Isimo esivamile kakhulu uma bekhulisa izingane zabo, nakuba bebengakulungeli ukwamukela ingane yomunye. Isihloko sokufundisa ingane yomunye umuntu selokhu sikhona futhi siyadingeka. Kwabaningi, lokhu kuyinkinga yangempela, edinga ushintsho emicabangweni yakho yengqondo - futhi uzovuma, akulula kakhulu. Amathiphu ngendlela owesifazane angamukela ngayo ingane yomunye umuntu angazwakala emibukisweni eminingi yenkulumo futhi afunde kumaforamu ahlukahlukene. Kodwa ungalandeli ngokungaqondile iseluleko sohlangothini lomunye umuntu, ngoba ukuqonda isimo nesimo sengqondo ngokuqondene nayo kuhlukile kubo bonke abantu, okusho ukuthi kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho komunye umuntu kungenza ngisho nokulimaza. Uma owesifazane engakwazi ukwamukela ingane yomunye umuntu, okokuqala, kuzomele uzame ukuqonda izizathu zalokhu. Izizathu zihlukaniswe ngezigaba eziningana:
- ezingeni lezinzwa (ukunganakwa, ukulahlwa, intukuthelo);
- ezingeni lomzwelo (ukukhungatheka, ukucindezeleka, ukuhlukunyezwa, ukwenqatshwa okusebenzayo);
- ezingeni lokuqaphela (ukuhlola imiphumela emibi, isisindo "sokuthi" futhi "ngokumelene", ukulandela uhlelo lokuphila);
- ezingeni lezimo zengqondo (block psychological block).
Ake sibheke ezingeni ngalinye ngemininingwane eyengeziwe. Izinga lemizwa libeka isimo lapho, lapho owesifazane, futhi engaqondakali khona, ingane engaphandle angabangeli imizwa, noma ibangele ukucasuka noma intukuthelo. Lokhu kuqondiswa kuchazwa yi-yangaphakathi, mhlawumbe ngisho nokungazi, ukungafuni ukuba ngumzali nhlobo.
Uma owesifazane esevele engumama, khona-ke imizwa enjalo ivela futhi ezingeni elingazi lutho ngenxa yomhawu nesifiso somntanakho sokudumisa zonke ezinye izingane, lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi uthando lomama oyimpumputhe. Akulula ukuqeda izimbangela ezinjalo. Into kuphela enganconywa kumama ukulalela enye ingane, ukuzama ukumthanda impumelelo yakhe nokuba ngumngane wayo kuqala. Izizathu zokwenqatshwa ezingeni lomzwelo zivezwe ngokuphazamiseka kwemizwa, ukucindezeleka nokuphikiswa okusebenzayo kwengane. Ngokungafani nezinga langaphambilini, owesifazane uyaqaphela ukuthi ingane engumfokazi kuye umzabalazo naye, usemweni ocindezelekile futhi akazi ukuthi angaphuma kanjani kuwo. Izimbangela zalesi sizinga ziqedwa ngokwazo, lokhu kuphela kuthatha isikhathi. Ukungakwazi ukwamukela ingane yomunye umuntu ezingeni lokuqaphela kuchazwa ngukuqonda komuntu wesifazane. Mhlawumbe ungumsebenzi wokuphila futhi ugcina impilo yakhe ilawulwa, futhi ukuvela kwengane yomunye akukona nakancane amapulani akhe. Kulesi simo, ingane engumfokazi ayihambisani ngokuphelele necebo lokuphila futhi kubonakala sengathi iyisongo ekwakhiweni okuphumelelayo kwekusasa layo. Izizathu ezinjalo nazo zixoshiwe, kodwa hhayi ngokwazo-owesifazane kufanele acabange ukuthi angamukelwa kanjani ingane yomunye umuntu futhi akhe ipulani encane, bese evumelana ngokuvumelana necebo labo lokuphila.
Izizathu ezingeni lokufaka ziphakathi kwezinzima kunzima, ngoba ukunqoba kwazo kubalulekile ukudiliza ibhulogi engezansi owesifazane ngokwakhe eyakhele yona. Ibhuloho elinjalo livela kulokho okuthiwa "ukuphakamisa imicabango". Owesifazane wesaba ukwamukela ingane yomunye umuntu, ngoba lokhu kusho ukuwenza umehluko empilweni, futhi ibhulogi ngokwengqondo kusiza ekubalekeni kuzo zonke izinkinga. Kodwa lokhu kuyinkolelo nje, ngoba awukwazi ukuhlala ufihla "kugobolondo." Udonga lwezokuzivikela lungakhiwa kahle kangangokuba luzodinga usizo lomqondo wezengqondo osebenzayo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini eyinkimbinkimbi yokwamukela ingane yomunye, owesifazane kufanele azikhethele kuqala ukuthi kungani ethatha lesi sinyathelo nokuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba abe ngumama wengane yomunye umuntu. Izimpendulo zale mibuzo zizomsiza ukuba alwe nemizwelo nemicabango emibi.
Indoda kufanele icabange nokuthi owesifazane uthola kanjani ingane yomunye umuntu, usize futhi amsekele. Ngamunye wethu wazalwa ukuba ajabule futhi athande. Futhi yini evimbela? Yizimo zengqondo kuphela, indlela eya enjabulweni kufanele ivulekele ukwazi kwethu nemizwa, khona-ke owesifazane uzokwazi ukwabelana injabulo nengane. Imvelo idale owesifazane njengomama, futhi ilangabi lothando luhlala enhliziyweni yomuntu ngamunye. Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ingane, noma engumfokazi, ingafanelanga ukuthi leli flamme lifudumale? Owesifazane ongazange alahlekelwe ezinsukwini zakhe ezingenalutho ikhono lokuthanda, ngeke asabize ingane yomunye umuntu engaziwa.