Kodwa kwenzekani ezingqondweni zabesifazane nabesilisa uma kuziwa ebuhlotsheni bobulili?
Ezweni lanamuhla, owesifazane uzizwa ekhululekile ngokobulili, njengendoda. Kodwa kusukela kulokho okwenzekayo, kuze kube yilolu suku indoda enesibalo esikhulu samakhosikazi, konke okubizwa ngokuthi yiZhigalo, nowesifazane olala okungaphezu kweyodwa, ngokuvamile kufanele alalele ukuphuma emgqonyeni wehlebo ngemuva kwakhe futhi abuke inani elikhulu lokubukeka okubhekayo. Ukungabi nabulungisa okuvelaphi?
Cishe, imbangela eyisisekelo yobudlelwane obunjalo iboniswa ku-vnuansah psychology yomuntu. Njenganoma yiyiphi enye, ukuguqulwa kocansi kulimaza ukubonakaliswa kwangaphandle kweziphakamiso ezihlukahlukene, kepha akukwazi emakhulwini eminyaka ukuhlukanisa izimo zengqondo zabantu nokuzikhohlisa. Ngisho nangesikhathi samanje, inkumbulo yomuntu (kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izakhi zofuzo noma ngisho nezinga elingaphansi kwengqondo) ligcina umbono: umuntu ungumzingeli, owesifazane ungumgcini wendlu.
Isayensi yanamuhla ibuye ivukele ukuvikelwa kwamadoda. Ososayensi-genetics baye bathola iqiniso elithakazelisayo ukuthi i-hormone eyodwa ibangela ukukhangwa ngokocansi kubamele abesilisa besilisa. Futhi konke, mhlawumbe, ukuqagela ukuthi igama lakhe ngu-testosterone. Ngobudlelwane bobulili, lona wesifazane ofanayo akakhangwa yi-hormone elula, kodwa yiyinkimbinkimbi enkulu eyinkimbinkimbi yokuphendula kwamakhemikhali. Mhlawumbe lokhu kungakho, kubantu abaningi, ubulili buyinto elula engokwenyama engaqhathaniswa, isibonelo, ngesidlo sasekuseni esivamile. Abesifazane beJessex baqaphela ubulili njengokubonakaliswa ngokomzimba kokusondelana nothando. Ekugcineni, kuyacaca ukuthi abesifazane babalulekile kakhulu ingxenye yomzwelo yale nqubo.
Kuyadabukisa, kodwa kuvela ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siphikisana kangakanani ingxoxo yokuziphatha nokuthembeka, impela owesifazane nendoda iqukethe ukuhlobana okuhlukile kocansi.
Uma indoda ihlolwe owesifazane, ukuhlolwa kwakhe kuqhubeka njalo. Kukhona amantombazane avuma ukuthi lapho ekhuluma nentombazane enhle enhle anombono onjalo: "Ingabe uzolala nami?" Isenzo sisezingeni elingenakuqaphela, ngisho noma ethanda umkayo futhi ejabule emshadweni! Ucwaningo oluthile phakathi kwabangane nabangane bami luqinisekisile ukuthi imicabango yecebo elinjalo liza engqondweni cishe kubo bonke abantu. Khona-ke konke kuhamba ngokwendlela evamile. Indoda, njengesidalwa esiyinqaba, ngokwemvelo ifuna ukuqinisekisa umqondo wayo: "Ingabe uzolala noma angalali?" Mhlawumbe lokhu kungase kuhlambalaze, kodwa ngokuvamile kusetshenziselwa "ukudonsa" owesifazane kude, indoda ayihlanganyeli kunoma yikuphi ukuzwa. Umsebenzi oyinhloko ukuwina. Uma owesifazane ephendukela ekubeni yisilwane esilula, khona-ke owesilisa, eseqedile ukuzithanda kwakhe, uyanyamalala ebusweni bakhe. Izisulu "ezingapheli" ezingapheli zingamphoqa indoda ukuba ibuyele ekubonakaliseni izimangaliso ezimangalisayo zothando lobuhlanya, ingakwazi ngisho nokukholelwa ukuthi uyathandana. Kodwa-ke, ngemva kokufinyelela umgomo othandekayo, le ndoda iba engathandeki. Impendulo yombuzo yanikezwa, ngakho-ke, ubudlelwane obunjalo buye bavuka.
Akudingekile ukuba uqonde kahle ukuqonda kwengqondo ukuthi abantu abaqala umdlalo onjalo bafuna ukuzitholela ngokwenza ucansi, futhi baphinde bahlehlise "I" yabo. Amadoda amaningi anjalo enza lokho, ngoba aziqiniseki ngokwabo. Enhliziyweni yabo banomuzwa wokungavikeleki, bahlase ngendlela elula, bafuna ukugcizelela ukukhangisa kwabo. Kwenzeka ukuthi abesifazane baziphathe ngendlela efanayo. Kodwa-ke, izisusa zabesifazane nabesilisa zihlukile.Uma amadoda efuna ukuqinisekisa u-ego wabo wesilisa, abesifazane bazama ukufakazela wonke umuntu kanye nakho konke okufunayo nokuthandwa.
Ngokuvamile, abesifazane banokungaphepheli kancane futhi baxakeke kwezocansi zabo. Ngakho-ke, uma indoda idinga njalo ukuthola indlela "yokulala" yokuqinisekiswa kokuveza isithakazelo kumuntu wobulili obuhlukile, khona-ke owesifazane uzokwazi ukuzwa ukuncoma noma ngisho nokubukeka okubukeka kahle, okujabulisayo. Uma ukuncoma okunjalo kwenzeka, khona-ke imizwa yentombazane noma ukuziqhenya kwabesifazane kuyaneliseka. Ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukubeka umgomo olandelayo.
Owesifazane ongashadile, njengombuso, uphinde ahloniphe ukwazana okusha njengento engase ibe yothando nothando. Noma kunjalo, kugcizelela kancane kancane. Uma ngokuvamile izithakazelo eziyinhloko zomuntu zitholakala endizeni yombhede, khona-ke izithakazelo zabesifazane zishadile ngokwemvelo. Noma yimuphi intombazane emva kokuqala kokukhanda ekhanda lakhe idweba isithombe, njengokungathi, ingoma engavamile yezinyoni ezithinte izandla, iya e-altare. Ngakho-ke kuvela ukuthi indoda ibheka ucansi njengomgomo, kanti owesifazane - kuphela njengendlela yokufinyelela umgomo ophakeme kakhulu.
Uma umuntu ocansini kuphela elinde ukwaneliseka kwezidingo zakhe zomzimba, akucaci ukuthi kungani edinga umlingani?
Ngemuva kwalokho, ungafinyelela lo mnandi ngokwakho, ngenkathi ungasebenzisi isikhathi nemali ekusungulweni koxhumene naye, owaziyo kanye neminye imigomo. Kungabuye kuqaphele ukuthi kunomsebenzi omdala futhi owaziwayo, ohilela ucansi ngaphandle kwothando. Kodwa-ke, kulokhu, isisusa sokwanelisa ukuzethemba komuntu asikho kumuntu. Ngakho-ke i-kakon ithola ubulili hhayi ngenxa yokungaziphenduleli kwakhe, kodwa nje ngoba ukukhokhela imali. Kubonakala ukuthi ngaphezu kokuthi "ukudlala ngothando" ngokuziqhenya nokuzijabulisa komzimba kunokunye okunye, ngenxa yalokho yilowo nalowo kithi angena ebulili. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi ngisho nalabo abathinteka kakhulu emibonweni yokuthi ubulili buyisenzo esingaqhathaniswa nokuthunyelwa kwesidingo (noma ngisho nokudla) siphume umbuzo onjalo: "Kungani udinga umlingani uma ulala naye?"
Ngokwemvelo, akekho ozophika ukuthi isitho socansi ngokwemvelo kufana nokoma noma indlala, kodwa ngokungafani nabo, ingalawulwa ngumuntu uqobo. Uma kulula ukuzwakalisa, kungukuthi isisu "siyijaji" uma kunesidlala, ngakho-ke esimweni sobulili (naphezu kwesabelo esikhulu sethonya lesifiso somzimba) ubuchopho buba nesimo esiholela phambili. Ngenxa yalokho, kuthiwa owesifazane nendoda into eyinhloko kwezobulili ayisemzimbeni, kepha ukusondelana okungokomoya. Lokhu kungukuthi umehluko omkhulu phakathi komuntu nesilwane.
Abantu ababili abathandanayo abathandana nabo ngokobulili ukubonakaliswa kokusondelana bayothola injabulo enkulu futhi kuyoba uhlelo oluhluke ngokuphelele. Ngesinye isikhathi ngabona ukuthi bazwelana kanjani nalabo abacabangela indima yobuningi empilweni yomuntu kuphela isidingo esingokwenyama. Eqinisweni, bangaba nesihe kuphela-uma bekwazi ukuqhathanisa kanjalo, abakaze bazizwe wonke umuzwa, umuzwa wezinyunyana zomhlaba ezinikezwa kuphela othandweni ngempela.