Amadoda :
1. Amadoda amaningi awahlangabezi okuningi ngenxa yesehlukaniso, ngoba bephupha ukuba baphinde bakhululeke futhi bazivelele ngomthwalo wemfanelo emndenini nasezingane. Ngaphezu kwalokho, babefuna ukuhlangana nomfazi ongcono, ongencane ongeke abe nesithukuthezi ngokushesha njengomfazi, futhi la madoda ayazibona ngokuqondile. Bakholelwa ukuthi impilo yomndeni iphazamise ukuqaliswa kwamafantasi. Iminyaka emibili "ngokubanzi" iholele emqondweni wokuthi umndeni usuhle kakhulu, ngakho phakathi neminyaka emibili yokuqala, la madoda aphinde ashade (amanye, eqinisweni, kubafazi bawo bangaphambili), kodwa eminyakeni edlule baqala ukuqonda ukuthi umfazi wokuqala kwakungcono kuneyesibili, nakuba bengadabuli isehlukaniso.
2. Yini eholela emshadweni emva kokuphila okuhlangene komunye, omncane, isigaba samadoda? Bajabulela inkululeko, bashintsha umlingani wabo, abashade isikhathi eside, kanti abaqapheli ukuthi balahlekelwa yiminyaka engcono kakhulu yokuphila kwabo, futhi abaneminyaka engama-50 ngokuzumayo bazizwa benesifiso sokuphila komndeni kubo, futhi ukhetho lomlingani seluyinto encane, futhi yena ulahlekelwe "impahla buka ". Lesi sigaba samadoda, uma kukhona ingcebo yezinto ezibonakalayo, uthola umfazi osemusha ngomngane womona nomuntu owayengumkakhe. Kodwa lokhu "idayimane yobusha, ubuhle nokuhlanza kudinga ukusika okuhle, okungukuthi, imali eningi, akusiyo emndenini oqinile, kuzokwenza ukufaniswa kwayo kubangane nabajwayelene nabo, kanye nokwesaba okuphakade kokungathengiswa. Futhi labo madoda abangenayo izinto ezibonakalayo bayaneliseka ngokuba baphenduke ngoba bachitha izenzo zobulili kubantu abathandana nabo abadinga ukuhlala nabo abafuna izindleko ezingokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, ezingokwengqondo nezokucansi (uma kuqhathaniswa nomkabo); ithemba lokuthi "ukuphila okukhululekile" kwakungafaneleki, futhi esimweni esibucayi kwakungekho ukusekelwa, ngoba umuntu lokhu kuyinhlekelele, ngakho-ke lo muntu uyaqonda ukuthi umshado wokuqala wawungcono kunesibili.
3. Kukhona isigaba sesithathu samadoda ahlukanisile aholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu, izinto ezihambisana nazo ziwukudakwa ngokweqile, umqondo oqinile wedwa, ukudideka, ukulahlekelwa inzalo emsebenzini kanye nokuphila ngokubanzi. Isibopho somndeni omdala, esabe senqaba, sakhula saba ngumthwalo wemfanelo kubo, futhi akuwona wonke umuntu ongakwazi ukubhekana nalokhu. Kulesi simo, isazi sengqondo esingakwazi ukwenza ngaphandle. Ukuphila komndeni kwalesi sigaba samadoda futhi kuba yisiqhingi esijabulisayo lapho angathanda ukubuyela khona, kodwa ngokuvamile sekuphuzile kakhulu, ngakho-ke izibalo ezingenakulinganiswa zinganquma ubudala obuphakathi kwamadoda aneminyaka engama-58 (nakuba izizathu zokufa zakuqala ziyizinto eziningi ezihlukene, kodwa enye yazo, Yebo, isehlukaniso).
Abesifazane:
1. Ukuhlukaniswa kwabaningi besifazane kuyinkinga ehambisana nokucindezeleka okujulile. Umcabango othi "kungani uhlala manje", "obani okufanele baphile manje", ngokuvamile bahola owesifazane esinqumweni sokumisa impilo engenalutho, abaningi babo baya embhedeni wesibhedlela, lokhu kungcono kakhulu, ngemva kwalokho bayakuqonda ukuthi ukuphila kuqhubeka, kumelwe sikhulise izingane noma siqale ukwakha umndeni omusha.
2. Ngemuva kokuhlukanisa, owesifazane ngeke ahlale ejabule futhi enokuthula, ngisho noma enomshado wesibili, ngoba kusekhona ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa yile ndoda, noma ukwesaba ubuhlobo bomntwana wesilisa nomntanakhe kusukela emshadweni wokuqala. Ngeshwa, umshado wesibili wesifazane awuhlali kangcono kunowokuqala, nakuba kukhona okuhlukile.
Ukuphila komndeni omude, lapho abantu kuthiwa "bakhulisiwe" komunye nomunye ngokwengqondo nangokwezinto eziphilayo: banezinjabulo ezivamile nezinkinga ezivamile, abangane nabangane abavamile, yebo, izingane - ngokungazelelwe ziqhume ngesahlukaniso. Ukujula kwalesi sivinyo kukhulu kakhulu (ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane), ukuthi ngisho nosizo odokotela bama-psychotherapists kunzima ukuphulukisa, ngakho-ke "amacembe" azohlala kuze kube sekupheleni kokuphila emphefumulweni womuntu ongafuni ukuhlukanisa.