Umalokazana nomkhwekazi

Kuyinto evamile ukucabanga ukuthi izingxabano emndenini zenzeka kuphela phakathi komamazala nomalokazana. Zingaki amathekisthi nama-anecdotes asetshenziswe ngale ndaba. Kodwa-ke, ngokuvamile emindenini emisha izingxabano zitholakala phakathi komalokazana nomkhwekazi.

Nomaphi lapho abantu abasha behlala nabazali bomyeni wabo, ingozi yokuxabana ihlale ikhulu kakhulu. Le nkosikazi encane iletha indlela entsha yokugcina indlu yakhe entsha, okungenjalo ukuthanda kwakhe noninazala. Umakoti usafunda indlela yokulima, ngokuvamile uphutha futhi, kubuhlungu kakhulu, uyabona imibono yowesifazane owaziwayo. Esimweni esinjalo, indoda ayifuni ukuma emphakathini we-arbitrator (ngesimo sakhe somyeni nendodana, ayifanele inendima enjalo), kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi uvikele umkakhe, ngisho nalapho ebona ukuthi unina, hhayi umkakhe, ulungile. Indoda kumele isekele umkakhe ngokholo lwakhe, imsize ukuba inqobe ubunzima besikhashana futhi ikhuthaze umuzwa wokuzola nokwaneliseka.

Ayikho indodana, ngisho nokuzimela kakhulu, ihlulekile ngokuphelele kumama. Ngeke amtshele ngokuqondile lokho acabanga ukuthi angamcasula noma amvumele ukuba ahumushe amazwi akhe ukuze akhethe umfazi osemncane. Kuyadingeka kakhulu ukuthi indodana, omelela umkakhe, ishiya yedwa nonina, yamchazela izisusa zokuziphatha kwakhe.

Kodwa ukuziphatha komyeni kungesiqiniseko sokuxazulula zonke izinkinga ezikhona. Ukuphumelela kwalolu daba kuxhomeke kumalokazana-mkhwenyana, owathi ngeshwa, kuvame ukungahambi kahle kumama kamyeni wakhe. Umalokazana wakhe kuqala uveza ukuthi uninazala unomfazi othukuthele futhi ophikisanayo, noma ngabe lokhu akuhambisani neqiniso, futhi uma umamazala ngokuyinhloko umuntu onolwazi futhi ohlakaniphile. Yiqiniso, kukhona uninazala futhi unomthelela, futhi unomhawu, futhi unesineke, futhi ukhathazekile ngokungadingekile. Kuthiwani ngakho?

Uninazala, njengathi sonke, kwenzeka ukuba akhathele, athukuthele, adinga ukunakekelwa, nakuba, njengabo bonke abantu asebekhulile, abanakho ukuziphatha okuguquguqukayo. Uma umfazi osemusha eqala ukufuna ukuba umkhwe wakhe alungiselele kuye, ngoba yena, nakuba esemncane, "unokuziqhenya," ngeke azuze lutho kuphela, kodwa uzobonisa ubuwula obungenakuxolelwa. Umalokazana ohlakaniphile kufanele azivumelanise nomamazala wakhe, abe ngumlingani wakhe ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nangomyeni wakhe. Indlela eya enhliziyweni kamamazala-mkhwenyana itholakala kumvelo wakhe wobumama. Umalokazana kufanele alalele futhi alalele uninazala kunomama wakhe. Wonke umkhwekazi uthanda ukufundisa nokweluleka, ngakho-ke, labo mkhwenyana abangalindeli omunye "isifundo" bafika kumamazala wakhe ukuthola iseluleko, babuze ukuba bafundise ngendlela ehlukile, futhi ubazise ukuthi bayakwazisa kakhulu imfundo yomyeni wabo. Noma yimuphi umama uyaziqhenya ngokuthi wakwazi ukukhulisa izingane ezibelethwe kahle, nabomama bamadodana - ikakhulukazi.

Umalokazana angatshela uninazala, ngisho noma ecabanga ukuthi umama wakhe uhambele indodana yakhe kakhulu. Ngolunye usuku umalokazana uzoba ngumama, angase abe nendodana, futhi "uzothatha" indodana yakhe njengezinkulungwane zomama ngaphambi nangemva kwayo. Futhi-ke isikhathi sizodlula, indodana izoshada, futhi nangu umuntu owazi indodana yakhe kuphela "ngaphandle kwesikhathi sonyaka", uzotshela umalokazana wakhe ophenduke waba ngumkhwekazi wakhe, ukuthi "ugxilile" indodana yakhe. Ingabe uzojabula ukuzwa lokhu?
Kudingekile ukuthi ufunde ukuhlakanipha ngokusekelwe ekuzijabuliseni. Umfazi angase aqale "ukufundisa kabusha" umyeni wakhe kuphela lapho uninazala eseceleni kwakhe, lapho umama efuna indodana yakhe ukuba ilalele umkayo kukho konke. Umalokazana akufanele ambone umlingani kumama wakhe: impi enjalo ilahlekile kusengaphambili futhi ingenayo incazelo. Uthando ngunina nothando lomkayo yizinto ezihluke ngokuphelele. Ukufutheka kwabesifazane ababili - umalokazana nomkhwekazi - akulethe lutho ngaphandle komzwelo obabayo wokudideka nokungabi nabulungisa. Indoda empofu iphakathi kwamatshe amatshe amabili. Lapha umalokazana uyaphoqeleka ukukhiqiza. Ukwamukela umqulu owodwa kakade ukuthi impilo kamama isancishisiwe, futhi ekugugeni nasekuhluphekeni kwezintshisekelo, uthando lwakhe ngendodana yakhe lungaphuma ngamandla. Okucindezela ikakhulukazi umphumela omama womqondo wokuthi "umfana" wakhe uthathwa ngumuntu ongowesinye isizwe futhi ulahlekelwa yilaphakade. Owesifazane osemusha kufanele akhombise uninazala ukuthi ngeke asuse indodana yakhe, ukuthi, ngokuphambene nalokho, uye wathola indodakazi futhi maduzane uzothola abazukulu abazoqhubeka nomusa wakhe.

Izinkinga ezivela empilweni yokuhlanganyela yemindeni emibili kulula ukuxazulula lapho abazali nabazali bengakhulumi nomalokazana wabo noma umkhwenyana wabo, kodwa indodana yabo nendodakazi yabo. Abazali bayoziqonda ngokushesha izingane zabo, kunalokho bazozihlangabeza futhi bazobe bethethelela kakhulu kunokuba bangasoze bathethelele umalokazana noma umkhwenyana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abazali kufanele baqonde ngokucacile ukuthi abanalo ilungelo lokuphazamisa empilweni yangasese yabashadayo, ukuthi ukuphazamiseka okungahambisani nabo, lapho bebancane futhi befuna ukuhlala bodwa, baphupha ngento ethile, khona-ke indlela eyodwa efuna ukuba yedwa.

Uma kukhona umndeni omusha, ukuhlanganisana kufanele kube yisimiso sokuqala nesisekelo sokuba khona kwayo. Ukubumbana kokubili emndenini omusha, nasebudlelwaneni nabazali. Omunye akufanele akhathazeke ngenye indlela, noma aphike ilungelo labazali lokuhlanganyela enjabulweni yabasha futhi ukuxazulula izinkinga zabo ngenxa yokuthula komunye wezinhlangothi. Kuzo zonke izinto kubalulekile ukugcina umqondo onengqondo wokulinganisa.

Abazali, ikakhulukazi uma bebanjwe umhlalaphansi, banokuthile okwanele kubantu abasha - isikhathi. Ugogo nomkhulu banganika abazukulu nabazukulu isikhathi esiningi kunomama omncane nobaba. Emindenini lapho abazali bekhulisa izingane zabo ngokweqile, ukuthambekela kukagogo nomkhulu akulimazi, ngakho-ke akufanele ukwesaba lokhu kuthobeka.

Kodwa-ke, lapho intsha ishintsha yonke imithwalo yemfanelo yokukhulisa izingane zabo kunogogo nomkhulu, futhi ugogo kanyekanye uhola umndeni, bahlaziya amandla asebekhulile. Izimfuneko ezinikezwe zona azihambisani neminyaka yabo, umuzwa wokukhathala uvela ngokushesha, futhi ukukhathala kuholela ekuguqulweni kwesimo sengqondo nokukhungatheka, futhi ngenxa yalokho, isimo sengqondo sokunganeliseki okuvela endlini okungenakubekezelelwa kokubili abancane nabadala kubantu asebekhulile. Lokho abazali abakwenza ekuqaleni ngenjabulo, manje kuba ngumthwalo ongenakubekezela, okufunwa kuwo, kodwa abakwazi ukuwuqeda. Ungavumeli isimo esinjalo esicindezelayo.

Izingxabano zilula ukuvimbela kunokuzama ukuzama ukuhlanganisa ndawonye lokho kakade sekuphukile.