Kodwa kungani sithanda umuntu noma abanye abantu? Kungani laba bantu bevame ukubukeka ngendlela efanayo? Kungani isiphetho se-joker sidlulisela imidwebo efanayo ezindaweni ezihlukahlukene? Imfundiso? Kuphela nje kuphela lapho ukusesha izincazelo kungathathwa izazi zengqondo. Sebenzisa ngokunenzuzo amathiphu ethu awusizo mayelana nobuhlobo namadoda.
I-romance engapheli
Uke waphawula ukuthi bonke abalandeli bakho ngesikhathi esithile senkambiso bafana ngokufanayo? Ukubukela emuva futhi uqonde ukuthi isiphetho "bonke abalimi - (esikhundleni soma yiliphi igama elihlambalazayo)" lichazwe ngokungazi kahle kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, lapho ngenxa yeso sizathu ushiywe khona kuphela ngalawa bantu, okufanelekile ngamazwi amanga kuphela? Futhi abesifazane abakhetha wena njengabayimfihlo, ababukeka njengabanye, beqala nentombi yesinkulisa? Ngokubona okunjalo, ukucabanga okulukhuni kungase kuqale, okuvame ukuhlala ekupheleni kokufa, ngoba kungenjalo, kunokuthi "amahlaya okuphelelwa yisikhathi", akukwazi ukuchazwa nganoma iyiphi indlela. Kungani kunjalo, ukuthi sishushiswa ngenxa yokuphila "ngokungafani nalabo"?
Endabeni efana nomunye nomunye, umngane wami wangithanda, futhi wayemisa futhi ecabanga nje, waqaphela ukuthi empeleni bonke la madoda bamkhumbuza indoda eyayingenalo uthando ngaye isikhathi eside. Indaba yemizwa yakhe yayishadile, futhi akazange azibheke njengelungelo lokubhubhisa umndeni futhi wahluleka ukuthula. Kodwa kungani amadoda avela empilweni yakhe, ngubani owakhumbuza ngenkabaveli engakaze yenzeke? Ngeke yini kube okungengqondo kusuka ohlangothini lwesiphetho ukuphonsa ukuhlukahluka kusengaphambili? Amathiphu awusizo ekuhloliseni namadoda kuzokusiza ukuba uhlakulele amaqhinga alungile ukuze uthole ubudlelwane obuseduze.
Esikhathini sengqondo kukhona into eyaziwa kanjalo - "umphumela weZeigarnik" (emva kwegama lochwepheshe wezengqondo waseSoviet uBlumy Zeigarnik, owaqala ukuchaza). Izenzo ezingaqediwe zikhunjulwa kangcono kuneziqedile. Ngesikhathi esifanayo bangangena ngemuva kwesimo se-psyche, bangabonakali, kodwa kancane kancane bahlele umuntu ngendlela engazi ukuthi uyazibuza izimo eziphindaphinda ezingakapheli. Esikhathini sakho, kusobala ukuthi intombazane ayiqedanga ubuhlobo nomuntu obalulekile kuye, futhi uhlela isikhala esiseduze naye ukuze abantu bangene kulo okuzomsiza kuleso simo futhi ekugcineni bayigcine.
Indlela yokuhlela isikhala inembile kakhulu futhi ayibonakali njengeseluleko esiwusizo sobudlelwane namadoda. Lezi zibonelo, izibonakaliso ezingezona izisho, eziphinde zilandelwe abantu abazama ukusondela kithi, futhi ziba yisiqondiso kubo izenzo ezengeziwe: kungakhathaliseki ukuthi baqhubekele ukuxhumana, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi badlulele endaweni ephephile noma bapheleke ngokuphelele emkhunjini. Ebudlelwaneni bomuntu nowesifazane, "amadansa" anjalo andala kakhulu kangangokuthi ayaziwa ngokungalingani ngisho nabangenalwazi ezindabeni zokudlala ngothando. Kubukeka, ukuthinta okungenasici, ukuzwakala kwezwi - asazi ukuthi kulula kanjani ukutshela umuntu: "Phumbuza kimi!" Noma "Hamba, awamukelekile lapha"?
Futhi isiphetho, lapho sibhala khona ama-frills anjalo, kusukela endaweni yokubuka kwengqondo, yilokho thina ngokwethu esikukwenza ngayo. Abantu babonakala empilweni yethu kuphela uma sivuma kubo. Futhi ngendleleni, inani lezimangalo "ezingamanga" liphansi kakhulu kunalokho esikucabangayo. Lapha kukhona esinye isimo sengqondo - isithombe sezwe.
Noma kunjalo , sibona ukuthi kufaka kanjani, futhi awuboni ukuthi akuhambisani nayo. Noma mhlawumbe sithanda ukungazikhumbuli ukuzama kwethu ukusondela kwabanye abantu nakwezinye izimo kunokuphindaphinda kwethu okuthandekayo ngathi. Amathiphu awusizo ekusebenzelaneni namadoda azokusiza ukuba uhlangane nanoma yiziphi izimo ezivela.
Isimo esiphelele ngaso sonke isikhathi siphindaphindwa ngokoqobo, njengalesi sibonelo kusukela ekuqaleni kwalesi sihloko. Ngezinye izikhathi siyidlulisela kolunye ubudlelwane ngokuvumelana nokufana. U-Natalia Kravchenko wangitshela indaba yentombazane ephindaphindiwe ephindaphinda iphethini efanayo ekuxhumaneni namadoda: bahlangana izinyanga ezimbalwa bese behlukana, kanti le ntombazane yayinesiqiniseko sokuthi leli phutha lalibangelwa iphutha lakhe, ukuthi wenza okuthile okwasusa umlingani. Icala elaqala inqubo yalokhu "egijima nxazonke embuthanweni" - ukufa kukayise, kwenzeka lapho heroine yethu isencane. Ukulahlekelwa kwakhe kwaze kwaba yinto embi kakhulu kangangokuba intombazane ayikwazanga ukuqonda imizwa yakhe futhi isuka ekufeni kwayo umuntu obiza kakhulu. Waphoqeleka ukuba alahlekelwe ngokuphindaphindiwe umcimbi ofanayo wokuhlukaniswa okudingekayo kuye.
Iya ekupheleni
Kusukela "umphumela we-Zeigarnik" kulandela ukuthi sikhumbula isenzo esingapheli njengendaba ethile, esizoyibuyisela emuva emva kwalokho. Uma samukela lesi sizathu, kuvela ukuthi i-psyche yethu ayiqapheli nhlobo-konke kufanele kufike ekugcineni okunengqondo, ngokushesha noma kamuva.
Ngendlela, ngesifiso se-psyche ukungashiyi ibhizinisi elingapheli, isiqondiso esithandwayo se-psychotherapeutic - Gestalt therapy - sikhule. Okushoyo ukukwamukela nokuqaphela imizwa yomuntu siqu, bese uthola indlela yokuvala lesi simo, uma kungenjalo ngokoqobo, bese ukhuluma ngokuvumelana. Ukwelashwa okulandelanayo (okuvela egameni elithi "ukulandisa" - okulandayo) kanye ne-psychodrama ngokuhlanganyela bakhonza izidingo ezifanayo.
Kukhona amathiphu amaningana awusizo ekuhloliseni namadoda, ukuthi ungaphambukeli kanjani impilo yakho kwifilimu "Usuku lwe-Groundhog" - uma kunokwenzeka ukuthi bukhoma umuzwa, noma yikuphi ubuhlobo kuze kube sekugcineni, kuze kube sekugcineni. Kodwa akulula kakhulu. Noma yikuphi ukuzwa okuyinkimbinkimbi ekuthuthukisweni kwayo kudlula ngezigaba eziningana, futhi kulula ukunamathela kumaphaphu ngamunye. Yisho ukuthi usizi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ushonile othandekayo noma ukuhlukaniswa nomuntu othandekayo, luqala ukwethuka okuyinhloko ngokuphika ("lokhu akunakwenzeka," "lokhu ngeke kwenzeke kimi"), umuzwa wentukuthelo ("ungangishiya kanjani? ! "), Ukuzithoba (" ngiyakwazi ukulungisa konke "," nguwe ozolahlwa ngokufa kwakhe ") ekucindezelekeni okungaphezu kwalokho okungekho isikhathi eside futhi, ekugcineni, ukuthatha ukulahleka ngokubonakala kokudabuka okukhanyayo nokukhanya. IJam kunoma yisiphi isigaba sinenkinga enkulu yengqondo, ngisho nangokwenyama.
Kungani singazivumeli ukuba sidlule ngaphesheya kwesigaba esithile sokuzwa intuthuko? Esinye sezizathu ukuthi asizivumeli ukuzwa lokhu noma leyo mizwelo, njengoba abazali bethu bengasivumeli ukuba sikwenze. Khumbula: "Intombazane enhle akufanele ithukuthelele unina!"; "Ungabuki, wonke umuntu uyakubheka!"; "Intukuthelo umuzwa omubi!" Yile ndlela esenza ngayo umbono wokuthi kukhona imizwa "emihle" futhi "embi", futhi sizama ukungavivinyi lokhu ukuze singacasuli abazali bethu. Ngokuqondile, asiqapheli umuntu ovele wazizwa "into engafanele" ngokuzumayo.
Umzwelo ongawutholi umkhiqizo ubizwa ngokuthi "emathinini", futhi amandla awo alindile abe yiphethiloli lapho isimo sezinto eziphindaphindiwe sisebenza, ngokuphindaphindiwe kusishukumisela ukuba sikhulule umuzwa wangaphandle futhi "sizungeze" umlando wethu, noma kunalokho, njalo, okuhlukile, ukufaka esikhundleni esiyimbangela yangempela .
Yiqiniso, isidingo sokuveza imizwa yakho akusho neze ukuthi singabonakalisa obala, sithi, intukuthelo noma inzondo emphakathini. Kodwa, okungenani, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi khona kwale mizwelo phakathi kwakho nabanye, futhi ukwazi ukukhuluma ngabo. Kubazali - ukuba "ukungafaneleki" imizwa yengane ukuthi ingasabeleli ngokuvinjelwa nezijeziso, kodwa ngento ethi: "Awu, uthukuthele, futhi unelungelo kuwo. Mhlawumbe, futhi ngizobe ngithukuthele endaweni yakho.
Ake sicabange ndawonye mayelana namathiphu awusizo wokusebenzisana namadoda, futhi yini engenziwa ukuze ungabi kubi manje. " Futhi ungesabi izingxabano ezingenzeka - zikhiqiza kakhulu futhi zidingekile ubuhlobo. "Uma bethi kimi:" Asikaze siphikisana emndenini wethu! "- Ngesaba ngokushesha: kungakanani emndenini onjalo kufanele kube nezinkinga ezifihliwe, imibuzo engaphenduliwe, ubudlelwane obucacile, imizwa engafaneleki, ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ukuhlala kulo mndeni, khona-ke omunye wamalungu omndeni unesifo somzimba, isib., somatic (noma kunalokho psychosomatic).