Uthando yiqiniso, umuzwa omuhle. Kodwa, njengoba umkhuba ubonisa, ifomu (eshadile noma cha) ekugcineni lifakazela ukuthi libaluleke ngaphezu kokuqukethwe. Lona ngenye yezingqikithi ezibuhlungu kunazo zonke zabesifazane, esixoxa ngazo ngentshiseko nabangane nabomama bami abakhathazekile ngekusasa lamadodakazi abo abathandayo. Sekuyisikhathi sokuthola ukuthi ukufaneleka kanye nezingozi zomshado womphakathi kuyaphenywa. Ake sibheke izeluleko ze-psychologists ezihola.
Umshado uyinto enhle
Okokuqala asichaze igama lesiqephu. Igama elithi "umshado", okungahambisani namahlaya avamile kule ndaba, livela esenzweni "ukuthatha". Yiqiniso, izibopho zisho. Ku "fakazi "uNkulunkulu ubizwa (esontweni), umbuso (ehhovisi lokubhalisa) nabantu abathintekayo empilweni yabashadile - izihlobo, abangane, ozakwabo. "Uhlelo lokuvunywa oluvela phezulu" ludlala umsebenzi obalulekile wezenhlalo, njenganoma imuphi umkhuba - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubhalisela amaphayona noma ukunikeza idiploma. Kusukela eminyakeni engu-3 umuntu uyaqaphela ukuthi wakhiwe ebuhlotsheni obunye nezwe langaphandle. Ukuzethemba kwethu kubuye kubonakale lokho okukhuthazwa emphakathini nalokho okungekho. Yingakho kunesiko lokugubha umshado ngokubanzi ngangokunokwenzeka, okusho ukuthi, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuvunyelwa komphakathi, futhi ngakolunye uhlangothi - ukubeka umphakathi umthwalo wemfanelo. Ukuphakama kwesimo somuntu, okunye "okuyimpoqo" kufanele abe emshadweni. Yingakho kungekho mongameli ongashadile noma ohlukanisile. Futhi wonke umuntu uyaqonda ukuthi kungani. Kodwa iningi lethu ngabantu abavamile, futhi inkinga yokubhalisa ubudlelwane ibangela ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi.
Ngakho yini esiyibheka ngomshado? Lapho indoda nowesifazane behlala ndawonye, ​​bahlanganyela ekhaya futhi ... bathandana. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuthi emva kwesikhashana, lapho zonke izinkanuko zicima, ngokungazelelwe siqaphele ukuthi umlingani ufushane kakhulu ku-Suitable Ideal futhi akunakwenzeka ukubekezelela ukwehluleka okuveziwe! Ngalo mqondo, umshado womphakathi uyindlela enhle kakhulu. Ungabheka ukuthi ukhululekile kanjani ngomunye nomunye ngokomzwelo, empilweni yansuku zonke, ngokocansi, njll. Futhi ngaphandle kwephepha eliyinkimbinkimbi yephepha elibomvu ukusabalala ukuze bathole injabulo yabo yangempela. Futhi uma konke kuvumelana, ke into esemqoka ukuzwa, umshado osemthethweni ngokomthetho - kuyinto yeshumi! Uhlelo oluhle futhi oluqotho, akunjalo? Kodwa ochwepheshe bayakusho ukuthi, ngakho konke okulula kobuhlobo obunjalo, "abafazi bomphakathi" bakhathazeka kakhulu kunalokho "okusemthethweni". Isikhathi seminyaka engama-4 kubhekwa njengokubaluleke kakhulu emshadweni womphakathi. Isizathu? Sizozama ukucabangela ubunzima obujwayelekile (kepha asifaki ukuthi umshado womphakathi ungaba yisisekelo somndeni ojabulayo).
Logic yabesifazane
Esikhathini esingokwemvelo nesokwengqondo, lo wesifazane uklanyelwe ukunikezwa kumuntu. Futhi udinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuthi akutsheli imali nje. Ikusasa kufanele lilandelwe. Emshadweni womphakathi, okugcina kuvulekile, njengaku-Eugene Onegin. Inkululeko ebuhlotsheni iyashunyayelwa. Inkululeko njengesihlangu kusuka "bytovuhi." Kodwa emva kwakho konke, lo mbhangqwana kusadingeka ukuthi uhlele impilo ejwayelekile, njengoba nje emshadweni obhalisiwe, unqume ukuthi ubani ozogeza izingubo, akhiphe udoti ... Ngenxa yalokho, kukhona into ethakazelisayo: abalingani abagwema ukutshala izimali empilweni yabo nasenduduzo. Umbuzo wukuthi uthenge insimbi entsha, ingakhulumi ngemali enkulu - imoto, indlu - ixhomeke emoyeni. Kusuka kokubukwa kwezomthetho, futhi, akukho isiqinisekiso sokuthi amalungelo akho empahla ngeke avikelwe yi-Code Family. Futhi iminyaka le mibhangqwana ingahlala njengabafundi, izama ukungacabangi ngekusasa. Inselele yesibili inkululeko njengethuba elingenalutho ngesikhathi esisodwa "ukunambitha" abanye abalingani. Ngempela, leli phuzu alisethiwe, ingabe umuntu "ofanayo" uzovela ngokuzumayo? (Emkhatsini wokuqotjha umshado obhalisiwe nakho kwanele, kodwa kukhona ubulili ohlangothini oluvame ukubhekwa ngokuthi "i-outlet" esikhundleni sokusesha isigamu sesibili). Njengomthetho, emshadweni womphakathi, omunye wabalingani uzizwa ethi "mahhala", kanti omunye wesaba ukuzwa isihlamba: "Uphoqa kakhulu kimi!" Ngenxa yezizathu ezichazwe ngenhla, ukuxhumana okubuthakathaka kuvamise intombazane.
Logic yamadoda
Pho kungani amadoda engaphuthumanga emqhele? Akunakwenzeka ukuthi ubuningi bama-bachelors omdala besikhathi samanje abukho kakhulu. Futhi amadoda akhetha umshado womphakathi njengenye indlela yomshado osemthethweni, ashade ngokusemthethweni (nakuba kungenjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi "oshade naye"). Yebo, unelisekile ngokuthi "konke okukhona". Futhi, ngokukhululekile, akafuni ukushintsha noma yini. Kodwa unokwesaba okukhulu ukuthi intombazane yakhe ethandekayo ngemuva komshado "konke kuzoshintsha." Ngaphambi komshado, amantombazane ayesebenza - amasitokisi, amakhandlela, kusukela ebuhlotsheni obunamafutha ahlanzekile, naphezu kokungaqiniseki. (Kuphawula ukuthi abesifazane abashadile bayazibukela ngaphansi kwabo ngaphambi komshado, futhi abanandaba kakhulu ngokuthi "uthando"). Ezweni lakithi, lo mbono usuqhakaze ngokugcwele: owesifazane-umfazi ufana nomama womama (ngesizathu esihle, sivame ukubiza abesilisa "izingane" engxoxweni nabangane nabomama). Umama-mfazi, njengomama wakhe, uzomfundisa njalo, enze umqondo wecala. Inkathazo yesibili yilo mkhosi oshayisayo womshado, lapho othandekayo nomama bakhe befuna ukudlala "umkhwenyana-nomakoti-we-tiri-tiri-inhlama". Umbuzo uphakama: "Yini ayidinga ngempela - ukukhombisa wonke umuntu ukuthi ekugcineni ushada, noma ngisaphila?"
Kungani ehlelekile ngokumelene nomshado?
Okuhlangenwe nakho kwezingane njalo kudlala indima ebalulekile. Umama, sicela uqaphele! Izimbangela zokwesaba umshado osemthethweni phakathi kwabantu enembeza wakho!
1. Ukungabi nokuzinza. Akukhona nje ngama-scandal njalo emndenini, kodwa futhi uma abazali, hhayi ekuphikisana, behlala bodwa, behluke komunye nomunye impilo yomntwana. Kuzo zombili izimo, umfana angase ahlakulele ukungaqiniseki ukuthi udinga ngempela umuntu futhi uyakwazi ukunqoba uthando olujulile. Kusukela kumfana onjalo ungavame ukuzwa: "Iya kumama!" Kulula ukuba aqagele ukuwohloka kobudlelwane kunokukhathazeka ukuthi ngolunye usuku intombazane "izobona ukuthi ngiyiphi ngempela."
2. I-Hyperopeka. Omama abaningi banomthetho omkhulu, bayaqiniseka ukuthi indodana ayidingi ukulawula kuphela, kodwa futhi yenza okuningi, izama ukuthola imicabango nemizwa yakhe. Lapho esekhulile, unesaba ukuthi uthando nokukhathalela-ngisho nentombazane enhle kunazo zonke emhlabeni-kungamgwinya, ukumukhulula ukuzimela kwakhe.
3. Ukugula. Kwenzeka ukuthi omama abaziniki isikhathi esiningi kumntanakho, abahlali ekhaya njalo, futhi ugogo ukhulisa umfana. Umama ubanda futhi uyafuna. Njengoba engenalo ithuba lokuxhumana eduze nonina, angakwazi ukuhlukanisa isithombe somfazi wakhe othandekayo, okungekho intombazane yangempela engafana nayo. Yingakho-ke uzobe esesesimweni sokusesha okuphelelwe yinkosikazi yakhe.