- Mhlawumbe, kuyoba enye iminyaka emihlanu kuya kweyisithupha, futhi sekuyisikhathi sokubeletha.
- Futhi kusuka kuye?
- Futhi kubaluleke ngani? Ngisho noma kungekho muntu engingathanda kuye, ngizosebenzisa indlela yokwehliswa kokufakelwa. Ngidinga ingane yami. Kuwe.
Uzizwa kangaki amazwi anjalo maduzane? Futhi abesifazane abaningi ngokwengeziwe, badumala ngamadoda, emcimbini womndeni, bavame ukubeletha "ngokwabo." Kuyini lokhu? Isibonakaliso sokwempawu sekhulu lama-20? Okuhlukile kokujwayelekile? Noma ukungcoliswa kwesifazane (nangesilisa wakhe)?
Kunezizathu eziningi zalesi senzakalo. Okuvame kakhulu ukuthi kwakungenakwenzeka ukuhlangana nomuntu ongaba ubaba omuhle wengane. Kwakungenakwenzeka ukushada, kwakungekho omunye engingathanda ukuhlanganyela naye uphahla phezu kwekhanda lami. Akuzange kusebenze. Asikho isizathu esingajwayelekile - ukuhlehliswa "okwesikhashana". Abathandi ababili, abasha nabangaphephile. Into enkulu ongayithola ukuqasha indawo yokuhlala. Kodwa ukukhulisa ingane kunesabekayo. Futhi idlula unyaka nonyaka ngokulindela izimo ezingcono nokuchuma okuningi, bese umshado ngokwawo uvame ukuziqeda. Kodwa lezi zizathu zazikhona njalo futhi yonke indawo. Ezinye izizathu zethu zekhulu leminyaka ziqala ukuvela. Lokhu kakade umqondo wabesifazane abadidekile. Kuqukethe ukuthi umshado nomndeni awusizo futhi izinto ezingadingekile ingane ingakhula ngokuphelele ngaphandle kobaba, ukuthi indoda idinga kuphela ohulumeni abathintana nabo ngokocansi "ngempilo", futhi lokhu akudingekile ukushada nokuhlala ndawonye. Futhi ukufudumala komuntu, ukuxhumana okungokomoya? Futhi ngale njongo nje futhi kuzoba khona ingane. Futhi ngokwanele. Makube khona owodwa, kodwa isihlobo sangempela.
Ake sibone ukuthi iziphi izigodi ezifihla isu lezingane.
Uma ngisho omama abashadile bekhuni ukubhekana nokukhula kwezingane zabo, kuzokwenzekani kowesifazane ogxile ngokuphelele kwengane? Lapho ingane encane, kubonakala sengathi kusekude kakhulu, kodwa isikhathi sibaleka ngokushesha. Futhi manje useyedwa, hhayi osemusha, kusukela isikhathi eside esakhulile engazijwayele ukwenza izinhlelo nomunye ngaphandle kwengane yakhe, futhi akadingi ingane. Kuzwakala ubuhlungu, kodwa kuyiqiniso. Ingane ekhulayo inezintshisekelo zayo, izidingo zakhe, isikhathi se-egoism yentsha engokwemvelo. Futhi ngisho nasezintweni eziphumelele kakhulu futhi ezivela enhliziyweni, izinga lokubheka umama namanje linciphile kakhulu. Iningi labesifazane bahlukana futhi baqala ukufuna ukuzibheka, ukukhuphukela empilweni yengane, bezama ukuzithoba impilo yakhe.
U-Ilya, 42, washada eneminyaka engu-39. Wayengumntwana, unina owabeletha "yena," hhayi ukucabangela ngokujulile ukuthi ungubani. Akazange azi uyise. Wayengashada futhi abe nezingane ngemuva kokushona kukaMama, ngesikhathi esaphila, wagxeke wonke owesifazane owafika e-Ilya. Futhi waqonda: noma umama noma umfazi. Ukushiya umama ogulayo wayengavunyelwe unembeza, futhi ukuba nomndeni kwakuyosho ukuphonsa umama-angeke amukele noma yimuphi owesifazane empilweni yakhe. Ngemva kokumngcwaba, wavuma: "Noma kunjalo, kwakungamahloni, kodwa ngakhululeka ngemva kokufa kwakhe. Manje ngingaphila ngokujwayelekile. "
Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuqinisekiswa kukaMama ukuthi "wayehlala endodaneni yakhe" okungenani kuyizenzisi. Futhi wazala futhi wahlala yena ngokwakhe-futhi kuphela. Futhi ngokuzumayo ithoyizi lakhe laqala ukubiza amalungelo okuphila kwalo? Umama uphuthelwe ukungabongi kweNdodana yakhe. Ukukhohlwa ukuthi yini eyenza umuntu. Ubani onelungelo lokuphila njengoba ethanda.
Ngezinye izikhathi lolu chungechunge luyaqhubeka: indodana ihlala ingashadile, mhlawumbe inikezela umuntu ukuthi "aphile" ngokukhulelwa. Indodakazi - ibuye ibelethe ingane "ngokwayo", ngoba okungenani kumzukulu umama akahawukeli.
Kubuye kwenzeke ukuthi izingane zivukele futhi ibhizinisi liphela ngesikhathi sokuphumula. Lokhu futhi akuhambisani kahle. Ukuhlambalaza umama nomntwana ngokumelene kungabangela izinqubo eziningi ezilindelekile ezingenalutho futhi kuphule kakhulu impilo yengane. Lokhu kuwumqondo ofihliwe wecala phambi komama, futhi isifiso ezingeni elingenakuqonda ukuthi "ukufakazela" umama ukuzimela kwakhe - noma ngabe yini, umntwana uyaqhubeka ephila "emthunzini" womama, ecindezelwe yindlela yakhe.
Kodwa ngenkathi ingane ikhula kuphela, kunezinkinga ezanele. Ezikoleni zangaphambi kwesesikoleni kanye nasezikoleni zakuqala azikwazi ukuqonda ngokugcwele ukuthi kungani umndeni wakhe ungafani nabanye. Konke okufanayo kwakukhona, kukhona futhi kuyoba imindeni enezingane ezimbili. Futhi ingane izoqhathanisa ngokungafani. Yeka, hhayi emndenini wakhe. I-archetype yomndeni, eyabekwe ngaphakathi kithi iminyaka eyizinkulungwane, akulula ukuyibulala ngemibono emisha-fangled. Ngcono kakhulu, kufanele kuthathe okungaphezu kwekhulu leminyaka. Futhi ingane inamandla kunabantu abaningi abadala, la ma-archetypes aphezulu-jikelele aphuma - ingqondo yakhe "ayisetshenziswanga" ngumphakathi. Ngakho-ke, ekusithekeni, uzokwakha umqondo ofihlekile wokuziphendulela.
Iphuzu lesibili - lena yindlela elula yokukhula i-egoist ne-neurotic. Ingane ijwayele ukuthi umama akahlanganyeli naye - konke kungokwakhe. Futhi ngaphandle kokuthanda kwakhe, unesimo sengqondo esifanayo emhlabeni: umhlaba wonke kufanele ubhekane nabo kuphela, ngezinkinga zakhe nezidingo zakhe. Uma kukhona uhlamvu - la bantwana bajwayele ukugcina isimo sezinto ngamandla. Futhi sibabiza ngokuthi abahlukumezi nabashiqela. Uma ubuntu bubuthakathaka - ukudumala kuyisihlungu kakhulu, futhi ukuhlambalaza umhlaba kukhulu kakhulu. Futhi ngenxa yalokho - izifo, ukwehluleka, ukuthunjwa.
Omunye uzofuna ukuphikisana: akuzona zonke izingane ezikhulele emindeni engumzali oyedwa eziphosakekile! Yebo, hhayi bonke. Ukulimala kuphela kulabo abanina umama abangazange bathande noma ubani, becela ingane.
Ngomkhuba wami kunesibonelo esilandelayo: owesifazane wayeshadile futhi wayemthanda kakhulu umyeni wakhe, kodwa wayengenakukwazi ukucabanga kuye - indoda yakhe yayinezinkinga. Banquma ngokuqothulwa kwamakhemikhali nge-donor. Umyeni wami wayekanye nami ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ingane yakhulelwa futhi yazalwa ngothando. Futhi konke kulungile kubo, futhi ingane ayifani nezingane ezingokwemvelo ezikhulelwe.
Kuyesabisa ukuthi akekho ubaba. Wayengamshiya unina, afe, unina angashiya, angahlakazeka ngokuthula - hhayi okuyisisekelo. Kubalulekile ukuthi ukufakwa kwangempela emndenini kwenzeke, futhi kwakukhona kule aura yothando, ubuhlobo, wakhulelwa futhi wazalwa ingane. Kuyesabeka uma omunye umama osevele esezingeni lokukhulelwa abeka impahla yomunye umuntu endaweni. Phela, abantwana, ngenkathi besesesibelethweni, bazizwa kahle konke okwenzeka kubazali babo.
Ukudumazeka emndenini, amadoda, uthando - into abantu abanikele kakhulu. Kodwa indlela yokukhula ngamadoda aphelele kanye nabesifazane abagcwele, ukuvala izinhliziyo zabo ngemizwa eqotho, besaba futhi bezama ukuzungeza?
Kukhona indlela eyodwa kuphela yokuphuma: ukuzama, ukuzama, ukufuna nokuthola okuthile okuyiqiniso, ukukholelwa kanye nethemba, ukuze usebenze ngokwakho. Lokhu kusebenza kubo bonke - kokubili amadoda nabesifazane.
Ngombono wami, kubalulekile ukucabanga: kungabe kuyadingeka yini ukufisa ukuzalwa kwengane, uma engekho owodwa kowesifazane oyoba usizo okungenani ekuqaleni? Abaningi bathi uma owesifazane engenzi njengomama, impilo yakhe ichitheka. Kodwa ingabe kuyokwenzeka njengomama ogcwele, ebeka impilo yomunye umuntu ukuzivikela ekukhoneni nasekudumazekeni kwabo?