Ngelinye igama, zonke izinto zangempela zokuphila komndeni "ojabulisayo" olulinde isikhathi eside. Njengoba kunjalo, kulandelwa inganekwane: "+ futhi baphila umphefumulo emphefumulweni, isikhathi eside futhi bejabule"? Yebo, ngibonise lowo oqamba izindabakwane! Kodwa ekuboneni kokuqala, konke kwaqala kahle kakhulu! Ulwandle lwezimbali, ulwandle oluthandwayo, ama-serenades ngaphansi kwamafasitela, amagama kuphela amahle kakhulu futhi anomnene wezinhlamvu zokuthakazelisa (isikhathi eside uhlala kuyi-intanethi, bese ungenawo umuntu nganoma iyiphi indlela!)
Yeka ukuthi wayenakekela kanjani futhi enomoya omnene, ozwelayo futhi obala! Futhi wayeyithandeka futhi ethandeka, ethuthumela futhi egxuma! Babenakho konke, kumabhayisikobho e-American amothando: izimbali ze-chic nezindawo zokudla ezibizayo, bakwazi ukuhlangabezana nokusa nokushona kwelanga. Khona-ke ibhokisi elincane, elibomvu ngesimo senhliziyo namazwi ayisihlanu athandekayo: "Ungashada nami?" Khona-ke yonke into yayihamba ngokushelela "umshado wahlabelela futhi wadansa", lo mnumzane "obabayo!", Amaphupho omama kajabule +. Ukuhleka kwezinyosi kuphelile ngukuqala, kodwa kakade ukuhlaselwa komndeni ngombuzo othi: "Ingabe umama wakhala ngokujabula? .."
Kakade ezinyangeni zokuqala zokuphila okuhlangene, imibhangqwana eminingi ibheka iqiniso elibuhlungu lokuphila komndeni wabo ojabulisayo . Futhi akukhathazi ukuthi bahlala bekhala isikhathi esingakanani inyanga noma iminyaka eminingi. Kanye namasongo ambalwa ahlabayo bathenga amasha, mhlawumbe hhayi amnandi kakhulu, kodwa namanje izihlobo, yonke inhlangano yezindaba ze-banal ezungeze indlu, izikweletu okufanele zikhokhwe, kodwa isabelomali semindeni sesidonsele, kepha kudingeka uhlele. Kulokhu akuyona inkathi yokunciphisa abalingiswa, umfazi uthatha izibuko zakhe ezimhlophe futhi uqala ukuqonda ukuthi abathandekayo bakhe abathandanga ukuphonsa amasokisi angcolile azungeze indlu futhi baphuze ubhiya nabangani. Lokhu kuyisibonakaliso esilula ukuthi ubudlelwane bomshado buyashintsha kanjani. Indoda, naye, ibona ukuthi umfazi wakhe othandekayo akayena wonke umthamo, kodwa ungumculi wenhlanhla. Amaski e-pre-wedding awela, ubuso beqiniso bomuntu bubonakala ngaphezulu, bese kuthi, njengoba leli zwi lihamba: umphefumulo ugijimela ePharadesi +
Omunye wabangane bami washada engaphansi kweminyaka engama-30, uyakhumbula: "Lapho ngisanda kuqala ukuphola nomyeni wami wesikhathi esizayo, ngamangala kakhulu ngokunemba kwakhe nangokweqile kwakhe." Ngemva komshado wangishaya ngonya, kuvele ukuthi ukunemba kwakhe kusebenza kuye kuphela: akajwayele izinto eziyisisekelo, abakwazi ukukhipha udoti, noma abahlanzekile ukugeza, futhi ngeke kube khona ukungathí sina nokukhuluma, kuvame ukuphenduka kube yinto enzima. "Ingxenye yonyaka kamuva, njengoba ngithola ukuthi umyeni wami uyindodana yendodana yami, kubonakala sengathi uchithekile kuphela futhi Ngiyazisa futhi ubuhlobo nezihlobo zomyeni wami, ngisindise into eyodwa - kuzo zonke izinhlobo zezingxabano umyeni wami uhlala ethatha uhlangothi lwami, kodwa yilokho konke, izinto ezincane. "Eziningi emva komshado, ubuhlobo bethu buphuthumayo: singabanye sinokuphila okubili kokubili, izinhlelo ezivamile kanye nemigomo. Ungakwazi ukujwayele konke, uhlale ndawonye, into eyinhloko ukuthi bobabili balwela ukudala umndeni ojabulayo. "
Izazi zengqondo zisesimo esifanayo: izimali, uthando, ukukhulumisana, ukukhwabanisa, ukubeletha kanye nemisebenzi yasendlini yiyona nto eyinhloko yokwahlukana komlingani, yizizathu ezenza ushintsho emshadweni lushintshe. Uma ushada, khumbula: abantu abavamile ukushintsha kulokho okwenza imvelo yabo. Umkami uchitha nje isikhathi ezama ukuphinde afundise umyeni wakhe, yena naye uzama ukuwuguqula, phakathi kwazo zonke izingxabano, akekho ozithandayo ongaziqapheli lokho, akenzi isinyathelo komunye nomunye, kodwa uzodlula ngokunyuka. Kuphela emva komshado intsha iqala ukuvuselela ubuhlobo, futhi lokhu, njengoba siyazi, kudinga ukubekezela nokuhlakanipha. Hlakanipha, ngoba awukwazi ukugwema izingxabano nezinkinga ngisho nasemshadweni ojabula kakhulu!
Izibalo zithi: Ukuhlukana okungu-26% kuwela emibhangqwaneni eshadile iminyaka engaphansi kweminyaka emibili, kanti ama-divorce angu-51% - eminyakeni emihlanu yokuqala yokuhlala ndawonye, konke ngoba ubudlelwano bomshado buyashintsha. Noma kunjalo, uzovuma, uma nithanda kokubili futhi nifuna ngempela ukugcina umndeni omusha, khona-ke akukho amasokisi ahlakazekile ngeke akuvimbele, kodwa iqiniso lihlala liyiqiniso!
Ngolunye usuku, umngane wami, owayengakabi nesikhathi sokwazi umama, wabuza: "Ukuphila kuguquka kanjani ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane, futhi kuyashintsha nhlobo?" Ngaphendula ukuthi: "akukho lutho olushintshayo, ukuphila okudala okunganakekelwa kuphela kuphela futhi isigaba esisha siqala." Kusukela ngomzuzu wokuqala wokuvela kwengane endlini, nguye oba yisikhungo sokunakwa emndenini. Into kuphela eguqulela ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, hhayi okungcono. Esinye sezimbangela ezivame ukuhlukana phakathi kwabashadile kungukucindezeleka kokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngokungangabazeki, omama abasebasha bahlangabezana nalesi simo, ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene: umthwalo wemfanelo, imithwalo yemfanelo yesikhathi esizayo, ukushiya ukuphila komuntu siqu futhi, ngempela, ukukhathala okungenakubekezela. Omama abaningi abasha ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa iphupho lokuvela komntwana ozobathanda. Kodwa emva kokuzalwa, leli phupho liye lahlehlela ekubeni yiqiniso, ngaphandle kwalokho, owesilisa omncane obomvu wesibhakabhaka uhlala ekhala, futhi akabukeli njengengelosi evela ezentengiso!
Ngokuqondene nesibalo, kuphi, saphi lapho? Esikhathini esidlule, wawungumzimba omuhle, omuhle, wamachweba futhi ukhulelwe, futhi manje-nje ukhululekile ngemivimbo ngaphansi kwamehlo, isikhumba esiluhlaza kanye + Nezizathu zokucindezeleka, ngaphezu kokwanele, hhayi ukukhumbula izinguquko ze-hormone emzimbeni.
Okunye okufana nemibono yengqondo kubhekwa obaba, anginamahloni ukusho ukuthi lokhu kunzima kakhulu kubo. Amadoda, ngokungafani nabesifazane, adinga isikhathi eside ukuba bazibonele njengobaba, futhi ukwesaba ukungahambisani nomthwalo kababa, kudala isimo esicindezelekile.
Kule nkathi enzima, ubuhlobo phakathi komyeni nomkami bubucayi. Umfazi uthi umlingani akamnakeli yena noma umntwana, akawubongi imizamo yakhe futhi uziphathe njengomuntu ongumgogodla nobugovu! Umyeni ukhathele umfazi ocasulekile futhi osizi njalo, evele evalelwe ngaphakathi kuye, uvame ukuhlala emsebenzini. Omncane onjalo omlindelwe futhi othandekayo wonke uba imbangela yenkinga yomndeni.
U-Natalia ukhumbula unyaka wokuqala emva kokubeletha njengephupho elibi: "Ukuzalwa kwendodana yethu kwakuwukuqala kokuphela komkhaya. Ngemva nje kokuzalwa kwami ngibhekene nokucindezeleka okukhulu, kubonakala sengathi ukuphila sekuphelile." Yonke into eyaba yindlela yokuphila kwami ingumntwana, indlu , abadwebi, ukuhamba - konke kwakukhona kimi.Umyeni wami wahlala emsebenzini, wafika njenge-lemon ephoyintiwe walala embuthweni ngesikhathi esisodwa.Ngangicabanga ukuthi ukukhathala kwakhe kanye nesembatho akuhambisani nemigodi yami! Ngangizizwa ngilusizi, ngicabanga ukuthi lokhu kungabhubhisi lutho ngeke kube khona ukuphela Ngxabano elandelayo ngamemeza ukuthi umyeni wami wayengenalo ubaba, futhi umyeni wami wasabela ukuthi uthola imali, ingane yayingumsebenzi wami, nokuthi ngifuna ukushintsha kanjani indima ngelinye ilanga, ngizozama mina endaweni yami - mhlawumbe ke wayezoqonda ukuthi kunzima kangakanani kimi! "Ekugcineni, oshade naye akazange nje ayeke emsebenzini, kodwa alahleke ebusuku, ngemva kweminyaka emibili saphela umshado." Lena iphuzu elibi lokuthi ubuhlobo bomshado buyashintsha kanjani.
Ukuphuma kuleso simo kulula, balalele iseluleko somqondo wezengqondo bese ulondoloza umndeni wakho. Abesifazane banelungelo lokunqoba ukucindezeleka kwabo ngokushintsha isimo sengqondo ngokuphathelene nemithwalo yemithwalo emisha. Shintsha ingubo eboshiwe yokugqoka i-suit enhle, shintsha ukunqunywa kwezinwele, uthenge ifilimu enhle - bona wonke umndeni. Uthi: "izifo ezinjalo nje," kodwa zidlala indima enkulu ekulondolozeni umndeni futhi ngokugcwele zithathe isikhundla sokucindezeleka kanye nezisulu!
"Mama, ungubani?" Ngake ngizwa isihlamba kumyeni wami kusuka kumngane wami.
Nakhu isizathu sokuhlukanisa - ukugcizelela ngokuphelele umama ukunakekelwa kwengane. Uma ebuya emsebenzini, indoda ayiqondi lapho izibonakaliso ezijwayelekile zokunakekelwa ziye kuye, esikhundleni sokumondla, zibuze ukuthi izinto ezisemsebenzini zizwa kanjani: "Ngiphele amandla, anginaso isikhathi, futhi ngokuvamile, ungenza konke ngokwakho." Lesi yisibonelo esisodwa sendlela ubudlelwane obuguquka ngayo emva komshado.
Akayithandanga ukuthi uzofika nini, ukuthi uyodla, noma ngabe unehembe elihlanzekile, engakhulumi ngocansi, wayekuphela kwamaholide amakhulu.
Ukungabi nalutho kuvame ukuphela ngokuphinga ohlangothini, kungowokuqala isigamu sonyaka emva kokuvela komntwana emndenini. Indoda izwa sengathi ayidingekile, itholakale indawo esikhundleni sayo, futhi ibe yindawo yesibili ayifuni. Kuzwakala sengathi i-trite, kodwa iqiniso, umlingani uvame ukuhawukelwa ngegazi lakhe, ngoba umfazi akazange agcine ubuhlobo obudlule, futhi waphoqa umyeni wakhe ohlelweni lwesibili.
Isazi sezinqondo seluleka: emva kokuvela kwengane emndenini akufanele kugxile kumzali oyedwa, ukuze ubudlelwano bungashintshi. Ukufisa umyeni kumntwana kulungile, futhi kubonakala kuphela uma umkami engabandakanyi empilweni yomngane womshado, ngokuphelele futhi enika ingane ngokuphelele. Obaba nabomama othandekayo, akufanele sikhohlwe ukuthi kukhona manje abathathu kini, futhi wonke umuntu uyayithanda ingane yakho ngendlela yakho.
Ngokuqondene "nemizwa yokupholisa" yomfazi walabo bayeni ababekhona lapho bezalwa,
cishe, isizathu, hhayi isizathu. Njengoba besho, madadewethu abathandekayo, amakhadi ezandleni zakho - bheka ukuphumula ebuhlotsheni bakho, hhayi ukuthi abathembekile bakubheka, bakhathele, bengenziwanga ekamelweni lokulethwa.
Ubuhlobo besithandwa ababili, njengekhanda, eqala ngosuku lokuqala, ukuqashelwa kokuqala + Isigaba ngasinye sobudlelwane - isinyathelo singena ekuphileni okusha. Akukhathaleki nhlobo ukuthi kungumshado noma isigaba esisha ebuhlotsheni bakho, ukukhulelwa noma ukuzalwa kwengane, kubalulekile ukuthi unganimly wanquma ukuba ndawonye ndawonye nosizi nenjabulo, futhi ungakhohlwa ukuthi ubudlelwane emshadweni buyashintsha.
Othandekayo abasanda kushada babona zonke izingxabano nokugaya njengezinto ezibucayi zokuphila, khona-ke nizophila ngokujabula njalo, futhi izingane ezijabulayo zizalwa emndenini ojabulayo. Emva kwakho konke, uyathandazana? Khona-ke bayothi ngawe: "+ futhi baphila ngokujabula njalo ngemva kokulandela +".