Kungani singazi ukuthi singazibuza kanjani

Izazi zengqondo ziqinisekile: ngemuva kokukhohlisa kokuzimela ngokuvamile kuvame ukuzinakekela ngokwabo. "Ukuzama - hhayi ukuhlukumeza, ukwenqaba - akunandaba!" "Ukufunwa kwe-3a akungena ekhaleni." "Cela, futhi uzonikezwa." Ngemiqondo enjalo ukuhlanganiswa ngaphandle kokuqonda kungasikhuthaza: ukubuza - ngokwemvelo, kodwa asikholelwa futhi siphindaphinda izitatimende ezehlukene. Isibonelo, emva kweSolzhenitsyn: "Ungakholwa, ungesabi, ungabuzi." Isicelo siyisifiso esiqokelwe ukugqoka ngamazwi futhi sibhekiswe kulowo okwazi ukukubona. Kuvela ukuthi labo abangakwazi ukubuza, abakhathaleli ngezifiso zabo, banciphise amathuba futhi babanjwa ngokuziqhenya. Futhi labo abalula ukubuza akuzibekezi ukuzethemba nokuzihlonipha ngokuxhomeke ekuphenduleni kwabanye abantu futhi benza konke okusemandleni ukuze banakekele ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo. Okushiwo umqondo othi "ukubuza" kungabonakala ukuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani. Lowo obuza, uphoqeleka ukuvula, ukudalula izifiso zakhe nezifiso zakhe, azibonakalise yena. Isicelo sihlale sixhumana, umhlangano, isidingo sokungena ebuhlotsheni. Uveza izindawo zethu ezinobuthakathaka nezinhlanzi, amahlamvu "amathandayo" namanxeba. Futhi ubani ozimisele ukuzinikela kuloluhlobo olunjalo?

Inkulana
Sifunda ukubuza kusukela kumasekhondi okuqala okuphila. Ngendlela umama nabanye abantu abadala abasabela ngayo ezidingo zomntwana, ukusinda kwakhe kuxhomeke ekuziphatheni ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Udokotela wezingane waseBrithani nezingane yengqondo yengqondo uDonald Vinninoth wethula umqondo wokuthi "umama owanele" - owaziyo futhi owanelisa izidingo zomntwana zokudla, ukufudumala, owomile, ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, futhi kusiza ukuhlala nemizwa emibi ehlotshaniswa nokungakwazi ukugcwalisa zonke izifiso ngesikhathi esisodwa. Khona-ke isimiso senjabulo kufanele sivumelane nesimiso seqiniso. Ukuhunyushwa kusuka olimini lwe-psychoanalytic, lokhu kusho ukuthi zonke izinyane ezineminyaka emihlanu noma eyisithupha kumele zifunde ukuzwa ukuthi akunakwenzeka ukugcwalisa zonke izidingo zakhe. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ingane ithole kokubili okuhlangenwe nakho: ukuthi izifiso zakhe zanelisekile nokuthi ezinye izidingo azikwazi ukwaneliswa nhlobo. Noma kungenzeka, kodwa hhayi ngokuphelele noma cha kanye.

Ukungathandi okungapheli kwezicelo kuhlobene ngokuqondile nezici ezimbili: bangakanani abazali abahlangabezana nezifiso zezingane nendlela abachazela ngayo isikhundla sabo. Ngokuphindaphindiwe ekulaleni izicelo, izingane zifunda ukuthi zingabuzi lutho. Lokhu kubasiza ukuba bagweme imizwelo emibi, njengokuthukuthela, intukuthelo, ukuhlazeka nokuhlazeka. Izimbangela ezivame kakhulu zokuhluleka kwabazali: ukwesaba ukuxoshwa kanye nomcebo ophansi. Esimweni sokuqala, ingane ingakwazi ukuzwa futhi ifinyelele umlayezo: "Awufanelwe ukuthi izicelo zakho zigcwaliseke," okwesibili: "Izicelo zakho zibiza kakhulu, ungazibopheli abanye." Futhi hhayi ukuzama ukucela noma yini, umuntu omdala akaqondiswa ngokuqonda, kodwa ngalezi zengqondo ezingenangqondo.

Abanikazi bamandla
Ukwesaba ukuthi sizolahlwa isicelo sijule kakhulu kunokwesaba ukungatholi lutho. Ukwenqaba kubonakala njengokwenqatshwa, njengokuphika ukuthi sikhona. Emibonweni yethu, abantu basitshela ukuthi "cha" hhayi ngenxa yezizathu ezizwakalayo, kodwa ngoba bafuna ukubonisa ukuthi baphakeme kakhulu namandla.

Umceli usuke esesimweni esingasengozini kumuntu onikezelayo. Singathola imizwelo emibi futhi singatholi lutho njengomphumela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, sigxile isimo sethu sezenhlalakahle ebuhlotsheni ne-addressee. Asifuni ukuzwa noma ukubonisa ubuthakathaka bethu, kubonakala sengathi isicelo sisifaka ngokushesha esimweni esiphezulu. Ukungaqapheli ngokungaqapheli lokhu buthakathaka - ekubambeni kwethu kunkulu futhi kubaluleke ngaphezu kwalokho.

Ikhono lokubuza yikhono lokuzibeka ebuhlotsheni obungenakulawulwa. Ukumelana nokuhlukunyezwa okuhlobene nalesi simo, ungesabi ukungaqiniseki. Ukubuza ukuzivumela ukuba ube ngumuntu othembekile, ukuqaphela ukubaluleka komunye, ukukunikeza okufanelekile. Gwema njalo izimo lapho uncike khona futhi ubuthakathaka - kufana nokuzama ukuphefumula ngaphandle kokuphefumula.

Ukuhlelwa komphakathi
Ukubona kwethu izicelo kuhlobene nendlela umphakathi obaphatha ngayo. Asifuni ukuhlotshaniswa neziphambane nezinkomba. Ngakho, ngokuhlazeka, ububha, izifo. Abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi noma yikuphi isicelo kuyisinyathelo ekubhekaneni nobumpofu, njengokungathi kufanele ucele futhi uzothola maduze emgodini.

"Ungalokothi ucele noma yini, ikakhulukazi labo abanamandla kunawe! Bazozinikela ngokwabo futhi bazokhipha konke!" - kusho uBulgakovsky Woland. Kwabaningi, le nkulumo ifunde ngaphandle kokugxeka nokuhlaziywa ngokufakwa. Kulula kakhulu ukungabi nengozi uma ucela, kodwa ukuhlala ulinde amandla ezindawo ukuze anelise izifiso zethu. Lona umbono wengane encane ekholelwa emandleni akhe futhi isetshenziselwa izifiso zayo ezihlangene ngokufunwa. Umuntu omdala uyaqonda ukuthi labo abakuzungezile abanalo amakhono we-telepathic ukuze baqaphele isifiso, kumele okungenani abizwe, okungukuthi, baphenduke isicelo.

Ukungafuni ukubuza kuyisici sobulili. Ngokwesiko, kukholelwa ukuthi indoda kufanele ifake usizo olungaphansi, ukuze ingabhubhisi isithombe seqine futhi sinokuqiniseka. Futhi ngowesifazane ophikisanayo, kuyindlela yokubonisa ukuzivikela, ubunzima.

Ukuziphatha kungaphinda kufinyelele phezulu kusuka kokuphambene. Akuhambisani "ngokuvumelana", kodwa "ngokumelene" nezinkolelo zomphakathi. Isibonelo, intombazane inganquma: "Ngeke ngimcele lutho lokufakazela: Angifani nabanye abantu." Kulolu daba, lo muntu usalokhu encike kulowo mbono, kuphela ngophawu oluhlukile.

Khokha konke
Ukungakwazi ukubuza kungaxhunyaniswa nokwesaba ukubuyiselwa emuva kokusizwa okunikeziwe. Ngaphandle kokungazi lutho, umqondo ubeka ukuthi akunakwenzeka ukuba "uthathe" wedwa, ngolunye usuku kuzodingeka "unike". Umqondo awukubi, kodwa uyesabisa, ngoba aziwa kusengaphambili ukuthi "ukunikeza" kungakanani. Umzwelo wenduduzo yengqondo, ukulawula isimo, uyanyamalala. Uma sicela okuthile, sibonakala sinika omunye ilungelo lokucela usizo kithi. Sesaba ukuthi inkonzo yesikhathi esizayo iyoba nzima futhi iyabiza, futhi ngeke sibe nelungelo lokulahla.

Umqondo wokukhokha okusizayo wokusiza ungagxila emlandweni womndeni. Uma kwakukhona amacala aphindaphindiwe emndenini uma isicelo sokwelashwa sibangele imiphumela engafanele noma ebulalayo, singakwazi ukukhuluma ngesimo somndeni. Kulokhu, singazichazela ngokwethu ngokwethu thina nabanye ukuthi asifuni ukubuza, kodwa sizokwenza ngaphansi kwethonya lenkolelo engenangqondo: "Uma ubuza, uzokhokha ngokuqinisekile."

Noma ngabe yiziphi izizathu zokwehluleka kwethu ukuzibuza, kusadingeka ukuzibona. Okokuqala, ukuze ufunde ukuzinakekela okungcono.