Ngokusho kocwaningo, ubulili obuhle bungamanga cishe izikhathi ezingamashumi ayisihlanu ngosuku, bulethe ubulili obunamandla - kuze kube ngamashumi ayisikhombisa! Kodwa ukuqaphela amanga akulula kakhulu. Into esemqoka ukuvula amehlo akho! Uma i-interlocutor yakho "ikugeza emangeni nasenkohliso", qaphela lokho akushoyo, kanye nesimo sakhe sobuso nesenzo sakhe.
Ngakho, unokubona kuqala futhi wakubiza endaweni yokudlela ethokomele. Yonke into ihle kakhulu: ugeza emnconyweni womngane wakho futhi ulalele ngokucophelela ukuthi ubonakala kanjani, engaboni ngenhloso, uzibeka emathonjeni angcono kakhulu: unomsebenzi omuhle kakhulu, ungumphefumulo wenkampani, uthanda izingane nezilwane ... Kuzwakala yonke indaba enhle ukuba yiqiniso. Kungenzeka ukuthi kunjalo, eqinisweni: isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uWade Rowatt sithole ukuthi 90% bakhetha ukulala ngosuku lokuqala, futhi emaminithini ayishumi okuqala baqala ukukopela kabili. Abanye bakhohlisi benza konke lokhu ukuze kuzuze abanye babo. Ngakho-ke, sisebenza ngokukhethekile futhi sithandaza, abesifazane. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, amadoda angamanga amanga. Kodwa inhloso eyinhloko yokukhohlisa izinhlangothi zombili ukukhiqiza umbono kumlingani wakho.
Abaculi abathulile
Ngama-35% kuphela okukhulumisana kwethu okwenzeka ngamagama. Zonke ezinye izakhi - ukuzithokozisa, ukuma, ukubonakala kwesibuso futhi sonke asikwazi ukuphatha ngamabomu. Wonke amanga, njengomthetho, ahambisana nezimpawu ezithile, ezondliwa umzimba ngokungenasidingo futhi, emva kokuqeqeshwa okuncane, ezingafundwa. Kodwa ekuqaleni kuyadingeka ukuthi ufunde izindlela zokupheka ezintathu ezingenakuqhathaniswa.
Ukuhlolwa okujwayelekile . Silandela ngokucophelela ukuziphatha komuntu. Ingabe uhlala phansi noma eguqule isikhundla sakhe ngezikhathi ezithile? Kudingeka abuze imibuzo emithathu elula: lapho ethanda ukuba khona eholidini, yiliphi umculo othanda ukulilalela. Futhi emva kwalokhu kufanele kulandelwe umbuzo-umgibe: "Ngokuqinisekile, kunzima kakhulu ukuba ngumphathi? Usebenzisa kanjani usuku lwakho lokusebenza? "Uma kwenzeka ukuziphatha kwakhe kushintshile, wabe eseqala ukwesaba futhi ngomsebenzi wakhe waqamba amanga!
Imibuzo ehamba phambili . Kubalulekile ukubuza imibuzo enjalo, ngesisekelo salo, inkosikazi ethembekileyo ayikwazanga ukubona inkohliso engcolile, kanti umkhohlisi wayezizwa ephilile. Isibonelo: "Ngidinga iseluleko sakho. Umngane wami nentombazane unobungane obunzima, kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, akayeki ukuhlangabezana nomuntu onomhlane wakhe. Ngingaqhubeka kanjani ukuxhumana nabo? "Abakhethiweyo abaqotho bazonikeza izincomo ezinengqondo, futhi abangathembeki bayozizwa bebanjwe" esishisayo "futhi bashintshe ngokuphawulekayo ukuziphatha kwakhe: uqala ukwethuka, ngokuhleka ngokuhlekisayo.
Ukuqamba amanga . Phakathi nengxoxo, udinga ukusho ukuthi ngokushesha uqaphela amanga. Uma ezwa ingozi yokuvezwa, khona-ke ngesikhathi esilandelayo "elele ezindlebeni zezinyosi" uyobe ephazamiseka ngokuphawulekayo: khanya, uhlolisise ngeminye imininingwane yezingubo, "yakha izindonga" (faka izinto etafuleni phakathi kwezingaphakathi).
Ibutho lamanga
Njengomthetho, abantu bavame ukukhuluma, kodwa ngokushesha bayakhohlwa ngakho. Ngezindaba ezithembekile, ezimweni eziningi, ukukhwabanisa kufihlwa - ngokusebenzisa amasu alandelayo, omunye angachaza inkolelo eqanjiwe:
Ukucaciswa kwemininingwane . Umkhohlisi udala umlando, ukhohlwe ukukhuluma ngemininingwane. Isibonelo, umsolwa wakho uhlangane nomngani e-cafe, kodwa usola ukuthi ukhona nomsebenzi wakhe omusha. Uma kwenzeka ubuza umbuzo wecebo: "Unobhala wakho omusha wayenawe?" - ngeke ukwazi ukuthola iqiniso. Kudingekile ukuba ungene enkulumweni ephoqelekile bese ubuza le ndoda ngendaba lapho behlezi khona, ukuthi babembethe nokuthi yini umngane wabo egqoke. Uma kudingeka afike kule mininingwane, uzozidela: uzozindla ngale mpendulo isikhathi eside. Imininingwane eminingi iyakhohlisa ukuthi uqotho.
Ukuphulwa kwezikhathi zokulandelana . Uma umnumzane wakho esabonakala njengomfundisi, uzoletha kuwe epeni umlando ovelele emashalofini. Uzoqala ukuba nesithakazelo emininingwaneni, uzozama ukunamathela kulokhu okulandelanayo. Ukucacisa imininingwane, kufanele kwenziwe ukwesaba futhi izimpawu zamanga ziba sobala. Uma ebonana nomngani, nganoma yisiphi isikhathi sombono, inkulumo ingase izwakale: "Asizange sibheke nomngane kusukela ugwayi wakhe wahlanza iwayini ... ".
Imizwelo ebomvu . Umqambimanga ulandisa indaba elungiselelwe ngaphambili, ukhohlwa ukukhombisa imizwa. Isikhulumi seqiniso asikhumbuli kuphela amaqiniso, kodwa futhi imizwa evezwe ngaleso sikhathi.
Izikhala ezibalulekile . Izincazelo ngohlobo: "Ngimangale, kodwa angikhumbuli", "Angazi", kungenzeka ukuthi bakhuluma ngokuthembeka. Indaba ekhohlisayo ihlanganiswe njalo, ngakho ayiqukethe izikhala ezinkumbulo.
Ukuhlola izwi . Cishe ngo-70% wabakhohlisi bakhuluma ngamathoni aphakeme, ikakhulukazi abesifazane nabantwana.
Ukubhuka okubulalayo
Akekho ozophikisa ukuthi kungcono uma umqashi echitha yena. Kodwa uma kungenakwenzeka ukubamba igama, ngezansi kubhalwe imishwana ewusizo:
"Cha!" - i-unnaturally igcizelela ukuthembeka.
Ukuphindaphinda kwemibuzo, izimpendulo ezingapheliyo: "Mhlawumbe", "Mmm" no "Eh," ukuhleka, ukububula nakho konke okungahambisani nendlela yakhe yokuxhumana.
Ukwehla ngemininingwane nemishwana ehlanganisiwe: "Ngalesi wesifazane ngangingenalutho" kunokuba "sVika".
Izimpendulo ezikhuthaza umuzwa wecala: "Wena njalo. Kungakanani ongase ube nomhawu ... ".
Ukuveza izibonakaliso zobuso
Imizwelo engu-7 - ukudabuka, ukwesaba, injabulo, ukuzondwa, intukuthelo, uthando nokumangala - umuntu ngamunye uveza ngosizo lwezinto ezifanayo zokufanisa. Zisetshenziswa ngokungazi, tk. basuke bebeletha, ngakho-ke, kuzokwazi ukudalula inkohliso. Umculi oyinhloko yi-microexpression, expression expression, engalawulwayo futhi ebonakala ingxenyana eyodwa yesibili ngaphambili kunkulumo. Buza, ubheke amehlo akho okukhathalelayo futhi uqaphele ukuthi ukushisa okukhatshana kushintshwe kanjani ukumomotheka, futhi uma kusaqhubeka "ukuphika", khumbula ukuthi i-asymmetry ibonisa ukuthi umuntu ulele. Noma kunjalo, bukela amehlo akho: ukugijimela okubuhlungu kombono ngesikhathi sokuxoxa noma impendulo enikezwe umbuzo yilona uphawu lokuqala lwenkohliso.
Indlela eyisisekelo
UPaul Mayer, isazi sezengqondo saseMelika, unikeza ngamasu amaningana ekuqapheleni amanga:
Hlela uhlobo . Ekuqaleni, kubalulekile ukubuza imibuzo engenacala futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ukufundeka ukuhleka, ukuziphatha, ukuthinta, ukubonakala komzimba nokuphendula komphakathi. Amagugu anezinguquko ezibonakalayo kuphela ekuziphatheni okujwayelekile.
Hlanganisa ulwazi . Uma uqinisekile ukuthi umuntu ufihle okuthile, mbuze imibuzo engenakukhawulelwa "ewe" evamile noma "cha." Esikhundleni senkulumo ethi "Ingabe usenemizwa yangaphambili?" Kungcono ubuze ukuthi "Yini eyabangela ukuhlukana kwakho?".
Sebenzisa intuition. Nethembe njalo ngezwi langaphakathi!
Yilethe ekupheleni . Uma uphatha ukushayela umqambimanga ekhoneni, akukhiphi iqiniso lokuthi uyayeka ukulala. Phonsa le nkulumo: "Ngizoqonda wonke umuntu ohlangana nomunye ohlangothini, uma owesifazane engenayo imizwa!" Ngakho uzokwazi ukutholakala ngokushesha kunokuba uma ufuna "Vuma!". Ngokusho kukaPaula Meyer: "Abakhohlisi bafuna ukukhuluma iqiniso - amanga aletha ukucindezeleka okuqhubekayo! Into esemqoka ukunikeza umqambimanga ithuba! ".