Okokuqala, ake sibone ukuthi yikuphi uhlobo "lokuphikisana", nokuthi yini esetshenziselwa ukuyiqonda kakade leli gama. Kusukela ekucabangeni kwengqondo, ukuhlukumezeka kungenye yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu zomshado oshadile, ikakhulukazi labo abaye bahlala ndawonye isikhathi eside, futhi kusho ukungahambisani nomshado. Ngokusho kwabantu abaningi - lokhu kukhwabanisa ngamanzi ahlanzekile, okungathethelelwa, futhi ngenxa yokuthi kufanele ucasule, ufunge futhi uhlukanise. Kodwa-ke, akekho osizwayo obala ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka nakho kuhlukile, nokuthi sonke siyizidalwa, futhi hhayi ukuthi siyodwa, simelana nezifiso zomzimba nezingqondo. I-psychologist onolwazi, ukuhlola umonakalo obangelwa ukuhlukumezeka, kuzoqala ukucabangela ukusondelana kwababambisene nabo noma abashade nabo, bese kuba uhlobo lokuhlukunyezwa, bese kuphela ukuthola isizathu. Ngempela, ngokwemvelo, ukungathembeki kungaba kuphela ukukhangwa ngokobulili, noma, ngokuphambene, akuthinti kuphela ngokomzimba, kodwa futhi ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, ukuba khona kwesizinda esingokomzwelo kuzobangela ukuxhaswa komthengisi, kusukela entweni yakhe entsha yokwenza izinto, okuyinto ehambisana ncamashi nesimo.
Izizathu zokushintsha.
Izazi zengqondo zikhomba izizathu eziyisikhombisa eziyinhloko zokuthi kungani amadoda ehamba "ngakwesobunxele." Okuvame kakhulu ukuxhumeka kwengozi okungabangela noma yikuphi, imizwelo ekhethekile, noma imizwa, futhi ngokuvamile ayithwali uhlamvu olujwayelekile. Kulezi zinhlobo eziyisithupha ezisele, isisekelo kanye nesisusa sokusebenza yizipho zokuphila komndeni, isifiso sokuphinda ukuzwa imizwa yangaphambili kanye nemizwa yokuzwa, uthando olungathandwayo. Ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuphanga kuvele kube impindiselo, ngenxa yokuhlukunyezwa okufanayo, emva kwalokho umyeni akaqapheli futhi uzizwa enengqondo yokufeza, kunokuzivumelanisa izenzo zakhe.
Ngakho-ke, umuntu angathola isiphetho esincane sokuthi noma yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka, njengohlobo lobugebengu, kunesilinganiso sakhe sobuqili, ngakho-ke kufanele kube nesijeziso sayo. Futhi njengabo bonke "abagebengu", umthengisi unelungelo lokubona futhi angavumeli icala lakhe, kuze kube yilokho, kuze kutholakale ukuthi kuqinisekisiwe.
Ingabe kwakunjalo noma cha?
Ekhuluma ngokuhlubuka, ukuthi kungani indoda engavumi izono zakhe, kubalulekile kuqala ukucacisa, kodwa ingabe ngempela? Mhlawumbe umyeni wakho akavumelani, ngoba akukho lutho olungavuma. Yiqiniso, uma umbamba endaweni yesehlakalo, ngakho-ke, ngokujwayelekile, nokunye okusho noma okuchazayo, kulesi sikhathi, akukho mqondo. Kulungile, uma lokhu kuqubuka kungukuqagela kwakho kuphela. Okushiwo okuningi kwisigaba sokushintsha ukulingana okuvamile. Into efana nokudlala ngothando iyingxenye yokuphila komuntu wonke, futhi siyayisebenzisa kancane kancane, ngokuya ngesimo kanye nomuntu ngokwakhe. Kukhona amacala lapho ukudlala ngothando kudlula imikhawulo ethile, kepha okwamanje akufinyeleli ekuhlaseleni, kuvela "umdlalo onqenqemeni", lapho umuntu ethola khona imizwelo emihle. Ngakho-ke mhlawumbe umyeni wakho ungumgijimi nje, futhi kuwukufanele nje ukufaka umdlalo omncane empilweni yakho yomndeni?
Kungani engavumi ukuhlubuka?
Uma ngabe ukuhlubuka kuyiqiniso, kodwa umlandu, njengoba ngaphambili, uzenza sengathi akukho lutho, yini okufanele uyenze ezimweni ezinjalo nokuthi ungachaza kanjani ukuziphatha okunjalo? Kuyafaneleka ukuqonda ukuthi ukukhaphela kungukucindezeleka hhayi kuphela kumuntu oshintshiwe, kodwa nakomuntu oye washintsha. Okokuqala, umthengisi usesaba njalo "futhi ngokuzumayo ufunda," bese kulandela ukucindezeleka okulandelayo lapho umfazi ezwa. Futhi, njengoba wazi, ukwesaba nokuzimela kokuzimela kuyasebenza kakhulu kunezithembiso zokukhuluma njalo iqiniso kuphela. Lokhu kungabonakali kombuzo wokuthi kungani indoda engafuni ukuvuma ukuhlukunyezwa? Impikiswano yesibili ngenxa yokungabikho kwencazelo yimibuzo yokuphendula, okufanele uzibuze yona: "Kodwa ngempela ungathanda ukwazi ngokuzingela?". Iningi liyakuphendula ngokushesha "yebo", ephikisana nalokhu ngokuthembeka komshado, okungekho kwemfihlo phakathi kwabashade nezinye izinto. Kodwa, futhi uma ucabanga ngendlela engokoqobo, ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukungathembeki kungaba yingozi futhi kungakhathazeki, futhi kufanele uhlale nayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi wazisola isikhathi eside, futhi angaboni nakwezinye izijeziso zabesifazane, futhi ngemva kokuba ufuna iqiniso elinjalo, ukuhlukana kobudlelwane bomndeni kungenzeka. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuvamile ukucacisa ubudlelwane abuyena ngaphandle kwezinyembezi namahlaya. Akwanele, yimuphi owesifazane ozoba namandla okuthatha konke ngokuthula futhi ukhulume nje. Futhi amadoda ngaphezu kwakho konke akuthandi ukuba yilokho okushicilelwa kulo lonke umfudlana womzwelo. Yingakho bengazithuli ngezenzo zabo, ukulondolozwa kwesimiso sezinzwa, bobabili kanye nabafazi babo. Umuntu akufanele akhohlwe ngombono womphakathi, ukulahlwa komakhelwane nezinye izinto ngokuvamile ezingasinikezi ukuphila. Ngokuvamile into encane "ukuthi abantu bayothini" nayo ingenye yezizathu ezibangela ukuthi abesifazane banqume ukuphula ubuhlobo. Ukwesaba ukwehla ngaphansi kwenkantolo yomphakathi, ngenkathi elahlekelwa ngumkakhe othandekayo futhi evala umlomo wakhe enqabeni.
Kwenzeka kanjani ngamehlo omuntu?
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi kungani umyeni wakho engavumi ukuvukela umbuso, kufanele ubuke futhi iqiniso lokungathembeki emehlweni omuntu. Noma kunjalo kungase kube yinto engathandeki, kodwa kaningi akukho romanticism, kungabi yothando, ayiveli. Yiqiniso, kunezikhathi lapho kuziwa khona imizwa ephakeme, kodwa ngokuvamile kusukela ezintweni zonke zibonakala ziphansi futhi zinengqondo. Ukukhulumisana ngokomzimba okuvamile, ukukhokhela ukunganakwa kwengxenye yomfazi, ukukhulula ukucindezeleka, ukuthola ukuzwa okusha, njll, kodwa hhayi inhloso yokushiya umkakhe futhi uphile ngokujabula njalo emva kwenkosikazi yakhe. Okuthakazelisayo kunazo zonke yilokho ngokuvamile impendulo ethi "kuhle kakhulu" yiqiniso elihlanzekile, futhi alithwali noma yikuphi isizathu esiyimfihlo ngemuva kwayo.
Ngakho-ke, madodakazi othandekayo, ungavumeli umqondo wokuhlubuka ekhanda kubayeni bakho, ubanike uthando lwakho nemizwelo bese uzama ukuqonda nje. Khona-ke ngeke uzibuze ukuthi "kungani umyeni wami engavumi," futhi ingxoxo ngokuphathelene nokuhlukumezeka, cishe ngeke kwenzeke emndenini wakho esikhathini esithile. Asikho isidingo sokuphakamisa umqondo wokuhlukumezeka, kodwa ukuwubeka njengokungathi kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwane, futhi, akufanelekile. Ngemuva kwalokho, empilweni yethu, njengenganekwane, kukhona kokubili okuhle nokubi, okunye okunye, okunye okuncane, kepha ngaphandle kwalokhu impilo yethu yayingeyona into.