1. Qedela amaphrojekthi kanye nobuhlobo obungapheli
Ngokwengqondo, umphumela wesenzo esingaphelele, obizwa ngegama lochwepheshe wezengqondo waseSoviet uBlueum Zeigarnik, uyaziwa. Wazama ukufakazela ukuthi umuntu ongenasizathu esingazange aqede ukuqeda lokho akuqalile, abhekana nemizwelo emibi kakhulu, futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, "ubambelele" kulesi senzo esingapheli, ulokhu ebuyela emicabangweni yakhe ngaso sonke isikhathi. "Eminyakeni engu-15 edlule ngangihlangene nomuntu wamaphupho ami," kukhumbula omunye wezintatheli zakwaZhZh. "Nakuba sasithandana ngaphandle kokukhumbula, wahlela izigameko, ngakho-ke izibuko zesikhwele, ngenxa yesizathu esicacile, wabe esethi asizange sidalwe omunye nomunye ... Ekugcineni angikwazi ukuma futhi ngahlukana nayo, nakuba kwakunzima kakhulu. Futhi yonke le minyaka ngikhumbula inveli yethu ngokuphazamiseka, ukufutheka, ukukhathazeka, intukuthelo. Kodwa ngelinye ilanga wavula i-TV - futhi wabona esikrinini saKhe njengesimenywa umbukiso wezinkulumo esihlokweni sobudlelwano bomndeni. Ukhulume ngokuthi uhlangene kangakanani nokuhlukana nomkakhe, futhi ngokumelene nalesi sizinda akazange abe nobuhlobo nabesifazane. Ukulalela kuye, njenge-spellbound, ngaqaphela ukuthi kwakuyisikhathi lapho sasihlangene. Futhi ekugcineni, ngaqonda ukuthi kwenzekani, ngilahla intukuthelo nokuzizwa ngecala elingacacile, "ake uhambe" ubudlelwane bethu - futhi manje ngicishe ngingakhumbuli ngakho, kodwa uma ngikhumbula, nginomuzwa ofudumele. "
Ngokufanayo, phakathi nokucindezeleka kwenkinga eneminyaka engu-40 ubudala, lo wesifazane ukhonjelwa ukuxhumana okuningi, izenzo kanye namaphrojekthi: inkambo yesiNgisi yaqala futhi yaphonswa eceleni, igqoke ingubo engagqoke, igubha emshini wokuthunga, iphrojekthi engapheli yokuhlelwa kabusha komnyango. Kumelwe kugcwaliswe - noma ngomzamo oqinile wokuyeka izinhloso. "Okokuqala, yenza uhlu lwezenzo ezingapheli," weluleka isazi sethu esihlala njalo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Alexander Bondarenko. - Manje bhala ephepheni elihlukile wonke ama-non-impromising, amacala angafaneleki namaphrojekthi - bese uwushisa, ngaleyo ndlela ubeke iphuzu elingokomfanekiso. "
2. Nqaba oxhumana nabo abangadingekile
Umngane ubiza njalo ngenyanga futhi unikeza ukuhlangabezana, uxoxe ngamadoda futhi usebenze. Futhi siyalahla, sichaza ukuthi asikho isikhathi, akukho simo, sizizwa sibi. Lokhu kusho ukuthi empeleni asisifisi ukugcina ubudlelwane, asivele nje silangaze ukusho ngalokhu kumngane, noma mhlawumbe ngokwethu. Ezweni lanamuhla, umuntu unolwazi oluningi nabathintana nabo, futhi siyakwandisa inombolo yabo, sizama ukugcwalisa ukungabi naluthando nokunakekelwa, kodwa sithola (futhi sinike) uthando oluncane nokukhathalela wonke umuntu esixhumana naye. Kudingeka ukwazi ukulahla oxhumana nabo abangadingekile. Phinda ubhale phansi i-notebook yakho njalo ngonyaka futhi ungafaki amagama amasha abantu ongazihlose ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana. Ngokweqiniso, abaxhumanisi kufanele baqagele ukuthi awufuni ukuhlangana futhi, uma uzwa impendulo ngaso sonke isikhathi: "Ngiyaxolisa, anginaso isikhathi." Kodwa uma umngane eqhubeka ebiza, kungcono ukuthi umtshele iqiniso - ngendlela ehlakaniphile kakhulu.
3. Bukeza ubuhlobo obubalulekile
Ukukhulumisana nabantu kubalulekile kithi, sivame ukubanika ukubaluleka okukhulu, okwenza kube nzima ukusungula ubuhlobo nabo. Nasi isibonelo esivamile. Ngokuvamile, abesifazane, bathandana nezindlebe, bahlala isikhathi eside futhi benenkani ngenkani. Futhi nakuba befezekisa umgomo wabo, le ndoda iphothula ngokushesha le noveli, ishiya lo mlingani ngezinyembezi nokuphazamiseka. Uma esikhundleni sokubekezela komkhuhlane wabonisa ukuhawukelwa, ngakho-ke aziwa ukuthi izinto zizovela kanjani. Kodwa ukubekezela okukhulu kwamadoda kumane kusabisa.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, senza izinto eziyiziphukuphuku, sizama ukufeza umgomo omuhle kakhulu - sesaba ukuya empini, sithole ubuhlobo uma kuziwa kubantu abaluleke kakhulu kithi. Ngenxa yalokhu kwesaba, ukungaqondakali nokuhlanganiswa kokunganeliseki. Indlela enhle yoku "hlambulula" ubuhlobo, obuvalwe njengesiqu, ukubiza umuntu "ingxoxo" kahle. Noma ubhalele incwadi, noma ngabe uhlala efulethini elifanayo nawe. Ngenkathi efunda umlayezo, ngeke alingeke ukuba aqale ukuphikisa zonke izinsolo futhi azithethelele yena, kuyoba nesikhathi sokucabanga mayelana nokusikisela kanye nokuphawula ... Incwadi yumsebenzi wamaphutha, okuwusizo kuwe nakumakheli wakho.
4. Lahla imizwa yecala
"Uma ungithandile, ungangithenga lo mshini!"; "Uma ungithandile, uzovuka ekuseni bese ungipheka ekuseni!"; "Uma ungithandile, ungangibiza njalo usuku ngalunye!" Le migomo ingenye yezindlela eziningi ezithinta abantu abasizungezile. Isetshenziselwa njengendlela yokuthonya ukufeza kithi ukuziphatha okudingekayo. Ukuhlukunyezwa kwemizwa yecala kubangelwa ingane: abazali bayasihlazisa ngenxa yokuhluleka noma ukuhlazisa omakhelwane bethu, othisha - ngoba asizami ngokwanele esikoleni, umphakathi wonke ufuna ukuziphatha okuthile kithi. Iwayini lingaba lakha uma lingasivumeli ukuba senze (noma siphinde) izenzo ezimbi kakhulu, kodwa ngokuvamile kuvame ukuthatha isinyathelo, ukuthola ama-neurotic of depress of the crisis of age of 40 in owesifazane. Abesifazane bakuthola lokhu kaningi - ukucwaninga kwamuva okwenziwa ngabosayensi bezengqondo baseSpain kubonisa ukuthi emadodeni umuzwa wecala uvame ukudibanisa uma uqhathaniswa nabesifazane. Kukhulunywa ngokukhethekile kulabo besifazane abaneminyaka engama-40 kuya kwengu-50: bangazicabangela ukuthi banecala kulokho okwenzeka kubo kanye nabathandekayo babo. Ukukhonza umusho wecala lokucabanga kuyisimiso esiyingozi lapho kufanele ulahle khona uma ufuna ukuthola ukuzithemba ngolunye usuku. Ukuzwa unecala ngeke kukusize. Kuzokwenza nje ube yisiboshwa esidlule futhi kukuphulukise ithuba lokuthatha noma yisiphi isenzo esihle okwamanje. Ukuyeka umuzwa wecala, ubalekela imithwalo yempilo yakho namuhla.
Ungakwazi ukulahlwa yecala legazi ngokubukeza izindinganiso zokuphila kwakho nokuqaphela ukuthi hlobo luni lwabantu - ubudlelwane nezenzo kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe, yikuphi ukuvuma nokuzidela ozimisele ukukwenza kwabanye abantu, nokuthi yiziphi ozibophezela kuphela ngoba awukwazi ukumelana nokuphathwa. Vumela ukwenza lokho okufunayo - akubhubhisi impilo yakho noma impilo yabathandekayo bakho. Ngisho nomqondo wecala awusonakali uma ufunda ukuwuqaphela. Owesifazane osemusha wabiza leyo studio futhi, ekhathazekile, wamtshela ukuthi kufanele asebenze okuningi, nakuba wayenendodana encane ngaphambi kokuzizwa enecala. Omunye udokotela ohlakaniphile ophansi ongase afunde inkulumo yonke mayelana nokubhujiswa kwalo mzwelo, futhi wathi: "Uyazi, ngenkathi ngisemncane umama wasebenza futhi, ngakho-ke ngeSonto, ukwenza amalungiselelo kimi, wangithatha emabhayisikobho futhi Ngithengi ice cream okuningi ngangifuna. Kwakumnandi kakhulu!
5. Zihoxise ekuziphatheni komzimba
Ungabi ohahayo, ake umfana agibele ibhayisikili; kumelwe siphile ndawonye, sinikeze udadewethu. Kusukela ebuntwaneni besilokhu sifunda ukucabangela izithakazelo zabanye - kusiza ukwakha ubudlelwane nokuzihlonipha kwabanye. Izinkinga ziqala lapho isiqubulo esithi "Cabanga ngabanye, hhayi ngawe ngokwakho" kuba yisimiso esiyinhloko empilweni yethu.
Ukwenqaba izifiso zethu, ukunikeza abalingani nezihlobo ngaphezu kwalokho esikutholayo, senza ngokungahambisani nothando, kodwa ngaphansi kwesigqoko sokwesaba okungenakuqedwa kokulahlwa. Ngokuvamile kwenzeka ukuthi izinkathi zokungabi nakakhulu kanye nokunakekelwa kwemvelo zilandelwa izinkathi zokuzwelana okujulile nokuzizwa ukuthi isisulu sasiyize: "Ubaba nami sichitha amandla amaningi kuye, futhi awukwazi ngisho ukungena esikhungweni!"; "Ngikulethe kubantu, ngakwenza ube ngumuntu, washiya umsebenzi wakho, futhi uqala ukwenza ama-mistress!"
Enye ibanga eliyingozi esitsheliwe kusukela ebuntwaneni futhi okuyiyona eyenza ukungabi nakakhulu: "Ungenza kangcono!" Umuntu oye waqonda le mfuneko yabantu abadala ebuntwaneni, ubona impilo emnyama nangomhlophe: konke noma lutho, ukunqoba okunamandla noma ukunqotshwa okuphelele. Kulesi simo, kukhona ingozi enkulu ukuthi, ngaphandle kokuphumelela ngo-100%, uzokwenqaba imizamo eminye, esaba "ukuchitha yonke into."
Ukuze baqale ukujabula futhi empumelelo yabo, umuntu kumele azame ukukhohlwa "ukuhlolwa komgomo". Hlola hhayi nabanye, kodwa ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho. Khumbula lezo zikhathi lapho uzizwa unelisekile ("Ngikwenzile!"). Khumbula ukuthi ufunde kanjani okuthile (isibonelo, ugibele ibhayisikili noma ukhulume isiNgisi). Ngokugxila kula maphuzu, umuntu angaphulukiswa ngokungaqiniseki nokuhlambalaza nokucindezeleka kwengcindezi eneminyaka engu-40 ubudala owesifazane.