Uyazi kanjani ukuthi umshado wakho unomsoco?

Ngokushesha lo mbuzo uvela ngempela kumunye womshado. Futhi ngomzamo wokuthola impendulo, siqala ngokucophelela ukuhlaziya izingxabano ezincane, ukuhlambalaza okukhulu kwamasonto amuva nje, sikhumbule ngokukhululeka ukuthi sasihlanganyela kangakanani kule nkathi yobungqingili ... Kodwa emindenini eminingi ejabulayo futhi eqinile kunezingxabano. Lapho, ubuhlobo bobulili bungaba njalo njengamabhangqwana angenamandla kakhulu. Yiziphi izimpawu ongazithola ukuthi umshado usekupheleni kokuwa? Imifudlana - hhayi isibonakaliso sokuqhafaza kwangaphambili
Amandla obuhlobo bomndeni awuncike ekutheni ukuphikisana kuvela kulo mndeni. Ngisho nasezimbini eziphephile futhi eziqinile, abalingani ngezikhathi ezithile bangakwazi ukuxabana futhi bathole ubuhlobo obunamandla. Kungani imikhaya enjalo ihlala isikhathi eside futhi ngenjabulo, kuyilapho abanye ngemva kwesikhathi behlukana? Kungaba okungalungile ukucabanga ukuthi uma abashadile bephikisana, lokhu kungumshado ongathandeki. Phela, abanye bayathanda ukushisa, futhi imibhangqwana enjalo ingaphila ndawonye impilo ende futhi isiphepho. Kubalulekile ukuthi izingxabano azitholi isimo esiqine futhi esibucayi, ukuze abalingani bazuze indlela yokukhiqiza, bangavumelana nenketho ethile, ehambisana nezifiso zombili zombili. Eqinisweni, ingxabano iyindlela yokuphuma, ukuphuma kwamandla. Futhi uma lokhu kuthululwa amandla, abashadile bakhuluma futhi beza kwenye into - kuhle. Kodwa lapho impikiswano isuke nje iqhuma amandla, iyanciphisa kuphela ukungezwani, kodwa akukho okuxazululwa, akuyona inkinga yokukhiqiza, embi. Ngokusungulwa kanye nomshado wonke umuntu unombono wakhe wokuphila komndeni ojabulisayo kanye nokulindela okungajwayelekile. Enye yezindlela zokupheka emshadweni oqinile futhi ophumelelayo ukuthi umuntu akaphoqeleli omunye ukuba aphule. Zonke izindaba zendlela umlingani oyedwa oziphikisile eyedwa, kanti enye evunyelwe, ngokuvamile ziphela ekuqhumeni nasekuphukeni kobuhlobo.

Sichitha isikhathi esincane ndawonye
Uqaphele ukuthi usuke usuka komunye nomunye, wayeka ukuzizwa unelisekile ngokuphila kwakho ndawonye futhi uchithe isikhathi esincane nesikhathi esincane ndawonye ... Uma ubuhlobo bushiya intshiseko, futhi lokhu kwenzeka ngokusheshisa, lokhu akusona uphawu lwesahlukaniso esiseduze. Kodwa uma ungasondelene kakade phakathi kwakho, awuzwa imizwa efudumele, ukwethemba, ukuhlonipha umlingani wakho - lokhu kungenye yezibonakaliso ukuthi umbhangqwana wakho usesengozini futhi udinga ukuthatha izinyathelo eziphuthumayo ukuze ulondoloze umshado.

Siphilile ndawonye, ​​futhi sihlukile
Ukwazi kangakanani ukuthi ungagcina kanjani umngcele womlingani wakho, futhi yena - owakho? Ungakwazi yini ukuvikela isikhundla sakho empikiswaneni nomlingani wakho? Amandla ebuhlobo bethu ancike kulokhu ikhono. Lapho sishada, asiyeki ukuba ngumuntu onenzuzo yakhe siqu. Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukukwazi ukushada, ukuhlala umlingani ngokubambisana. Umphumela wale mishado lapho omunye wabalingani abazidela khona, yebo, uyaziwa kahle. Kulesi simo, kufanele silinganise phakathi kwezithakazelo zomuntu siqu kanye nesidingo sokwakha umphakathi nomlingani obizwa ngokuthi "thina."

Kungenxa yokuthi abalingane bazi kanjani ukuthi bazizwa kanjani umngcele womunye. Njengoba sifuna ukuqonda, singasondela kanjani komunye, sibone umngcele wokuhambisana nokuhlukanisa.

Lokhu kusho ukuthi ngamunye wethu udinga isikhathi somuntu siqu, lapho ungenza into oyithandayo ngokuhlukile kumlingani wakho. Uma kungenjalo, ngokushesha noma ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuqhuma okuzayo kuzokwenzeka.

Ubulili obuvamile
Ubuhlobo bakho obuseduze buyeke ukuba bukhulu futhi bukhulu, njengangaphambili. Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi umbhangqwana wakho usesengozini? Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngokweqiniso. Phela, ukuhamba komunye nomunye ngaphandle kokuthola ukusondelana okungokomzwelo ngokomzwelo, ulahlekelwa isithakazelo kwezocansi nomunye nomunye. Kodwa ukusho ngokucacile ukuthi izikhathi ezingavamile zokusondelana ziyingozi, akunakwenzeka. Emadolobheni amakhulu, ngokwesibonelo, njengeMoscow, imibhangqwana esebeyisikhathi eside ishadile, hhayi impilo ebuseduze kakhulu. Ngokuvamile, imibhangqwana enjalo iya kumtholampilo futhi ikhuluma ngokungabi nobulili noma ukwenza ngokungajwayelekile. Kodwa ngenkathi ingxoxo nabo kubonakala ukuthi abalingani abanaso isikhathi noma amandla kulokhu, ngoba isigqi sokuphila edolobheni liduduza sonke. Ubuhlobo bobulili emishadweni enjalo buyabuyekezwa kuphela eholidini. Into ebalulekile ukuthi uma bobabili abalingani bengenaso isifiso, akukho lutho lokukhathazeka ngalo. Kodwa uma umuntu enomunye nomunye engakwenzi, khona-ke lokhu sekuvele kube uphawu lokuthi umshado wakho usengozini.

Izimpawu nezibonakaliso zesahlukaniso sokuqala
U-Leo Tolstoy wayenecala lokubhala: "Yonke imindeni ejabule ifana, umndeni ngamunye ongenakujabulela ngendlela yawo." I-psychotherapists yomndeni ikholelwa ukuthi umlobi engxenyeni yesibili yegama elidumile ... wayephutha. Umgwaqo ofanayo uholela ekuweleni kwempilo yomndeni. Isiphetho esifanayo sagcwaliswa ngumhlengikazi wezeMpilo waseMelika, uprofesa wezesayensi uJohn Gottman. Sekuyiminyaka engu-16 ebhokisatri yakhe ekhuluma nemibhangqwana, yabhala izingxoxo zabo. Ngokwezinto eziqoqwe, wenza izibonakaliso nezimpawu, ngokusekelwe kulokho, kungenzeka ukuba ngokunembile - kuze kufinyelele ku-91% ukubikezela kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-pair ethile izohlukanisa, kodwa ngisho noma kungenzeka.

I-CRITICISM
Uma ingxabano yakho iqala ngokugxekwa kanzima futhi akunandaba, lo mlingani uyakuncoma noma uyamhlasela. Uma kwenzeka ukuthi ingxabano ilawulwa ngukuqala kanzima, ngokuqinisekile ngeke iphele kabi. Uma impikiswano iwukukhetha phakathi kokugxeka nokukhononda, sebenzisa okwesibili. Le ndlela yokuziphatha ingcono kakhulu.

UNON-RESPECT
Ngenkathi ingxabano, amaqembu asebenzisa amazwi okudabuka nokukhohlisayo, okubonisa ukungahloniphi omunye nomunye. Lokhu kuyamcasula umxhumanisi futhi kudonsa ubuhlobo, ngoba omunye wabalingani uyaqonda ukuthi omunye uyamcasula. Akukhona nje ngamazwi, kodwa ngamazwi ebuso. Ngisho nokuguqulwa kwamehlo kungabangela ekujuleni kwempi.

QAPHELA
Okunengqondo kunazo zonke kule simo ukuthatha isikhundla sokuzivikela. Kodwa amaqhinga anjalo akwazi ukufeza umphumela oyifunayo. Umlingani ohlaselayo akahlezi phansi futhi akaxolisi. Ngokudabukisayo, ukuvikela, empeleni, kuyindlela yokumangalela umlingani.

I-WALL
Lapho ukukhula kwempikiswano kufike ekugcineni kwayo, khona-ke ngenye indlela amaqembu angabandakanyeki ekuqhutshweni, ehlezi, ebuka phansi engasho lutho. Umuntu osesimweni esivinjelwe uziphatha njengokungathi lowo okhulunywe ngaye umtshela akamthandi. Wabuyela emuva, wakha udonga lwengqondo, wazivala. Akasafuni ukukhuluma nokuxoxisana.

UMHLABA WOMHLABA
Umzimba wethu uphendukela ekuxabaneni. Esinye sezenzo ezingobala kakhulu ngokomzimba ukushaya kwenhliziyo okuqinile, ukushaya okungaphezu kuka-100 ngomzuzu. Uma kuqhathaniswa, izinga lokushaya kwenhliziyo lomuntu oneminyaka engu-30 ubudala lineminyaka engu-76, kanti owesifazane oneminyaka yobudala engu-82. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kuguqulwa izinguquko ze-hormonal, ukukhululwa kwe-adrenaline egazini kukhuthaza ukukhula kwezingxabano ... Kodwa ngisho nalapho kubonakala sengathi konke sekuphelile, umshado ungasindiswa. Isihluthulelo sokuvuselela ubudlelwane akusikho indlela oxazulula ngayo ukungezwani, kodwa ukuthi uhlobene kanjani nokuphila kwansuku zonke.