Iseluleko somqondo wezengqondo, uma umyeni wakhe engumngane wokuqala, ekuboneni kuqala, akudingeki nakanjani. Kubonakala kulula ngokwanele ukuwaqonda noma ukubuza ngakho ngomuntu wobulili obuhlukile. Akudingekile ukuqonda, ukwenza izinhlelo eziyinkimbinkimbi. Amadoda akuzona ezinye izidalwa ezisuka kwenye iplanethi, esinawo ulimi olufanayo. Eqinisweni, singasebenzisa isithakazelo futhi sizibeke ezicathulweni zomuntu onjalo.
Cishe bonke abafana bakhetha kuqala ukuthi bangabangani babo, okungajwayelekile ukuthi bayintombazane kuqala. Phela, amantombazane ahamba ahambe, amantombazane kukhona okunye okunye okunye, futhi kufanele uziphatha nabo ngokuhlukile, futhi abangane bayohlale beqonda njalo behlala njalo. Kodwa kwenzekani lapho abangane bomyeni wakho beza kuqala? Kubonakala sengathi lokhu akufanele kube khona nokuthi lokhu kuphutha ngokuphelele ... Kodwa kulokhu, ungathola indlela yokuphuma.
Lokhu akusho ukuthi izizathu zazo zonke zizofana nezinto eziza kuqala ezikhombisa ukuthi umlingiswa akakaze akhule noma angakulungeli ubuhlobo "obunzima". Eqinisweni, izizathu zingase zihluke, futhi sizozama ukucabangela okuyinhloko yazo, ngoba ukwazi izizathu, singakwazi ukuqonda kangcono isimo futhi sithole indlela yokuphuma kuyo.
Isizathu sokuqala siwukuntuleka kokulungela ubuhlobo bomshado obukhulu, okuvame ukuvela kubayeni abasha abangazi ukuthi baziphathe kanjani kahle nabesifazane. Kodwa eqinisweni, cishe bonke abantu kwenye yezinyathelo eziyinhloko zokuqala kuqala bangabangane bakhe, umbuzo kuphela ukuthi ngabe uthatha isikhundla esiphambili noma cha. Abangane - lokhu kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu, ingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu empilweni yomuntu wonke. Ngamunye wabo uhlonipha kakhulu abangane bakhe, uhlale ekulungele ukubasiza, futhi ukuba umngane omuhle uyisihloko sangempela wonke umuntu afisa ukufanelwa. Umehluko yilokho kuphela umqondo wobungane onomuntu, yimuphi umqondo ayinikeza wona nokuthi uziphatha kanjani. Ngezinye izikhathi ukungabi nalutho akuyona inkinga enkulu kakhulu, ngoba indoda ingacindezelwa, khuluma naye ngemizwa yakhe. Mtshele ukuthi awuthandi indlela aziphatha ngayo, kodwa yenza kahle, unqume ndawonye izinkinga zakho namaphutha wakho, umtshele ukuthi yini engamsiza ukuba abe ngumyeni ongcono kakhulu kuwe. Ungakhohlwa ukusho ukuthi awuvimbeli ukuthi abone abangane, ahloniphe kakhulu, kodwa kungcono uma ekhokha kakhulu.
Mhlawumbe, esinye sezimo ezinzima kunazo zonke, lapho umuntu enabangane bokuqala, kungaba nokubandlululwa ngokobulili. Lolu hlobo lungahambahamba emaqenjini nabangani, hamba nabo ebhola lebhaya, ngesikhathi umfazi wendlu ehlanza, elungisa futhi esula. Ekuphumuleni kwakhe, yilokho okufanele akwenze, ungumuntu, futhi kumele asebenzise isikhathi sakhe namadoda. Owesifazane yena uhlala intandane ethandekayo futhi ugwinya, kodwa emibonweni yakhe ungaphansi komuntu futhi wenza indima ehluke ngokuphelele. Indoda enjalo ngeke ikubeke kuqala, ayikulungele ukukubona ngokuhlukile, futhi ukuzama ukuyishintsha kuwumsebenzi onzima kakhulu. Kulokhu, kufanele uzibuze, udinga impilo enjalo? Ngemuva kwalokho, lapho indoda ivukela owesifazane ngokungafanele, iyayikhathaza ngokuphathelene nabangane, lokhu kubonisa ukuthi akafundi kahle, kunemibono yamanga ngomshado nobulili, futhi kwezinye izimo le ndoda ingahle ibekwe ngumuntu ohlukumezayo. Cabanga ngalokho ongakwenza ngakho? Ungakwazi yini ukuhlela kabusha ulwazi lwakhe, imibono, umlingisi? Ingabe ukulungele ukubekezelela ukwelashwa okunjalo konke ukuphila kwakho?
Uma indoda inendawo yokuqala yobudlelwane, izazi zengqondo zithi isizathu salokhu singamane nje silungiselelo lamanani okugcina. Umuntu ngamunye uyingqayizivele, futhi phakathi nokuphila kwakhe udala isakhiwo sakhe samagugu, abeka izinto ezibalulekile esikhundleni sakhe. Futhi iqiniso lokuthi umyeni wakhe uyoba nabangane endaweni yokuqala akusho ukuphela kwezwe, lokhu umbono wakhe, izindinganiso zakhe, uhlamvu lwakhe, okumele uzwisise futhi uxhase. Umehluko kuphela ukuthi leli lungiselelo lamagugu lizibonakalisa kanjani, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi likuvimbela wena ngokuphila, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuletha ubunzima. Uma kungenjalo, cabanga ukuthi kungani ucabanga ukuthi lokhu kuyinkinga? Akulula yini ukwamukela isikhundla somyeni futhi wamukele isinqumo sakhe? Emva kwakho konke, usakuthanda, uyethemba futhi uyakwazisa, ungowesifazane ongcono kakhulu nomfazi othandekayo, umshado wakho ungaba mhle, ingabe kukuvimbela uma kunjalo ukuthi umyeni unamathela kakhulu kubangane bakhe? Ngezinye izikhathi nje kufanele ubekezelele lo mbono futhi ukhohlwe ngokuzikhohlisa kwakho. Mhlawumbe inkinga ikhona kuwe nokuthi awufuni ukuyeka "indawo yokuqala ekuphileni kwakhe"?
Uma abangane bakho benethonya elibi kumyeni wakho, futhi ukhathazeka ngaye, noma ngenxa yabangane waqala ukukuphatha kabi, indlela engcono kakhulu ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile naye. Ezingqondweni, kukhona into enjengokuthi "I-imiyalezo". Lezi yimishwana evulekile kakhulu ye-interlocutor, lapho udala ingxoxo evela kumuntu wokuqala futhi ukhombe izidingo zakho. Ungasho ukuthi "unabangane ababi, usubi kakhulu kunakho ngokwakho, bona ... awusayinaki ...". Kulesi simo, leli gama libhekwa njengehlazo, icala. I-umlayezo uzozwakala kanje: "Angithandi ukuthi ungiphatha kanjani esikhathini esifushane, ngifuna ukukhuluma nawe ngakho, ngoba akujabulisi kakhulu uma abangane bakho ...". Ukhuthaza umphikisi ukuba acabange ngemizwa yakho futhi akulalele.
Iseluleko sesazi sengqondo, uma umyeni wakhe enabangane bokuqala - ungazami ukuyishintsha ngasese, sebenzisa ukuxhaphaza, ukhulume naye futhi umtshele ukuthi yini ongayithandi. Yenza ndawonye ubuhlobo bakho, futhi uzobona ukuthi konke kungalungiswa imizamo ehlangene.