Kwenzekani uma umama noma ubaba eba "othisha", futhi ingane iphela ukuba ingane futhi iba "into yemfundo"? Kungani sivame ukungahambisani nezingane ezincane, futhi ukuba khona kofakazi kufakazela ukuthi lokhu ukungabekezelelani kukhula nakakhulu? Kungani thina, njengabadwebi abanesibindi, silungele ukusika, ukuphinda futhi siphumelele izingane zabo ngaphansi kwephethini ethile? Ake sibheke izizathu.
Ngesizathu esithile kwenzeka ukuthi abazali bazibhalela ngokuzenzakalelayo "kubaphathi". Ingane "eyimfihlo", umsebenzi wayo ukufeza imiyalo. Abanye baze baxoxe nomntwana wabo ngosizo lwamazwi ngesimo sengqondo esibalulekile: ume, uhlale, uthathe! Abangenayo okwanele "Fu!" Nethi "Fas!" Labazali bakholelwa ngothando ukuthi ingane idinga ukugcinwa ngensimbi, kungenjalo uzohlala phansi ekhanda lakhe - "Kukhona, Ubuntu Bomuntu?"
Kuyini okwesaba ingane yalaba bantu abadala nomalumekazi? Kodwa ukwesaba kukhona - ukwesaba ukungalindeleki ekukhuliseni ingane yengane yasenkulisa. Kodwa ngubani ovuma ukuthi uyamesaba ingane yakhe? Ukufihla ukungabi namandla kwakhe, umzali uthi: "Ngingumkhulu futhi omkhulu; wena - omncane neyesibili "- futhi usebenzise isitayela sokuxhumana, okuhlose ukukhombisa ingane yakhe indawo ngokuphathelene" nomngane jikelele ".
Nansi umbuzo wesifiso sabazali ukunikeza ingane umthwalo wabo wolwazi nesipiliyoni: izimo zengqondo, amasiko, ama-stereotypes. Izingane zifana nephepha elingenalutho, futhi abazali abaningi bakubheka njengomsebenzi wabo ukuwugcwalisa ngokuqonda kwabo.
Yini ebangela lokhu kuphazamiseka? Okokuqala, ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ukulawulwa kwengane, futhi okwesibili, ukungakwazi ukuphila impilo yakho, ngoba indlela engcono kakhulu yokubalekela ukukwenza wena ukukwenza okunye.
Ukwesaba izinkolelo zamantombazane nabesilisa, ukuthi into engenzeka kumntwana, ikakhulukazi uma engekho, ngezinye izikhathi ifinyelela ubukhulu obukhulu futhi iveza imiphumela. "Uma wenza / ungenzi lokhu, ngeke ngisinde," "Uma kukhona okwenzeka kuwe, ngizofa." Ukuhlukumeza "ukufa" okungenzeka komuntu othandekayo kuyabesabisa ingane, ikakhulukazi eminyakeni engu-5-6 ubudala, lapho lesi sihloko sibe yinto yangempela kuye. Futhi ekhanda lomntanakhe, ukuziphatha kwakhe "okungalungile" nokuthi kukhona into enhle engenzeka kubazali bakhe. Ukuphambuka okuncane emgqeni oshiwo wokuziphatha, futhi umuzwa wecala uhlanganisa ingane nekhanda - yenza uhlupheke, kodwa yenza kanjalo "abazali bangakhathazeki."
Ingabe ngempela ukwesaba ingane? Kunalokho, ukwesaba wena. Kwenzekani kubazali uma kukhona okwenzeka kumntwana? Yini eyokwenzeka ezweni labo elingaphansi noma elincane? Yimuphi umama / ubaba ozovela ngaphambi kwabanye? Futhi okuthiwa "injabulo yengane" yinto evelele kakhulu ekuguquleni ingane yengane yasenkulisa.
Izinkinga zeminyaka yokuqala yokuphila zivame ukuphoqa abazali ukuthi: "Asizange silale ngenxa yakho", "Senzé konke, futhi wena - isidalwa esingenasibindi", "Sibeke impilo yethu yonke kuwe ..." Isiphetho: abazali kuhlupheka kakhulu ngenxa yendaba yonke ngokubeletha, okusho ukuthi ingane kumele ibuyisele imali yabo "iminyaka elahlekile" kanye nempilo - ukunakekelwa, ukuziphatha, futhi kamuva nempilo yabo yonke. Uma umntwana enquma "ukugibela isitimela" ekuqondeni kwakhe, isimo se-pre-infarction somama-mama asinakugwema.
Kungani abazali abaningi bengavumi ukukhetha ingane, ngisho nasezingeni lezinto ezilula? Ngoba akuyona ingane enjalo. Kungokusebenzisa umuntu omncane ngezinhloso zabo siqu. Ukuze uzizwe udingekile futhi unenjongo ukuze ugcine umuzwa wokuthi konke kwenzeka ngeze, lokho kuphila kugcwele incazelo.
Ukukhathazeka ngobuso bakhe kubangelwa abazali ukuba baziphathe ngokuqinile kanye nezingane zabo "ngokuziphatha okuhle". Kusobala ukuthi ingane kuphela "engakhohlisayo" ingakwazi ukuziphatha njalo "kahle": ukugwema ngokungahleleki ukuphazamiseka kwabazali, wenze ukuzithengisa ngaphandle kwesizathu sokungaboni. Uke wakubona lokhu? Futhi ingane evamile edala ngeso lengqondo izimo lapho abazali kufanele bahlaziye futhi baxolise. "Wenza ngenhloso!" Cha, umfana uhlola nje umhlaba ngamandla. Futhi umama nobaba akuzona izinto eziguquguqukayo kakhulu.
Umphakathi (ngendlela, umqondo ukhululekile kakhulu) ubaluleke kakhulu kunabantwana ngokwabo kanye nendoda encane eyesibindi ukwephula imithetho ethile. Abazali banamahloni ngengane yabo, balungele "ukuwaphula" ngesikhathi "ukuwa" kwawo emehlweni omphakathi: "Sonke sibukele!", "Ukuhlazeka, hhayi ingane!" Ngubani phakathi kwethu ongakazwanga, noma ngisho nalawa amagama?
Kodwa umbuzo omkhulu, mhlawumbe, othakazelisayo abazali abangawubuza i-theirchild: "Futhi ubani othole le nto?" Yingakho wonke umuntu kufanele aqonde ukuthi ubaba nomama abanakho lutho ngalutho. Lesi sidalwa "esingenakubekezeleleka" sawela emakhanda abo lapho sasingacaci khona. "Amhlophe futhi acwebezelayo", futhi lesi silo siyindiza e-tar yomgqomo wayo wezinyosi wezinto eziphilayo ezingenakulinganiswa. Futhi manje kuzodingeka basebenze kanzima isikhathi eside ukuze "babumbe" umuntu wangempela. Yebo, kufana nabo. Isimangaliso kuphela ngesizathu esithile asikwenzekanga. Kungani, ucabangani?
Yini ongayisho ngekhethini? Ukuzikhohlisa kwabantu abadala ukuthi bacabanga ukuthi banokuqonda futhi banamandla kunabantwana. Futhi ukuthi umsebenzi wabo ukwenza okuthile ngane. Abantu abadala bayazi ukuthi bakhulume kanjani amagama afanele, bafunde izincwadi eziningi eziphathelene nokusebenza kwengqondo nokufunda. Kodwa! Ngomntwana, umuntu kumele afunde ukuba, omunye kumele afunde ukulalela nokuzwa. Futhi lokhu kungenzeka kuphela uma abantu abadala, okungenani ngomzuzu, beshiya isithombe somzali futhi bangabaza ukuthi "ukufaneleka" kwabo kuyiqiniso esimweni sokugcina. Khona-ke ukungakwazi kwabo nokungabi naso kungabonakaliswa! Kodwa ungagijimi kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho. Ukuphila kwabo okuthiwa "ukungalungi", abazali bangavuka nomntwana ngezinga elilodwa, ngakho-ke, baqonde ukuthi kwenzekani phakathi kwabo. Futhi inkinga "yokukhulisa" izoqala ukuzixazulula ngokwayo, njengoba ukuxhumana nomntwana kuzoqala ukushintsha "ibhizinisi lekhonkrithi eliqinisekisiwe lokuphila konke kwabazali" kube ukukhulumisana okungavamile.