Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile emva kokuqala kobudlelwane nomfazi kuza ukuzethemba ekuzinikeleni nasekuthembekeni komngani wakhe. Uphawu oluphakeme kakhulu kuzo zonke izici zakhe ezinhle yisifiso sowesifazane ukuba abelethe umntwana wesilisa, ukuze amlethe naye, amfundise, ukubona kuye ukuqhubeka kwakhe kanye nomthandekayo wakhe. Kodwa-ke, akulona njalo lokhu kuyisifiso esingokwemvelo owesifazane owabelwe ngumuntu oseduze naye. Yisiphi isizathu nokuthi yini okufanele uyenzele owesifazane esimweni esinzima kangaka? Lokhu kuzoxoxwa ngezansi.
Ngakho-ke, owesifazane ufuna ukuba nomntwana, kodwa umuntu uhlelekile. Ukuphendula ukuthi "kungani?" Imishwana yemfanelo kuphela - "Angikulungele", "Angizange ngicabange ngezingane okwamanje", "sonke isikhathi sami". Ngesinye isikhathi indoda ihlelekile kakhulu, ngezinye izikhathi ayikho kakhulu, kodwa umphumela ungowodwa-udonga olungenakunyakaziswa phakathi kobambisene nabo, ukukhula nentukuthelo nokungazethembi, kufaka phakathi igebe elinge-stop. Ngokwezibalo, imibhangqwana engaphezu kuka-10% ihlukanisile eminyakeni emihlanu yokuqala yokuphila ngokuhlanganyela ngokuqondile ngalesi sizathu. Indlela yokuqinisekisa indoda enenkani ukuthi manje yisikhathi esifanele kakhulu sokuba nomntwana? Mhlawumbe uma umnika isikhathi sokucabanga, ingabe uzofika ngokushesha kuleso sinqumo? Ngeshwa, lokhu akunakwenzeka.
Ukucacisa izizathu yingxenye yempumelelo
Ngeke kwanele ukukholisa indoda ukuba inqume ukuba ngubaba kuze kube yilapho izizathu zokwenqaba zicaciswa. Eziningi zezizathu zibonakala ziyaziwa futhi zifundiswa izazi ze-psychologist. Le ndoda ibona ukuthi ngemuva kokuzalwa kwengane, izinguquko zekhadineli zizofakwa ekuphileni kwakhe okuvamile. Bambalwa abantu abazofuna ukushintsha impilo yabo ngendlela ephawulekayo uma ihlelwe futhi inhle. Amadoda, naphezu kweminyaka, isikhathi eside kakhulu abesifazane basala abantwana ekujuleni komphefumulo (yonke impilo yonke). Indoda isaba kakhulu ukulahlekelwa ukunakekelwa nokunakekelwa yintandokazi yakhe, ozobeletha ingane isikhathi esithile ngemuva kokubeletha. Futhi, isizathu esiningi ukuthi ukwesaba abantu ukuphendula ngokweqile kanye nokuvinjelwa okubukhali kwenkululeko yangaphakathi. Emva kwakho konke, into eyodwa - impilo, kanye nowesifazane othandekayo, nomunye - owesifazane nomntwana omncane. Zombili zivikelekile, zonke izinkathazo zizowela emahlombe ezinamandla, lo muntu uzodingeka abe yisekelo lomndeni wonke.
Abantu abaningi, abajwayele ukufezeka, besaba umthwalo wemfanelo. Bafuna kuphela ukuphelela kukho konke, futhi uma bengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi bangaba abazali abahle, bakhetha ukumane balahle. Ngokomlando, kunesibonelo lapho indoda isisekela umndeni. Futhi uma kwenzeka ingane izalwa, kubalulekile ukuxazulula izinkinga zomfazi, kodwa futhi ingane ekhulayo. Indoda iyesaba ukuba yibo bonke abantu! Uyesaba ukunikeza iseluleko esingalungile, ukubonisa ubuthakathaka, ukwenza isinqumo esiphutha - lezi yizinto eziyinhloko zesaba besilisa sokuba nezingane.
Izazi zengqondo zithi lolu hlobo lwesaba luyisici samadoda akhulela ngaphandle kobaba. Babengenalo isibonelo sangempela ebuntwaneni babo ukuthi inhloko yomkhaya yamanje kufanele iphathe kanjani. Izingane azigcini nje ukudlala imidlalo edlala indima efana ne "indodakazi-omama" esencane. Ngakho bafunda ukuxhumana, baqonde izinkinga zomunye nomunye futhi babheke izindlela zokuzixazulula. Icala ngalinye, yiqiniso, lingumuntu ngamunye. Akunakwenzeka ukunikeza iseluleko somhlaba jikelele ukuthi ungamqinisekisa kanjani indoda ukuba ifune ingane. Owesifazane kumele aqaphele kahle imbangela, khona-ke kuyoba lula ukunquma ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani.
Ungaba kanjani owesifazane
Uma umuntu ecacile futhi ecacile ethi akasakabi namntwana, akusizi ngalutho ukugqugquzela izinzwa zakhe ngokukholisa, ukuzama ukubeka ingcindezi kuye. Ukucindezela okucindezelayo kungaholela esimweni lapho umuntu eyogwema noma yikuphi ukusizwa kwengane nokubonakala kwakhe endlini. Kubuye kuyingozi "ukugijimela" nge-ultimatums: "Noma i-unas izoba ingane, noma siyingxenye." Indoda ingakhetha okukhethwa kukho hhayi ngokusindisa umndeni. Akudingekile nje ukukholisa indoda ekufuneni, kepha ukuyiletha ngokushelelayo ekuqapheleni okuzimele ukuthi usekulungele ukuba ngubaba.
Ngokuvamile abesifazane benza iphutha elibulalayo. Bavele baqiniseke ukuthi othandekayo ngokuqinisekile uzojabula ngokuzalwa kwengane, ngisho noma bengakaze bakhulume ngalokhu noma lo muntu uhoxise unomphela. Abesifazane bakhetha ukwehlisa indoda kusukela ezinyaweni zale ntsha, okwenza kube "ukumangala". Lokhu kuyiphutha elikhulu elingokwengqondo nokuziqhenya! Kubalulekile ukuqonda: amadoda angenakho ukuzalwa komntwana ongakazalwa! Akukhona ngokuzenzakalelayo ngokuzenzakalelayo ukubona ngokungazelelwe "injabulo ewile" ngendlela yengane ezayo. Amahomoni okuthiwa "umama", akhiqizwa emzimbeni wesifazane okhulelwe, amascuphysiology awaziwa. Indoda kumele ihlale ibe yintandokazi.
Indlela efanele
I-Psychotherapists bayelulekwa ukuba baqale ngokuthi okuthiwa "igqoke ukugqoka". Akufanele usheshe uqale ingane, thola isilwane endlini ozoyikhathalela. Kanye nomuntu othandekayo, khuluma okuningi nezingane ezisenayo izingane, zixoxisane ngemibandela yobuzali, ungene engqondweni. Nika le ndoda ithuba lokuba njalo nezingane nabantwana babangane - lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu. Kumele aqonde ukuthi ingane iyi-non-crystal vase, ishaya kusukela ekuthinteni kancane. Zama ukukhombisa umlingani wakho ukuthi wena ngokwakho ulungele ukuziphatha kahle, ukuthi ngokuqinisekile uyosiza umuntu wakho othandekayo, uma engeke akwazi ukubhekana nanoma yini.
Ingxoxo ethembekileyo nendoda izohlala ihamba kahle. Kubalulekile ukubuza indoda ukuthi ubona kanjani ikusasa elihlangene lakho elizayo, yini okulindelweyo nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Ukushintsha ngenye indlela ingqondo yakhe ngeke kwenzeke, kepha owesifazane angabelana ngamasu akhe ngekusasa elifanayo, okuyingxenye ebalulekile kuyoba izingane. Abaqashi kulo lonke isikhathi sokuphila komndeni bakwazi ukubhebhezela emaceleni, bahlale befudumele futhi beqondana, ndawonye babhekane nobunzima. Lokhu sekuyi-argument enzima kakhulu ekuthuthukiseni phambili nasekuqiniseni umndeni. Ingane akufanele ibhubhise, kodwa qinisa umndeni. Emikhayeni eyakhelwe kahle, yilokho okwenzekayo.
Ngokuqondene nezibalo zomhlaba wonke "zesilisa," ekubambeni kokuqala ukwesaba: amadoda angama-93% awaqapheli ukuba nabantwana! Kodwa kufanele kuqaphele ukuthi ezimweni eziningi, ngokushesha nje lapho ingane ethandekayo isesandleni sikayise, indoda esanda nje ukungafuni ukubizwa ngokuthi ubaba, iyajabula ukuba ijabule ezulwini lesikhombisa. Kodwa kukhona futhi (futhi kukhona abaningi babo) abalungele ukuphumula ngokushesha ubuhlobo nowesifazane, kuyafaneleka ukukhuluma ngokuzalwa kwengane. Esinye isithiyo, esendleleni eya kubababa ojabulisayo - izinkinga ezinkulu zezempilo. Namuhla, amadoda ayizigidi ezingu-4.5 eRussia ahlupheka ngenxa yokungabi nabantwana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukungabi namuntu emadodeni angeke kube yimizimba kuphela, kodwa futhi kungokwengqondo.
Yiqiniso, okukhethwa kukho kungcono ukubonisana nodokotela wezengqondo ndawonye, uhlaziye isimo ngezigaba ezihlukene futhi uthole "impande" yenkinga. Ngenxa yalokho, indoda eyayiziqinisekisile nabanye ukuthi akufanele futhi ingafuni ukuba nezingane iba yindiza enhle. Owesifazane ovela kumninindlukazi oye wagcina umlilo we-hearth uphenduka waba yindoda ehlakaniphile eyakwazi ukufaka emlilweni wamalahle ashisayo. Khona-ke injabulo yomndeni iyoba ingqondo ephelele futhi ephakeme.