Njengoba imiphumela yabachwepheshe be-psychologists, amadoda ahlukumeza abesifazane abathandekayo ngokusola njalo, abathanda ngempela. Kanjalo izwi esazi ukuthi liyiqiniso ngempela? Ngenxa yocwaningo ekuhloleni kwamadoda kutholakale ukuthi amadoda ahlukanisa omkawo, abe nomona kuze kube yilapho eshaywa, ngemuva kokushada futhi engabi nomhawu ngabafazi bawo abasha. Kuvela ukuthi amadoda awaba nomhawu ngabafazi bawo abasha, ngoba bakhetha labo besifazane ababengazizwa bazizwa bejulile futhi bangashisi ngothando. Ngemuva kwesahlukaniso sokuqala, bathembela ebuhlotsheni obudlule futhi bazama ukukhetha abesifazane ababengenasithakazelo kakhulu futhi bengathandeki nakakhulu. Ngokusekelwe ekuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kwangaphambilini, babesazi ukuthi ngeke bakwazi ukusola abesifazane abanjalo bokungathembeki.
Kodwa uma inkinga yomhawu ohlala njalo ixazululwe kalula. Ngokuvamile, uthando phakathi kwendoda enomhawu nomfazi ubamba i-pair ndawonye iminyaka eminingi. Indoda ingakwazi ukuhlukumeza owesifazane othandekayo iminyaka eminingi futhi ebuza imibuzo. Lo mkhathi, obusa ngenxa yezihlazo nokungazethembi njalo, kuphela okulimaza lo mbhangqwana.
Kuvele ukuthi lawo madoda ahlale ehlukumeza omkawo ngesikhwele, aphila iminyaka eyishumi kuya kwemi-15 engaphansi kwamadoda ajwayelekile abesolisayo. Amadoda abanobugovu abhekana nezinkinga zempilo kanye nesifo somfutho wegazi futhi baphila iminyaka engaba ngu-60. Futhi abesifazane abahlala nabantu abanomhawu, iminyaka eminingi, bahlushwa yizinzwa ne-psychosomatic disorders.
Intukuthelo kuqala futhi ngokuyinhloko ukungavikeleki komuntu. Kubantu abanomhawu kubonakala sengathi abahle kakhulu kumfazi wabo othandekayo, njengoba enhle kakhulu, enenhlalakahle futhi unabangane abaningi nabathandekayo. Kubantu abanomhawu njalo kubonakala sengathi owesifazane wabo angathola enye indoda ngaphandle komzamo. Kukhona umcimbi owodwa wokuphila engizokutshela ngakho manje. Le ndoda yayimhawukela umkakhe kangangokuthi akazange amvumele ukuba aye ukuyothenga yedwa, futhi waya emzini kuphela nomshayeli. Endlini yabo, babe nabangane abambalwa nabambalwa, futhi ngenxa yalokho, umkakhe nomyeni wakhe kuphela baxhumana. Owesifazane wawela ekucindezelekeni okunzima kangangokuthi lo mbhangqwana udinga okungaphezu konyaka we-psychotherapy. Kwabambhangqwana bakho abazange baye kulesi sigaba, kungcono ukubhekana nezinkinga zomhawu esiteji sokuqala.
Indlela yokufundisa kabusha umuntu ohlale ekhwele ngawe?
1. Ungalali ukuxhumana nabangani bakho. Uma umuntu wakho onomhawu engavunyelwe ku-cafe nabangani, bamema abangani bakho ekhaya. Qiniseka ukuthi kunabesifazane abaningi enkampanini yakho. Khuluma nabangani bakho bese ubacela ukuba babonge umndeni wakho idyll phambi kwendoda yakho. Amadoda abe nesibindi ayaqiniseka ngokwengeziwe lapho ezwa ukunakwa kwabanye besifazane.
2. Ukubeka umuntu wakho endaweni, qala ukuzihawukela. Menze azihawukele yena ngokwakhe.
3. Phakamisa. Vumela abangani bakho ukuba bayishayele njalo, futhi umakhelwane wakho uzokushayela emnyango. Tshela indoda yakho ukuthi ngeke uhlale ezindongeni ezine nomuntu onomhawu. Emva kwalezi zitatimende, lo muntu uzokuzama ukunqoba futhi, ngoba wesaba ukulahlekelwa nguwe. Emva kwalokho, uzokwazi ukuveza indoda yakho enomhawu esimweni sokuthi uyeka ukuhlukumeza ngezinsolo eziyimpumputhe.
4. Ukusikisela kumuntu wakho ukuthi amadoda anesibindi akahawukeli nokuthi njalo ufuna umuntu osondelene nawe ukuthi aqiniseke. Futhi ungatshela ukuthi intombazane yakho yayinomuntu onomhawu nokuthi inqume ukuthi uma umuntu engaqiniseki yena, akafanelekile ukunakwa futhi wamshiya.
5. Zama ukuhumusha umhawu wakhe ube yihlaya. Masizwe ukuthi lokhu kuyisiphukuphuku futhi kuyamangalisa.
Ukufundisa kabusha umuntu onomhawu njalo akulula futhi kuthatha isikhathi esiningi. Kodwa kungcono ukuqala lokhu ngesikhathi kunokuletha ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo.