Inveli enendoda eshadile ... Kwabanye, lokhu kuyintandokazi, kanti kwabanye, into ehambisana neqhawe elixhunywe yizibopho ze-Hymenyum iphenduka ngokuqondile ekupheleni kwayo. USabina Safarova ufunde izici zezingqondo zabazingeli ngenhloso yomunye umuntu.
Ukube kwakungewona okwenziwa ngabacwaningi be-psychotherapists, besingeke safunda ukuthi phakathi kwethu, ngaphansi kwezingubo ezingenacala ezingenacala, izimpisi zangempela-abazingeli ngemuva kwamadoda ashadile-abazulazula. Mhlawumbe lesi senzakalo sasilalelisisa kuphela lapho abantu beqala ukusiza usizo lwe-psychotherapeutic. Phela, izazi ze-psychologists kwadingeka zibhekane "nabazingeli" ngokwabo, kanye nezisulu zabo. Futhi ngisho nabayeni abanjwe phakathi kwemililo emibili.
Ngakho-ke, kwenzeka ukuba sikhulume ngezici ezijwayelekile zalezi zintathu eziyinkimbinkimbi zothando. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kwakukhona ngisho nezibalo ezithile. Kwakukhona ukuthi cishe abangaba ngu-10% abameli bezocansi abalungile bakhetha amadoda ashadile. Kulaba, abathathu abahlanu badinga abesifazane abashadile kuphela futhi akukho omunye. Futhi lokhu kusho ukuthi 90% asele kufanele agcine iso.
I-chops kuphela
Abathandi bamadoda abakhululekile - hhayi njalo i-vamp classic. Masishiye lezi zithombe ezweni lokuzilibazisa, ngoba empilweni konke kuhamba phambili. "Omunye wamakhasimende ami okuqala, intombazane eneminyaka engamashumi amabili nesikhombisa ubudala, umbiza ngokuthi uN., wafika ekamelweni ngaphansi kwengcindezi yezintombi," kusho u-psychotherapist no-sexologist, uProfesa Alexander Poleyev. - Ngokusho kukaN., impilo yakhe yonke yayinamanoveli kuphela nabesilisa abashadile, ababengeke bahlukanise. Amantombazane ayesaba ukuthi uN. (kuzo zonke ezinye izinto ezibalulekile le ntombazane iyasebenza futhi inengqondo) ibhidliza impilo yakhe. U-N.N. uvume ukuthi angathanda ukuhlangana nomuntu okhululekile, kodwa abathandekayo abazange "bakhulume imizwa yakhe" futhi njengabangani abalingani abangababonanga. "
"Abazingeli abaningi" abakholelwa ukuthi bayakwazi ukuhlola ngokwanele umlingani. Bayathukuthela lapho omunye owesifazane "ekwazisa" indoda, emshade naye.
Ngokuvamile kwenzeka, izinyawo zale nkinga zikhula kusukela ebuntwaneni. UProfesa Poleyev uyachaza: "Ukuzijwayeza kubonisa ukuthi ngokuvamile abathandi bomyeni abashadile bakhuliswa umama ongashadile owayengathandeki kakhulu nabo. - Kamuva, kusukela ezingxoxweni ezinamantombazane avuthiwe, kuyacaca ukuthi abaningi baye babulawa ngokungahambi kahle kukayise empilweni yabo. Labo abakhulela emindeni ephelele bakhononda ngabazali ababandayo, abaxoshiwe. " Ngokwe-interlocutor yami, abaningi balaba besifazane bavuma ukuthi abaqondi futhi besaba abantu. Futhi, ngenxa yalokho, ungakholelwa ekutheni bakwazi ukuhlola umlingani. Bahlalisekile lapho indawo yakhe ebusini besilisa inqunywa omunye owesifazane, eba ngumkakhe.
ALENA, IMINYAKA engu-28
"Ngangihlala nendoda ngonyaka, owashiya ngenxa yothando lwethu emndenini. Futhi kunzima kakhulu. Washiya konke kumkakhe nezingane zakhe, futhi siqala impilo yethu cishe kusukela ekuqaleni. Umkakhe wangaphambili wayengasisebenzisi futhi asebenze kuphela namadodakazi. Futhi yena, ezwa umuzwa wecala, owenza ngobuciko amandla, uzama ukwenza konke ukugcina izinga lakhe lokuphila eliphakemeyo. Ngokuvamile ngezindleko zobuhlobo bethu. Uma ngizama ukumbonisa ukuthi uvame ukuyixhaphaza, iqhuma. Umama wami othandekayo akakhulumi nami cishe, ngoba ngacasula abazukulu bakhe, ngithatha ubaba wami kubo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, asikwazi ukuqala izingane zethu. Kulimaza amadodakazi akhe, futhi isabelomali sethu esisha ngeke sisinde izibopho ezintsha zezimali. Kodwa ngiyajabula kakhulu ukuthi siphelile ndawonye. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi nginomuzwa wokuthi umndeni wakhe wangaphambili udonga kakhulu phakathi kwethu. "
"Abesifazane esikhuluma ngabo, isidingo esikhulu sokuvikelwa kowesilisa kanye" nokuvuselelwa "kwendima yabo oyise empilweni yabo," kusho uMaria Maria Suvorova wengqondo. Ngandlela-thile bazama ukuthola lokho abakutholayo ebuntwaneni, ngakho banamathele emadodeni asempumelelo emphakathini nasengqondweni. Akumangalisi ukuthi ezimweni eziningi, labo abashadile. "Naphezu kokukhohlisa, empeleni abesifazane abanjalo basengozini kakhulu," kusho uMaria Suvorova. - Empeleni, ngenxa yalesi sizathu basaba ukuhlangana nokudala ubudlelwane nabangane babo, ngezinye izikhathi abangenakulinganiswa nokungazinzile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kumshado ukuthi abashadile baqeqeshana. Abesifazane bafunda ukuphikelela, ukuzethemba ngokwengeziwe. Amadoda angafundi ngokufunda izifundo zokuthobeka nokuguquguquka. Okusho ukuthi, ukukhetha indoda eshadile, futhi mhlawumbe nokuba nomntwana, la "amantombazane angashadile" athola indoda ibe yinkathi, inakekelwa futhi iqondwe. "
Indandatho yomshado akuyona umhlobiso olula
Kukhona into ehlanganisa ngokucacile "abazingeli" bethu. Ngokungafani nabesifazane abaningi abathi, ukuze baziveze ngokobulili, bathathe isikhathi, la maantombazane "ahluma" embhedeni cishe masinyane. Futhi ngesikhathi esencane kakhulu - ngokuvamile kuze kube seminyaka engamashumi amabili. Noma kunjalo, njengoba kulula ukuqagela, uma nje umlingani eshadile. "Kuyamangalisa ukuthi amadoda ami nomndeni wami abathwalwanga, amakhasimende ami amaningi abonisa ukufudumala okukhulu," kusho u-Alexander Poleyev. - Yilokho, ubulili babo bekhona ngokuvumelana nesimiso: konke noma lutho. Futhi lokhu "konke" - kuphela indoda eshadile. " Kunjengokuthi abesifazane ababili abahlukene bahlala emzimbeni ofanayo. Enye ingokwemvelo, enye inqatshelwe ngokweqile. Ngokushesha nje lapho i-heroine yethu ihlangana nendoda enezindandatho emunwe wendandatho - owokuqala uvuka. Kubo bonke abanye abafakizicelo, ungcono kakhulu kunemizwa. Abanye ochwepheshe bacabangela ukukhetha okunjalo okunzima ukuba ukuhlukana kwangempela ngokocansi.
Abacwaningi baseMelika balinganisa izinga lokuvota ngocansi lwabesifazane ababambe iqhaza ezinhlolweni eziningana, hhayi nje ngokutadisha ukuzethemba kwabo siqu, kodwa nangezindlela zobuchwepheshe ezingenasisindo: kusukela kumtshina wamanga kuya ku-electroencephalogram ene-computer processing. Futhi izibalo ezitholakala ngokuxhumana "nento yokuthakazelisa" kanye nezinye, abalingani abangashadile, zahluka cishe izikhathi eziyikhulu. Kuyafaneleka ukudweba okufana nabama-fetishist abangaboni nabesifazane kanye nenxenye eyikhulu yenjabulo abazizwayo lapho befake into efunwa yendlu yangasese ezandleni zakhe. Kodwa kuyasabela okunjalo, lapho isisusa esisodwa senza isiphepho sethando, futhi bonke abanye abathintanga nganoma iyiphi indlela, futhi bakwenza isisekelo sokuphambuka ngokocansi - ukukhetha okukhulu. Kulesi simo, indima yesisu isenziwa ngendandatho yomshado emunwe weqhawe.
OLGA, IMINYAKA engu-29
"Empilo yami kube khona amanoveli amabili namadoda ashadile. Awu, ungenzenjani? Akekho kithi ongenalutho kulokhu. Ekuphileni, akunakwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwenza ngendlela engacacile nangendlela efanele, uma ungafuni ukuziphikisa ukuveza imizwelo nemizwa ephilayo. Womabili amanoveli aqedwe ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene. Kodwa kwakungekhona ngoba la madoda ashada. Kunalokho, kwakusobala kuzo zombili izimo - asibona abantu abahlelwe ukuba babe ndawonye. Kodwa uma ngizizwa ukuthi lo uyindoda yami, khona-ke ukuba khona komkakho ngisho nezingane kwakungeke kungimise. Angikholelwa ukuthi kungomqondo wemfanelo kuphela ukuthi umuntu angakha ubuhlobo obugcwele, akeke ukhulise ingane ejabule. Umusa onjalo wamanga ube umphumela kuphela. "
Noma kunjalo bahlukile
Ucwaningo lwabahlengikazi baseMelika uRobin Norwood noPatrick Carnes bembule esinye isici esibalulekile. Abathandi bamadoda omndeni ngokucacile bahlukaniswe ngamaqembu amabili: abanye bafuna ukushada, abanye abakwenzi. Esikhathini sokuqala, konke kuhlelekile, uma kungenjalo ngezimiso zokuziphatha, okungenani ngezenzo zokulandelana nokulandelana. Bazama ukunqoba impi efana ne "heroine ekhanda" - umkakhe. Futhi ngawo wonke amaqiniso namahloni athatha isihlalo sakhe sobukhosi. "Abesifazane abanjalo bafuna ukushada nomuntu okhethiwe, bazibeke lo mgomo futhi bawufinyelele," kusho uRobin Norwood. -Ngikhathele ukumangala ukuzithiba nokubekezela kwabo. Phela, ubudlelwane nomuntu oshadile ezimweni eziningi zihlotshaniswa nokuphazamiseka ngisho nokuhlazeka: uchitha ngempelasonto nomndeni wakhe, ukuvakashelwa akuvamile futhi nganoma yisiphi isikhathi kungasuswa. Kodwa bahlupheka konke. Futhi uma abanye besifazane abaningi behlupheka ngalokhu okungenani, amaklayenti ami, ngokuphambene nalokho, aphiliswa ngokucindezeleka. Kulezi zinsuku zokuphila abazizwa bekhukhumezekile futhi bejabule ngokomzwelo. "
Ubudlelwane nomuntu oshadile buvame ukuhlotshaniswa nezinkinga, kepha ubunzima bokuzingela "abazingeli" kuphela banika amandla namandla.
Kodwa-ke, lapho i-heroine yethu isashadile, ikakhulukazi uma lowo okhethiwe ekhulile, onolwazi oluningi futhi ubuhlobo bomshado obuseduze ngempela, buguqulwa. Ukuziphendulela kwangaphambili, umuzwa wokuntuleka kothando, owake wahlupheka ngaphambi kweveli, ulahleka ngokuphelele. "Ukusebenzisa lo mshado njengento yokuzijabulisa yezingane ezingenasici futhi" ukuthola "okuningi kwalokho abangakutholanga lapho beyingane, amaklayenti ami aqala ukukhula ngokungazelelwe," kusho isazi samaphoyisa uPatrick Karnes. "Ngemuva kweminyaka emibili yomshado ophumelelayo, kwakungewona abantu ababuthakathaka nabangokomzwelo engangibazi ngaphambili. Bashintsha futhi baphumelela ngokuphumelelayo nezinkinga zezingane zabo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, emva kwesikhashana bangase babe nesihawu esisha phakathi kontanga. Futhi ongashadile. Ngezinye izikhathi uthando olunjalo oluphindaphindiwe lwafika kude kakhulu kangangokuthi abesifazane ngokwabo bashiya abayeni babo, ababenzima kakhulu ababenqobile ngaphambili. "
Kuvela, ukusebenzisa insizwa eshadile njengendlela yokumisa imilingo, i-heroine yethu ilashwa ngokulutha kwayo. Futhi, njengendlovukazi yenkosikazi, evuswa ukulala komlingo ngenduna esebenzayo, iqala impilo entsha. Kusukela manje, akadingi owesifazane oqhamukayo ukuze aqinisekise ukubaluleka kweqhawe elikhethiweyo, ukushada kanye kanye-uzokwenza ngokwalo. Futhi amanxeba angokomoya okuphulukisa ngokuvamile asele ashiye amadoda. Nokho, lena indaba ehluke ngokuphelele.
UMARINA, IMINYAKA engu-26
"Yebo, nganginamanoveli anamadoda ashadile. Kodwa angizange ngithi kusukela empilweni enhle. Masibhekane nakho: ezweni lakithi, ukuhlaziya okucacile kwabesifazane. Amadoda ayenawo okwanele, futhi akumangalisi ukuthi umuntu ofanelekayo, owela emkhakheni wombono wakho, ushadile. Ngokuvamile, uma ugxila kuphela kumadoda akhululekile, kunengozi yokuhlala yedwa. Kuzwakala sengathi kungokwemvelo, kodwa kuyiqiniso. Yiqiniso, ngifisa ukuba nomlingani osevele ehlukanisile, futhi kungcono nakakhulu hhayi umthwalo umthwalo umndeni. Ngiyethemba ngempela umhlangano onjalo. Kodwa into eyinhloko kimi isengqondweni. "
Umlobokazi Ophuthumayo
Kanye nabazingeli bamantombazane, ukuphishekela amadoda ahlosiwe njengomdlalo owuthandayo kakhulu, kunesinye isigaba sabathandi abashadile. Ukuphila nokhethiweyo wakhe ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa akubazami nhlobo, ukungasho ngomshado. Yingakho indoda eshadile ithi, iseduze. "Kungenxa yesisindo esikhethekile somlingiswa, esiyibiza nge-psychostension," kusho u-Alexander Poleyev. - Isekelwe ekukhulekeni kwengqondo okwandayo. Futhi lokhu akusebenzi lutho ngokusondelana noma ukungabi nokuzethemba. Ngokuvamile, izingqondo ze-psychostenics zinhle ngisho nabantu abathokozisayo abangaphezu kwamanye kuphela abadinga eyabo, bengalokothi baphule isikhala. " Ngenxa yobulungiswa, kufanele kuthiwe emotweni yemvelo yabalingiswa be-psychostaining, abesifazane bavame ukuvame kakhulu kunamadoda (4-5% ngokubhekiselele ku-12-13%). Abesifazane besifazane-psychosthenic ngokuvamile badinga imibono eside nabesilisa abashadile, ngoba izimo ezinjalo zibeka eceleni ukuthi kungenzeka ukuhlala ndawonye. "Lokhu kuvame ukukhetha okungazi lutho," kugcizelela uMaria Suvorova ongumqondo wengqondo. - Owesifazane uzwela ukuthi ukuhlala ndawonye nendoda, ukumnakekela, ukukhulumisana njalo kuyamthanda kakhulu. Futhi ukuxhumana nomuntu oshadile kukuvumela ukuba ubalekele embukisweni wezobuhlobo zakudala emshadweni wezihambi. "
"Emphakathini wethu, owesifazane ongashadile ovela eminyakeni ethile uqala ukubheka ngokusola. Khona-ke ukuhlangana nendoda esele iboshiwe umndeni kuba yindlela yokukhulula, - ikholelwa u-Alexander Poleyev. - Ingxabano "Ngimthanda futhi angifuni ukuba nomunye umuntu, ngisho noma kungenakwenzeka ukuba nomuntu othandekayo wami" endabeni yethu, nehlelo lakhe lobuqotho besifazane, aligxeka.
Kuyathakazelisa futhi ukuthi kubantu besifazane, ngokungafani namadoda, ingqondo yengqondo inendawo yokudlula iminyaka engu-30-35 ".
Kodwa-ke, manje laba besifazane bancane kangako ukuzama amadoda asematasa. Futhi ngiyabonga lapha kuyadingeka ukuthi ngisho okokuqala umshado wesimenywa, lapho abalingani abadingeki baphile ndawonye.
Futhi kuthiwani?
"Abazingeli" bayaphambuka ebuhlotsheni abangeke besabathanda. Bathi, njengesilo esikhathele, bebelokhu behlambalaza isikhathi eside, ngakho-ke banengozini kakhulu.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunjalo, izindaba ezichazwe ngenhla azipheli ukuphela, lapho wonke umuntu, kuhlanganise nomuntu oshiya egameni lobuhlobo obusha, anelisekile. Njengomthetho, bobabili umfazi okhohlisayo nenkosikazi bahlupheka, futhi lo muntu uqobo lwakhe usesimweni esingenakuphikwa. Futhi, njengoba izibalo zesibindi zithi, ngokuvamile abaphangi balesi siphetho asihambisani nenkosikazi. Benzani labo ababoshiwe kulezi zinkinga? Iqiniso lokuthi iningi lethu alithandi kakhulu - ukuhlola impilo yabo ngokucophelela nangokwethembeka, njengoba izingxoxo zami zibiza. Amantombazane abathandana nabo namadoda angenalutho aba yinto eqhubekayo, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi baqala ukuziphanga. Ngakho-ke, ilungelo lokukhetha okuyinhloko, okungukuthi, owokuqala ukushada naye okhethiwe, unikezwa omunye wesifazane kusengaphambili. Futhi bayazitholela ithuba lokuthola umuntu ongakwazi ukuhlala naye ngenjabulo nje ngokujabula, engafuni ukubona labo abangakashadi ngenxa yengozi "engafanele".
Sonke kudingeka sikhumbule ukuthi "abazingeli" kukhona uhlobo oluthile lokuhleleka kwehlathi. Uma siqhubeka nesifaniso, bese bezama, okokuqala, ebuhlotsheni abanye abayeke ukuwubaluleka ngempela. Futhi, njengesilo esikhathele, bebelokhu behlambalaza isikhathi eside, ngakho-ke basengozini kakhulu.
KATYA, IMINYAKA engu-31
"Ngihlale ngizizwa ngingazethembi abantu, ngaphambi kokuba bafike eminyakeni engamashumi amathathu, babengakaze bashade. Eqinisweni, yizimpisi ezingunaphakade-eziyingqayizivele: azivele zingabongi ubudlelwane. Abadingi umndeni, izingane, noma umthwalo wemfanelo. Ukuhlala nomuntu owakushiya ngenxa yomndeni nakho akuyona ushukela: noma kunjalo, lowo wesifazane wangaphambili uqhubeka eba ngumama wezingane zakhe, futhi akekho owake waba nesibopho salezi zivela kuye. Kodwa sengisondelene nendoda engesabi lo mthwalo wemfanelo. Futhi izingane ezivela emshadweni wangaphambili akuyona into engivimbelayo. "
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