Izinkinga eziningi ziphakama emfundweni yamadodana. Ngakho-ke, abazali abahlakaniphile nabahlakaniphile, abafisa izingane kuphela, beqaphela ukuthi ukucindezela okunjalo kungabhubhisa izingane kuphela, ngokuvamile bazimisele ngentando yeningi. Bazama ukuvumelana. Bachazela izingane ukuthi abazali bakhulile, bayazi okuningi, banokuhlangenwe nakho okuningi kokuphila. Ngakho-ke, bona abantwana bazokwenza uhlelo oluhle lokuphila kwabo esikhathini esizayo. Ukubona esikoleni esikhethekile, bese esikhungweni esifanele, khetha umsebenzi ovamile owufanelekile. Futhi izingane ezingaphansi kobuholi bethu obungavumelekile zizovota "ngenxa" futhi zigijimele esikhathini esizayo esiqhakazile.
Konke lokhu, kuyiqiniso, kusungulwe ngobuqili. Kodwa esikhathini sethu, ngisho nabazali abaqaphele, izingane, ikakhulukazi abafana, bazama ngenkani ukukhetha hhayi uyise noma umama, kodwa ngendlela yabo. Baqiniseka ukuthi abazali emhlabeni wabo abaqondi lutho. Futhi-ke ingxabano ayinakugwemeka phakathi kwabo. Abafana bobabili banesihluku futhi benenkani uma bevikela inkululeko yabo. Yini-ke okufanele yenziwe?
Izingane zethu zidinga ukuzwelana futhi ziqonde ukuthi lezi zinkinga ziphakama ngenxa yezinto eziphilayo. I-testosterone ye-hormone inethonya elinamandla ekuziphatheni kwabafana. Futhi umthelela wayo ubangela abafana nganoma iyiphi intengo ukuba balwele ukunqoba, kubangele babe nobudlova. Kukhona ukuthambekela okujwayelekile ekuthuthukiseni kwamadodana ethu: imizamo yokuzibamba isisombululo sezinkinga zokuphila ezibucayi, isifiso sokuthatha izingozi, ukuthambekela kokubusa, kodwa bonke abafana bayakhula ngendlela yabo.
Ayikho indlela eyodwa yokuya kubafana abahlukene abanezinhlamvu ezahlukene. Kodwa, njengoba izazi ze-psychologists zithi, umzuzu obalulekile uthathwa njengesimo esinamandla futhi esifike ngesikhathi esivela kumama ekugcinweni kwengane kuya egunyeni likababa. Futhi ngokuvamile awufuni ukuvumela ukuhamba "ingane" encane ifakwe ngaphansi kwephiko lakho. Kodwa uma indodana isondelene kakhulu nonina ekukhuleni, ingathinta kakhulu isiphetho sayo kanye nokuphila.
Ngemva kokuzalwa kumama, umfana uthola konke - uthando, ukudla, ukuphepha. Ngalesi sikhathi, ubaba ubonakala engemuva. Kodwa kunombono wezazi ze-psychologists ukuthi uma ubaba engumnyaka wokuqala wokuphila kwengane esebenzisana nokukhuluma nendodana yakhe, khona-ke yenza umnikelo omuhle kakhulu esikhathini esizayo.
Izici zengqondo zendalo yengane eneminyaka engu-5 no-8 ziphoqa indodana yakhe ekukhulumeni okukhulu nakakhulu noyise. Ngakho-ke, uhlelo lokuthuthukiswa kwesilisa lendodana luyabonakala.
Lapho uneminyaka engu-10 ubudala, indodana ngokujwayelekile ingavele ibuze igunya lomama. Kule minyaka yobudala, lo mfana uqala "ukuba yinkani." Kunoma yiluphi udaba olungathí sina, oluhambisana nezicelo zomama, indodana ithatha isikhathi, iguga kancane, futhi ibaba ngaphandle kokusola futhi igcwalise ngokushesha. Kubalulekile ukuqonda futhi ngokucophelela ukucela kusuka kwengane lokho okudingekile, kodwa kungenjalo ukunyathela. Ngokuvamile ngenxa yalokhu, phakathi kwendodana nomama, izivikelo ziqala. Futhi lapha akudingeki ukhumbule mayelana nokusebenza kwengqondo - thina nje, besifazane, sinomhawu. Futhi lokhu kuziphatha kwendodana kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi uyise uyisikhathi sokuthatha isikhundla esiyinhloko ebuhlotsheni naye. Futhi isahlukaniso asinqamuli uyise wemfanelo. Ekuphileni kwendodana, ukubamba iqhaza kukababa kudingekile, njengento ebalulekile yokusebenza kwengqondo nengokwenyama kanye namandla akhe angaphakathi njengendoda ezayo. Kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi ubaba uthatha ingxenye enkulu ekukhuliseni indodana yakhe. Noma, ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, ungaxhuma umkhulu wakho lapha.
Umfana oneminyaka engu-10-13 uzwela kakhulu umbono kayise. Ngisho noma ubuhlobo babo bubukeka bubi (isibonelo, ngenxa yesehlukaniso), kodwa ngaphakathi enhliziyweni yakhe ulindele ukwamukelwa nguyise. Ukudumisa kukababa kwenza ingane yakhe ikwazi ukuzibheka futhi ibambe iqhaza lokuthi umfana wenza ukuzethemba okuvamile. Ngokwezengqondo zengqondo, eneminyaka engu-10-13, noma yikuphi ukugxekwa, ikakhulukazi kubaba, uma engahlali emndenini, noma yiziphi izitatimende ezimbi zikamama ekhelini likayise ezilimaza ingane.
Abazali kufanele babone ngesikhathi lapho indodana ikulungele ukushiya umhlaba womama bese ingena ezweni likayise, futhi uma ifaka isandla kulokhu, izokwenza ukuphila komntwana kanye naye. Khona-ke ungase uhlangane kaningi ukuziphatha okufutheka, isimo sengqondo esishintshayo, ukukhwabanisa. Nakuba, ngezinga elithile, lokhu kuzodingeka kubhekane nakho, futhi konke lokhu kufanele kube nakho.
Ngezinye izikhathi umfana akafuni ukuphuma ethonyeni lomama. Konke kuhamba kahle, isimo sibonakala sihle. Kodwa, njengoba kusungulwe, izinto zimbi kakhulu. Kunamadoda amaningi aneminyaka engama-40 anethonya elinomama. Indoda enjalo ayikwazi ukuhlukumeza kude nonina, ayikwazi ukufeza ukulungiswa kwayo kwesilisa, ayikwazi ukudala umndeni wayo, futhi iphila ngaphansi kwephiko likamama yonke impilo yakhe. Besifazane, cabanga ngekusasa lendodanakho, ungabi nobugovu.
Manje siyazi ukuthi yiziphi izinkinga ezingase ziphakame lapho zikhulisa amadodana. Mhlawumbe kudingeke uzikhumbule kaningi lapho useneminyaka eyishumi nambili, lapho ungase uzwe ukusekelwa kwabantu abaseduze, lapho uzizwe uzwile, futhi lezo zikhathi ezimangalisayo lapho uqondwa.