Abakhe nabanye
Ucwaningo lwezingane oluqhutshelwa kwesinye sezikole zaseMoscow lubonisa ukuthi abaningi abahlala nabazali babo besifazane bakhulume nabo kangcono kunelabo abagcwele nomndeni. Futhi ama-20% wezingane abonise isifiso sokuthi omama bazo ngeke badonsele ngehlukaniso futhi bazithole "omunye umuntu", ngoba bekhathele ukuxabana njalo nezinyembezi. Kodwa naphezu kwephesenti lezingane ezingenelisekile ezifuna ukubuyisela konke emuva, zihlala nobaba wazo futhi zingalaleli kubazali bazo igama elithi "isehlukaniso." Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi labo abatholile ubaba omusha ngaphambi kweminyaka emithathu, bamthole ngobuqotho ukuthi uzalwa, ngisho noma bekhuluma nobaba wangempela wegazi. Lezi zingane mhlawumbe zithandwa kakhulu, ngoba "ukuguqulwa komlindi" kwenzeka ngesikhathi esinjalo lapho inkumbulo igcina izithakazelo zezingane futhi isusa konke okubi, uma kunjalo. Ngamane nje, bakhohlwa ingane yabo, indoda eyashada nonina, kubo kukhona kokubili ebuntwaneni kanye nentsha, futhi uma unenhlanhla, nentsha. Izingane ezindala, zizokhumbula ukuhlelwa kabusha kwemindeni, futhi kuxhomeke kubantu abadala kuphela ukuthi kuzoba buhlungu kanjani ukushintshwa komunye upapa kuya kwesinye. Leli qembu lezingane ezisuka kulesithathu kuya kweyisikhombisa livikelekile kakhulu futhi, ngokusho kochwepheshe, abasengozini kakhulu.
Ubaba uhlukile
Izazi zengqondo zithi ukufika emndenini welungu elisha - ngoba ingane ihlale icindezelayo. Ubaba omdala onomzali omusha uhlobene kuphela kwezocansi (njengomthetho). Ngokuvamile umama ufuna umuntu omusha ekhoneni lomdala: umuntu ohluke ngokuphelele uvela emndenini, okuphambene ngqo nalokho okukhona. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umama angashintsha kakhulu: wayevame ukuthatha uhlangothi lwengane kuyo yonke inhlanzi yokufundisa. Uma ethatha umyeni wakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi abazange bahlukanise (amaphesenti amakhulu okuhlukanisa kwenzeka ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane ngenxa yemibono ehlukene ekukhuliseni kwakhe). Umama manje usehlangothini lomyeni omusha. Ngisho noma engakhulumi ngokuzwakalayo, ucabanga into enjengale: "Wangithatha ngendodana engaqondakali, kunzima kuye, akudingeki ukuba angasetshenziswanga nje kuphela le ngane, kodwa futhi ukuze angiqinisekise mina nabazali bami ukuthi akabi nakakhulu kunomyeni wakhe wangaphambili. Futhi ngeke agxeke ongewona ingane. " Futhi umama uyamukela ohlangothini lomlingani omusha, ngokuvamile ehluleka kwengane engenacala yimuphi, akahlanganyeli ekwakhiweni kwamapapa amasha, futhi akazange avume ukuhlala komalume womunye endlini. Izazi zengqondo zithi izingane ezinjalo "ziya phakathi kwazo", ziqala izinkinga zokuziphatha, ezingahle zilungiswe ochwepheshe kuphela. Futhi lokhu kuyaqondakala: baphuma emlilweni nasemlilweni, kusukela ekuxabaneni okuphakade phakathi kukaMama nobaba "ekukhawuleni" kukaMama nomalume omusha, okumele alalelwe. Kodwa, ngenhlanhla, iphesenti lobuhlobo obuyinkimbinkimbi ne "papa omusha" lincane futhi libalula isabelo "semindeni ehluphekile", lapho izinga eliphansi lemasiko kanye nokuchuma okuphansi akuphikisi ukunethezeka kwalesi simo. Ngokuvamile ugogo nomkhulu bazisiza, ababeletha umzukulu wabo okwesikhashana futhi banikeze unina ukuba asebenze ngokuthula ngokuphila kwakhe. Lokhu akulona iqiniso elihle, kodwa kuyindlela enhle kakhulu.
Futhi impi engunaphakade
Izingane ezindala, ezamehlo zomndeni ezikhulunywe ngaye ngenhla, zikwazi ukuziphatha kabi. Futhi lokhu kubangela usongo oluthile emshadweni womama ophindaphindiwe. Ikakhulukazi uma ingane ingalungile ngobaba futhi ayifuni izinguquko. Ochwepheshe bathi ngenxa yokwenqaba umama omusha, ezimweni ezingu-20 kumuntu lo muntu akajwayele ukujwayele umndeni omusha futhi uyashiya ngonyaka wokuqala wokuhlala ndawonye. "Impi" enomntwana oneminyaka engu-9-10 ezimweni eziningi iphela ekunqobeni ingane ngokuphelele. Empeleni angabuyisela "ukukhashelwa" kukaMama. Yile ndlela abanye abantwana abaxoxwa ngayo baqonde indima yabo ekuzameni ukuhlukanisa nalabo ababevame ukuwabona ekhaya ebusuku nokuthi ngubani owachitha amaholide abo. Ngisho noma bekuvame ukuxabana endlini, kanti noma ngabe ubaba wendawo waso wabaphatha kabi, izingane zisehlangothini lwakhe uma ziqonda ukuthi unina uzohamba naye. Maye, lezi zinqola zezingane ziphendula kakhulu empilweni yabo. Njalo lapho izindawo zabazali ziguqulwa, isimiso se-endocrine siqala ukuhlubuka ezinganeni, ngokuvamile ukugcwala okukhulu kakhulu kubonakala, noma ingane, ngokuphambene nalokho, ikhula kahle. Izingane ziqala ukugula, isimiso somzimba samasosha omzimba sishintsha njengoba nje kusanda kushintsha ukuzinza kokuphila kwabo okuvamile. Abahlengikazi bangakwazi ukukhuluma isikhathi eside ngezinkinga zempilo zezingane ezinjalo "emindenini" engasebenzi. Kodwa kanjani ukuba into? Wonke umuntu unelungelo lokwenza amaphutha, nemishado engalungile yindaba yokuphila kwansuku zonke. Umbuzo wendlela yokuvikela ingane kusuka ezinkingeni ezindala.
Okufanele ukwenze kumama wami
Uma ingane ingaphezu kweminyaka emithathu ubudala, zama ukwenza "ukushintshaniswa kwabafana" okungenani kunokwenzeka. Ukujwayela ingane ilungu elisha lomndeni kancane kancane, ngaphandle kokuhlukanisa ngokucacile noyise. Izingane zikhula kufanele zichaze okuthile, kodwa ungazami ukuchaza umcwaningi oneminyaka emihlanu ubudala ukuthi "ukuphila kuyinkimbinkimbi, futhi wonke umuntu ufuna injabulo." Kulula ukusho ukuthi "ubaba ushiye" uma lowo oshade naye esa kwenye indlu. Kulokhu, ukubonakala okungajwayelekile komngane womama omusha kwasekuqaleni kuyothathwa njengokubonakala komngane futhi akukho okunye okunye, futhi lolu khetho luzoqhubeka lubukeka lukhuni: upapa uya futhi ngiya kuye, futhi ekhaya umngane wamama uhlala nathi, uyajabula futhi unomusa . Kodwa izingane "ezinkulu" zingakwazi futhi kufanele zichaze konke ngendlela endala, ngaphandle kokuzama ukukopela nokukhohlisa. Bazohamba baxhumana ngokushesha kakhulu uma bebona ukuthi bayiphutha ngokulinganayo futhi banganqamuli isiphetho somndeni kubo. Futhi-ke kubalulekile ukuthi ungawa ngezwi lomeluleki, ngokumemeza nangokuthuka. Umntanakho okhulile unelungelo lokukwazi ukuthi kungani esusa ikhoneni elihle lobuncane bakhe, kungani kufanele abelane ngamamitha amancane efulethini lomuzi nomuntu ongaziwayo kodwa engenakuqondakala kuye. Ngokwemvelo, akuzona zonke izingane ezisabela ngokuphawulekayo ekushintsheni emndenini, kodwa cishe zonke izingane ziyithola. Ngendlela, kule mikhaya lapho umama wayehlala ethanda ukuxhumana nomntanakhe ngokulingana okulinganayo futhi engekho ovilaphayo ukuchaza okungaqondakali, ukutholwa kwamapapa omusha kulula kakhulu kunalokho lapho ingane ingavunyelwe ukuba ibe yindawo enabantu abadala futhi ivikeleke ngokusuka ezinkingeni ezingenabantwana.
Yini okufanele ubaba omusha akwenze?
Kuningi okushiwo ngokuhlukunyezwa kukaMama, ozotshela ingane yakhe ukuthi omunye umuntu uzohlala ngokushesha endlini, kodwa bambalwa bacabanga ngemizwa yendoda endala ezama ukuthatha indima epapa omusha. Naye, unzima kanzima! Akungena nje endlini kuphela ngamasiko asekelwe kakade, futhi kufanele aqinisekise ukuthi angabhekwa "njengeyakhe." Futhi ungakwenza kanjani lokhu? Okokuqala, udinga ukuqonda ngokucacile ukuthi uthatha njengomkakhe hhayi nje owesifazane, kodwa owesifazane onomntwana. Futhi uma kukhona ngisho nokungabaza okuncane ukuthi uyomthanda lo mntwana, udinga ukumisa ucabange ngokucophelela. Okwesibili, yenze ngokuthula. Imizwa yangempela ibonakala emehlweni. Uma ingane ibona ukuthi lo muntu uthanda ngempela umama wakhe, akunakwenzeka ukuthi angamelana nobuhlobo bomdala. Kodwa uma kunjalo ukuxabana phakathi kobaba omusha nengane kuvele? Nakulokhu, udinga ukuziphathisa ngesithunzi: ingane ayithinti, ungakhuphuki emphefumulweni futhi ungahambi ekuhlaselweni kwakhe okuvusa amadlingozi. Thatha umusa. Yisho, shiya kahle, uphendule imibuzo ngendlela ehlanganisiwe nekhono yokuhumusha izihloko. Abantu abadala bayazi ukuthi bangakwenza kanjani lokhu, futhi ingane "eyingozi" ingumntwana futhi kungenzeka ukuthi uyayilanda. Inqubomgomo enjalo ibizwa ngokuthi inqubomgomo yokulwa nesibambiso. Ngokushesha umntwana uzokhathala ngokulwa nempi ebandayo. Lapha kungenzeka ukuthi ushintshe umugqa wokuziphatha futhi ungazami ukuzama ubudlelwane obunobungane, ufunde ngesikhathi sokuxhumana, ukuthi yini enesithakazelo kulokho akuthandayo. Ngezinye izingane, ungashintsha ngokushesha kwincwajana enobungane futhi uchithe isikhathi esiningi cishe kunomama wabo, udinga nje ukuqonda ukuthi ulindele noma cha. Izingane, kuhlanganise nalabo abanolimazayo, zilula kakhulu futhi ziqondakala kakhulu kunabantu abadala, ngakho-ke kunzima ukuthola ulimi oluvamile nabo, abakafundile ukukhulumisana kwabantu abadala futhi abakhulumi kabili. Kodwa lokhu kuyimfanelo yabo emangalisayo kulabo abazohlala nabo eceleni, ukuba, uma kungenjalo esikhundleni sokuba nguyise wabo, khona-ke nje umngane nomeluleki omuhle. Kudingeka ube nesineke futhi uqonde ukuthi umshado lapho ingane "elungiselelwe khona" ilinde wena akulula futhi ukulinda izimangaliso akusize. Kudingeka bazidale ngokwabo.