Futhi "ngesigqila esifanayo."
Ngokuvamile kunezimo lapho abantu abashadile futhi, babhekana nezinkinga ezifanayo ababhekana nazo ekuqaleni. Lokhu kungachazwa kalula ukuthi ukukhetha kwabantu kungawa ngokungaqondile kulabo abafana kakhulu nomlingani wokuqala. Kukhona okufanayo ngaphansi kwethonya lokucabanga kwengqondo yomuntu, ngenxa yokuthi ukulangazelela uhlobo oluthile kunqunywa.
Ngokombono wezengqondo we-psychology uma singena emshadweni, akufanele sikhohlwe ukuthi asiyikuqeda ngokuphelele umlingani wangaphambili kanye nezinga elingenakuqhathaniswa ukuthi siyohlale siqhathanisa nomlingani wesibili. Izakhamuzi eziningi zengqondo zithandeka ukucabanga ukuthi ithuba lokusindisa noma yimuphi umshado lihlala njalo, kodwa, ngeshwa, abashadile abaqapheli njalo lokhu. Umuntu ongena emshadweni okokuqala unomzwelo nangokwengeziwe. Njengoba engenalo ulwazi empilweni yomkhaya, akazi ukuthi isimo esibalulekile somshado ohambelanayo nesiqine ikhono lokuveza nokubekezelela noma yikuphi ukungaphumeleli kwesigamu sakho.
Kufanele kuqaphele ukuthi, uma kuqhathaniswa nabesifazane, amadoda angcono kakhulu ukungena emshadweni wesibili , ngenxa yokuthi abesifazane baqaphela kakhulu futhi banengqondo, banqunywe ukushada kanye kuphela ngomuntu ozoqiniseka ngokuphelele nokuthi ngubani ozozizwa ekhululekile . Lokhu ukungathandi komuntu ukushada ngokuyingxenye kungabhekwa ukushiyeka kwamadoda. Abesifazane abaningi banqika ukuphinde bashade ngoba abafuni nje "ukungena emkhunjini ofanayo."
Kubiza ingozi.
Idatha evela ezifundweni zengqondo ibonisa ukuthi imishado ephindaphindiwe inamandla kunaphambilini. Ngokwezibalo, cishe amaphesenti angu-40 amadoda namaphesenti angu-60 abesifazane "bayeka" emishadweni yesibili. Kunezizathu eziningi zalokhu.
Umndeni ungabizwa ngokuthi uhlobo oluthile lokuphila isikhathi eside , ngoba ngokusho kwezibalo, abantu abashadile baphila ngokulinganisa kabili uma nje abantu behlala bodwa. Lapho uneminyaka engamashumi amane, ukhuthazwa ukuba ushade, ngoba kusiza ukubhekana nezifo eziye zavela, izinkinga ezihlukahlukene, futhi zinezela lokuzizethemba. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane, ngoba ukugeleza okungenakuphela kokuthandana nesifiso sokunakekela umuntu kudinga ukuhoxiswa.
Kunoma yikuphi, umshado wesibili uphumelela futhi uzinzile kuneyokuqala. Ngomlingani wesibili, umuntu uqala ukwakha ubudlelwane ngokucophelela, okwenze kube lula ukuhambisana nanoma yimaphi amaphutha omlingani wakhe omusha futhi uzama ukukhipha ama-scandals nama-angles acute avelayo.
Konke ngesikhathi esifanele.
Abantu ngokuhlukile bangena emshadweni wesibili. Okubaluleke kakhulu, udinga ukuziqeda ngokuphelele ekucabangeni kwakho okungenalutho, futhi uma isikhathi eside ngemva kokuhlukanisa awukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwane obusha, ungapheli ithemba. Ngemuva kwalokho, kuvame ukuthi kwenzeka ukuthi abantu abafuna ukuqala ubudlelwane obusha, bashade kuphela ukuze bangahlali bodwa futhi bazizwe bebalulekile. Kodwa imishado yaloluhlobo ekuqaleni ihlukumeza ngokwabo ukuhluleka.
Ngokwezibalo, abesifazane bashada kabusha ngonyaka noma ababili noma abathathu ngemva kokuhlukanisa nomlingani wabo wokuqala. Kwabesifazane, isikhathi sokuvuselela emva kokuhlukanisa kokuqala kuthatha izinyanga eziyishumi nambili, kuyilapho indoda idinga cishe unyaka nonyaka.
Ungasheshi ngokusungulwa komshado omusha. Ngempela, njengoba bekusho, konke kunesikhathi. Kufanele uqaphele ukuthi isibonakaliso esinembile kunazo zonke esitshela mayelana nokulungela kwakho ukwakha ubudlelwane obusha kuyoba ukuthi umbono wakho womngane womshado wangaphambili mayelana nobuhlobo bakho obusha ngeke usaba nendaba. Ukushada futhi, udinga ukwakha isimo sengqondo esihle kumshado omude ojabulisayo.
"Imithetho yegolide" ukushada kabusha.
Kuneminye imithetho okufanele ilandelwe ukuze umshado wesibili uphumelele kakhulu kuneyokuqala:
- Ungalokothi uqhathanise umyeni wesibili kanye nodlule;
- Yiba nesineke kakhulu kulowo oshade naye. Lokhu-ke, kuyinkambinkimbi eyinkimbinkimbi eyodinga umzamo omkhulu kuwe;
- Umuntu kufanele avunywe njengoba ekhona;
- Qinisekisa ukuthi ufunda ukuyekethisa uphinde ubheke;
- Zama ukungaboni ukuhluleka kwesigamu sakho, ngaso sonke isikhathi ube nobungane futhi udumise umyeni wakho ngobuqotho ngempumelelo ehlukahlukene nempumelelo;
- Zama ukuphatha amahlaya ngenjabulo, njengoba amahlaya ngokuvamile edlala indima eqinile ebuhlotsheni.