"Uhawu - kusho uthando" - kusho ukuhlakanipha kwabantu. Yebo, kukhona iqiniso kulokhu. Kodwa kuthiwani uma umyeni elawula zonke izinyathelo ozithathayo? Ukusola kwakho kuphela kungaba kubi kakhulu. Kuyini umhawu, kungani lo mzwelo usivimbela ekuphileni nokuthi singabhekana kanjani nemizwelo enjalo? I-Psychology yobuhlobo bomndeni: umhawu - isihloko senkulumo yanamuhla engagwegwesi ...
"Ngesaba ukumlahlekelwa," "Ngicabanga ukuthi angithandi futhi," "Uma eyeka ukungithanda, impilo yami izophela," "Angifuni ukushiywa ngedwa," "Uhle kakhulu, futhi kunabesifazane abaningi abangabodwa ..." - yilokho abesifazane abavame ukuchaza imizwelo yabo. Amadoda avame ukukhuluma ngokumesaba kwabo futhi avame ukukhuluma ngamalungelo abo ("Ungumkami, ngakho-ke kufanele ngithathe umbono wami"). Kodwa izazi zengqondo zithi: ziyiqhinga futhi lezo, nabanye ... Izimbangela zangempela zomhawu zilele ekucabangeni kwethu.
Kungani sihawukela?
Ayikho impendulo ecacile yalo mbuzo. Umuntu othile akazithembi ngokwabo futhi uziqhathanisa njalo nabanye abantu ("Uhle kakhulu, manje uzomthanda futhi angishiye"). Omunye wesaba ukondwa nokuphepha okungenhlalo ("Ngaphandle komyeni, ngeke ngiphile"). Omunye unikeza intando yokuzizwa noma ukucabanga okuthandayo ("Kuthiwani uma enombhalo ohlangothini?"). Futhi othile umane nje uphinda indlela yokuziphatha yabazali babo ... Kungase kube nezizathu eziningi. Into eyinhloko ihlukile: ngokudabukisayo, umhawu ungumqondo ovamile womuntu, okwamanje, okufanele ulawulwe. Into ebaluleke kunazo zonke ukuqaphela ukuthi nonke ningabantu abakhululekile, abanokwanele abanquma ukuba ndawonye. Kungani kufanele ushintshe ingqondo yakho bese uphosana ngokungazethembi?
Uma unomhawu
UCarina oneminyaka engu-31 ubudala uthi: " Lapho mina noKolya sihlangana, ngaqala ukubona ukuthi uyangimangalisa. - Nokho, maduzane wathi amasonto amabili nje ngaphambi kokuba umhlangano wami uqede nentombi yakhe. Ekuqaleni angizange ngizibaluleke kakhulu kule ndaba. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungakapheli ingxenye yonyaka kuzo zonke izindlela zamsiza ukuba asinde igebe. Sasihlale sikhuluma ngobudlelwane bakhe bokuqala, sasixoxisana nentombi yakhe yangaphambili ... Ekugcineni, ngabona ukuthi asibona ababili, kodwa abathathu ... Futhi bahlanya ngokweqile: Ngaqoqa yonke imininingwane kule ntombazane engenacala, ngaba umlinde, ufunde idayari yakhe e-intanethi. Nganginomona omkhulu. Njalo lapho ebiza umngane we- SMS , ngacabanga ukuthi uhambisane naye. Kwadingeka ngizihlanganise ndawonye futhi ngiphonsa indaba yonke ekhanda lami. Sibe ndawonye iminyaka emithathu, futhi manje asikho isizathu somhawu . "
UKarina wenza kahle! Abantu abambalwa kakhulu bayakwazi ukuqonda ngokuzimela inkinga bese beyixazulula. Ngokuvamile lokhu kuyinkinga enkulu yobudlelwane bomndeni. Abesifazane bavame ukunyanyisa, ngakho-ke akudingeki ukuthi uvumele iphutha ukuba likuqhubekele ekhoneni.
INDLELA YOKUBULA
1. Ungabuzi mayelana nesikhathi esidlule. Kungakanani ongakhuluma nge-intombi yakho yangaphambili? Yebo, wayemthanda. Udinga ukwamukela futhi uqaphele lokhu. Kodwa manje unani. Phila namhlanje.
2. Lahla ukubhekwa. Wonke umuntu unelungelo lobumfihlo. Futhi-ke yeka ukufunda i-imeyili yomyeni wakhe bese uhlola i-SMS yakhe. Ekugcineni, ngisho noma umlingani wakho enhle nonobhala u-Lenochka, akusho ukuthi ulala naye. Ukuqondiswa ngombuso: kancane uyazi - ukulala okungcono.
3. Zithande. Ngendlela, isizathu esiyinhloko somhawu siwukuzithoba. Ngaphambi kokusola othandekayo kukho konke okungathí sina, cabanga ngawe. Kungani kufanele akuguqule? Thatha ucezu lwephepha bese ubhala 20 (hhayi ngaphansi) kwe "pluses" yakho. Funda ngokuzwakalayo okungenani izikhathi ezingu-10 futhi uqiniseke ukuthi akukho lutho olungcono emhlabeni.
4. Zizinakekele. Esikhundleni sokuzihlukumeza ngokuqagela, vula inkinga bese ushintsha kwenye into. Isibonelo, ukuzinakekela ukubonakala kwakho. Uze kube nini isikhungo sempilo? Futhi endaweni yokwamukela ne-cosmetologist? Yenza lokhu futhi ukwenze. Umyeni wakho ngokuqinisekile uzoqaphela imizamo yakho.
5. Vumela umyeni wakho kukho konke. Uma ubuhlobo obuseduze kakhulu nomngane wakho womshado, mcele ukuthi akusize. Mhlawumbe uxoxe ngale nkinga, uzothola iqiniso lokuthi awunandaba ngombono wakhe ongakhona ohlangothini, kodwa ukuthi awuvame ukuhlangana ndawonye. Lokhu kudinga ukuguqulwa.
Uma unomhawu
Izibalo ezingenakulinganiswa yilokhu: Amadoda anomhawu kakhulu kunabesifazane, naphezu kokuthi badlulisa izikhathi ezintathu kaningi. "Ngemva kweminyaka emihlanu yokuhlala no-Igor, ngafaka isicelo sokuqhafaza, " kusho uKatya oneminyaka engu-27 ubudala. " Ngimthanda kuze kube manje, kodwa ngeshwa, angikwazi ukubhekana nokukhwabanisa komona wakhe ongenasisekelo." Ngesikhathi ngihlezi esinqumweni, konke kwakungcono, kodwa lapho ngiya emsebenzini, ukuthi ukuziphatha kuka-Igor kwashintsha kanjani. Ngesikhathi ngisahlala ehhovisi imizuzu engu-10 nje kuphela, waqala ukungihlambalaza ngokuhlubuka. Waqala ukulawula zonke izinyathelo engazithatha: weza ukuzosebenzela kimi, wangivumela ukuba ngigqoke izingubo ezivunyelwe kuphela, ngimvimbela ukuba apende. Angikwazi ukubekezelela! "
Icala likaCatherine livamile kakhulu. Kungenzeka ukuthi akukhona ukuthi umyeni wakhe akamethembi. Uyesaba ukulahlekelwa amandla phezu kwalo, kanye nesimo sakhe njengomndeni wokudla. Ngokuvamile umhawu ufihliwe ngemuva komhawu. Umsebenzi ophumelelayo womkakhe, ikhono lakhe lokuthola ulimi oluvamile nabalingani bakhe, ukuthandwa kwakhe eqenjini - konke lokhu kungabangela ukuziphatha okunjalo komyeni wakhe.
INDLELA YOKUBULA
1. Unganiki isizathu. Kuyingozi ukubangela umhawu ngokucophelela. Yini ozoyenza? Ingabe izobamba ummese noma ugijime ukuze ubhale isitatimende sesahlukaniso? Ungahlolisi abathandekayo bakho "amandla." Eqinisweni, ngokuvamile lokhu "ukuhlolwa" okuholela emiphumeleni engenakuqhathaniswa.
2. Ungenzi izizathu. Uma ukhulula futhi ubiza okuthile ekuzivikeleni kwakho, kunamandla okuba nesibindi ezandleni zakho. Ukuzivikela okungcono kakhulu ukuhlaselwa. Ngakho-ke, qhathanisa naye ngezinsolo zakhe: "Ungacabanga kanjani into enjalo! Uyakungabaza imizwa yami? "Yiqiniso, akudingekile ukuhlukumeza le mishwana. Umqondo wecala akuyona isisekelo esihle somshado oqinile.
3. Gwema. Ungavumeli umhawu uphakamise isandla sakho, ukukhala noma ukuhlambalaza. Ungakhali noma uthule. Nika njalo izimpendulo ezicacile nezizethembayo. kufanele uvumele oshade naye aqonde ukuthi ungumuntu. Ungangivumeli ngisule izinyawo zami.
4. Khumbula i-alibi. Yiqiniso, awunayo i-heroine yomshayeli oshibhile, kodwa kuthiwani uma othandekayo wakho enomhawu futhi esolisayo, njengo-Othello ngokwakhe. Uma uxabisa ubuhlobo bakho, qaphela umlingani wakho: zama ukungahlali kusihlwa, shayela, ushiye amanothi. Kungcono ukuxwayisa kusengaphambili kunokuziphendulela kamuva.
5. Hamba ukuyekethisa. Uma oshade naye eqaphela umhawu wakhe futhi ulungele ukulwa nalo, xoxani ukuthi yini ehlupha kakhulu kuye. Nikeza omunye nomunye izithembiso eziqinile: angeke akuhlukumeze ngokuphenywa, futhi uzobamba umkhonto wakho engadini.
6. Buza udokotela. Ngendlela, izazi ze-psychologists bakholelwa ukuthi uhlobo lwe-pathological of jealousy lufana nezimpawu zalo kuya kwengqondo. Kulokhu, usizo lwadokotela lubalulekile! Esikhathini socwaningo lwezenzo zomndeni, umhawu yilona sizathu esivame kakhulu sokuthuthukiswa kwamathambo womqondo.
7. Dumisani umyeni wakho. Uma imbangela yomhawu ingukuzithokozisa komyeni wakho, ukuvimbela okungcono kakhulu kukuncoma. Akafanele yini kubo? Dumisani umsebenzi wakhe, umholo wakhe, ukubonakala kwakhe kanye nezimfanelo zangaphakathi. Kulokhu, ngeke abe nesizathu sokungabi nomona kuwe, noma ukukuhawukela.
Kusuka ngokweqile kuya ngokweqile
Abantu abangamaphesenti angu-7 emhlabeni wonke bahlushwa isithunzi somzimba. Baqiniseka ukuthi abalingani babo bayashintsha, futhi yingakho bona ngokwabo bekhohlisa amaqiniso futhi bangaqondi kahle noma yikuphi ukubukwa nemishwana. Izincazelo zokuphila kwazo ukufakazela ukungathembeki komuntu othandekayo nokuziphindiselela kuye.
Izakhamuzi ezingu-50% zeplanethi yethu (ikakhulukazi amadoda) ziyizizwe ezibandayo. Bazama ukucindezela ngokwabo cishe yonke imizwa (kubandakanya umhawu). Noma kunjalo, ngeke neze kuthiwa ujabule. Ukwenqaba imizwelo emibi, bayeka ukuzwa nokuhle. Abaningi babo abakwazi ukuthandana futhi babe nomndeni.
Amaqiniso asabekayo
* Amadoda angu-35% nabesifazane abangu-28% banomona obi kakhulu.
* Abantu abanomhawu bahlala ngaphansi kweminyaka eyishumi ngenxa yokukhathazeka okuqhubekayo, bahlushwa izifo zenhliziyo kanye nokuphazamiseka kokukhathazeka kaningi. Abantu abathathu kwabayisishiyagalombili abanomhawu bahlushwa ukulahla.
* Ukuba nomona kunesimweni sesibili phakathi kwezizathu zokuhlaselwa komshado (ekuxabaneni kokuqala ngemali).
* Abantu abanamafutha ngokuvamile bayisisulu somhawu wabo. Ukukhathazeka okude kubonakala emsebenzini we-tank yokucabanga olawula ukudla.
* U-20% wabo bonke ababulewe basekhaya bazinikele ngesisekelo somhawu.