Kwaze kwaba sekuqaleni kwekhulu lama-20, iminyaka engcono kakhulu yentombazane yokushada yayineminyaka engu-18 ubudala. Owesifazane ongazange ashade ngaphambi kweminyaka engama-25 wayebhekwa njengendoda endala, futhi kwakunzima kakhulu kuye ukuhlela impilo yakhe siqu. Ake siqale ngeqiniso lokuthi ngaleso sikhathi impilo yomphakathi yowesifazane yayinganiselwe ekulimeni nasekukhuliseni izingane. Ukukhanyisa emphakathini, ukunakekelwa kwezingane kanye nomyeni - lokho kwakuyimisebenzi eyisisekelo yowesifazane oshadile wesikhathi esidlule.
Abesifazane banamuhla baphila ngokuphila komphakathi, bahlanganyele ebhizinisini (ngokuvamile bafinyelele isikhundla esiphakeme kunamanye amadoda), bangene kwezombangazwe. Namuhla, akekho omangala ukuthi inhlangano enkulu yamazwe ngamazwe iholwa owesifazane. Ukuphila okunomthelela futhi okugcwele kungenakwenzeka ngaphandle kokufunda imfundo efanele, okunzima ukuthola, ekubeni ngumkami nomama (mhlawumbe ngendlela ye-nosyllabic). Ngaphezu kwalokho, isikhungo somshado senze izinguquko ezinkulu, futhi umshado wokuqala usuke uzwakala kancane ngokuhlukile, kunalokho ungahambi kahle, kunokuba uhle.
Uma ngaphambili umshado ubhekwa njengesijwayelekile, manje izimbangela zemishado yokuqala zihlolisiswa ngokucophelela. Kukholelwa ukuthi umshado osencane useyimbangela enkulu yesehlukaniso, uthi "abasha abazi ukuthi benzani," bashade ngokuzenzekelayo futhi bengacabangi, futhi eminyakeni embalwa abakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani lo muntu (noma okhethiweyo) ekhethiwe.
Izizathu zemishado yasekuqaleni zihlanganisa ukubonakaliswa okulandelayo, eziningi zazo eziba umzuzu obalulekile ekwenzeni isinqumo esiyinqaba sokushada.
Uthando, olungaphezu kwamantombazane amancane, luyinto edlula. Kukholelwa ukuthi intombazane encane ayikwazi ukuzwa umqondo ovuthiwe wothando. Kwenzekani emzimbeni wakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi kubangelwa izinguquko ze-hormonal, futhi isifiso nesifiso sokuhlala nomuntu wakho othandekayo ngaso sonke isikhathi akusho ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthanda, ukuqonda, ukuthethelela. Uma uthando luba imbangela yomshado wokuqala, ngokuvamile intsha ayikwazi ukuqonda nokwamukela izinguquko ezenzeka lapho kuhlanganiswa ukulima. Ngaphezu kwalokho, babhekene nesisombululo sezinkinga eziningi nemibuzo eminingi. Ezingxenyeni ezingeziwe zinganezelwa ukungabi nemali engenayo kanye nesidingo sokuhlala ndawonye nabazali.
Ngokuvamile, imbangela yomshado wokuqala isifiso sokwenza ubuhlobo obuseduze obuvela phakathi kwabantu abasha. Njengamanje, abantu abaningi bayeka ukungabaza kule nkinga futhi aboni lutho olungenangqondo emshadweni womphakathi noma emihlanganweni eseduze yabantu abasha. Kodwa-ke, iphesenti yabazali abenza ngokungafani nokuziphatha kwamadodakazi kunjalo ngokwanele. Ngokuvamile ngabazali abakhokhwa emishadweni yokuqala yamadodakazi, bezama ukuwalawula ngokuphelele futhi bawahloniphe, bangaqapheli ukuthi ngalendlela bangashiyi lutho ngaphandle kokushada nokwenza ubuhlobo busemthethweni.
Ukucindezelwa kwabazali, ukugcinwa kwabo ngokweqile, ukungakwazi ukucabanga ngemibono yomuntu omdala (indodakazi endala noma indodana), kungabangela isifiso esinzima sokuphuma ebugqilini bese ushiya ikhaya labazali, nganoma iyiphi indlela. Ukuhlambalaza ngokweqile kwabazali, ukuziphatha kwabo njalo kuvame ukuphoqa amantombazane ukuba abe yize. Izizathu ezinjalo zokudala umndeni akuzona okokuqala okuhle, ngoba izinhloso zokushada kuleli cala azibi kakhulu.
Esinye sezimbangela ezivame kakhulu zomshado wokuqala kungukukhulelwa okungahleliwe. Ngisho naphezu kobubanzi obubanzi kunazo zonke zokubeletha kokubeletha, amantombazane amancane ayengacabangi kakhulu ngokuqala impilo yokucansi. Kulokhu, indima ebaluleke kakhulu idlala ngesikhundla somama, okumele akhethe amagama afanele ukuchaza indodakazi ekhulayo ukuthi izinguquko ezithile emzimbeni wakhe zenzeka ngokuphathelene nokungena ekukhuleni "kokubeletha". Akufanele neze uphoqelelwe yigunya, njengoba ukulahlekelwa yithemba kungaholela emiphumeleni engathandeki (akukakushiywa ukuthi umama uthola ngephutha ngokukhipha isisu lokho indodakazi kwakudingeka kwenziwe).
Ukwakhiwa kokukhulelwa kuyimpoqo, ngoba ukukhipha isisu kokuqala akugcini nje ngezinkinga zomzimba, kodwa futhi nokuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo okujulile. Uma ukukhulelwa kuba yisizathu somshado, kunzima ukusho ngokucacile ukuthi umshado onjalo uzophumelela kanjani futhi uhlale njalo. Lapho abantu abasha behilelekile ekwakhiweni kwengane (kholwa nami, lokhu kwenzeka futhi), kungenzeka ukuthi umshado wokuqala uzophumelela. Uma abazali bentombazane bekhathazekile kakhulu ngalokho abantu abakushoyo, bengayinaki izimpikiswano zendodakazi, umndeni kungenzeka ungabi namandla.
Amantombazane amancane avame ukuthandana futhi akholelwe ukuthi abathanda ukuhlala kuze kube phakade. Kodwa-ke, ngemva kokuzwa ukufutheka kokuhlukanisa, bangahlala isikhathi eside, bephefumulela emihlanganweni yabo engqondweni, ukuhamba nokuqamba kuqala. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo, kukhona ingozi yokuthi intombazane ilungele ukushada nomuntu wokuqala okumele ahlangane naye, nje ukukhohlwa uthando olungathandeki. Imishado efana nayo ngokuvamile ivame ukuhluleka, njengoba intukuthelo idlula isikhathi, futhi umenzi wesiphambeko akafuni ukuphindiselela futhi, isitembu esipasipoti siyabonakala siyadingeka.
Kodwa-ke, naphezu kwezibalo ezidumazayo zokuhlukanisa phakathi kwemishado yokuqala, kunezimbhangqwana ezinjalo ezizibophezela ezibophweni ze-Hymeny zisencane kakhulu, zithandana uthando lwangempela futhi ziqaphela ukuthi umshado uyisinyathelo sokuphila esibucayi. Uma kunjalo, uma intombazane ingazizwa ivinjelwe, ingathola imfundo ukuze ikhiqize umsebenzi futhi ikhulise izingane esikhathini esizayo, umshado wokuqala ungasiza empeleni ukuba ube nesibopho esisheshayo ngokushesha. Kodwa inani lomshado onjalo lincane kakhulu.