Ungashesha kangakanani ukuhlola umlingani?
Yebo. Sakhiwe ngendlela yokuthi ekuboneni kokuqala, sihlola umlingani ongase abe khona. Ikhono elinembile elahle lakhiwa ngaphezu kwezigidi eziningi zeminyaka lisenza sikwenze lokhu. Okhokho bethu lesi simiso kwakuyisidingo esibaluleke kakhulu emzabalazweni wansuku zonke wokuphila. Mhlawumbe namuhla ukuvikelwa kwesilisa oqinile, ovuthiwe akuyona isidingo esibalulekile, kodwa, naphezu kwalokhu, thina phakathi kwemizuzu yokuqala yokuqala emva kokwazisa senza isinqumo ezingeni elingenakuqhathaniswa mayelana nokuthi ngabe le-interlocutor engaba ngumlingani ofanelekayo.
Ngempela, kuthatha ngaphansi kwesigamu esisodwa ukukhetha ukuthi uthola umuntu ekhangayo noma cha. Okuncane kakhulu, okude kakhulu, okudala kakhulu, okuncane kakhulu, futhi okunamandla kakhulu, noma okuhle kakhulu - futhi ngokushesha kukhishwe ohlwini lwakho lokuthandayo. Kodwa-ke, uma kufana nomqondo wakho jikelele we-Adonis, ubuchopho bukuholela emgwaqweni olandelayo: izwi. Nalapha futhi, ukusabela kwenzeka emasekhondini. Abesifazane ngokuvamile babala ama-interlocutors okukhulumisana okusheshayo, njengabafundi abaningi, amadoda anezwi eliphansi, elijulile njengalokhu elikhangayo nakakhulu.
Bese kulandela ukuhlaziywa kwenkulumo yesikhulumi. Sithanda abantu abasebenzisa isichazamazwi esifanayo esizisebenzisa thina ekuphileni kwansuku zonke. Siphinde sikhangwe yibo abanakho, okufana neyethu, izinga lokuthuthukiswa okuvamile, okwabelana ngemikhuba yethu yezenkolo nezenhlalakahle, futhi ummeleli wekilasi lezenhlalo nezomnotho elifanayo. Konke lokhu sikwazi ukubona ngokushesha izibonakaliso ezibukwayo nezibukwayo, ukunaka imizimba namagama umuntu asetshenziswa enkulumweni yakhe. Yiqiniso, imininingwane enjenge-hair styling, ukuba khona kwesikhwama noma esikhwameni, iwashi legolide noma izithombe, nazo, zinikeza izici zazo lapho zihlanganisa umbono wokuqala.
Ukuba noma ukungabi othandweni ekuqaleni?
Kodwa ingabe lo mfo omuhle, ogqoke kahle ngezwi elijulile ukunika konke okudingayo? Ngisho nasezimpikiswaneni zomhlaba wonke, sivame ukwakha umbono wethu phakathi kwemizuzu yokuqala yokuqala, uma ingxoxo iphenduka, ithi, ezombangazwe noma ezinganeni. Ngakho uma uzizwa ngempela ukuchofoza kwangaphakathi, zizinikele ezenzakalweni zakho.
Noma kunjalo, uthando ekuboneni kokuqala alukwenzeki kuwo wonke umuntu olandelanayo. Kokubukezwa okukodwa ngu-Ayala Malak-Pines, PhD, uBen-Gurion University e-Israel, kuphela amaphesenti angu-11 kwabangu-493 abaphendulile bathi ubuhlobo babo besikhathi eside baqala ngothando ekuqaleni kokubona.
Ngokuqondene nabanye? Izazi zengqondo zithi uma uxhumana kakhulu nomuntu omthandayo (ngisho nento encane), uma ushintsha kakhulu isimo sakho sengqondo, futhi uqale ukumphatha njengomuntu omuhle, ohlakaniphile, futhi ofanelekayo, Yebo, uma ungatholi kuye into engakwazi ukuqondisa isimo sakho sengqondo ngendlela ehlukile. Ngakho-ke, kungaba ukuhlakanipha ukungashiyi umhlangano wesibili wesinqumo.
Ngezinye izikhathi kungathatha iminyaka abantu ababili ukuba baqonde ngokugcwele. Kodwa akukhathaleki uma kuthandana ekuboneni kuqala noma uthando lokubona kwangaphambili, leyo mizuzu emithathu yokuqala yomhlangano wakho iyohlala iyinkumbulo eyigugu kakhulu yothando lwakho.