Ukuzwa kuleso cala
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi kwenzekani nomunye umuntu, kudingeka ufunde ukuthi ungayilalela kanjani ngokufanele. Thatha indaba efanayo nomngani. Isibonelo, utshela indaba edabukisayo: i-mumor-conmered ayizange ibize. Kodwa-ke, akusilo ukusabela okucindezelwayo okwenza kucace kwintombi: uzwakala, uzwakala futhi akalahlwa. Kuyoba lula ngaye ukuba avule, ukuze kungadingeki afunde noma yimiphi imibono, yena ngokwakhe uzokutshela konke. Ngokwesibonelo, umngane uthi: "Futhi lapho ebiza okwesikhombisa, wakhuluma nami njengokungathi angizange ngambize umuntu." Kulokhu, ungaphendula: "Ube nomuzwa wokuthi awukho, futhi awukwazi ukubiza." Futhi ungangeneli entshumayelweni evuthayo. Inqubo ye-psychotherapeutic ibizwa ngokuthi i-paraphrasing. Njengowokuqala, unikeza umngane ithuba lokuqonda ukuthi bayamzwa. Yiqiniso, ukufunda imicabango nemizwa yomngane akulona kunzima kakhulu. Nokho, kukhulumisana naye ukuthi kunengqondo ukuqeqesha. Endaweni yomngane kungaba omunye umuntu - isoka, osebenza nabo noma ngisho nomphathi. Bonke bazozitshela ukuthi bangathanda ukufihla kwezinye izimo.
Thola ukuhluka okuyishumi
Ngemva kokubonisa u-interlocar uzwela olubi kakhulu futhi uqale ukulalela ngokufanele, uzophumula. Manje singakwazi ukuqhubeka ngokuphepha ekufundeni nasekutadisheni izibonakaliso zakhe ezingezwi. Ngokuyisisekelo, lokhu akuyona isayensi ekhohlisayo kakhulu: konke ukunyakaza okwenziwa ngumuntu akuyona inkinga. Ubunzima ukubona kuphela isethi yonke yezibonakaliso ezingekho amazwi - ukulalela i-tempo yokukhuluma, i-timbre yezwi, ukubonakalisa ubuso, ukuthinta futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ungakhohlwa ukulalela lokho akushoyo namanje uphendule. Ngokuvamile, ukufundisa leli khono kufana nokuqonda isayensi yokushayela. Ekuqaleni, sibona kuphela isondo lokushayela, ke-isondo lokushayela kanye nendima yomgwaqo, bese sibona izibani zomgwaqo nabahamba ngezinyawo, izimpawu zomgwaqo futhi-mayelana nesimangaliso! - izimoto ezihamba ngemuva! Kulula ukuqagela ukuthi umuntu obuyekezwayo akahambanga ngaphezu kosizi ongenakubizwa ngokuthi umshayeli omuhle. Njengomuntu ongakwazi ukubona izibonakaliso ezimbalwa ezingekho amazwi, umuntu akakwazi ukubizwa ngokuthi isazi sekilasi. Kumele kuqashelwe ukuthi isibonakaliso esithathwe ngaphandle komongo ngokuvamile asifundisi. Thatha isibonelo isibonakaliso esivamile kakhulu - uthinta izinwele. Esikhathini sokuqala, umuntu ukhuluma nentombazane bese efaka isandla sakhe ekhanda lakhe, ehlile emhlane. Kusho ukuthini lokhu? Ungaya kumuntu onenhlanhla - uyathanda intombazane, uyayikhohlisa futhi athumele isignali engenamlomo. Manje ake sithi lo muntu uziphatha ngendlela efanayo lapho ekhuluma nomphathi. I-neophyte ingaphetha kalula ukuthi iqhawe lethu liyi-gay noma labesilisa nabesifazane, ukuzama ukudukisa umphathi. Futhi kuyoba okungalungile ngempela. Esinye nesenzo esifanayo singaqukatha imilayezo ehlukahlukene. Esikhathini sesibili, indoda iyesaba, iyakhuthaza, ihlose ikhanda, futhi ngomqondo omkhulu kakhulu "iyakhohlisa" umphathi, okungukuthi, ngokusho okulula, uzama ukujabulisa. Ayikho impikiswano kwezocansi.
Yebo? Cha!
Izibonakaliso ezingezona amazwi zihluke kakhulu, ngoba ingxenye enkulu bazisa abanye ngomzwelo othile umuntu ahlangabezana nakho. Kodwa-ke, kukhona futhi isivumelwano noma ukungavumelani okushiwo. Futhi kuvame kwenzeke: umuntu uthi into eyodwa, futhi ngosizo lwesimo sobuso nesenzo asakaza into ehluke ngokuphelele. Lokhu kuziphatha akusho ukuthi umuntu ufuna ukukhohlisa. Kungenzeka ukuthi ukholelwa ngobuqotho kulokho akhuluma ngakho, futhi okwamanje uzikhohlisa. Isibonelo, uma i-interlocutor ebeka inkulumo ethi: "Yebo, ngizofika nakanjani" - kanti ngenkathi ejika ikhanda lakhe ngakwesokunene nangakwesobunxele, futhi ebuyele emuva, cishe ngeke akwenze. Uma umuntu esixoxa naye eqala ukukhuluma ngokushesha noma ngenye indlela akwandisa ibanga - ahamba ngesigamu sesinyathelo, asuswa - lokhu, kunokwenzeka, kusho ukuthi: akusho ngomlomo akavumelani nathi. Nakuba kwezinye izimo, ngaleyo ndlela, kubonisa ukuthi ufuna ukushintsha indaba, isihloko sezingxoxo asijabulisi. Uma umzimba we-interlocutor uqhubekela phambili, uyagxuma - unesithakazelo kwingxoxo futhi kungenzeka avumelane nesiphakamiso.
Nazi amaphuzu
Kungani abantu bevame ukwenza ngokungahambisani? Kungani kufanele? Iqiniso liwukuthi kulowo nalowo kithi kukhona abantu abahlukene, abangekho njalo phakathi kwethu abafuna ukufunda abantu njengencwadi evulekile, kumele baqaphele lokhu. Isazi sezengqondo saseMelika u-Eric Berne sabhala ngokuthi ingane ihlala emuntwini - umbono wethu walokho esasikufana nobuntwana. Umzali uyisithombe esihlangene, uhlobo lwe-photobot yabazali, kanti i-Adult ungumphathi ozolile futhi onengqondo wokuphila kwethu. Uma, isibonelo, sithembisa ukuthi umuntu uzofika emcimbini, siqala esikhundleni seNdodana yangaphakathi, ofuna ukuzijabulisa. Kodwa-ke, ngesinye isikhathi, izinso zikahulumeni zithathwe ezandleni zomzali wethu futhi ziyakuvimbela noma kuphi lapho zizokhethwa khona ngaphambi kokuhlolwa. Ukufunda i-interlocutor, kubaluleke kakhulu ukubona kuMntwana wangaphakathi, lokho okuyingxenye yakhe eseduze, obhekene nemicabango, ukuzimela nokuqina. Ukuze ubhekane nomsebenzi, ungazama nje ukucabanga ukuthi lo muntu wayesencane kangakanani. Noma umbuze imibuzo ethile ngale ndaba. Bese ucabanga ukuthi i-interlocutor yakhe yayiphathwa kanjani ngabazali bakhe, njengoba bebalalele, beqonda noma beqinile.
Qala ngokwakho
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakunjani, noma ubani onentshisekelo ekufundeni imicabango noma imizwelo kufanele aqale ngokuzifunda ngokwakhe. Qaphela izimpawu zakho ezingezona izisho, uzizwe ohlukile, uzigcine. Emva kokuba esezifundele ngokuphelele, uzokwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani nabanye. Futhi-ke, kulokhu akunakwenzeka ukwenza ngaphandle kothando. Uma singathandi lokho esizofunda, cishe akunakwenzeka. Ngokuvamile, i-misanthropes ayivunyelwe ukungena kule ndawo yolwazi.