Ukungqubuzana kunencazelo eminingi, futhi wonke umuntu uyayiqonda ngendlela yawo. Singakwazi ukuqonda incazelo yayo ehlobene nohlobo lwezingxabano, noma singaqhathanisa izici zayo eziyinhloko, futhi ngaleyo ndlela sithole incazelo yalo jikelele, okuyinto eqinisweni, ezosisiza sihlaziye isimo sengxabano yengqondo. Lokhu kuhlaziywa kuzokwenziwa kuye ngezinhlobo zokungqubuzana nokuziphatha komuntu ngalesi sikhathi.
Ukungqubuzana, ngokuvamile, isimo sansukuzonke kwansuku zonke, lapho wonke umuntu ehlangana khona futhi ekude wonke umuntu uyaqonda incazelo yalesi sizwi, esebenzisa isilulumagama sakhe sansuku zonke. Lesi yisici esibaluleke kakhulu sokuxhumana emphakathini, izici zamaqembu awo, uhlobo lobuhlobo phakathi kwezifundo ezingenzeka kanye nezingokoqobo zesenzo senhlalo. Ukuxabana kuvame ukungqubuzana kwezintshisekelo ezahlukene, lapho ngamunye ngamunye ethatha isikhundla ngokuphathelene nesithakazelo sakhe, ukwanelisa noma ukuvikela ukwaneliseka kwezinye izidingo zabo, okuyisisekelo esifihliwe empini evelele.
Uma sikhuluma ngezimbangela zabo, zivela esikhathini sokusebenzisana kwabantu ababili futhi, ngokusobala, zingenakugwema, nakuba ukubukeka kwazo kungancishiswa. Izingxabano zingase zihluke, ezimweni eziningi ezingavamile, lapho zingabangela izingxabano, ukubhujiswa kwezivumelwano kanye nokuwohloka kobudlelwane phakathi kwabadlali. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukungqubuzana kungadingeka futhi kube nesidingo esithile, ngenhloso yokukhipha imizwelo yabo, ukuhlukumezeka, lapho izinhlangothi zombili, ngokusebenzisa impikiswano, zithatha uhlobo oluthile lomdlalo ongaqondakali, zanelisa izidingo ezifanayo ngezindleko zabo. Izimbangela zezingxabano zibangelwa okushiwo ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo kwabahlanganyeli bayo, izici zokuziphatha, ukuziphatha kanye nezinhlelo ezihleliwe kakade, kushukumisela nezisusa zokuziphatha, izimiso ezithile zomuntu ngamunye.
UK. Thomas uveza izitayela eziyisihlanu zokuziphatha ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana: ukuncintisana, ukubambisana, ukunciphisa, ukugwema nokuzivumelanisa. Ezimweni ezihlukene, izitayela zingahlanganiswa, umuntu angenza ngokuvumelana nezinga kanye nenhlobo yezingxabano, kodwa futhi angahlakulela uhlobo lwakhe lokuziphatha ngesikhathi sokuphikisana, okuzoba ngenxa yezimpawu zobuntu bakhe. Ukuziphatha ngenkathi ingxabano kuncike esimweni sengqondo, isimo sengqondo ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, isimo sengqondo komunye umuntu ohlangene, kanye nhlobo uhlobo lwezingxabano nezidingo, kubalulekile futhi ukucabangela lokho umuntu ofuna ukukufeza.
Isitayela sokubalekela sisetshenziswa uma inkinga yakho ingabalulekile kakhulu, futhi umphikisi wakho unonya futhi phakathi kwezidingo zakhe kukhona nje ukuncintisana nomuntu, impikiswano ongayiboni. Isitayela esibuhlungu singakhetha kuphela uma wazi ukuthi unikwe igunya elihle futhi iningi labantu likusekela, futhi uyaqiniseka futhi uzokwazi ukufakazela ukufaneleka kwakho. Isitayela sokubambisana sihle, ikhodi onayo nomphikisi wakho isivele inobungane obuhle, futhi kuzodingeka wamukele umbono wakhe. Isitayela sokubambisana nokunciphisa ingcono kakhulu ekuxazululeni izingxabano, futhi ezimweni eziningi, okulungile kakhulu, ngoba ukugwema ukungqubuzana, akunakwenzeka ukuthi ukuxazululwa, njengokuhlukumeza akuyona indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza.
Ngombango ngamunye, izigaba eziyinhloko zihlukile, ezinezici ezihlukene, izenzo kanye nezici zabo siqu. Isigaba sokuqala ukuvela kwezingxabano, lapho imibono ehlukene ikhona khona futhi kubangelwa ukuxabana. Isigaba sesibili ukuguqulwa kokungqubuzana okungenzeka kube yinto yangempela, lapho kuvela ukungqubuzana futhi ngamunye wezinhlangothi kakade ukhetha isikhundla saso kuwo. Isigaba sesithathu - izingxabano, kuxhomeke ezintweni eziningi ezihlukene, ngakho-ke, kuqhubeka isikhathi esithile. Ngalesi sigaba, kungenzeka ukuthi kunomphela. Isigaba sokugcina yisiteji sokuxazulula impikiswano, ngokuqokomisa imiphumela, lapho iziphetho ezahlukene ezivele zilandele khona.
Ziziphi izindlela zokuxazulula izimo zokuphikisana? Ukuze unciphise ukungezwani, akufanele ukugxila emibonweni yakho, ukwazi ukusebenzisa uzwela nokuqonda ohlangothini lwesibili, iziphetho zalo, ukuthi kungani umphikisi wakho enza kanjalo, ngenkathi unempondo enkulu nenzuzo, uqonde ukuthi yikuphi ukuxabana ngokwayo, lapho ubamba iqhaza futhi uzokwazi ukuyixazulula ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Uma kwenzeka umphikisi wakho engumhlukumezi, ungabona ukuthi ufuna ukuziphatha kanjani - ulindele ukuhlukunyezwa okufanayo, intukuthelo nokuhlaselwa. Njengoba ubonile lokhu, zibonise njengomoya ozolile, mhlawumbe ungathathi hlangothi kancane empikiswaneni - futhi uzothola isinyathelo kanye nesimo esiwusizo kakhulu empini.
Bonisa ukuthi uqonda i-interlocutor futhi wamukela isimo sakhe, ukuthi awuhambisani naye, kodwa ufuna ukusebenzisana naye ukuxazulula inkinga ethile kokubili, futhi ucabangisisa yonke imibono. Ungalokothi ulahlwe noma uhlulele umphikisi ngenxa yokuthi unemibono ehlukene - kungaki abantu emhlabeni, imicabango eminingi, umuntu ngamunye ucabanga ngendlela yakhe, futhi asikwazi ukuyikhokhisa ngalokhu.
Inqubo enhle yokufunda ukuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela efanele futhi uhlakulele ingqondo yakho ukubukeka nokuzigxeka. Cabanga ukuxabana okuye kwaxazululwa esikhathini esedlule futhi ubuke amaphutha akho ukuze uvimbele ukuthi bangabe besenzeka futhi esikhathini esizayo, badonse iziphetho.
Ngokuhlaziya isimo sokungqubuzana kwengqondo nokuqonda isimo salo, singafunda ukunciphisa izenzakalo ezinjalo, nokuzixazulula ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka ezingeni eliphakeme, ukuze izintshisekelo zomabili zombili zithandeke, futhi ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu bahlala ezingeni elifanayo noma ngisho nokuthuthuka njengomphumela ikhono lokuphuma kulezi zimo ezinzima.