Izinhlobo ezahlukene zothando. Futhi unjani uthando?

Uthando, uzwela, uthando, ukukhanga, isifiso ... Ingabe izinto ezifanayo noma ezihlukile? Sithanda kanjani? Kungani ngokuzumayo uthole okulungile? Izazi zezinqondo azikakinikeza impendulo eqondile, kodwa zinikeza imibono ehlukahlukene yothando. UPaul Kleinman, umbhali wencwadi ethakazelisayo ethi "Psychology", ubukela umuzwa onzima kakhulu futhi omuhle kakhulu emgodini wesayensi.

Isilinganiso sozwela nothando lukaRubin

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uZik Rubin wayengomunye wabokuqala ukuzama ukubeka uthando emashalofini. Ngokombono wakhe, "uthando", ukunakekelwa kanye nokusondelana "yingxenye" ​​yothando lomthando. Yilo "uthando lokudla" olungatholakala emshadweni noma ubuhlobo obuseduze.

URubin waqhubeka ngokuqhubekayo: akazange achaze nje izingxenye zothando, kodwa imibuzo ephakanyisiwe. Ukuphendula imibuzo embalwa, ungathola ukuthi ungumuntu - umthandi noma nje umngane.

Uthando oluthandekayo nozwela

U-Elaine Hetfield waphefumulela amakhulu abanye ososayensi ngemisebenzi yakhe. Akazange ashiye ucwaningo lwakhe ngisho nalapho uSenator wakhe waseMelika emhleka usulu. UHatfield uphakamise ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezimbili zothando: ukuthakazelisa nokuzwela.

Uthando oluthandwayo luyisivunguvungu, isivunguvungu somoya, isifiso esinzima sokuba nomlingani wakho womphefumulo kanye nokukhangwa okuqinile kocansi. Yebo, yebo, izingubo ezihlakazekile phansi, okungekho muntu onesikhathi sokubeka phansi ngisho nasesihlalweni, ukubonakaliswa kwesifiso. Ngokuvamile lolu hlobo luthando aluhlali isikhathi eside: kusukela ezinyangeni eziyisithupha kuya eminyakeni emithathu. Nakuba kungenjalo ngempela kudlule - isifiso singashukumisela isinyathelo esilandelayo futhi sibe uthando lozwela. Yingakho "abangane ngocansi" bashada futhi bakha umndeni oqinile, nakuba okokuqala konke kwakungokuzijabulisa nje.

Uthando olunesihe luhlakaniphe kakhulu futhi lubekezelela. Njengendwangu epholile, uhlanganisa abantu ababili abanenhlanhla futhi ubavulela ngokufudumala kwakhe nangothando lwakhe. Inhlonipho, usizo oluhlanganyelana, ukuqonda nokwamukelwa komunye, izinga eliphakeme lokuthembela nomusa ukuhlukanisa lolu hlobo luthando kusuka ngothando. Futhi mhlawumbe usuqagele kakade ukuthi awuyeki ngokushesha. Uthando olunjalo luhlala amashumi eminyaka.

Izitayela eziyisithupha zothando

Ucabanga ukuthi uthando lufana nesondo lombala? Kodwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Lee siqiniseka ngalokhu ngalokhu. Ukholelwa ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezintathu eziyisisekelo "imibala" - uhlobo lomthando - ukuthi, uma uxubene, yakha shades engeziwe.

I-"palette" eyinhloko yothando iboniswa i-eros, i-ludus ne-storga.

I-Eros - umuzwa oncike ekuthandeni kwemizimba; kuyisifiso sokuhle, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo.

I-Ludus iyinhlangano yothando-mithetho nemigomo yayo kanye nemijikelezo; abantu baziphathe njengabadlali enkantolo. Ngokuvamile e-Ludus, abalingani abaningana bahilelekile (ngakho-ke kukhona amathantathu enothando).

I-Storge - uthando olujulile, ukusondelana kwemiphefumulo, ephuma ebuhlotsheni.

Lezi zingxenye ezintathu, ezikhona ngezilinganiso ezahlukene, zakha izinhlobo ezintsha zothando. Isibonelo, ukuzethemba nokulinganisela, lapho imizwa isekelwe ekubalweni, noma ekuthandeni-ukuphoqeka ngemibono evelele, izigcawu zomhawu nemvelo yokuzuza.

Ithiyori yezinhlangothi ezintathu

Ngo-2004 uRobert Sternberg uhlongoze umqondo ofanayo. Kuphela njengezinto eziyisisekelo, ubheka ukusondelana (ukusondelana nokusekela), isifiso (isifiso sobulili nesihawu) nokuzibophezela (isifiso sokuba nendoda), emele kakade ezinhlotsheni eziyisikhombisa zothando: ukuzwelana, ukukhathazeka, uthando olungenalutho, uthando, olungenalutho futhi uthando oluphelele.

Ukuqaphela uthando ngukuqala kokubona: kukhona uthando kuphela kulo, kepha ukusondelana nezibopho akutholakali lapho. Yingakho lokhu kuzondla kuyashesha futhi kaningi ngaphandle kokulandelela. Uthando olungenalutho lungumkhuba ongaphezu komzwelo ojulile. Isekelwe esithembisweni (noma ukuzama kwangaphakathi) sokugcina umlingani othembekile futhi ozimisele ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhlala njalo. Ukungabi nalutho - ukugxila kokukhathazeka nokuzinikela konke okudliwayo, ngaphandle kokwazisa nokuthembela; ngokuvamile kuholela emishadweni emifushane emifushane.

Ngokusho kukaSternberg, othandweni oluphelele kukhona zonke izingxenye ezintathu, kodwa kunzima kakhulu ukulondoloza. Ngezinye izikhathi azihlali zingenasisekelo. Ukuhlola ubuhlobo balezi zincenye ezintathu - ukusondelana, isifiso nokuzibophezela - ungaqonda ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho nengxenye yenye yini nokuthi yini oyidingayo ukuze uthuthuke. Kwabanye, lolu lwazi luzokwenza kucacise ukuthi yisikhathi sokumisa ubuhlobo, okuvela kuso okuncane.

Uthando njalo ososayensi abanentshisekelo: izazi zefilosofi zokuqala, bese kuthi-ke izazi zezenhlalo kanye nezingqondo zengqondo zafunda lo mzwelo wokukhanya kuzo zonke izibonakaliso. Futhi ake isayensi ikwazi ukubhekana namaqiniso nokuhlangenwe nakho nokubuka uthando ngaphansi kwe-microscope, ungakhohlwa into eyinhloko: thanda abantu abaseduze - akukho lutho olungcono kunothando oluthandanayo nolungcwele.

Ngokusekelwe encwadini ethi "Psychology".