Izimpande zikhula kuphi?
Owokuqala mayelana nomthelela wokubukeka komntwana emndenini ekubunzeni ubuntu bakhe waqala ukukhuluma uFrancis Galton, isazi sezizwe saseNgilandi, emuva kwesikhathi sekupheleni kwe-XIX leminyaka. Ekuqaleni kwekhulu lama-20, u-Alfred Adler, isazi sezengqondo sase-Austria, wenza isifundo se "ordinal positions", esho ukuthi uhlobo lokubeletha lubekwe ngokulandelana kokuzalwa kanye nokuba khona noma ukungabi khona kwabazalwane nodadewethu (ngolimi lwezingane zengqondo). Ngawo-1970, izazi zezengqondo zaseDutch uLillian Belmont noFrancis Marolla zaphakamisa enye inkolelo: izingane zakudala ezinganeni zakudala, zinciphise ikhono lakhe lokucabanga (bathi, abazali abakhokha bonke abantu). Kodwa-ke, ukusebenza kwengqondo kwengqondo ukuthembela komyalelo wokuzalwa kanye nezinga le-IQ akuqinisekisi.
Senior: "inkosi ngaphandle kwesihlalo sobukhosi"
"Futhi mina ngingowokuqala!" - kusho umdala wami, u-Andrew, ngokuziqhenya okungaqondakali. Ngalesi sizathu uzibheka njalo njalo futhi ufundisa abafowabo kuzo zonke izinyathelo. Ungathembela kuye, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi uyinqobe intonga. Yebo, lapho, ngezinye izikhathi ukhomba amaphutha amfundo. Yena ngokwakhe akawamukeli ukugxeka. Ukuziphatha okuvamile okwenzelwe izibulo, owazi futhi amandla othando lwabazali (emva kwakho konke, wayengumntwana kuphela okwesikhashana), kanye nomthwalo weziphambeko zabo, izinkathazo, ukungaqiniseki. "Emntwaneni omdala, omama nabomncane abancane bayohlola izinhlelo zemfundo (ezikopishwe kubazali babo noma ezakhe), zilindele ukubuya okuphezulu kanye nemiphumela. Ngokomfanekiso, owokuqala unjengoba "umcibisholo", oqale usebenze ebhokisini futhi obamba iningi leyinki, "kusho u-Elena Voznesenskaya, uF.D., umcwaningi ophezulu ku-Institute of Social and Political Psychology we-National Academy of Sciences of Ukraine. - Kodwa omdala unomncintiswano (umzalwane noma udadewabo), futhi uzizwa elahliwe esihlalweni sobukhosi, uphupha ukuphinde athole uthando lwababelethi, abe yinto engcono kakhulu (ngakho-ke izimpande zomuntu ophelela ukuphelela okujwayelekile). Abazali bavame ukuqinisa lokhu ukuthambekela, bethi: "Ungumdala, yikela, yiba yisibonelo!" Ngaphezu kwalokho, umama kababa unamathela emkhakheni omdala wemfanelo yokunakekela ingane: ukondla, funda inganekwane, ususe enkulisa, njll. Lapha ungatholi imisebenzi yomzali? Izinzuzo zabadala zihlanganisa ukuzimisela, ukuzethemba, ukubekezela ekufinyeleleni umgomo: kokubili kwendabuko kanye nento entsha (izibulo lokuqala ngokuvamile ziba ngabaqhubi bebhizinisi lomndeni). Baphumelela empumelelweni yomphakathi, isimo esiphakeme: ngokusho kwezibalo, isigamu samongameli base-United States bangamazibulo.
Kukhona nokungaphumeleli: i-conservatism, igunya lokuzimela, ukubekezelelana amaphutha (kokubili komuntu siqu nabanye), ukuzwela okukhulu nokukhathazeka: umthwalo wokulindela awukuvumeli ukuba uphumule futhi ujabulele ukuphila. Futhi ngesihlalo sobukhosi! Ilungelo lesikhathi sokuqala (isihlalo sobukhosi, impahla) endodaneni endala yaziwa kusukela ezikhathini zasendulo. Mhlawumbe lesi siko asihlanganiswa nje ngezizathu ze-anthropological ("ukuntuleka" kwamadoda, impilo emfushane - kubalulekile ukuba "idlulise"), kodwa futhi nezici zengqondo zendodana yokuqala (ezithembekile, ezikwazi ukuphatha)? "Ngenye yebo. Umdala kusukela esemncane, ebhekene nesidingo sokuzilawula yena kanye nabanye, ngakho-ke faka ezandleni zakhe izinsolo zikahulumeni - ukunyakaza okunengqondo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izibulo, njengombuso, zihlonipha izindinganiso zomndeni, "- kusho uNatalie Isaeva, isazi sengqondo, isisebenzi se-Institute of Consultative Psychology and Psychotherapy. Abadala abadumile: uWinston Churchill, uBoris Yeltsin, uAdolf Hitler.
Phakathi: terra incognita
"Serednyachok" akabukeka njengabafowethu ngisho nangaphandle. Uzolile, uzombusazwe futhi uzwele, njalo ungabaza (ufunani mina?). Lokhu "kokubili," kodwa kuyamdonsela ngokumangalisayo kuye: kubhekwa "kuhle kakhulu" ngaye inqwaba yabangane. U-Alfred Adler (okungukuthi, okwenzekayo, ingane yesibili emndenini) uthe "isilinganiso" kunzima ukuchaza, ngoba singabandakanya izici zabasebekhulile nabancane. Yingakho kunzima kuye ukuzikhethela - akukho ziqondiso ezicacile. Ukuba ngaphansi kwengcindezi zombili zombili (kubalulekile ukuhlangana nomdala futhi ungavumeli ukuzitholela komncinyane), ulwela indawo yakhe elangeni futhi kufanele "agxume phezulu" ukuze aqaphele. Kodwa-ke, lesi simo sinikeza amabhonasi: ukuthuthukiswa kwamakhono omphakathi, ukudidisana nokubunjwa kwesimo sokuthula, okukhangayo kwabanye. Phakathi, ukuxhumana ngesikhathi esisodwa namaqembu ahlukene abantu (abadala nabantwana), ngokushesha uya ezingeni "elilungile" - "Adult", lapho, ngokungafani "Nomzali" noma "Ingane" angavuma kalula. "Izinzuzo" eziphakathi - uhlamvu oluzolile, ukwakheka kwalo okubangela ukungabi khona kwengcindezi engaphezu komzali (ukulindela ngokweqile, i-hyperopeak), kanye namakhono aphezulu okuxhumana (ikhono lokulalela, ukukholisa, ukuxoxisana). Phakathi kwe "amaminithi" ukuntuleka kwezimfanelo zobuholi kuhlangene nesifiso sokuncintisana (ngezinye izikhathi, ngaphandle kokuhlolisisa amandla abo ngokucophelela, ingane ibeka imigomo ephakeme ngokungenangqondo, futhi amathuba okuhluleka akhula). Isifiso sokujabulisa bonke abantu, futhi, singadlala ihlaya elinonya - ukwenqaba ukuthatha izinqumo ezingathandeki, "isilinganiso" ngezinye izikhathi sizilimaza. Ehlisiwe amalungelo omdala kanye namalungelo omncane, uzizwa ngokuthe xaxa "ukungabi nabulungisa kokuphila." Igolide elisho
Ochwepheshe bethu abazange basisekele i-classical theory ukuthi isikhundla sendawo siyisishiyagalombili kunazo zonke. Isikhundla somntwana singenziwa kuphela ngabazali abangazange basebenze izinkinga zabo zobuntwana, okuphindaphinda isimo "esihlangene" kanyekanye. Njengoba bengenalo uthando ebuntwaneni, manje bamnika "isabelo", yingane futhi kufanele balwe. Ngomkhuba wami we-psychotherapeutic, lokho akuzange kwenzeke nakanjani. Mhlawumbe, banempilo kakhulu: bahlala nje futhi bayajabula. Izinga eliphezulu: Mikhail Gorbachev, uVladimir Lenin, uGustave Flaubert.
Junior: Pet and Sly
Uthethelelwe konke - ngokubukeka okuphambene (njengekati evela "Shrek") nobumusa, okungekho - akusho. Nakuba engeyena umntwana, njalo uphuma emanzini. U-Arseny uneminyaka emihlanu futhi, kubonakala sengathi akasoze akhule (abafowabo ngalesi sikhathi base bevele "bekhulu" ngempela). Ngakho ukuba mncane kunenzuzo? Kunzima kimi ukuba ngiphendule umbuzo wakhe: "Mama, kungani ngibalwa okokugcina?" Omncinyane wayenenhlanhla: akazange abhekene nokushaqeka 'kokunciphisa isihlalo sobukhosi' futhi unabazali "abanolwazi", abathandekayo ukufundisa nokunikeza uthando olungenamthetho ("imfundo ngeyodwa inhliziyo enkulu ", ngokusho kuka-Olga Alekhina). Uhlale ehaqwe ukunakwa (abazali kanye nezingane ezindala). Futhi kule nkohliso! Labo abavuthiwe kakhudlwana, bafuna ngokungazi ukuthi bayabambezela ("abe ngumncane"): enikeza izabelo ezimbalwa, bezithoba phansi, bamenzele lokho ayekukwazi ukuzenza isikhathi eside. Ngakho-ke, isidingo sento okumele sizuze omncane akwanele, futhi ukuzethemba ngokweqile kuvame ukugxila - ngokuqhathanisa nabadala, ingane ilahlekelwa njalo. "Ugijima kancane kancane, into engazi ukuthi angayenza kanjani, ugqoke izingubo zabafowabo nabasolwa (njengoMngane, umngane kaCarson) ukuthi lokhu kuzosakazeka ezintweni ezingaphezu komhlaba wonke," kusho u-Elena Voznesenskaya. Noma kunjalo, isikhundla esinjalo sihilela ukuphikisana nabantwana bakithi abadala, umhawu kanye ... nobuqili. Osemncane uhlale enolwazi lokulwa (ngokuvamile ngemuva kwezigcawu) endaweni yakhe emndenini. Futhi ngokuvamile esikoleni sakhe sokuphila sinzima kakhulu. Izici ezinhle zentsha: ukunganakwa, ithemba, ukukhulumisana kalula. Njengomthetho, lezi ziyi-extroverts, ezithola amandla ekukhulumisaneni nabantu futhi abesabi ukuthatha izingozi. Kulaba, abaculi kanye nososayensi "abaphendulela umhlaba" ngokutholakala kwabo kanye nezinguquko zabo bavame ukukhula (ngokusho kocwaningi lomlando-mlando waseMelika uFrank Salloway, oye wafunda izibalo zezinkulungwane eziyisikhombisa zomlando nezesayense). Okungalungile: umqondo obuthakathaka wokuzimela, okuholela ekwephuleni kwemingcele yesikhala somuntu siqu, kanye nobunzima bokuzithiba nokwenza izinqumo zabo, ngakho-ke ukuphumelela komsebenzi wabo "kuvimba". Lokhu kuhlinzekwa ukukholelwa kwabancane ukuthi "kumele basize".
Ingabe uyisiwula?
Kungani kumatheksthi okwenza omncinyane athole lelebuli engathandeki? Okokuqala, njengoba uNataliya Isaeva eveza, ngaphambi kwekhulu leshumi nesikhombisa, zonke izingane ezincane emndenini zazibizwa ngokuthi iziwula (okwakusho ukunyuka kwe-naivete nokuzalwa kwengane), kanti uPeter Omkhulu wanikeza igama elibi kuleli gama (isichazamazwi sobuwula). Esiqhingini, isiwula sifanekisela incazelo yokuqala - ukulula kwezingane, ubuqiniso nokuvuleka. Okwesibili, ngomntwana ngamunye olandelanayo, izinga lokulindela kwabazali liyancipha. "Futhi uma" ungathandeki ", akukho ukudumazeka - ngisho nokuphumelela kunazo zonke komncane kuzoba" okuvamile ", - kusho u-Olga Alekhina. Ezimweni ezinjalo, "i-kid" kufanele ikwazi ukungena futhi ifune eyakhe, ihluke kwabanye, indlela yokuphumelela nokuvuthwa. Yenza i-feat, isibonelo. Lezo zivivinyo ezitholakala ngu-Ivan the Fool ziwuhlobo lokuqalwa, emva kwalokho bamyisa ezweni "elikhulu". Isifundo yilezi: ngisho nokuthembela "ezimfanwaneni zobuntwana" futhi uhlale uqobo, ungaphumelela. Amantombazane adumile: indodana yeBhayibheli engalahleki, u-Elizabeth Taylor, uBernard Shaw. Umyalelo wokuzalwa akuyona "uphawu oluyingozi" olukhomba isiphetho. Kodwa kukhona okusanhlamvu okuyiqiniso kulokhu: izingane, ngokusho kohlaziyi waseFrance uFrançoise Dolto, ziye ... azikho abazali abafanayo nhlobo. Umama eminyakeni engama-20 nangomama oneminyaka engu-35 - ahluke: owokuqala kuphela owazi izinto eziyisisekelo zokuba umama, owesibili - ohlakaniphile. Lokhu kushiya impendulo ezintweni eziningi zenqubo yezemfundo. Ezinye izici zibalulekile: umkhathi emndenini, isimo sezinto ezibonakalayo, ukusatshalaliswa kwemisebenzi phakathi kwabazali, isimo sengqondo sabantwana ... Uma isimo sesimo somndeni sisekelwa ukuthambekela kwemvelo kwengane ngayinye, sithola ukuthi "bangaki abantu, baningi kangaka abahlala khona." Akukhathaleki ukuthi ubala ngani, into esemqoka ukuzizwa usendaweni yakho. Ngabuza ngayinye yamadodana: "Ingabe uyathanda ukuba umuntu omdala (ophakathi, oncane)?" Izibulo laphendula: "Yebo! Iyiphi into enhle kakhulu? Amandla! "USerednyachok waphawula ukuthi" uyingqayizivele "(kukhona abambalwa abalingana abavamile), ngaphandle kwalokho, uhlale ehlanganyele emidlalweni. Futhi ingane yabuza umqhele wayo: "Mama, kungani ngingowokuzalwa ngokugcina?" Wabe esecabanga wathi: "Ngiyayithanda. Mina ngingumncinyane! "