Mhlawumbe, uhlangana ngezikhathi ezithile empilweni nabantu abahlala bekhononda ngezinkinga zabo, bathi, abazange benze okuthile, noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, benza lokho abakwenzile futhi abanaso isifiso sokuqhubeka bekhuluma nomuntu onjalo njalo. Kuyinto eyodwa uma kufanele ulalele izikhalazo zomuntu osebenza naye emsebenzini futhi kungcono ukulalela usizi oluvela kumuntu ongamazi nhlobo, isibonelo, ngesikhathi sokuphumula. Esikhathini sokuqala, uphoqeleka, kahle, okwesibini, wonke umuntu ongeyena ongenayo i-psyche, ezama ukuyeka ukuxhumana ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngakho-ke, awuzange ucabange, kodwa kungani ungafuni ukulalela izikhalazo zabanye abantu?
Ukushiya nezinkinga zabanye abantu abanesithakazelo esincane futhi ezimweni eziningi uma kunezinkinga, khona-ke kudingeka badluliselwe. Umuntu ungumkhandi womphefumulo wakhe futhi uma kukhona imibuzo, udinga ukuzixazulula ngokwakho, ngoba akekho ozosiza umuntu kangcono kunokuba yena. Uma uhlale upheqa izinkinga zakho, lokhu kuholela ekutheni i-negative iqoqa futhi ekugcineni ihlezi eceleni kwezifo zezifo.
Uma ungafuni ukuphathwa kanjalo, gwema ukugula ngengqondo esikhathini esizayo, okungukuthi, yeka ukucabanga ngezimo ezingenasifo futhi uzixazulule nje. Ukuze ususe ukungahambi kahle ngaphakathi kwakho, ngenkathi ungaxazululanga imbangela yokungahambi kahle, ungakwazi nje ukukusho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi intombi, umfokazi noma izindonga nje. Indlela enjalo (ayiphumelelanga) yokuphumula okwesikhashana ekuhluphekeni okungokomoya inzuzo kuphela kumuntu, kodwa inkinga isalokhu inkinga, kuyilapho umuntu obanikezele ukuhlupheka kwakhe kunoma yikuphi okuyoba nombono ngawe ozohlala uhlelwe, noma ngabe ufuna noma cha.
Ukunganeliseki ngokwakho kanye nokuphila kungabangela umuntu ukuba angaqapheli leli qiniso, uqale ukuzibulala impilo yakhe kanye nabanye, futhi isikhathi esingasetshenziswa ekuxazululeni inkinga ethile siyachitha. Uma ubona ukuthi umuntu oye wanquma ukukhuluma naye ezama ukuphuma engxoxweni futhi unomuntu onganelisekanga, kusho ukuthi wenza okuthile okungalungile futhi manje umbuzo uvela ukuthi bekufanele yini ukuqala ingxoxo nhlobo.
Yiqiniso, kungaba nezizathu eziningi zomuntu onganelisekile, kodwa akudingeki ukuba abe nobugovu futhi ahlale ekhuluma ngezinsizi zakhe, ngoba umuntu ojwayelekile njalo olalela isihawu uzoqala ukukhathazeka, futhi ngokuvamile uzolahlekelwa inzalo futhi ekugcineni uzame ukugwema ukukhuluma kanjalo ngesizathu esithile. Abantu bathanda ukulalela ulwazi oluhle kakhulu, futhi akusho ngisho nokuncenga, kodwa ukuthi uma ulalele ulwazi oluhle, ngisho nemimoya ithuthukisiwe, futhi kuyinto enhle kakhulu ukuxhumana nomuntu onomqondo omuhle kunayo i-whiner.
Ekugcineni, abanye abantu bazama ukuziqeda ngokukhuluma ngenkinga, kodwa bengayisombululi, kuyilapho abanye, ngokuphambene nalokho, benza futhi bayilahle, kuvela ukuthi izingxoxo zichitheka ize, zivele zithinte isikhathi esithile futhi zingenzi lutho ngaphezulu, ngakho "ukukhuluma inkinga" akuyona indlela yokuxazulula futhi akulona iqiniso.
Ngakho-ke, uthola kanjani indlela yakho yokuxazulula izinkinga ngesikhathi sokuphila?
Maye, kodwa azikho izinketho zomhlaba wonke, ngoba icala ngalinye liyingqayizivele, kodwa kukhona i-algorithm ezithakazelisayo zezenzo, ukulalela ukuthi ungayisondeza kanjani emgomweni.
Into yokuqala okudingeka uyenze ukuzakhela engqondweni yakho noma ukubhala phansi ephepheni izindlela eziningi zokuxazulula isimo sokuphikisana.
Okulandelayo, sinqume ngesikhathi (esiphezulu nesincane) ocabanga ukuthi sizohamba ukuxazulula isimo, njengoba besho, beka isikhathi, kahle, zama ukuzigcina.
Uma ungeke ukwazi ukuxazulula le nkinga, zama ukuthola izindlela eziningi zokuxazulula, uma kuxazululwa eceleni, khona-ke lokhu kungumphumela, uzame, kepha uma uzitholela yonke into futhi uthola impendulo engalungile noma enembile, ungaba nokuthula, kukhona umphumela.
Ngakho-ke, inkinga yakho isele esikhathini esedlule futhi uqala ngokuzikhandla isikhathi sakho nempilo ekucabangeni ngaloluhlobo: "ngabe kwenzekani uma ..." njalonjalo. Kudingekile ukuyeka, ngoba lokho kuzithakazelisa kuzokwenza lutho, umlando usuvele udlule, omunye kumele acabange ngekusasa futhi enze okuthile. Thatha umsebenzi womzimba, uzokuphazamisa, futhi ulethe imiphumela yawo, kahle, ekugcineni, uzojabula.
Funda ukuzibona ovela ngaphandle, ukuthuthukisa izinga eliphezulu lokuzithiba, ngoba kulokhu kuphela uyeka ukumba esikhathini esedlule futhi ucabange ngephutha. Amandla okuphila akudingeki ukuba alahleke ekucabangeni ngalokho okuzokwenzeka uma, kuyingozi kakhulu. Udinga ukuxhuma kokuhle, noma ngabe ukungalungi akuveli ekhanda lakho, thola okuthile okuhle okuzungezile futhi kwenze kube yikhungo semicabango yakho. Ukuze ungabhubhisi ngaphakathi, faka ukucabanga okuhle, ngoba kufanele ube nesimo sokuzivikela. Isimo sangaphakathi somuntu sincike kuso kuphela, ngakho-ke udinga ukugxila kokuhle.
Ukwazi ukuzivumelanisa nokuhle, kahle, kuthiwani uma abantu abanenkani bezungeza? Yebo, kunezimo lapho ukungalungi kuphunyuka, kodwa uma ufunda ukuthuthukisa indlela yokuphila enhle (uma ingakhuliswa kusukela ebuntwaneni), unganciphisa umonakalo owuthola ekukhulumeni naye.
Abantu abacabanga ngokubi baye bahlala njalo futhi bazoba njalo, kuyinto enikezwayo futhi kufanele baphathwe ngokuthula (uma, ngempela, kukhona amandla anele ukulalela njalo into engalungile) bese uvumela konke ukuhamba ngezindlebe. Ukucabanga kahle, udinga ukusebenza kanzima futhi uzikhandle ngokwakho kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokwenyama, futhi njalo uvila ubuvila.
Ulwazi olungalungile alunamsebenzi ngokuphelele, luyabhubhisa futhi lubhubhisa, ngakho-ke kudingeka udlulise. Uma ungeke ulalele i-interlocutor yakho enengqondo engalungile, ukunciphisa isikhathi nethuba lokuxhumana nalokhu futhi unomusa kuye ngokuthi unesithakazelo kwezinye izihloko zengxoxo.
Ukuletha umcabango embonweni ongenalutho, imicabango emibi ibonakala empilweni yangempela futhi iyimbangela yokuhluleka. Uma ufuna ukusiza umxhumanisi, khombisa izixazululo eziningana zesimo sakhe futhi uma enganaki izincomo zakho, vele uhumushe ingxoxo kwenye isihloko, ngoba kusobala ukuthi lowo muntu akayena unesithakazelo ekuxazululeni inkinga, kodwa ufuna ukumkhononda futhi ngaleyo ndlela azithule, bese siyazi ukuthi izingxoxo ezinjalo aziholeli kunoma yini.
Ngakho-ke, senza iziphetho ukuyeka ukucabanga ngesimo esibi osidingayo: Zisebenze njalo, ngenkathi uzama ukugxila ngokungenakwenzeka kokubi, cabanga ngezinto ezinhle.
Ezimweni ezinzima empilweni yakho, akudingeki ukuba ugxile kakhulu futhi uzame ukukhohlwa konke lokhu ngokushesha, kuyilapho uqonda ngokucacile ukuthi ukucabanga ngephutha, ungalimaza umzimba wakho. Isimo sengqondo esihle sokuphila singumngane obalulekile wokuphila okusebenzayo. Uma kunenkinga, udinga ukuyiqonda ngokucacile futhi ngokushesha ukuyiqaphela njengoba kuwukuthi ukuqonda, cwangcisa uhlelo lohlelo lokuqedwa kwayo, qala ukuqaliswa kwalo, ngenkathi ungakhohlwa ukuchitha okungenani amahora amabili ngosuku emoyeni omusha, futhi ungenise esimisweni sakho nsuku zonke , qala ukuzivocavoca noma noma yikuphi ukuvivinya umzimba. Zama ukuzikhawulela ekungalungi futhi kunoma yikuphi okungazifaki.
Ngokuqondene nabantu abangacabangi kahle, ufuna ukuzungeza wonke umuntu, kufanele wamukele ukuthi ukhona, uqonde ukuthi iningi lazo ngeke lenze lutho ukuthuthukisa isimo sabo sengqondo nangokomqondo, ngoba lokhu kuwumsebenzi onzima. Bakhetha ukuxoxa ngezinkinga, kodwa ungazixazulula. Wena ekukhulumisaneni nabantu abanjalo udinga ngandlela-thile ukuzama ukuletha ingxoxo ibe isiteshi esihle noma ngisho ushintshe ngokujulile isihloko senkulumo. Ungaphenduli emibhalweni yabo emibi futhi uzame ukungathathi lonke ulwazi oluzwakalayo, kepha ungakhathaleli kakhulu. Ungakwazi ukunikeza isisombululo sakho enkingeni ye-interlocutor enengqondo engalungile, ngenkathi usebenzisa ukuxoshwa kanye nenqola, okungukuthi, umngane wakho unenkinga enjalo futhi wanquma ngendlela elandelayo, kodwa uma engayilaleli umbono wakho, khona-ke ushiye imizamo yakhe yokusiza nokumane Humusha ingxoxo kwenye isihloko. Amandla amabi avela ku-interlocutor, kunoma yikuphi, akusizi kuwe futhi imizwelo engemuhle ingabangela izifo, ngakho zama ukuzivikela ezimpilweni ezingaphandle, bese uzama ukungacabangi ngakho.