Kuze kube yamuva, igama elithi "matchmaker" lihlotshaniswa kuphela nomculo ongafi kaGogol "Umshado". Kule minyaka, lapho abathandi bebeka izihlobo phambi kweqiniso lokudala umndeni, lo mdlalo u-atavism. Ngakho-ke, ukubonakala kwalokhu kumuntu we-psychologist owaziwayo uRosa Syabitova kubangele ukusabela okungaqondakali. Ekuqaleni. Isidingo saloluhlobo lwezinsiza sekuyisikhathi eside siboniswa ukuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kwemibhangqwana eminingi eqhubekisela phambili uthando lwabo ngokuhlukanisa okungazelelwe. Yini umakoti okufanele akhumbule emakethe yomshado? Yini okumelwe yenziwe ukuze ukwazi kahle umsebenzi womfazi? Iyini imfihlo yomkhaya wenjabulo? Mayelana nalezi zinto nezinye izinto eziningi utshela umqeqeshi wezobuchwepheshe uRosa Syabitova - umethuli we-TV owaziwayo wezinhlelo "Ake sishade" futhi "Ukwazi abazali bakho."
Yimuphi uhlobo lukaRose Raifovna Syabitova ngokwakhe owayengumakoti?
- Okokuqala, ngokuhlelekile, njengabesifazane abaningi abasha. Ugogo wangifundisa isayensi yokuba ngumfazi. Izeluleko eziningi ezivela ebhokisini lemali yakhe yokuphila ngibelana nabashade banamuhla. Akekho umakoti osemusha noma umkakhe abangenamaphutha. Sibonga kubo sithola isipiliyoni esibalulekile. Kodwa kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi kukhona indoda ehlakaniphile eceleni kwakhe ongatshela isinqumo esifanele kuphela. Umeluleki wami wayengumkhulu wami. Uma kukhona izingxabano nomyeni wakhe, ngigijimela kuye. "Indoda iyinhloko, izingane ziyisibili," esho, lapho ngikhala ngokuthi unzima kakhulu. - Ngeke kube khona indoda, bekungeke kube khona izingane zakho. Masibafundise ukucabanga, ningaxabani naye. Kufanele bazi ukuthi uyilungu elilodwa. Futhi-ke, cindezela ingane. Chaza ukuthi kuyadingeka kakhulu, futhi ubaba ufundisa ukuba bavikele emiphakathini eminingi esikhathini esizayo. "
Lapho ngibheka ukuthi umkhwekazi wangithanda, ngafunda izivumelwano zikagogo futhi nginkosikazi enhle. Nginomyeni wokuqala, ngahlala iminyaka engu-13, kwaze kwaba sekufeni kwakhe. Ugogo kaningi uphinda wathi: "Ukushada ukuhamba emakethe. Ngenkathi uhamba-khetha, thinta, luma, uxoxe. Futhi ukuthi ungashada kanjani, "udle", ukuthi wathenga. " Kusho ukuthi: ngenkathi ungumlobokazi, khetha. Futhi ngashada - impilo yami yonke. Indoda ikholelwa kuwe futhi ithemba ukuthi uzogcina indawo yakhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunzima kangakanani, futhi uzobhekana nokusebenza okunzima - umfazi omuhle. Lapha futhi uhambisane nalo, futhi ungagijimi ekuhluphekeni kokuqala ukufaka ihlukaniso.
Emcabangweni wokudala i-ejensi yomshado
- Umqondo wokusebenza njengomdlali wokulinganisa wangikhulunywa ngendodana eneminyaka eyisithupha ubudala. Lapho ethi: "Mama! Akufanelekile ukuba yedwa. " Ngakho nganquma ukuthola ubaba ongcono kunabantwana bami. Wacela umngane ukuthi angizise kumngane wakhe noma umfelokazi wakhe. Futhi wahlela ipikiniki encane, lapho ngathola khona amadoda athakazelisayo. Omunye wabo wacabanga ngisho nokwakha ubuhlobo obunzima. Ngabe sengibona ukuthi kufanele ushade wena. Ingane ejabulayo ingaba nomama ojabulayo kuphela. Awukwazi ukuhamba ngaphansi komqhele ngesifiso esisodwa kuphela, ukuze izingane zibe nobaba. Usevele unayo, nakuba inkumbulo. Yebo, ukuhlala ngaphandle kothando kuyingozi. Kodwa ngangiyithanda umdlalo wokufanisa. Ngaleso sikhathi, eminyakeni engu-15 edlule, ngiqale umsebenzi wami njengomdlalo wokufanisa. Futhi kwakukhona ngosizo lwe-matchmaking ukuthi ngithole uthando lwami.
Ingabe kunzima ukuthola umyeni omuhle phambi kwengane
- Owesifazane onabantwana kunzima kakhulu ukuthola indoda. Noma yimuphi umuntu, ngigcizelela - noma ubani - akafuni izinkinga ezengeziwe emndenini. Umakoti omuhle kakhulu owesifazane omncane, omuhle, omuhle futhi, okwamanje, ngaphandle kwesikhathi esidlule. Indoda ingokwemvelo ngobugovu, futhi kuyinto evamile. Uma kukhona ukukhetha phakathi kowesifazane onomntwana futhi onesizungu, uzokhetha lokho okulandelayo. Emva kwakho konke, uzothatha isikhathi sakhe sonke samahhala kuye, bese efika ezinganeni zakhe. Ngeke afune ukwabelana nefa lakhe nezingane ezisuka kwenye indoda. Owesifazane "ophethe i-trailer" kufanele alungele ukuthi izinkinga ziyoba, ezinhlangothini zombili: kokubili izingane nomyeni omusha. Kufanele abonge ngokuthi wamthatha nezingane. Kodwa ungayithinti, ukukhothamela umfazi njalo ezinyaweni. Wakhetha futhi, wamthatha njengomkakhe futhi ethatha umthwalo wezingane. Awukwazi ukucela umuntu ukuba athande nabo. Kwanele ukubahlonipha, futhi bangabakhe. Ngakho labo abasesimeni kumele benze imizamo eminingi yokushada futhi: lungele izinkinga futhi ube nesineke.
Iyini iphuzu lokumaketha kanye nendima yabadlali bezemidlalo ngokubheka uRosa Syabitova
- Esikhathini esidlule, umgomo oyinhloko wokumaketha kwaba umshado ngendlela yomshado. Okusho ukuthi, ukugcwaliseka komhlangano wokubhaliswa kwesonto lomshado wesilisa nowesifazane. Ezinsukwini zakudala lo mdlalo waholela ohlelweni lwezivumelwano phakathi kwabazali, kanti izingane zabhekana neqiniso. Abadlali bomdlalo wamanje banokuxoxisana nomakoti nomkhwenyana. Kodwa emva kwakho konke, phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane kufanele bagijime inhlansi yothando, okungukuthi, babonakalise lezo zici zemvelo zesikhangiso socansi, ezingenakulinganiswa. Akunakwenzeka ukuvumelana nemvelo, inemithetho yayo. Umdlali womdlalo angafundisa kuphela ukuthi ungathola kanjani umlingani ofanele. Ngakho - isimangalo. Abashadikazi bafuna umkhwenyana othile, futhi omakoti abafuni abafazi abanjalo. Ngiyazitshela njalo amaklayenti ami: "Bantombazane, angikuhlanganisi amadoda, angiyizombie. Ngiyakwazi ukudala izimo zokwazi, ukufundisa ukuthi yini okudingeka yenziwe ukuheha umuntu nokugcina ubuhlobo naye. " Kodwa abafazi abasha abafuni lutho! Banike umkhwenyana olungele! Ngenxa yalokho, kukhona ukungaqondi kahle, izikhalazo, kuthiwa umdlali womdlalo. Ngenhlanhla ngokuvula isikole sami isimo saqala ukushintsha. Abashadikazi abaningi, ngemva kokudlula, base beshada ngokushesha. Futhi izintombi, zibuka, nazo ziyakhuphuka. Njengomphumela - ushintsho empilweni yakho yomuntu siqu ukuze kube ngcono.
Ingabe kufanele ngibuze imibuzo eqondile: "Ungayinikeza umakoti?", "Uyi-roll-field, awunayo i-angle yakho" futhi njengalawa ngezinye izikhathi kududuza izivakashi eziningi. Ingabe kufanele ngilibale imali yabanye abantu?
- Ngingu-matchmaker weqiniso, ngakho-ke kufanele ngihambisane nalesi simo. Ngendlela, izincazelo zomsebenzi zabadlali bokudlala babhalwa esikhathini esidlule. Akukho mshado eRussia owake waqala ngaphandle kwenqubo yokumaketha. Iqembu lomyeni libonise elinye lamakhono alo: ikhono lokuziphatha emphakathini, lihloniphe umakoti nabazali bakhe. Lo mdlali wenza konke okusemandleni ukuqinisekisa ukuthi akekho owakusho ukuthi "le mpahla yayimncane" noma umakoti akazange ahlangane. Bazama ngazo zonke izindlela ukukhombisa ukuthi umndeni womakoti awuvikelekile kancane kunomndeni womyeni, futhi umshado uphetha phakathi kwabantu ababili abalinganayo besimo sezenhlalakahle esifanayo. Ngokwe-oda le-20 Family Charter yaseRussia ye-Domostroi (encwadini kaVasily waseKesariya), kwakunqunywa ukuthi ungakhuphula kanjani amadodakazi futhi uphume amadokodo kubo. Ukuqala kobudlelwane bomndeni kwakungaphambi kwesivumelwano sabazali bomakoti nomkhwenyana, incazelo yehlobo "lwezimiso ezibalulekile" zomshado, umshado, ubukhulu bodayari, njalonjalo. Lesi sikhundla ngokuphathelene nomndeni omusha sisasebenza nanamuhla.
Angizange ngihlangane nomunye umbhangqwana ozojabula kuphela ngothando. Umshado uwuhlelo olubalulekile lokuphila, okuyisisekelo salo ohlangothini lwezinto ezibonakalayo. Izingane azikwazi ukondla owodwa ngothando, ngeke zikunike esikoleni esihle. Yilokho engikushoyo ukuxwayisa abantu abasha ngokumelene namaphutha okungenzeka. Yiqiniso, okuningi akukwazi ukubalwa, kodwa uhlamvu lomuntu njengesibambiso sekusasa lungabonakala. Khona-ke akudingeki ukuba uthole umthamo womshado ojabulisayo, obakhulukazi ababebazi nabo. Uyazi ukuthi kuyini? Ngokulalela. Umfazi kufanele akhonze umyeni wakhe futhi ngaleyo ndlela amsize. Owesimanje wesifazane akazi ukuthi yena ngokwakhe udala umthwalo womuntu womndeni.
Ingabe umbono "Ingabe ngempela usho uthando"? Ungasindisa kanjani umndeni?
- Ngigcine umndeni wami, naphezu kwesikhathi esibucayi sobudlelwano. Lokhu kudinga ukuphana. Nginakho, ngoba ngithanda umyeni wami futhi ngikholelwa kuye. Indoda idinga owesifazane owazi ukuthethelela. Ngihamba ngendlela yokuthethelela, indoda ngokuphenduka. Ngifuna umphefumulo kimi. Lokhu kunzima kakhulu. Sithanda ukusho ukuthi ngeke sithethelele ukukhaphela, ukukhaphela. Konke kuyize. Kodwa ingokomoya lihlukile. Futhi umbuzo akusikho okumele usixolele, kodwa ngabe siyazi ukuthi singakwenza kanjani.
Sifake nendoda esesimweni se-aerobatics yomndeni ophakeme. Futhi uyangithanda kakhulu kunezigidi zabantu abafuna ukungiphonsela ngamatshe. Ngaphinda ngiphetha ngokuthi sisendleleni efanele. Ube nomthwalo wemfanelo obengeziwe, uthole ukuqonda ukuthi kuyadingeka ukuthi ukwazi ukubeka phambili kuqala. Yiba ngowesifazane ngisho nomongameli wezwe, kumele kuqala abe ngumkami nomama. Akukho lutho olubaluleke nakakhulu.
Lokho owesifazane adinga ukusindisa umndeni wakhe
- Okuningi. Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu - owesifazane kufanele ahloniphe indoda. Ugogo wami ohlakaniphile wathi: "Umzala, indoda kufanele ihlonishwe." Ngamphendula wathi: "Futhi uma kungenjalo?" - "Futhi uthola kuye ukuthi yini ofuna ukuyihlonipha, uma engazi ngisho nalokho, nokuhlonipha. Uzokholelwa futhi ahlonishwe. " Njengoba ubona, konke kulula.
Lona umbono we-professionalmakermaker uRosa Syabitova mayelana nomndeni, umshado kanye nendima yomdlali wezemidlalo ezweni lanamuhla.