Phakathi kwezici zesimo sengqondo sabazali emndenini ongaphelele, ngingathanda ukuphawula ukuthi namuhla obaba bathatha ingxenye enkulu ekukhulisweni nasekunakekeleni ingane, kusukela esemncane. Uhlangothi olungezansi lwemali ukuthi ukuhlukaniswa nobaba kuhlangene nengane kakhulu. Uma engekho ubaba eduze, ingane ayinalo igunya, akekho ozokwenza umyalelo, ukubeka isiyalo, izinkinga ziphakama nokwakhiwa kokucindezeleka ngokomzwelo, ukuzihlonipha, ukuzimela nokuhleleka kahle, azikho izimo zokuhlonza ucansi olufanele. Iphuzu elibalulekile yizici zobuhlobo bomama kumyeni wakhe wangaphambili. Kwenzeka ukuthi akalokothi akhulume uyise ovame ukungqubuzana nezinkumbulo zezingane, kuthiwa kwakungekho nhlobo ubaba. Abanye bazama ukuveza ubaba wabo ngokubi ngaphambi kokuba umntwana, ngamanye amazwi, athole zonke izikhathi ezivela esithombeni sikababa owashiya umndeni. Lokhu kuyingozi kakhulu, ngoba umama uphoqa ukuthuthukiswa kokuzihlonipha, ubulala isithunzi somntwana - kunzima ukuzicabangela uqobo, ukholelwa ukuthi uzalwa ngenxa yomuntu ongafaneleki. Kumele kuqashelwe futhi kudumise ukuhlakanipha kanye nendlela evamile yokubhekana nalolu daba kulabo omama abazama ukuhlukanisa izici ezinhle kanye nokungaphumeleli kumzali wengane. Njengobuchwepheshe obudumile, umsunguli wokululekwa komndeni, uVirginia Satir, uthi, kulula kakhulu ukuba umama akhombise ingane ukuthi uyise "uyingozi", ngenxa yalokho abafana abavame ukunikezwa ngayo ngokuthuthukiswa kwezintambo eziphansi, futhi kuba nzima ngentombazane ekhulayo ukuba acabange ukuthi indoda ingaba efiselekayo.
Ukujwayela indlela entsha yokuphila komndeni - ukuphila emndenini ongenawo umbhangqwana kuyinkinga enzima kakhulu yengqondo. Kulabo bazali abazithola bezingxenyeni ezihlukene zomkhawulo, lokhu akusikho okungaphezulu noma okuncane, kodwa kuyisivivinyo sangempela sokuba "umuntu omdala." Kodwa isimo esinzima senza umntwana akhule futhi azivumelanise ngokushesha. Kuye, ukuphila ngemva kokuhlukaniswa kwabazali kungukuhlukana kobudlelwane obuvamile, umzuzu onzima uba yingxabano phakathi kokunamathela kubaba nomama. Kunzima kakhulu ukuphatha ithonya lesahlukaniso ezinganeni zasenkulisa. Ngenxa yokuthambekela kwabo ekuhloliseni iminyaka ehambisana ne-age-keeping ukuze bahlale bejwayele ukuziphatha nokuhleleka, izingane zivuma izici ezintsha zalesimo. Gqoka ingane hhayi njengokwezifiso, futhi ngeke aphumule kuze kube yilapho ehamba phambili. Akusizi ngalutho ukukhuluma ukuthi kuyoba nzima kangakanani lapho impilo yakhe ishintsha kakhulu.
Emndenini ongaphelele, ikakhulukazi uma lokhu kungumphumela wesehlukaniso somzali, ubuhlobo phakathi komzali osele kanye nengane kungakhula endleleni, lapho abazali nezingane bexhunyaniswa ngokuhlangenwe nakho okuvamile mayelana nokuwa komndeni, okubangele ukuhlupheka, ubuhlungu nokudabuka. Ukungaqiniseki, izinkathazo, ukukhathazeka, imizwelo ecasulayo - lokhu konke okubi okuvela emndenini onjalo futhi kubonakala ingane. Kuyinto embi kakhulu uma umzali ephonsa ingane yakhe ngokomzwelo, njengoba ebhapathizwa ekucabangweni kokulahlekelwa ngumlingani empilweni, lapho izingane ziqala ukubuthakathaka ngomphefumulo nomzimba, azizwa nje ukulahlekelwa nguyise, kodwa futhi, ngokwengxenye, umama noma ngokufanayo.
I-plus plus iwukuthi kunezingane eziningana emndenini ongaphelele. Uma imvelo endala iziphatha ngokuhlakanipha, mhlawumbe ingane endala iyoba yisibonelo kanye nomhlahlandlela ohlangothini lokuxhumana nomphakathi kuncane. Kuyaziwa ukuthi emindeni engumzali oyedwa, odadewabo nabafowethu banamathele ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye.
Owesifazane ongabodwa, ukukhulisa izingane ngaphandle kokubamba iqhaza kukababa, ukwandisa inqubo yemfundo ngesilinganiso esibi kakhulu. Oomama abanjalo kaningi babenokwesaba okuhlukile nokwesaba: "kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ugijima kanjani," "ngokuzumayo i-heredity embi izoqala ukuvela." Khona-ke omama baqala ukuziphatha ngokweqile kumntwana, bezama ukuziphathisa "njengobaba oqinile" lapho bexhumana nendodana, echaphazela kabi ukukhuliswa kwengane nokuthuthukiswa kobuntu bakhe. Phela, izingane azihlobene ngokufanayo negunya lomama noyise. Iqiniso liwukuthi ubaba ugxeke icala, futhi ukugxeka umama kungathintana nengane ngokungaqapheli njengenqaba ukumthanda. Kulokhu, ingane izoqala ukuqinisa amalungelo akhe isidingo sokuzizwa esithandwa futhi enenjongo, isebenzisa zonke izindlela ezitholakalayo kuye, okungukuthi, i-whims nokungalaleli, noma, ngokushesha noma ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ayeke ukucabanga kwakhe, eqaphele ukubusa okuphelele komuntu wesifazane, futhi akhule abe umuntu onenhliziyo ethambile . Noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, umzali ubhekisela enganeni ebucayi, ethi "izintandane azijabuli," okusho ngokucacile konke kuvunyelwe. Lesi sikhundla siqala emikhankasweni yobugovu yengane, okuyinto engathandeki kakhulu kubantu.
Emndenini ogcwele, ubaba uvela ngaphambi kwezingane hhayi nje njengomzali, kodwa futhi njengendoda nasembusweni oshadile kanye nowesifazane. Yilezi zici zobungane bomuntu siqu obungenakulinganiswa endabeni yomndeni ongaphelele. Ngenxa yalokhu, kuvame ukulungiswa kabusha kwezindima ngesimiso esithi "indawo engcwele ayikaze ibe nalutho." Mhlawumbe ingane izozama ukubeka omunye umuntu kumalungu omndeni, ukujoyina inyunyana yomndeni, ibe ngumthwalo wemfihlo yemfihlo kanye nemfihlo. Lapho usemncane, lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungaba nethonya elinamandla emoyeni wengane, kokubili okuhle nokubi.
Lesi sihloko siningi, futhi akunakwenzeka ukudalula zonke izici zobunhlobonhlobo bobudlelwano bobuhlobo phakathi kwendoda phakathi kohlaka lwendaba eyodwa, ikakhulukazi ngokuthi unomndeni ongaphelele, okungukuthi, icala ekuqaleni lilukhuni futhi ludokotela.