Ngaphambi kokuqala ukuxoxa ngesahluko sokuhlukanisa, ngingathanda ukucacisa ukuthi yiziphi izinqubo zengqondo ezihilelekile kule nqubo. Futhi ngaphambi kokuba ukhulume ngokuhlukanisa, kufanele uqonde ukuthi yini ngaphambili. Futhi ngaphambi kwalokho kwaba - ukuxhuma, ukuhlanganisa, ukuhlanganiswa. Abantu ababili abahlukene okwesikhathi esithile futhi ngezinga elithile ngesikhathi sokuphindaphindiwe nobudlelwane obuseduze, kuvela uhlobo lwenqubo ehlanganisiwe.
Ngokwengqondo, kukhona igama elithi "libido cathexis". Leli gama lingashintshwa cishe ngokuthi "ukufaka umphefumulo" kwelinye (uma kungumbuzo wobudlelwane bomuntu, ngoba i-libido ingatshalalwa emsebenzini). Ngakho-ke, ngesikhathi sokuhlukanisa, into enzima kakhulu ukukhipha leyo ngxenye yomphefumulo owabekiwe kumuntu othandekayo. Ngendlela le nqubo iqhubeka ngayo, ukulandelela okuqhubekayo kokuhlukanisa kuxhomeke - kuyoba khona isilonda esiqhekekile, isikhala esihle noma inqubo yokuvuvukala okungapheli.
Kunomfanekiso onjalo okhangayo - ukusabalalisa ngendlela enhle, usho ukuthi-uphumelele. Futhi kukhona okukhethwa kukho "ukuhlala ubungane" futhi ukhetho "izitha kuze kube phakade". Ngayinye yalezi zikhetho kungaba yisicupho, uma ungaqondi ukuthi yini eqhuba ngempela umuntu okhetha izinketho.
Ukuze uhlanganyele uphumelele.
Lokhu kubhekisela ekuhlukaniseni okunjalo, lapho izinhlangothi zombili ziziphatha ngokuhleleka nokuzivimbela. Akekho owenza noma yisiphi isimangalo kunoma ubani, "singabantu abadala, sonke siyaqonda," njll. Akuyona izwi elilodwa elibi, akukho izinyembezi, akukho okumangalelwa. Isithombe esilingayo ... Yimiphi imfucumfucu engaba khona?
Ukucindezela.
Okukhulu kunabo bonke ukuhlukumezeka okwenzeka ngokungenakwenzeka lapho kuhlukaniswa khona. Kukhona umthetho onjalo, oqinisekisiwe ngomkhuba, - akukho ukuhlukaniswa (ukuphumula) ngaphandle kokuhlukunyezwa. Khumbula i-transitional age eyaziwayo. Izindlela ezijwayelekile zokuthuthukiswa kwengane zisho impi yesikhashana nabazali (ngezinga elithile). Kubalulekile ukubuyisela emuva ukuthi ingxenye ye-libido (energy yangaphakathi) eyathathwa kubazali. Kulula ukushintshela kubazali kuontanga futhi uthando lokuqala ngendlela enokuthula. Njengoba nje akunakwenzeka ukuzalwa umuntu ngaphandle kwegazi nosizi. Ukuthokoza okungenalutho ngaphakathi kwesibeletho kufanele kuphazanyiswe ubuhlungu nokuhlupheka kokubeletha ngenxa yokuphila kakade ngaphandle komama. Ngokufanayo, injabulo yobuntwana iphazanyiswa yizinkinga ezisencane ngenxa yobudala. Lesi sifaniso sifanelekile umbhangqwana othandanayo. Ngesikhathi sokuhlanganiswa, abathandi baba uhlobo olulodwa lwezinhlangano, futhi akunakwenzeka ukuphula lo mbuso ngaphandle kwesigaba "sempi", ehambisana nobudlova.
Ithemba.
Kodwa kungenzeka futhi kube yisikhathi esisiqaphele ngokugcwele, okungukuthi: "yena (yena) uzobonga, uyakwazisa-ukuthi ngiholele kanjani (ukuziphathisa) ngokwami kule nkinga bese ...", okungukuthi, singathola inguqulo yomdlalo ophindwe kabili - bazikhohlise futhi bamkhohlise, benethemba lokuthola kabusha ubuhlobo negebe langaphandle. Noma yikuphi ukukhohlisa kudinga imizamo eyengeziwe, ukulawula okungeziwe kanye nokususwa kwezinqubo zemvelo. Kulokhu, i-psyche ixhomeke ekucindezelekeni okukhulu. Noma yikuphi, ngisho nethemba elithemba, elingagcwaliseki, lizobangela ukuhlukunyezwa okwengeziwe.
Isiphetho.
Singasho ukuthi lowo othi "uphuthukile" ukuphuka, ngokomfanekiso, wenqaba ukwenza umsebenzi wokuhlinzwa, engozini inqubo engapheli isikhathi eside. Umphumela walo mlando ungase ube isikhundla "wonke amadoda (abesifazane) anjalo", intukuthelo emhlabeni wonke, "akukho uthando nobulungisa kulo mpilo" nayo yonke imiphumela yomuntu. Ngokuvamile "okunjalo" okuphucukile okuhlukanayo kungenxa yokuthi ebuhlotsheni obusha umuntu uzama ukungajoyina, ngoba ukuhlukumezeka akupheli, futhi ngisho nesikhathi eside akusizi ukuqeda isipiliyoni.
Incomo.
Ngakho-ke, kusukela ekubukeni kwempilo yengqondo, kuyasiza ukunikeza ithuba lokuhlukunyezwa kwalo ukuzibonakalisa. Kusobala ukuthi ukushaya izidlo nokudonsa izinwele, ukulwa nezinye ukubonakaliswa okudlulele kukhona okunye okwedlulele. Kungokubonisa ukuhlukunyezwa okwamanje ephephile wena nakwezinye izinhlobo. Njengokukhethwa kukho - ukuveza konke ngaphandle kokuxubha kubani oshiya, ngisho noma uxabana kancane, khala, uzikhandle ngokomzimba.
Khumbula indaba nge-comma emagameni athi "ayikwazi ukuxolelwa"? Noma yikuphi ukuphuka kuhambisana nokuhlukunyezwa. Kuyinto enye indaba noma iyaqaphela noma cha. Umuntu angathanda kakhulu ukuba omuhle, aphucuke, aqonde noma aqhubekele phambili, okungaqeda ukuhlukumeza kwakhe kakhulu. Mhlawumbe akakwazi ngisho nokuthi uyabilisa kuwo. Kulokhu, kungase kube khona ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo esikhathini esizayo noma ukuphazanyiswa ngokuzumayo ebuhlotsheni nabanye abantu.
Kusukela ekubukeni kwempilo yengqondo, izimiso zokuziphatha ezibalulekile ekuphileni "ukuthula" ngezinye izikhathi zilimaza psyche. Lokhu kungukuthi, ngesikhathi sezinkinga, ukuziphatha kufanele kushintshe: yini engafanele ukubuza nokuthi yini okumelwe ukwenze, lapho konke kulungile, ngesikhathi sezinkinga zobuhlobo asamukeleki kuphela kodwa futhi kuyasiza (ngaphakathi kohlaka lomthetho, yebo!).
Ikhefu elivunguvunguzayo.
Lokhu okunye okweqile, okuphambene nokuhlukaniswa "okuphucukile". "Inxeba elonakele," eyaziwa ukuphulukisa okubi futhi ushiye isibazi esibi. Kithina. Kodwa udlame kakhulu ukubonakaliswa kobudlova, zonke izinhlobo zezenzo ezimbi, kuhlanganise neziqephu zokuzibulala, ukulwa nezinye izenzo zempi.
Kuyacaca ukuthi ukuthola ukulinganisela phakathi kokucindezelwa ngokweqile kobudlova kanye nobuhlobo obunzima bokubonakaliswa kwayo kuyinkimbinkimbi futhi ngeke kube nemigomo. Wonke umuntu uzitholela lokhu okulingana ngokuhambisana nezici zakhe siqu. Mhlawumbe into ebaluleke kakhulu akufanele iqhubekele kulokhu noma lokho okudlulele.
Hlala ubungani.
Lolu khetho cishe luyinkinga kakhulu. Abangane bangabuye baphinde baphinde baphinde bahlukane. Futhi ngokushesha "ukuhamba" ngokushelelekile kusuka esigabeni sabathandi kuya esigabeni sabangane kungenakwenzeka kwengqondo. Ukuba umngane kusho ukusungula ukubambisana ngemigomo emisha. Kodwa ukuze uthole uhlobo olusha lobuhlobo, udinga ukuphuma kudala. Izazi zengqondo zikholelwa ukuthi ukulahlekelwa kuyalila cishe unyaka (uma kulila ngesikhathi esifanayo, okuyinto engavamile, okungukuthi, isikhathi sokungazi ukuthi "ukulila" ngokusemthethweni kuningi kakhulu).
Ngisho noma ngabe umbhangqwana ngamunye owahlukaniswa ngokushesha ngemuva kwekhefu wathola umlingani omusha futhi ngendlela enobungane uxoxa naye ngobuhlobo bawo bangaphambili - lokhu kungenzeka ngomdlalo. Intengo yomdlalo - ukuba nomthelela othile kumuntu owayengumthandi, mhlawumbe, ngandlela-thile ukuphindiselela ", ngamanye amazwi, ukuveza ukuhlukunyezwa okucindezelweyo.
Ubungane bangempela (futhi hhayi uthando olufihliwe futhi olungenangqondo) phakathi kwabathandi bokuqala kungenzeka ngemuva okungenani ngonyaka ngemuva kwekhefu.
Ngaphansi kwama-pretexts angenakulinganiswa, gwema noma yikuphi ukuxhumana nomuntu owayengumthandi okungenani unyaka.
Izitha kuze kube phakade.
Le nketho nayo igcwele izingibe. Kulesi simo, hhayi ukuhlukunyezwa kugxiliwe, kodwa ... uthando. Khumbula, sathi kuqala ukuthi uma nje abantu bakha i-pair - inhlanganisela eyodwa, bayabeka yini imali, batshale ingxenye (ngokuvamile evame kakhulu) yomphefumulo wabo kwenye? Futhi konke lokhu okuhle akupheli noma kuphi, ngisho noma kucacile ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuhlukanisa. Imizamo eminingi ihamba ukuze kugcinwe uthando, izinkumbulo ezinhle, ukunciphisa labo abathandekayo - futhi lokhu kuyingozi nakwa-psyche, kanye nokucindezelwa kobudlova kumuntu wangaphambili.
Njengokuqala, kule nkinga yesine, kunqatshelwe ingxenye yakho (indawo enothando noma enzondayo yomphefumulo). Izazi zengqondo zibiza lokhu "ukuzibulala okuncane."
Zivume ukuthi nakuba usulungele ukubulala "le nsizwa", konke owakuthandayo okwesikhashana, wahlala naye: imisipha eqinile, umsebenzi ohloniphekile ... nomkhuba wokukuanga ezindlebeni zakho ... awusekho ndawonye. Yilokho konke.