Lolu hlelo lungenziwa emshinini, okuyiphepha elihlanzekile. Ngomuntu lokhu akunakwenzeka, ngoba ngisho nezinsana zinezakhiwo zangasese ezihlukanisa nabanye abantu: isakhiwo se-psyche, izici zezempilo, izici. Ososayensi baseCanada baye bafunda amaphuzu angaphezu kuka-100 amawele afanayo futhi babonisa inani elikhulu lokungafani ngo-85%, nakuba, kubonakala sengathi lezi zingane kufanele zibukeke njengamaconsi amabili amanzi. I-psychoanalyst owaziwa kakhulu uStanislav Grof wayekholelwa ukuthi ukuphila kwe-intrauterine, ukubeletha kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kokuqala kokuphila "komhlaba" kwakuyisisekelo somuntu womuntu: ikhono lakhe lokubhekana nobunzima, ukuzethemba emhlabeni, ukuthemba noma ukungazethemba. Yingakho i-psychology yesimanje yesintu ikholelwa ukuthi izinhlelo kumele zibe ngabanye. Futhi umsebenzi wabazali ngowokuqala ukuqonda ingane, izintshisekelo zakhe kanye nokuthambekela kwayo kuphela emva kwalokho lokho kunikezela ukuzimisela ngokomzwelo empumelelweni. Uma kungenjalo, lolu hlelo lungase lungabambeli noma lulimaze ingane.
IZIPHUMA ESENZENZENI
Ezingeni elidumile, ukudweba ama-analog nezinganekwane, isazi sezengqondo esaziwayo u-Eric Berne utshele umhlaba mayelana nezinhlelo zabazali. Encwadini yakhe ethi "Abantu abadlala imidlalo," wabonisa ukuthi isimo somuntu senziwa kanjani. Ngokusho kwakhe, abaningi baphishekela ngokucophelela uhlelo lokuphila lwabakhokho babo noma "olwakhiwe" kulolu hlobo lombhalo. Ukungahambi kahle ngale ndlela yokuphila uBern bakholelwa ukuthi abantu banenkinga yangaphakathi. Wabona insindiso ekuguleni kwengqondo, okuzosiza umuntu ukuba aziqonde lokho azifunayo yena. UBern wayekholelwa ukuthi abazali abaningi abaphazamisi ukululekwa kwengqondo, ngoba, lapho behlala emathunzini omlando wabo, ngeke bavumele ukukhulisa ingane yabo ngempumelelo futhi bamnike waba umdali wokuphila kwakhe.
Uhlelo lwesibili oluvamile lwephutha lochwepheshe bezingqondo bekholelwa ukuthi isifiso sabazali sokufundisa ingane ngokuphambene: mnike into abazali abangenayo ngokwanele lapho bengane, noma bangenzi lokho okukhathazayo. Uma kungumbuzo wokwenqaba okubi okunjalo njengokushaywa noma ukuphuza utshwala, isinqumo sinembile ngempela. Kodwa uma kuziwa ku: "Angizange ngifunde isiNgisi, futhi impilo yami ayizange iphumelele, ngakho-ke kufanele uyenze" noma: "Angivunyelwe ukuya emidlalweni, futhi nakanjani uzokwenza", khona-ke lokhu kungaholela emiphumeleni edabukisayo. Izazi zengqondo zithi lokho okuhlangenwe nakho okungalungile kusifundisa ukuthi singakufaneleki, kodwa akusizi ukuthi kufanele kwenziwe kanjani. Njengoba uMikhail Zhvanetsky uphinde wathi: "... ngokujwayelekile, impilo yami, ndodana yami, ayizange iphumelele, into kuphela enginakho yokuphila, futhi yilokho engifuna ukukutshela ..." Ngakho-ke ukuzama ukufundisa kusukela ebugqila obubi ingane engaphansi kwanoma yiziphi izimo zokuphila.
Inkinga yesithathu yohlelo lwabazali ukunamathela ngokungenandaba eziphathimandla. Isikole sidinga - thobela. Ugogo uyesaba - yenza. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abangama-70-80% abantu abaphumelelayo babeyizihlubuki ezingenakubekezelelwa lapho beyingane. Futhi izilwane ezifuywayo ezikoleni zivame ukutshala ngezikhundla ezijwayelekile futhi zikhononda ngokucindezeleka. Njengengane encane yasePetrosian: "I-troika inendawo yokuhlala nemoto, isisebenzi esihle kakhulu sinomkhono, izibuko nemali yegolide yokuphothula iziqu." Futhi iphuzu lapha akusilo ukuthi kuyingozi ukutadisha. Ingane nje esenqatshelwe intando yakhe, iyanqatshwa ukuzimela nokubukhali - empilweni yabantu abadala, inenkinga enkulu.
Njengoba ubona, amaphutha amakhulu okuhlela komzali ukuthi ingane ifuna ngokuzithandela noma ngokungazihlanganisi kunoma yiluphi uhlelo ngaphandle kokubheka izinto ezithandayo. Ngalezi zithiyo kuphela abalandeli beqiniso abenza indlela yabo, futhi ngisho nangokulahlekelwa ngokuzihlonipha noma impilo. Ake sihlele izingane, ngakho-ke.
QONDISA OKUTHI UKUTHI
Okokuqala, izazi zengqondo zeluleka ukuqonda izithakazelo nokuthambekela kwengane. Futhi yenza okungcono ngosizo lochwepheshe, ngoba abazali ngokwabo eshaweni sebevele babona indodana noma indodakazi njengomdlali, ummeli, umculi ... Uma ingane yakho isanda esikoleni noma isenkulisa, isheshe kakhulu ukukhuluma ngendlela ongayikhulisa ngayo ingane yakho impumelelo. Ungakhetha kuphela isiqondiso somsebenzi osithakazelisayo kumntwana. Yini okudingeka uyibukele ngokuqinisekile?
- Yimiphi imisebenzi ingane engenayo? Ngokuvamile ngisho nabasenkulisa babonisa ukuthambekela kwabo ngokucacile. Ungabona izithakazelo ezinjalo: ukubola nokuhlunga; hlela imidlalo; ukwakha ukwakha; sebenzisa ... Qaphela: ukubhala kubaculi bazo zonke izithandwa zokudweba kungakabi isikhathi. Bheka ukuthi impela ingane ibonisani. Ukudala ngokuvamile kuyindlela nje yokwenza imizwelo.
"Ngeke akwenzele noma yini?" Ungalokothi unqatshelwe ukufundwa noma ukudlala imidlalo ngobuvila. Thola incwadi ezithakazelisayo yengane yakho, umdlalo ofanelekayo (kunezingane ezingenakukwazi uhlobo oluthile lweqembu noma izinhlobo ezithile, lokhu kuyinto evamile).
Isazi sezengqondo sizosiza ngokunembile ukubuka kwakho, futhi uhlanganise nabo ngosizo lwamasu akhethekile. Qala ukuthuthukisa enganeni ngokuqondile lokho akuthandayo. Ungesabi ukuthi uzodla uvila uma engaphumeleli ekwenzeni lokho engakwenzi. Kulukhuni ukuba uchwepheshe emkhakheni we "alien", kungani uchithe amandla ebalulekile kuwo?
Ukuthuthukisa amakhono wengane akusikho ukumsusa eminye imisebenzi. Isibonelo, umfana ofanelekayo we-chess usazodinga ukuya esikoleni futhi ahlanganyele emidlalweni yemidlalo. Mane nje unike ingane ithuba lokukhetha futhi azame ukugcina intshiseko yakhe ngokuziphatha nangokwezimali ngangokunokwenzeka: Thenga futhi ufunde izincwadi ndawonye ngesihloko oyintandokazi, vakashela iminyuziyamu, uye emidlalweni yemidlalo. "Umthelela ohlangothini" wokuthuthukiswa okuhlosiwe kuyoba ukuqonda kwakho okubili.
VELA UKUFAKA OKUHLE
Izazi zengqondo zisebenza okuningi nabazali bazo ukuze zibafundise ukulandela inkulumo yabo. Yikuphi kithi ongazange aphule ezinhliziyweni zethu: "Kungani ungaqondi lutho?" Noma "Awukwazi ukwenza lutho!" Amapolisi abonisa ukuthi abantu abangu-90% bazizwa bengalondekile ngamakhono abo ngokuqondile ngenxa yesimo sengqondo esinjalo. I-Psychoanalyst ithi abaningi balahlekile banakho "ibinzana elibalulekile", abazali abafaka ngalo engqondweni, futhi licindezela abantu uma kudingeka benze isinqumo.
Funda ukuthi "uzibambe" ngaphambi kokuba isimo sengqondo esibi siphume ngolimi, futhi ... utshele ingane ukuthi ucabangani, ngokuthula, ngosizo lokuthi "Ngingumyalezo": "Ngesaba ukuthi ngeke ukwazi ukwenza, ngoba nami kabili baphonsa lesi sigaba ngakho-ke abazange bafunde lutho. " Leli fomu elithi "Ngicabanga ukuthi nginovalo" kubonakala njengolwazi ngawe, hhayi uhlelo lomntwana - kubalulekile. Nciphisa imiyalelo nge-"hhayi" inhlayiya. Zifundise esikhundleni sokuthi "ungafaki izinwele" ukuthi "uziphathe ngokuzithoba." Ochwepheshe be-NLP bathi ngamacala angu-95%, izingane azizwa "cha" futhi aziqondi uhlelo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isibonakaliso esithi "okufanele ukwenze" sihlale sicacile kunalokho "okungafanele ukwenze."
KHULUMA NINGANE ENZIMINI EZINYE
I-NLP nezinye izingxenye zolwazi lomuntu ziphikisa ukuthi abantu baneziteshi ezinamandla nezibuthakathaka zokuthola ulwazi. Kulula ukuthi othile aqonde ukulungiselelwa ngendlela yokuphikisa ngomlomo. Omunye uthanda isibonelo esibucayi esingokomzwelo. Ezinye izingane zithola ulwazi kuphela kusukela ekuhlangenwe nakho okuzizwayo. Buka ingane: ukhuluma naye ngezilimi ezahlukene? Isibonelo esiyisibonelo siyi-anecdote enjalo: "Mama:" Ndodana, vuka, ngiyakholwa kuwe! "INdodana:" Mama, kholwa into engekho. " Futhi ngiyaphila. "Umama wasebenza ngokuzizwa, futhi ingane enengqondo." Wayengathi: "Ulungiselele kahle umncintiswano, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi uzowina."
Ingane izama kanjani ukuthola lutho kuwe? I-Caresses, iqinisekisa, ithinta imizwelo. Zama ukwamukela "ulimi" lwakhe. Ingane engokomzwelo ngemibala idweba ukuthi bonke bayothandwa kanjani. I-Logic ichaza izimbangela nemiphumela yokuziphatha kwakhe futhi uphendule okungapheli "ngani?" futhi "futhi uma?". Nika ingane esebenzayo "uzizwe" umphumela wemizamo, sebenza naye. Isixazululo "inkinga yolimi" yindlela yokuphumelela.
THOLA Isibonelo
Ngisho noma ngabe uthola ukuthi wena nomntanakho unentshisekelo ephikisana kakhulu nezinhlobonhlobo "zezilimi", lokhu akusho ukuthi awukwazi ukukhulisa ingane yakho ngempumelelo. I-psychoanalyst odumile uFrançoise Dolto wabhala encwadini yakhe ethi "Ngakolunye uhlangothi lomntwana": "Into engcono kakhulu abazali abangayenzela indodana noma indodakazi ukukhombisa ukuthi bayajabula kakhulu." Ngakho impumelelo yomuntu siqu yabazali nabantu abasondelene kakhulu inikeza ingane inkolelo yokuthi impumelelo kungenzeka. Sicela ujabule!
INDLELA EYENZEKWA NGAYO NGAPHAMBILI
Esinye sezilimi ezidala kunazo zonke zokuhlela izinhlelo. Zonke izizwe zazinomkhuba okhethekile ozinikezelwe ekuzalweni kwengane nokungena kwakhe ekukhuleni. Abantu abakufanele baphile ezimweni ezinzima babehlukanisa njalo umama nengane esanda kuzalwa, ngesikhathi omama bephoqeleka ukuveza i-colostrum. Ngakho izingane zahlelwa ukuba zingathembeki emhlabeni futhi zanda ukwanda. Amasiko afanayo anqunywe emazweni angama-cannibal, amaNdiya asezintabeni namazwe angaphandle. Abanye abantu baseYurophu nabaseMpumalanga babenesiko: bekani ezintweni zezingane ezifanekisela imisebenzi ehlukene, futhi nimnike "akhethe." Kusobala ukuthi ukukhetha imvuthuluka kwakungavamile, kodwa emva kwalesi siko, abazali baqala ukucabanga ngendlela yokuhlakulela indlela ephumelelayo yokuphila enganeni yabo. Kwaqala ngeminyaka encane yokuhlela ohlelweni "olukhethiwe". Le ndoda yamukela lokhu ngokungavumelani - umkhosi wawuyingxenye yenkambiso. Imikhosi yokuqalwa yenziwa ngezizwe ezahlukene ngezindlela ezahlukene. Isibonelo, amaNdiya amanengi atjhidisa le nsizwa ngemuthi. Amaphuzu abawabonayo futhi abuyisa i-shaman banikeza umbono wezwe labo langaphakathi. U-Shaman wakhetha igama lendodana esekelwe ezindabeni ezinjalo - lokhu yisibonelo esicacile somzamo wokuthola umuntu ngamunye indawo efanele emphakathini. Ezinye izizwe zase-Afrika zazifuna ukungazi lutho ezinsizweni nasezintombi, ezibangela ukuhlupheka ngokomzimba. Kulo mhlaba banikezwa ukufakwa ukuze bathembele entandweni yemimoya (funda - i-shaman). Ngakho abantu babehlelwe ukulalela.