Sikhuluma ngezimo zomndeni, izimo zokuphila - izimo zomzali, ezijwayele labo abafunda imisebenzi yomqondo wezengqondo waseMelika no-psychiatrist Eric Bern. "Isimo sokuphila - isimo somzali" - isisindo sokuphila esingenalutho, okushiwo lowo muntu ezigabeni eziyinhloko ebuntwaneni ngaphansi kwethonya labazali, abantu abalulekile nemicimbi yakhe. "Isimo" esengeziwe "esinqunyiwe" sineminyaka engu-18, futhi ... sigcwalise konke ukuphila, uma nje umuntu engafuni ukuyiqonda futhi enze izinguquko ezinenjongo. "I-scenario matrix", okushiwo iskripthi, iqukethe imilayezo evela kubazali mayelana nendlela yokuphila, indlela yokuziphatha ezimweni ezithile, yiziphi izinqatshwa nezimvume, yiziphi izimpawu zokuziphatha, izinkambiso, ukuziphatha, imizwa, njll ezamukelekayo futhi "Okungalungile nokuvinjelwe," futhi-ke, ulwazi mayelana nendlela abazali abaziphatha ngayo, lokho abakwenzayo, abakushoyo, nokuthi yini abayithule ngayo, bafihle. Lapha ungakwazi ukukhumbula izimfihlo zomndeni, ezingathuli, kodwa ezizwa emkhakheni womndeni. Kuvela ukuthi singabi nefa nje kuphela ngezinhlobo ezithile, amaphethini (amaphethini) wokuziphatha kulabo noma kwezinye izimo, kodwa futhi "uhambise iqiniso" kangangokuthi kulezi zindaba nokuwa.
Isiko somndeni , njengezici ezithile ze "simo sokuphila - isimo somzali," sihlukile ngokuthi izizathu zangempela zokubonakala kwazo ziye zasendulo esikhathini esidlule, kaningi ngaphezu kwesinye isizukulwane esedlule, futhi isethi sezenzo sishiye, nakuba kusuka ngaphandle kungase kubonakale kungenasisekelo. U-Natalia Kravchenko wangitshela umzekeliso, ochaza ngokuqondile ukuthi kungani izikripthi zivela kuphi nokuthi kungani. Indoda ethile yaqaphela ukuthi umkakhe akakaze akuthole inkukhu yonke, kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi uyayinquma. Wabuza ukuthi kungani enza, futhi wamukela impendulo: "Yile ndlela umama ayehlala ekulungele ngayo." Waya kumkhwezala, wambuza umbuzo ofanayo, futhi wathola impendulo: "Le recipe yavela kumama." Insizwa engenalutho yafika kunogogo wakhe, futhi yamtshela: "Yebo, ngihlale ngipheka inkukhu njengaleyo. Kodwa lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ebusheni bami ngine-stove encane kakhulu, futhi yonke inkukhu kuyobe isingeke ifane. " Wonke umuntu unendlela yakhe yokwenza inkukhu. Kuphela thina, ngokungafani nabazali nogogo nomkhulukazi, sinokuzikhethela: pheka njengoba ufundiswa kusukela ebuntwaneni, noma uzame enye iresiphi, ngoba sine-plate enkulu! Noma kunjalo, asiqapheli njalo lokhu kukhetho esithombeni sethu sezwe.
Ukubonakaliswa okulula nokuqondile kwesimo sokuphila - isimo somzali - ukuphindaphinda "emgqeni wokuphila" kwabazali, futhi amantombazane aphinda abuyele ekupheleni komama, nabafana - ubaba noma abanye abantu abadala abakhulu, uma umndeni wawungaphelele noma abazali babekhona empilweni yengane episodically. Kodwa ngokuvamile izibonelo zokuziphatha zabazali ezimweni ezintsha zishintshwa ngendlela yokuqala. Yithi, umama, enesifiso sokuthi umshado wakhe uphumelele emshadweni, umgqugquzela ukuthi injabulo yomndeni ixhomeke kulona wesifazane kuze kube yilapho ehlakaniphile futhi ekwazi ukulawula kancane kancane indoda, futhi ubulili obuqinile bufana nje nabafana abangenangqondo. Le ntombazane ikhula, ithola imfundo enhle, yenza umsebenzi wesayensi - futhi kubonakala sengathi akakwazi ukuthola umngane ofanelekayo wokuphila, ngoba ngokusho kokufakwa komama-umtshali, i-priori ibheka abesilisa ukuba abe yisiphukuphuku kunabo, uzama ukukhomba osebenza nabo besilisa nabangane nabo wonke amathuba ukuphakama kwakhe kwengqondo, futhi uzama ukuxhaphaza abalandeli bakhe ngokuphumelela okuhlukile. Kuzodingeka afunde eyedwa noma ngosizo lomqondo wezokwelapha ukuziphatha okuhlukile okufanelekile emphakathini wanamuhla oshiya isibonelo sezinzalamizi zomndeni, okuvela kuwo "ukuhlakanipha kwabesifazane ngasese" (uma amandla emphakathini engowesilisa, lo wesifazane uzama kancane kancane ukuthatha okungenani ngaphakathi kohlaka oluncane lwekhaya i-hearth).
Izingane zingcono kakhulu ekukhumbuzeni lokho abazali bazo abakwenzayo kunalokho abakushoyo. Futhi umama nobaba bavame ukuphikisana noma komunye nomunye, kubangele izingane zibe yizici ezimbili zesonto. Isibonelo, umama uvuselela indodakazi yakhe ukuthi owesifazane kufanele enze umshado kufanele ashade futhi abe nezingane, futhi yena ngokwakhe ukhuluma nomyeni wakhe ophuza utshwala, ukuwubeka ngomusa, ngaphandle kokuhlonipha. Cishe, indodakazi ngesifiso sayo esiqotho sokufeza umyalelo womama iyokhetha amadoda afana noyise, futhi kanjalo nokwakha ubuhlobo nabo abazohlukana ngaso sonke isikhathi. Isimo sizophindaphinda kaningi futhi hhayi kabili, siholele owesifazane ngendlela enengqondo, njengoba kubonakala kuye, isiphetho ngokungabi nalutho kobulili besilisa sonke. Ngendlela, iningi labalingqingili banesimo esifanayo sokuphila - isimo somzali senze lokho abakhetha ukuthi babe abalingani besifazane, abaxoshwa ngamadoda.
Enye indlela esabela ngayo esimweni sokuphila isimo somzali - umzamo wokuwujika, ukwenza okuphambene, hhayi njengokufundiswa: ukuhlangabezana namadoda angafanani noyise, ukuthola umsebenzi ovela kubazali othukayo ... Kodwa isimo se-antis, njengoba ebhala UBern, isimo esifanayo, nje ngesibonakaliso esithile. Akekho noma omunye ozosijabulisa, ngoba kokubili iskripthi nesimo se-antis asizicabangi izifiso zethu, ezihlukile, ezingafani nabazali, ngokuvamile ziphikisana nazo.
Nakuba isimo se-antis siyisigaba esivamile ekwakheni indiza yomuntu siqu (hhayi umzali) wokuphila. Ngokuvamile ukuziphatha okumelene nocansi kuyabonakala ezinganeni.
Ukuthi lokhu noma leyo modeli yokuziphatha akuyona eyethu kungabonakala ngokuphazamiseka ukuthi indaba ephindaphindiwe isithinta (njengokungathi ugqoke ijazi kusuka ehlombe lomunye umuntu futhi ikucindezela), noma kakade ezinkingeni ezinzulu ngempela, ngezinye izikhathi ezingeni elibucayi. Ngokudabukisayo, kaningi, izinkinga ezinjalo kuphela ezisenza sibheke impilo yethu ngendlela engavamile futhi sibone izimo eziphindaphindiwe noma abantu abafanayo 'abavakashele' ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa-ke, isimo sengqondo sokubheka izenzakalo kanye nokubona lokho okuphindaphindiwe kusiza ukulandelela phansi. Futhi ukuqonda ukuthi uma umlando uziphindaphinda uqobo, kukhona okungahambi kahle kuwo, futhi kuyadingeka ukuba uqaphele ukuthi kuyini, futhi ukulungisa, uma kunesidingo, ngosizo lochwepheshe. Ngempela, ukuphila kwethu kufushane kakhulu ukuze kungabi khona isikhathi sokuchitha isikhathi emaphutha afanayo.