Ukuze sihlolisise futhi sihlaziye izici zengqondo zomama nentombazane yentsha, siqale sihlaziye ngamunye wabo ngokwehlukana, bese sizogxila ekusebenzisaneni kwabo. Okokuqala, sihlaziya izici ezingokwengqondo zentsha eneminyaka engu-12-15, kufaka phakathi ukunakekelwa kokuziphatha esikhathini esinjalo samantombazane, sizobona ukuthi ukuzethemba kwabo, umqondo wokuphila, ukuziphatha nokuguquka kwengqondo.
Iyini inkathi yokuguquka? Sonke siyazi ukuthi lesi yisikhathi socingo okuthiwa "gxuma kusukela ebuntwaneni kuze kube umuntu omdala," futhi angeke kube okufanayo kubantu abahlukene. Kodwa ngalesi sikhathi akukhona kuphela ukuvuthwa kocansi, izinguquko zomzimba emzimbeni, kodwa futhi nokuguqulwa kwengqondo nokuhlalisana komphakathi.
Uma ulandela uFreud, ubuntu bomuntu buhlukaniswe izingxenye ezintathu: Mina, yona, ne-super-I. Kuyinto engazi lutho kwengqondo yethu, yonke imvelo, lokho esikufana nesilwane, i-super-mina, futhi ngokuphambene nalokho, unembeza wethu nezimiso zokuziphatha, yini esishukumisela ukuba senze izinto ezinhle. Nginguye umlamuleli, ubuso bethu beqiniso, okuhlale kuthintwa ngabanye. Isici esikhethekile sobusha ukubunjwa kwe "I" yangaphakathi, ukuhlonza isithombe esisha. Intombazane ifuna ukuzithola, ukwazi kangcono amakhono akhe nobuntu bakhe, ukuba anqume kuleli zwe. Kulokhu nokufuna iqiniso, ngokuvamile izahlulelo zamanga mayelana nalokho okukuzungezile, maximalism.
Intsha evame ukuvama ukushintsha ukuziphatha kwabo - kusukela kumuntu omdala kakhulu, ukuqonda nokulungisa, ukuya kwengane, ukuguqula isimo sengqondo kusuka ekuziphenduleleni kuya ekucindezelekeni, ukushintsha ukuthanda kwabo nokuthandayo, ngokusho, ukuzibheka. Ngokuvamile intsha ikhethela igunya elivela ezinkanyezini, abangani, abazali, ikakhulukazi isithombe - esidala kakhulu futhi esihlakaniphile, ukuziphatha kwakhe kungokwemvelo, okuthakazelisayo kumuntu osemusha. Ngaphandle komuntu ozinzile, owenziwe kahle, intsha idala isampula ngokwabo futhi iguqule ukuziphatha kwayo, ithoni yezwi, isenzo nesimo sobuso. Ngokuvamile, lezi zinqubo zenzeka ngokungaqondakali.
Futhi isici sesici sizoba ukwamukelwa okuphezulu, maximalism, isifiso sokuphuma, ukubonakalisa kakade sekuzenzeke, okutholakala kwentsha evuthiwe. Kuyinto evamile ukuba bavikele imibono yabo, hhayi ukunikeza ubandlululo lwabo futhi bavame ukusho lokhu, begcizelela ukubaluleka kwabo.
Yingakho intsha ivame ukubhekana nezinkinga zokuzihlonipha phakathi nalesi sikhathi, kaningi-phansi. Bajwayele ukugqwetha konke, kuhlanganise nokuhluleka kwabo, ukwahlulela ngokubonakala kwabo kanye nezici zabo ezingabonakali ngokwabo, kodwa ngokubona komphakathi. Ukuzigxeka nokungabikho kwemibono yomuntu siqu kungumlinganiso ikakhulukazi wamantombazane, njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi akhathazeke ngokubukeka kwawo.
Isici esihlabayo samantombazane asencane siyoba nesifiso sokuzimela, isifiso sokuqeda ukugcinwa kwabazali, ukuzikhulula ekulawuleni ingxenye yabo. Ngokufanayo, amantombazane aqhubeka ezama ukudala, ngenkathi enengxabano yamanga ngakho. Ukubhema, imimoya yokuphuza, izimonyo eziningi, izingubo ezindala, ukuchitha imali, oxhumana nabo ngokocansi - yilokho abakwenzayo ukuze babukeke bekhulile. Kubo, isifiso sokuba umuntu omdala sibonakala sinzima kakhulu, ngoba abantu abadala bayabonakala njengabantu abanikezwa amandla nokuvunywa.
Esinye sezici eziphawuleka kakhulu ukuhlukunyezwa okuveziwe, izinga eliphezulu lokuzijabulisa. Ekubonakalweni kobudlova, intsha ingafunda kubazali bayo bese uyikopisha ezingeni eliphansi. Uma abazali bevame ukuphikisana nengane, ukuxazulula izingxabano ngokucindezela, igunya kanye nokuhlukunyezwa, ngokushesha ingane izothola uhlobo olufanayo lokuziphatha. Ukukhwabanisa, ukuguquka okubukhali kumlingiswa, isifiso sokuba umuntu omdala kanye nokungathí sina kuyisici samantombazane asebasha, ngakho-ke, bahlale benenkinga nomama wabo.
Uma sikhuluma ngesimo sengqondo somama phakathi nalesi sikhathi, konke kuxhomeke ebuhlotsheni bakhe kumntwana, uhlobo lomlingiswa wakhe, ikhono lokubhekana nobunzima nezinkinga. Kwabaningi omama, ukukhathazeka ukuthi ingane yakhe, intombazane, evela kuthenda nephrinta encane iphendukela komunye umuntu. Futhi nakuba abazali abaningi bezazi izinto eziphawulekayo zenkathi yokuguquka, kusadingeka ukuba bagcine isimo esinjalo. Ngokuvamile, abazali basebenzisa izinyathelo ezingalungile zokukhulisa, bajezise izingane ngalokho abanikezwa ngokwemvelo, babonise umqondo wecala. Lokhu kuziphatha kungenangqondo futhi kungabangela ubunzima obungokwengqondo kwengane.
Ubuqili bobudlelwane bomama nabantwana kule nkathi ukuphikisana kwemibono ehlukene mayelana nesikhala esiseduze kwengqondo. Umama ufuna ukwazi okwengeziwe ngomntwana, ukuba asondelane naye, lapho intombazane imxosha emkhawulweni wakhe osondelene wengqondo futhi ivala ngaphakathi kwayo.
Izici zengqondo zomama nentombazane ziphikisana kakhulu, kodwa ungakwazi ukubhekana nazo. Qaphela intuthuko yengane yakho, mdumise, imsize ukuba asinde ubunzima bebuntfwana, kepha ungagunyazwa - ake akucele usizo, kodwa kumele azi ukuthi ungakwazi ukuthembela njalo kuwe futhi uthole usizo oludingekile, oluqotho. Uchitha isikhathi esiningi ndawonye, ubukela amabhayisikobho, uhambe, uphumule ngaphandle kwendlu, unike ingane izinhlelo ezahlukene zamasiko. Qaphela ukuthi wayehlale ezwa ukubaluleka nokubaluleka kwakhe, okuyingqayizivele nokuzikhethela.