Enye yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu abantu ababhekana nazo lapho ukushada kubhekwa njengomhawu womntwana emshadweni wokuqala. Okokuqala, lo mhawu awuxhunyiwe kuphela kwengane, kodwa futhi ubuhlobo bomyeni nomama wangaphambili nomama wengane yesikhashana. Lapha ungabuye uxoxe nobunzima ebuhlotsheni bomfazi wesibili nomntwana womyeni wakhe kusukela emshadweni wokuqala.
Abesilisa ababili abavame ukuhlanganyela nomuntu ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala phakathi kwakhe nomntwana kusukela emshadweni odlule. Yilokho okwenza abesifazane babe nomona womntwana emshadweni wabo wokuqala. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uthini, ingxenye enkulu yezinto ezimbi kuleso simo iya kumntanakho, ngoba imbuzi kaningi iba "i-apula yokuhlukana" emndenini omusha.
Indlela yokunqoba umhawu nokugcina ubuhlobo obuseduze nengane?
Kufanele uvume iqiniso lokuthi ukuze ulondoloze umshado wakho futhi uzuze umusa omthandayo, kufanele ube nesineke esikhethekile nokubekezela ukuphatha ingane yakho. Lesi yisihluthulelo esiyinhloko empilweni yakho yomndeni ngaphandle kwenkinga. Khumbula ukuthi owesifazane onothando ngempela uyakwazi ukwamukela umyeni wakhe kanye nezinyunyana zangaphambili zomshado futhi, ngokufanele, izingane ezivela kubo. Uma umkakho wesibili engakwazi ukwamukela okwedlule othandekayo wakhe futhi efihla umuzwa wesikhwele ngalokhu esidlule (ngumbuzo wengane), bese engamukeli yena ngokwakhe.
Kulungile ukuziphatha kanjani ngokuphathelene nomfazi wangaphambili nomntwana womyeni kusukela emshadweni wokuqala?
Kuhlale kudingeke ukhumbule ukuthi lowo owayengumfazi womuntu othandekayo akudingeki akhathazeke ngesimo senhlalakahle somfazi wamanje. Uhlala impilo yakhe futhi imizwa yowesifazane wakhe wesibili idlulile. Kungenzeka ukuthi usekujuleni komphefumulo wakhe njengowesifazana futhi angacabangela iqiniso lomhawu, kodwa ngokuqinisekile ngeke amshiye, enqabe umyeni wakhe wangaphambili ukuba axhumane nengane.
Uma unomhawu kakhulu wengane, ngakho-ke ngokombono wezengqondo, ngandlela-thile uzizwa unomuzwa wecala. Phela, oshade naye kuleso simo uyisisulu, futhi wena ngezindleko zakhe futhi i-akhawunti yengane yabo ejwayelekile isisekelo sobuhlobo babo. Kufanele ubuye ucabange ngesimo sakho futhi usebenzise lolu daba ngomthwalo wemfanelo nangenhlonipho.
Zivumelanise neqiniso lokuthi umfazi wangaphambili nomyeni wakho banamalungelo okuxhumana nokukhulisa ingane yabo. Kulokhu awukwazi ukuphunyuka. Ngaphezu kwalokho, oshade naye wenza lokhu ukuze alondoloze inhlalakahle yengane. Owesifazane wangaphambili kanye nomntanakho banelungelo eligcwele lokubiza endlini yakho futhi wabelane noyihlo ngalokho okwenzekayo, futhi uma kunesidingo ngisho nokucela usizo, kokubili okungokomoya nokubonakalayo. Ukubekezela nokuqonda yiwona amagama abalulekile okufanele athathe isikhundla somhawu ongenangqondo.
Sakha umndeni wethu onempilo ngaphandle kokuzizwa unomhawu
Uma ufuna umndeni wakho ube namandla futhi ujabule, ungalokothi uhlukumeze umyeni wakho ngemizwa yakho yomhawu ngomntwana kusukela emshadweni wokuqala futhi, ikakhulukazi, owayengumkakhe. Gcina yonke indlela kuwe, ngoba ukucaciswa ngokweqile kobuhlobo ngalesi sihloko kunganciphisa ngokuphelele umshado. Indoda ayisoze yamthanda ingane yakhe ngaphansi kwakho futhi kufanelekile ukuyikhumbula.
Ungagcini ukukhulumisana komyeni nengane kusukela emshadweni wokuqala. Zama ngazo zonke izindlela ukuze uthole ukuxhumana okuhle nengane, kodwa nje ukuxhumana, futhi hhayi coaxing ngosizo izipho. Kukhona amacala uma lowo owake wangumkakhe ephikisana nokukhulumisana kwengane nowesifazane omusha empilweni kayise. Kodwa, njengomthetho, lokhu kungokoqobo ngonyaka wokuqala ngemuva kokuhlukanisa.
Futhi ukulungisa isihloko, khumbula ukuthi indoda, ngenxa yomfazi wamanje, iyakwazi ukuyeka ukuxhumana nomntwana emshadweni wangaphambilini, umuntu othembekile futhi obuthakathaka. Akukhona ukuthi isikhathi sizofika, futhi ngeke uzizwe uqobo. Kuhle futhi kuvamile uma indoda emshadweni wesibili ikhathalela izingane ezisuka emshadweni odlule futhi inokukhulumisana okuhle nobungane nomuntu osekude naye.
Futhi uma usuvele unezingane ezivamile, ungagcizeleli ukuthi zibaluleke ngaphezu kokuqala. Akusikho ilungelo lakho ukufuna ukuthi izingane zakho zithathele le ndawo. Upapa kufanele akwazi ukuxhumana kanye nezingane ezisenyakatho yokuqala, futhi ngokuhlanganyela kwakho.