Uma le ntombazane ingaba ngowokuqala ukubiza, cela inombolo yocingo, uqale ukudlala ngothando, ukhulume nomfana omuhle-izingxoxo ezinjalo akuzona ezintsha, futhi izingxoxo ezikhuluma ngalesi sihloko ziqhubeka isikhathi eside kakhulu, futhi kusenayo umbono owodwa. Kubonakala sengathi yonke imithombo izoqala ngokuvumelana ngokuthi intombazane akufanele iqale ukuthatha izinyathelo eziphathelene nobuhlobo, futhi ngokujwayelekile, kufanele ihlale imfihlakalo kulo lonke ubudlelwano. Kodwa-ke kuzoba nalabo abazophula imithetho, kuzoba nezingxoxo ezintsha: zingaphula futhi yini ezokwenzeka.
Kumelwe uzikhethele ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala, nokuthi ufuna ukuthi abakhethiweyo bakho baziphathe kanjani ohlelweni lwesinyathelo. Omunye uthanda ukukhombisa, omunye ukwamukela nokuphendula izibonakaliso zokunakwa. Kodwa, naphezu kwakho konke lokhu, ngamunye wethu wenza ngokuvumelana nesimo, ukhetha ukukhetha okulungile ngokwengeziwe, ngokusho kwezinga lobuhlobo, uhlobo lomlingani, izimo, isimo sengqondo okwamanje.
Amanye amantombazane akhathazeke kakhulu ngokuntuleka kwesinyathelo sokukhethwa kwabo. Uma okwesikhashana umfana eyeka ukubizela noma uqaphele ukuthi waqala ukubonisa izimpawu zokunakwa kaningi kangako, amazwi anjalo abe uphawu olucacile lokukhathazeka. Le ntombazane iqala ukuzikhuthaza ukuthi umfana uyancenga, ukuthi akayidingi ngempela manje futhi cishe cishe ngalesi sikhathi (nakuba nje maduze) wakwazi ukuthandana nomunye intombazane futhi wayikhohlwa ngokuphelele. Mhlawumbe akayona intombazane nhlobo, futhi manje uqala ngisho nokumcasula? Ngenkathi intombazane ecabanga ngokuphindaphindiwe ngezizathu ezenza kwenzeke, ibukeza umlando wobudlelwane futhi ibukeka enye inkohliso, umfana angaba matasa ukutadisha, usuku lokuzalwa udadewabo othandekayo, inkinga ethile evele ngokuzumayo nomngane wakhe, noma amlindele intombazane izobiza. Futhi kungani kungenjalo, ngoba wayebonakala ethanda ukuthi uyayithanda?
Vumelanisa, isimo asiyona esisha futhi sibonakala sihle kakhulu. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka? Kungani sivame ukuhlupha ngokwembuzo: Uma ngabe intombazane iqala ukubiza isoka lakhe (iseluleko somqondo wezengqondo kuleso simo kubonakala sengathi siyadingeka!)? Futhi kungani, uma sizikhethela impendulo yalo mbuzo, siyaqhubeka yini sizilahlekela ngokungabaza, sikhathazeke ngesigameko esifanayo futhi singaqiniseki ngezenzo zethu?
Izazi zengqondo zithi isizathu sokwenzeka kwethu esimweni sokulinda ucingo kungenxa yokuthi silungisa umlingani esimweni esicacile sokucabanga kwethu. Phela, iqiniso lokuthi intombazane kufanele ithathe isinyathelo sokuqala impela. Zibuye futhi ukuthi isinyathelo sokuqala kufanele sithathwe yindoda, kanye nokubonisa njalo izimpawu zokunakekela intombi yakhe, ukumnika izipho futhi, ngokungangabazeki, ukukhumbuza ukuthi uyamthanda kangakanani, ngezikhathi ezithile ukuze angabi nesizathu sokungabaza.
Asidingi ama-stereotypes, eqinisweni, anamathele ezingqondweni zethu kusukela esemncane. Ngamunye wethu ukhula emhlabeni kusukela ekutholeni izinto ezithile, izinkambiso zomphakathi. Phela, iqiniso lokuthi indoda ikubiza kangako akusho ukuthi waqala ukukuthanda kancane, futhi ngokuphambene - ucabanga ngempela ukuthi uthando lomuntu luncike ekuhambeni kwezingcingo zakhe?
Uma lokhu kusho ngempela kuwe futhi udinga isoka lakho ukuthi likubize okokuqala - mtshele ngakho. Kungcono ukuxwayisa mayelana nezifiso zakho, ukuxoxa ngokukhululekile lokho okudingayo - futhi ngeke kudingeke ukhathazeke noma yini.
Ngempela, kungenjalo, kungase kwenzeke ukuthi abantu, esikhundleni sokuthandana, ukusekela, ukuchitha isikhathi samahhala ndawonye kanye "nokuphatha" ngokucindezeleka okuzungezile, baqale ukucabanga ukuthi kufanele baziphathe kanjani, okufanele ukukwenza, ukugcina ubuhlobo, indlela yokwenza lo muntu abize okokuqala, ukuthi ungamthinta kanjani umfana mayelana nezifiso zabo. Kusukela lokhu kuvela ukuthi amantombazane akhathazekile, futhi kukhona imicabango eminingi kakhulu engafanele, ephathelene nobuhlobo bakho obusongela kuphela.
Eqinisweni, akukhathaleli ukuthi ubani owenza okokuqala, owesibili noma wesithathu, ukuthi uyakwenza kanjani nokuthi ngabe uhambelani nesimo esihle. Yeka ukuthi awunakuzwakala kangako - kodwa yiba nguwe, shiya yonke imizwelo engadingekile ngalokhu, ngoba uma unesoka kusho ukuthi usekukhethile kakade, wena-ke, uyintombazane enhle kunazo zonke, ngaphandle kwalokho uzochitha isikhathi ngomunye umuntu.
Kunezinhlobo eziningi ezihlukahlukene ezenza ukuba singabaze izenzo zethu. Omunye wabo wukuthi owesifazane kufanele ahlale engafinyeleleki, ahlale eheha umngane wakhe, ngoba lapho ezoba ngowokuqala ukubonisa noma yikuphi imizwa kuye, uzoyeka ukumthakazelisa kuye. Akunjalo. Umgomo ongeke uwuzuze awuyize, futhi isithakazelo kuwo siwa ngokushesha njengoba kuyenzeka ekuhlosweni okutholakala ngokushesha. Abafana nabo bazizwa isidingo sokuba sibabonise uthando lwabo, ukuze siphendule izibonakaliso zabo zokubheka futhi siziqaphele njengabodwa kuphela futhi abahle kakhulu kubasebenzi bethu.
Ubudlelwano kubalulekile imizwa nobuqotho, amandla othando lwakho. Hlala uqotho kakhulu nomngane wakho oshade naye uma ukhathazekile ngento ethile, ngokuqondene nawe nobabili - wabelane naye ngokuzumayo, kungazelelwe akuyona eyakho, futhi ngaphandle kwalokho, ungakwazi ukuxazulula le nkinga ndawonye, ngoba ungomunye. Zikhethele ukuthi yini ebalulekile, nokuthi yini okufanele ibe yinto encane, nokuthi yini ongayinaki.
Ukulungisa kwezinye izinkolelo zabantu, ukhawulela kuphela ukuphila kwakho. Uma uzibuza, uma intombazane iqala ukubiza isoka lakhe, shiya inhlayiya "kufanele" futhi ucabange: ingabe ngifuna ukumbiza manje? Ngidinga lokhu? Ungayithanda yini manje, futhi bekufanele? Iseluleko sezengqondo, endaweni yokuqala, sisekelwe ngokuqondile emizweni yakho.
Uma u-yebo - ungazitholi ngokungaqiniseki, ngoba uthando akuyona indawo yaseshashalazini, futhi akuyona ifomula, yenza njengoba ubona kufanelekile nokuthi uzizwa kanjani.