Wonke umuntu uzwile ngalokhu. Kulokho konke kholwa. Kuthiwa ngalokhu. Kodwa kuthiwani, empeleni, ukuxhumana okungokwemvelo phakathi komama nengane? Kuxhomeke kuphi? Ngaliphi iphuzu futhi lingakwazi ukunyamalala? Futhi kunamandla kangakanani? Ake sikhulume ngalokhu.
Umama uyazi nje.
"Lapho ngikuyisa ekhaya ngisuka esibhedlela, ngibheka izitebhisi emvilophini futhi ngimangele ngimangele. Ungibhekile ngombono onjalo ogcwele futhi onenjongo wokuthi kusukela manje ngangiqiniseka ngokuphelele - uyaqonda konke, uzizwa konke, wazi konke ngami, ndodakazi yami! "- ngakho umama wangitshela lapho mina, owesifazane okhulelwe, ngimbuza mayelana nosana lwakhe. Ngemuva kwala mazwi, izingcezu eziningi ezivela emzimbeni wami omdala kakade zenziwe esithombeni esisodwa: ukuthi umama wangikhulumela kanjani kusukela kude futhi wabuza ukuthi ngizizwa kanjani. Ngoba uqinisekile ukuthi nginomkhuhlane. Futhi nganginakho, futhi ngisho nakanjani! Ngesikhathi sekuyisikhathi sokuba ngibelethe, okwenzeke ngesonto ngaphambi komhla wokugcina, umama wayengamakhilomitha ayikhulu kude nezwe nendodana kadadewabo. Mina nomyeni wami asizange sithembele kunoma yikuphi ukusekelwa, kodwa ngokuzumayo wavela emngceleni futhi, ngaphandle kokuvuma, wabuza: "I-ambulensi ibizwa ngokuthi?". Wawazi kanjani konke lokhu? - Ngamhlupha ngemva kwaleso sigameko. Umama wasakaza izandla zakhe: wazi nje, yilokho kuphela.
Umngani omkhulu.
Ukuba ngumama, ngaqaphela ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuthi uhlobo oluthile lokuqonda okungenangqondo phakathi kwami nendodana yami lwalusungulwa njengokungathi luyedwa. Uma imizwa yami embi ibangelwa izizathu ezingaphezu kokulawulwa kwengane, ingane ibonakala "ijwayele" kimi. Lokhu kwabonakala ikakhulukazi ngemva konyaka. Ingane ingakwazi ukuzikhathalela isikhathi eside, ikakhulu lapho ngisesimweni esinjalo kangangokuthi kwakubonakala sengathi konke kwangicasula, futhi kungcono ukungathinti futhi futhi. Ukuthula kwakhe kwakusatshalaliswa - zonke izinkinga zami zaqala ukubonakala zingesabeki kakhulu. Njengoba bekhulile, indodana ingakhula ngaphandle kokusho izwi, ingikhathaze futhi njengokungathi idlulisele ingxenye yengane yakhe engapheli.
Kwenzeka ngezindlela eziningi.
Ukukhuluma nabanye omama nokubukela ubudlelwane babo nezingane, ngabona ukuthi bonke bathuthukisa imithetho yabo yokuxhumana. Kwabanye, konke kwakhiwa ngama-nuances, basabela ngokuzwakalayo komunye nomunye. Futhi abanye omama bayamangala ngokungaqondakali izibonakaliso izingane zabo ezinikeza zona. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi, umzali wangaphandle angakwazi ukuqonda izidingo zomntwana ngaphambili kunomama wakhe.
Sixhunyiwe.
Kusobala ukuthi phakathi kwethu nezingane zethu kukhona intambo engabonakali elula kusukela enhliziyweni kuya enhliziyweni. Ngenxa yalokhu kuxhumana kwemvelo phakathi komama nomntwana, siqonda cishe konke ngaphandle kwamazwi futhi uma omunye we-interlocutors engakwazi ukukhuluma. Ukutholakala kokuxhunyaniswa okunjalo kunikezwa ngokwemvelo njengenye yezindlela zokusinda, kodwa kungase kungabonakali, kugxilwe noma kubhujiswe.
Ingane yazalwa. Kuhle, uma izimo eziphezulu zokuhlanganiswa kwakho ngokushesha zidalwe esibhedlela sokubeletha. Kodwa kwenzeka njalo, futhi kukhona zonke izizathu zokuthi kungani umama nomntwana bangahlukaniswa ezinsukwini zokuqala emva komhlangano. Futhi ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa, abesifazane bahluke ngokuhlukile ngokulungela kwabo ukubeletha. Ikhono lokuzizwa nokulindela lakhiwa kancane kancane, lokhu kudinga amahora nezinsuku.
Ukubambisana komama (okuvela esibophezelweni segama lesiNgisi - "isibopho, izibopho") - kuyingxenye yobuhlobo bomhlaba jikelele, nakuba kube yingxenye ekhethekile. Ngokungafani nokuxhumana nobaba, ukuxhuma phakathi komama nengane nakho kuyimvelo ngokwemvelo. Kunamakhulu wezinto ezihlukahlukene ezithinta ukwakhiwa kwalokhu kuxhuma.
Siyazi ukuthi phakathi kwalaba ababili abanothando, noma bangabokuzalwa, abantu, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuxhumeka kwengqondo okungabonakali kusungulwe, okuvumela ukulindela imicabango, imizwa, ukuzwa izinguquko ezicashile ebuhlotsheni, ukuzwa ubuhlungu bomunye umuntu. Okushiwo ngomama nengane, uxhumano lwayo olondolozwa ngokwemvelo ezingeni le-hormonal. Ukukhululwa kwe-hormone oxytocin, okugxilwe ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane ngesikhathi sokuncelisa, kusiza ukusungula lolu xhumano ngangokunokwenzeka. Kodwa omama abaye babhekana nokubeletha okubuhlungu noma abangakondli, ngale ndlela, nakuba kunzima, akuvaliwe.
Lalela futhi uzwe.
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokusetha "ulayini wakho wokuxhumana" ukuqeda kokubili ukulawula kwakho ngokweqile nokungahambi kahle kwezingane zakho. Awudingi ukwenza ingane into efana nesimiso sakho sansuku zonke, futhi isimiso sakhe nsuku zonke kuyindlela yokuhlela impilo yakho. Ukuvumelanisa kwamazwi akho akubekezeli ukuphikisana. Injabulo enkulu ngokweqile, ukukhathazeka nokuphonsa "ngalokho engikwenzayo okungalungile", ikakhulukazi uma uhlakulela ngokuziqhenya kuwe, lokhu kungukubonakaliswa kokuqala komsebenzi wakho ongakaboni ukucabanga. Ngemuva kwakho konke, ngalomsindo ongokomzwelo ongadingekile, ugxilisa imifuziselo engokwemvelo neyenembile umzimba wakho, umzimba womama wakho, okukunika yona.
Yebo, ingane ingumusha kuleli zwe. Kodwa ingane yakho akuyona umuntu wokuqala emhlabeni. Ngakho ungakhathazeki - unikezwa ngemvelo ngezindlela ezanele zokuvumela ukuthi azi ukuthi yini eyidingayo ngalesi sikhathi sokuphila kwakhe. Into esemqoka ukuthi umuntu "amlalele".
Yonke imiyalezo ingane ikhuluma nomama. Futhi angakwazi ukukhuluma nomntanakhe, ukulalela ngokuthula ukuphefumula kwakhe lapho elele eceleni kwakhe, ebambe esifubeni sakhe ezandleni zakhe ngenkathi edonsa, ephethe ngokucophelela futhi ngokucophelela ukwelapha izidingo zemvelo zengane, hhayi "ukulandelela", kodwa hhayi ukungazinaki ukunyakaza kwakhe kancane. Umama ufunda, kaningi cishe ezingeni elingaqondakali, ngezingaphandle, izibonakaliso zokukhathazeka ezingenakubonakala, ngewashi elithile langaphakathi elivamile lababili, ukubamba lapho ingane encane idinga "ah" noma "pi-pi". Ufunda ukuhlukanisa ukukhala okuvela ebuhlungwini noma ekulaleni, okungazwakali ukukhipha isisu.
Thembela wena kanye nengane.
Izinto ezihlukahlukene esingasithola ezincwadini zokunakekelwa kwezingane, kusukela ekuhlangenwe nakho komunye omama, zibaluleke kakhulu. Yamukela izincomo ngokuzethemba (uma zifanele), kodwa ngesabelo esinempilo sokugxeka. Okufanelekile, uma nje kuphela ukuthi isipiliyoni somama ngamunye nomntwana asinalo kuphela izici ezivamile (kungenjalo ukuthi iyiphi iphuzu lokukhiqiza nokuxoxisana okuthile, ukudweba iziphetho!), Kodwa futhi nezici ngabanye. Futhi yiyo "imininingwane", engabonakali ngombono ongaphandle, kodwa esobala kumama onobucayi, futhi wenze ubuhlobo bakho nengane yakho buyingqayizivele.
Jabula futhi ufune ukuthula phakathi kokukhathazeka kwakho. Khona-ke ungakwazi ukuzwa ngokuzwakalayo izwi elifanayo lokunamathiselwe okubelethwe ngabantwana nomntwana komunye nomunye, okwesikhashana ngeke kukhishwe iziphepho zokuphila.