Umhlangano wengozi nomngane wobusha, esesike sasilahlekelwa umbono; okuphuthumayo emgwaqeni; inkulumo ezilalelini ezingajwayelekile; "umama" noma "ubaba" wokuqala okade ulindelwe emlonyeni wengane - izenzakalo eziningi nsuku zonke zivusa imizwelo yethu. Senza amahloni ngabo, besaba ukubheka ubuqili ohlangothini, sizivimbele thina futhi sicabange ukuthi sibalawula. Futhi nokho imizwa kaningi isithatha.
Amazinga Abili
Mhlawumbe iqiniso liwukuthi sikhule emphakathini lapho ikhono lokulawula imizwa yakho - "ukuzilawula" - yayilokhu ibhekwa njengekhono. Ukuzithiba, njengomlindi oqaphileyo, kusikhumbuza njalo: akulungile ukuziphatha ngokweqile, awukwazi ukubonisa intukuthelo yakho ngokucacile, udinga ukufihla ukwesaba kwakho, ukuvimbela injabulo kanye nenjabulo. Noma yikuphi ukusabela okunamandla ngokomzwelo kungase kubonakale kungalungile, kungenangqondo, ngisho nokuhlambalaza futhi kubonakala sengathi kubonakaliswa ubuthakathaka bethu. Akukho okunye okungafani: kuyinjabulo noma ukukhathazeka okuhlangenwe nakho kwabantu abaningi ababezimo ezithile. Ngakho-ke, kungokwemvelo ukukhamuluka kanye nokubhala amazwibela enkundleni yezemidlalo noma ndawonye uzwela ngesikrini somsakazo, lapho ingqungquthela ye-tsunami ishaya khona ulwandle oluthile. Kodwa, zithi, ukudansa ehhovisi ngesikhathi sokukhuthazwa, ukubeka kahle, akuvunyelwanga - njengoba kungamukeleki futhi kuvezwa ngokusobala usizi lwabo.
Ukuzithiba okunzima kudala induduzo ethile engokwengqondo kithi: ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo kwemizwelo kunciphisa okushiwo yi-affective states (isipiliyoni esinamandla sesikhathi esifushane somzwelo) futhi siyilawule. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ukuzithiba kubangela ukukhungatheka, ukudala igebe eliyingozi phakathi kwalokho esikuzwayo nendlela esiziphatha ngayo.
Labo abanemithwalo yabo engokomzwelo yokuphila, ngezinye izikhathi bazama "ukugwinya" ngosizo lwephilisi eyisimangaliso. Abaningi bazilahla ngokwabo, ngokwemibono yabo, ngokuzwela ngokweqile kwabazali babo, "abangalungile" abaphakamisa. Kodwa labo nabanye abazi noma bakhohlwe ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuveza imizwelo yempilo yethu. Siyabonga, sichaza i-"I" yethu yeqiniso futhi siyacaca kwabanye abantu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, imizwa iyadingeka ukuze sisinde. UCharles Darwin uphakamisa okokuqala ukuthi ukuveza imizwelo kunomqondo obalulekile wokuziphendukela kwemvelo *. Noma yisiphi isilwane esivela ekuzalweni sinikezwe imizwelo eveza ulwazi mayelana nezinhloso zomunye umuntu, ezimweni ezinzima, kusiza ukwenza ngendlela engafanele ngaphandle kokucabanga. Ngalokhu, ukucindezela imizwa yethu, sizibeka engozini, ngoba ngamunye wabo udlala indima yakhe ekhethekile.
Ukwesaba
usitshela ngengozi yangempela noma ecatshangelwe. Uthola okubalulekile empilweni yethu okwamanje. Ungesabi kuphela ukuthatha ulwazi, kepha unikeza umzimba imiyalo: iqondisa igazi emilenzeni, uma kudingekile ukugijima, noma ikhanda, uma kunesidingo ukucabanga. Njengomthetho, ukwesaba kuqinisa amandla ethu, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi umphumela wayo uphelela okuhlukile: uyasilimaza ngenkathi sinquma ukuthi singaqhubeka kanjani esimweni esithile.
Ulaka
ngezinye izikhathi adideke nobudlova, angasusa. Ngokuvamile, lo mzwa uhlanganisa umuntu uma ecabanga ukuthi akabhekwa ngokungathí sina (kanti abanye abantu bahlala njalo nale nzwa). Kodwa intukuthelo ingaba futhi iwusizo: ibangela ukukhululwa kwamahomoni egazini (kufaka phakathi i-adrenaline), futhi, nabo, banikeza amandla amakhulu. Futhi-ke sizwa amandla ethu, sizizwa sinesibindi futhi sizethemba. Ngaphezu kwalokho, intukuthelo isitshela ukuthi sesifinyelele ngaphasi kokuthi singakwazi ukuyeka ukuzilawula kanjani - ngomqondo othile, kufakazela ukubonakaliswa kobudlova.
Usizi
kusiza ukubaleka ukuzwa ukulahlekelwa (umuntu oseduze, ezinye izimfanelo ngokwakho, izinto ezibonakalayo ...) bese ubuyisa amandla okuphila. Ikuvumela ukuba "uziqede ngokwakho", uvumelane nokulahlekelwa futhi uphinde uthole incazelo elahlekile yalokho okwenzekayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, okuhlangenwe nakho kokudabuka kubangela ukuzwelana nokukhathalelwa kwabanye abantu - futhi sizizwa sivikelekile kakhulu.
Injabulo
umzwelo oyifunayo kakhulu. Nguye okhulula inani elikhulu lamandla, okwenza ukuba kukhishwe ama-hormone ajabulisayo. Sizizwa siqiniseka, ukubaluleka kwethu, inkululeko, sinomuzwa wokuthi siyathandwa futhi siyathandwa. Injabulo isebenza njengemagnet: idonsela abanye kithi futhi isisiza sihlanganyele imizwa yethu. Kuyaziwa ukuthi ukumomotheka nokuhleka kunomphumela wokwelapha, kuthuthukisa ukuvikelwa komzimba komzimba.
Ingqondo nemizwa
Enye inzuzo ebalulekile yemizwelo yukuthi isenza sibe nenhlakanipho. Sekuyisikhathi eside, isayensi ngomqondo othile yancipha, yafakwa ngezansi kwengqondo yokucabanga. Phela, kusukela ekucabangeni kwemvelo, imizwelo yazalwa ekujuleni kwengqondo ye-"prehuman" yama-archaic futhi isondelene kakhulu nokuziphatha kwezilwane eziyingqayizivele. Iminyango emisha ye-cortex ye-cerebral, okuyinto, ikakhulukazi eyabangela izinqubo zokucabanga okucabangayo, yavela kamuva kakhulu. Kodwa namuhla kuyaziwa ukuthi ngendlela ehlanzekile ingqondo ayikho - inondliwa imizwelo. Umhlengikazi waseMelika u-Antonio Damasio wabonisa ukuthi ulwazi, oluhambisane nemizwelo, luba yinyumba, futhi umuntu onomzwelo akakwazi, isibonelo, ukufunda emaphutheni akhe. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi izingane kanye nabantu abadala bafunde futhi bakhumbule okuthile okusha ngaphandle kwesizinda somqondo omuhle futhi owanele ngokomzwelo, okusho ngokuvula ngokomfanekiso ukuvula umnyango endaweni entsha yokuxhumana kwe-neural.
Umbono nawo awukho ngaphandle kwemizwelo. Yonke igama, zonke izenzo, iphunga, ukunambitha, isithombe esizibona ngathi ngokushesha "sihunyushwa" ngemizwa yethu. Ngaphandle kwemizwelo, sizophenduka imishini futhi siholele ukuphila okungenakubalabala.
Isazi sezinqondo uDaniel Goleman (uDaniel Goleman) sazisa umqondo wesayensi "wokuhlakanipha kwengqondo." Wafika esiphethweni sokuthi impumelelo yethu yodwa ayincike kakhulu ku-IQ, inkomba yokuthuthukiswa kwengqondo, njengokwengqikithi yomzwelo (EQ). Ngokusekelwe kwedatha yokuhlola, wafakazela ukuthi endaweni efanelekayo eyimpumelelo kakhulu ayiyona ingcweti enezinhlobonhlobo zamaploma, kodwa labo abanezimfanelo zabantu ezibalulekile - ikhono lokuhlaziya imizwa yabo nokuphatha imizwelo yabo kanye nabanye. Uma abantu abanjalo, bacelwa ukuthi babasize baxazulule inkinga, abanye bayasabela kalula, kanti "abakhubazeke ngokomzwelo" (nge-EQ ephansi) bangalinda izinsuku ezimbalwa ukuze baphendule isicelo sabo ...
Izwi lokungazi
Imizwelo isitshela ulwazi olubaluleke kakhulu mayelana nathi noma ngalokho esikubhekene nakho, ngakho-ke kufanele bathembeke, balalele futhi bathembele kubo. Ekuboneni kokuqala kubonakala ukuthi isimo esinjalo sokuphila siphikisana nesipiliyoni sabaningi bethu: okungaphezu kwesisodwa sasibe nephutha, sihamba ngesikhathi semisindo. Isazi sefilosofi esikhulu esingumJalimane uMax Scheler (uMax Scheler) wachaza lokhu kuphikisana nokukhona kwezinhlobo ezimbili zomzwelo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kunemizwa yokuthintana, okwenza njengendlela yokuthinta. Uma sizizwa sijabule, sizizwa singcono, singakwazi ukuphumula, singakhathazeki kakhulu, okusho ukuthi sikwazi ukuzwa "impilo engaphezulu". Uma kukhona okusikhathazayo noma okuthukuthelisayo, cishe sinomuzwa wokuthi sinqatshelwe impilo, amandla- "ingxenye yokuphila." Imizwa yokuthintana idlulisa ulwazi olubalulekile ngokubaluleka kokukhona kwalokho okwenzekayo empilweni yami, ubungqabavu bami. Kodwa imizwa enjalo (evame ukuvela ebuntwaneni) akufanele ixhomeke ekuthathweni kwezinqumo, kubalulekile ukuthi ukwazi ukuyisusa, ukuyibeka kubakaki.
Kodwa kukhona olunye uhlobo lomzwelo - imizwelo ede kakhulu. Abanayo ubudlelwane ngokuqondile nesimo sethu samanje, kodwa babamba okuthile okubaluleke kakhulu ngomunye umuntu. Lena umuzwa enembile owaziwa wonke umuntu. Yilokho okusikhuthaza ukuba sicele othandekayo: "Ingabe kukhona okwenzekile kuwe?" Noma ama-oda: "Kumelwe sibize ekhaya ngokuphuthumayo!" Azifundisi ukulalela imizwa edelekile, kodwa asivumela ukuba sihlole ngokushesha isimo somphakathi eqenjini labantu, interlocutor noma isimo. Uma ubuyela empilweni yakho, cishe uzoqaphela ukuthi zonke izinqumo ezibaluleke kakhulu futhi ezilungile kuwo zenziwe, ukuthembela ekugqibeleni: izincazelo ezizwakalayo ngokuvamile ziza kamuva.
Ukuthembela emizweni yakho kungakwazi futhi kufanele kufundiswe, kuqeqeshwe. Kubalulekile nje ukungadibanisi imizwa yokuxhumana ekhuluma ngathi ngomuntu, nabantu abade bakhuluma ngomunye umuntu.
I-High Voltage
Lapho amandla okuhlangenwe nakho ekhulu kakhulu, sinezinhlelo zokuvikelwa kwengqondo ezifakiwe - futhi asizwa lutho. Ukucindezeleka, ukunganakwa, ukushayela-ngakho kubonakala kwangaphandle, futhi ngaphakathi ngaphakathi komuntu akulimazi nje, njenge-anesthesia. Ukuxoshwa ("okukhohliwe") imizwelo esiyishintsha ibe imizwa yomzimba, ukususa ubuhlobo phakathi kokuhlangenwe nakho ngokomzwelo nokuthi yini eyabangela.
Ngezinye izikhathi imizwelo ithatha uhlobo oluhlukile. Ngezinye izikhathi ubuhlungu buvezwa ngokuthokoza okukhulu; injabulo - ezinyembezini; ngezinye izikhathi singagxuma ukuhleka okukhulu - uma ukuphelelwa yithemba kungasithinti. Izindlela zokuzivikela kwengqondo zithinta amandla ethu engqondo nangokwenyama futhi zihlale zingasebenzi: ngandlela-thile imizwa yangempela iyasiphumelela futhi igxile kithi. Labo abafihla ngempumelelo imizwelo yabo, nabo, bangaphansi kwengcindezi yabo. Ungakwazi ukukhombisa ukuhleka, ukudlala intukuthelo, ukukhuluma amanga ngemizwa yakho yangempela, kodwa awukwazi njalo ukuzenza kuze kube phakade: ngokushesha noma kamuva bazophuma. Ngakho kungcono ukukwazi ukuthatha njengoba kunjalo.
Ukuzivocavoca izinzwa
Uyashesha noma unomuntu oqhelile, owaziwa kakhulu, noma okhubazekile ngokwesaba ... Zama ukuqonda imizimba embalwa elula ezosiza ukuvumelanisa imizwelo yakho.
Awuhlanganisiwe
Uyabamba, ungazivumeli ukuveza intukuthelo noma injabulo ... Ukuziphatha kwakho kunesizathu sokuthi akulula ukubona. Indlela yokuphuma "ukuyeka" wena ngokwakho, ukukhulula imizwa yakho.
1. Zama ukuveza imizwa ngokuthinta.
Amazwi abalulekile, kodwa imiqondo yethu engu-90% iboniswa ngesimo sobuso, umzimba. Ukumomotheka, ukubeka, ukuzithokozisa-ngisho nokuhlunga okulula kwamahlombe kukhuluma ngesimo sethu sengqondo kulokho okwenzeka ngaphezu kwezinkulumo ezinde ...
2. Qaphela ukukhona kwemizwelo.
Uma ingane isaba izimpisi, akusizi ngalutho ukumbonisa ukuthi emahlathini ethu ayitholakali. Ukwamukela imizwa yakhe, abazali bangabuza: "Yini engingayenza ukuze ngikuqede?" Ukwesaba akusilo ihlazo, umuntu akufanele abe namahloni ngokwesaba. Ayikho imizwelo yethu engozini, yizihlobo zethu, okungeke sihlale silinde ukukhohlisa okungcolile.
3. Gcina idayari.
Kufana nokwabelana ngomzwa wakho nomngane wakho. Indaba enjalo ebhaliwe iyakhumbula ukukhumbula imizwelo ekhohliwe, cabanga ngabo, ithuthukise isimo sengqondo kubo.
Ukhubazekile ukwesaba
Ukuphakama "izigxobo" (okungukuthi, ukulahlekelwa okukhulu ekunqothulweni kanye nomvuzo omkhulu wokuwina), nakakhulu ukwesaba. Uyesaba kakhulu ukwehluleka ukuthi ucabangele izimo eziyingozi kakhulu futhi izandla zakho ziyawa. Indlela yokuphuma ukuqonda imizwa yakho futhi unqobe "ukukhubazeka" kwentando.
1. Hlola isimo esikhathini esidlule esivela engqondweni yakho ngesikhathi sokuthuthumela.
Ubani obheka njengokwesaba kuye? Mhlawumbe uthisha owahlukumeza ebuntwaneni, noma umakhelwane ongazange akunike iphasi? Isimo ngasinye esicindezelayo sisenza sikhumbule lokho esikuhlangene nakho esikhathini esidlule, kaningi eminyakeni yokuqala eyisithupha yokuphila. Futhi futhi ukuzwa kwesaba esingasakwazi ukunqoba kuyabuyela kithi.
2. Philisa kahle.
Gxila ekuphefumuleni kwakho: welula ukuphuma nokunciphisa ukuphefumula ukuze unciphise ukuzwa kwakho kwangaphakathi.
3. Khumbula impumelelo yakho.
Ngendlela, isibonelo, udlulisa kanjani ukuhlolwa ngokucophelela noma wanqoba umngane isethi ye-tennis. Ngokusekelwe yimpumelelo yangaphambilini nemizwa ehambisanayo yenjabulo, ungakwazi ukunqoba isifiso sokubona izimo ezimbi zezenzakalo ezingafinyeleleki.
4. Lungiselela ukuhlolwa.
Cabanga ngezinhlobonhlobo ezikhona zomcimbi, thola ukuthi ufuna ukufezekisa kunoma yikuphi okwenzekayo, nokuthi yini ongayinika ... Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi ulawule kangcono imizwelo yakho.
5. Bheka i-interlocutor, kodwa hhayi ngqo emehlweni, kodwa endaweni ephakathi kwabo.
Ungagxila kulokho okushoyo, hhayi kulokho okufundayo emehlweni akhe ...
Uthukuthele
Indlela yokuphuma ukufunda ukuba nomnikazi wakho imizwa nokuphatha isimo sokuphikisana.
1. Ungagcini izimangalo.
Uma uzigcina ngokwengeziwe kuwe, uma usengozini yokulahlekelwa ngokwengeziwe. Ekhuluma ngamangalo akho, uzisiza ubalekele ukugqashuka kwentukuthelo engavumelekile.
2. Funda ukuveza imizwa yakho ngokucacile.
Yisho igama elikukhathazayo. Ngaphandle kokukhononda noma ukusola, tshela ngokucacile: "Nginenkinga emsebenzini, ngiphakamisile futhi ngingazi ukuthi ngenzeni."
3. Misa isikhashana.
Ubuchopho budinga isikhathi sokwenza isinqumo futhi kulawulwe isimo. Phula i-plexus yelanga: thatha umoya ojulile, ubambe umoya wakho imizuzwana embalwa, uphume futhi ulinde ngaphambi kokuba uphefumule futhi. Ngezinye izikhathi, vala amehlo akho imizuzwana engu 2-3: ukuvala izibonakaliso ezibukwayo kunciphisa umthamo.
4. Indlela "X, Y, Z".
U-Psychotherapist waseMelika uHaim Ginott weluleka ukwakha izitatimende zakhe ohlelweni: "Uma wenza (X), ngazizwa (a) Y, futhi ngaleso sikhathi ngangifuna ukwenza (a) Z." Isibonelo: "Lapho ungihlambalaza ngoba ngasekuphuzile, ngazizwa ngingenacala. Ungangithinta kangcono esikhundleni sokungihlambalaza. "
5. Gcina isandla sakho sokusiza.
Ngaphambi kokuphendula ukuhlukumezeka kobudlova, buza "umhlukumezi": "Ingabe unento engalungile?" Noma umnike isisindo: "Ngiqala ukuthuthumela, ake simise, siphume phansi".
Wena u-hypersensitive
Wena usabela ngokulinganayo ngokomzwelo nakwezimvo ezibucayi, nokuncoma. Indlela yokuphuma ukubeka ubuhlobo obulinganiselayo nabantu.
1. Ungazibopheli ngokwakho.
Ungakhathazeki ngokungadingekile ngalokho abanye abakucabangayo ngawe. Zama "ukuhamba" kancane kuwe futhi ubonise uzwela (uzwela). Funda ukubeka izicathulo zomunye umuntu. Ucabangani ngalokhu? Kwenzekani? Ukushintsha okunjalo ekubukeni kokubukwa kusiza ukushintsha isu lobuhlobo.
2. Ungalwela wonke umuntu ukuba akuthande.
Ngezinye izikhathi kufanele uthathe ithuba futhi uvume ukuthi othile ngeke akuthande izenzo zakho, kodwa othile uzocindezela ukuphila. Akunakwenzeka ukugwema ukubonakaliswa kokuphikisana, ukuphikisana, ukungalingani kwabalingiswa. Ukucaca ukuthi uyazi ngalokhu, kuzoba lula kuwe ukwamukela, kanti omunye uzokuthola kunzima ukukukhohlisa.
3. Zama ukuthola izimo ze-"trigger".
Yenza uhlu lwezimo lapho usengozini ikakhulukazi, kanye namazwi akhuthaza ukuziphatha okungafanele. Uma ubhekene nawo futhi, ungawafunda futhi ungalahleki.
4. Gwema ukubikezela ngezigaba.
Ukuzikhalela ngokuhlelekile ("Kumelwe ngenze umsebenzi!") Noma ithoni elincane ("Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi ngizophila impilo yami eyodwa (for) ...") awuzuzi: uzizwa ungumthwalo wecala ngezinkinga zakho, futhi lokhu kwenza buthaka ubukhulu futhi awunikezi umsindo wokunqoba.