubizwa ngokuthi uthando noma uthando ukubuka kuqala ekuboneni.
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi yikuphi owesifazane omuhle kumuntu ongeyena omuhle, kufanelekile ukubuka esikhathini esidlule. Ngisho noma okwamanje itafula lekhofi lomuntu onjalo ligcwele omagazini abanezicathulo ezinhle ezithombeni, akufanele uzibeke phansi. Umqondo womuntu wesifazane, owasakazwa omagazini, akavami ukuhambisana nomqondo omuhle ekhanda lomuntu. Amadoda angaphephile nabangaphili kahle kuphela angenza ubuhle bawo obuhle emakhasini omagazini. Ezimweni eziningi, owesifazane ohloniphekile wendoda ethile ude kakhulu namathandle ahlonishwayo ngokuvamile.
Ngisho noma umngane wakho noma umngane wakho ethi ufuna ukushada nentombazane okuthiwa i-Pamela Anderson, ungamgijimi ukuba akholelwe. Ekhanda lakhe angakwazi ukuhlala ngokuqinile umfanekiso wesifazane wesigcawu ekwakheni izinwele ezimnyama. Into ewukuthi inhlekazi yowesifazane yenziwa indoda ekhanda lakhe cishe eminyakeni engama-4-5, iyalungiswa ngokuqinile, futhi ibuye ishintshwe ekukhuleni. Ngemuva kwalokhu, kunzima ukushintsha lokhu okuhle. Awekho omagazini noma iseluleko esivela kubangani lapha angeke basize. Futhi ngisho nabazali ngeke bakwazi ukungena. Ngempela, engazi lutho, indoda enjalo isazi kakade ukuthi yiliphi uhlobo lomfazi ayidingayo.
Kungani izinhloso zabesifazane ziqinile kangaka? Ake sicabangele ngokuningiliziwe Ngesikhathi sokuqala umfana uziqaphela ukuthi uyindoda ephakathi kweminyaka engu-3 no-5. USigmund Freud wabiza lesi sigaba isigaba se-Oedipus. Igama lisekelwe enkulumweni ka-Oedipus, owabulala uyise ukuze ashade nonina. Into yokuqala yokuthanda umfana ngokuvamile iba umama wakhe, ugogo noma unina, uma unina uneminyaka engaphansi kwalesi sikhathi uzibona engavamile. Uqala ukubona umehluko wakhe obalulekile ovela ocansini obuhlukile futhi okokuqala uhlangabezana nemizwa yethenda kumfazi. Kodwa njengoba umfana oneminyaka emihlanu ngokuvamile enomncintiswano onamandla ngendlela kababa noma umkhulu, umfana ubhekene nenkinga enkulu. Uqala ukuhawukela unina kuyise, ezinye izingane ziqondile futhi zithi zifuna ukuthi uyise ufile, noma bafuna ukumbulala ukuze ashade nonina. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lesi sigaba sokungqubuzana ngokomzwelo kowesifazane sidlula, futhi ingane ikhula. Nokho, ekhanda lakhe, umqondo wesifazane ongcono uqinisekile. Ngokuvamile yi-5-6 yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu, izici eziyisisekelo zomama wakhe noma ugogo wakhe. UFreud ubiza lezi zimfanelo eziningana "ukulungiswa okuyisisekelo." Leli bhande elinamandla elinemibala, elinombala, elizayo esikhathini esizayo futhi elingaphansi kokulungiswa.
Futhi nokho esemncane, umfana uthola ithuba lesibili lokucabangela kabusha imibono yakhe ngendlela efanele yowesifazane. Uhlangabezana nothando lwakhe lokuqala, okuvame ukuphenduka ngokungafani ngokuphelele nomama. Noma unekhwalithi ethile ekhanyayo, okungenayo umama. Khona-ke leli shadi elisha ligcwalisa uhlu lwazo lwangempela, noma lushintsha izimfanelo zakudala ngezintsha. Lolu hlu olushintshile oluthile lwezici zowesifazane ongcono, olulungiswa ekukhuleni, uSigmund Freud okuthiwa "ukulungiswa kwesibili."
Ngakho-ke kubonakala ukuthi kumuntu ongaphelele, ngaso sonke isikhathi kukhona inhlekazi yowesifazane. Ngokuvamile akanayo lutho nezithombe zobuhle kusukela kwithelevishini. Futhi ngaphandle kwangaphandle, nangomlingiswa, isimo esihle kangaka siseduze kakhulu nezibalo zangempela zemvelo yomuntu. Yingakho cishe wonke umuntu unethuba lokuthola isigamu sakhe, okuyinto ezoba yiloluhlobo olufisa kakhulu, oluthandekayo kakhulu lwezimfanelo zangaphandle nezangaphakathi zowesifazane ongcono.