Ukwahlukanisa kungenziwa ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kepha noma yikuphi ingane ihlangabezana nayo. Uma ebona ukuthi uyise nomama ngeke bahlale ndawonye, izwe lomntwana lizophela. Okubaluleke kunazo zonke ukuhlukana kwabazali ababhekene nabantwana abangaphansi kweminyaka eyi-15. Izazi zengqondo zibonisa ukuthi phakathi nonyaka wokuqala, bobabili amantombazane nabafana bakhombisa ukuziphatha okungazinzi, ukukhathazeka nokuhlukumezeka uma kuqhathaniswa nezingane ezivela emindenini ephelele. Kunzima kakhulu ukuhlukanisa kwentsha. Intsha evame ukuba nobudlova, ingalawuleki, ibonise ukukhathazeka, ukulahleka kokuzithiba, ihlushwa ukulahla kanye negazi. Abazali abaningi abaqapheli kuze kube sekupheleni ukuthi yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo okubangelwa izingane ngokuhlukana kwabo. Into esemqoka esimeni samanje, ukusungula ubudlelwane nentsha emva kwehlukaniso, ungaphuthelwa kulolu chungechunge lokuxhumana okude okubaxhunyiwe. Ukugcina ubuhlobo nengane buqinile, udinga ukwazi izinto ezimbalwa ezibalulekile:
Ungalokothi ugcine ingane ingavimbela isahlukaniso esilandelayo, njengoba lokhu kuholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu kwengane ngenxa yomphumela wokumangala.
Akudingeki ukuqalekisa nokuhlambalaza phambi kwengane, ukuhlambalazana, futhi ngisho nangaphezulu, uma abazali benquma ukusabalalisa, akudingi ukuchaza isizathu kuye uma engafuni ukummazi. Akungabazeki ukuthi ingane izojabula ukuzwa ngokuhlubuka noma mayelana nothando oluye lwashiya impilo yakho yomshado. Ingane ingasho ukuthi ubaba uyashukumisela, kodwa, njalo uzofika kuwe futhi namanje uyomthanda kakhulu.
Ungalokothi umvimbele ingane yakho ukuba ihlangabezane noyise, ishukumise isenzo sakho ngokuthi uyise ubi, ukuthi kufanele axoshwe, ngoba ngaphandle kwakhe kungcono kakhulu. Phela, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini, ingane yakho iqhubeka ithanda ubaba wayo ngaphambili. Ubaba ushiya wena, hhayi indodakazi noma indodana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngaphandle kokuqaphela lokhu, ubeka ingane yakho kuqala ngokumelene nawe, njengoba uzocabanga futhi akusole ngokushiya kwakhe, futhi akubheke ukuthi unembi futhi unecala kukho konke okwenzekayo.
Ungamenzeli umntwana akhethe phakathi kwakho, amtshele ukuthi ukuhlangana okujulile nobaba kukukhaphela. Kuye kuyisinqumo esinzima kakhulu ekuphileni. Sidinga ukumsiza ukuthi abhekane nale nkinga, futhi angamngezi ezintsha. Kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi ukukhulumisana njalo nopapa kubaluleke kakhulu kumntwana, futhi kuyamsiza ukuba asheshe avuselelwe.
Ungamcindezeli ukuba ahlole uyise noma abe nezimfihlo ezivela kuye. Ungabuzi ingane, lapho ebuya kubaba, ukuthi bakhuluma ngani, uma efuna-yena ngokwakhe uzokutshela ngakho konke.
Ungamfumbathisi ingane ngezimpawu ezinjengokuthi "Uyabona, ubaba akazange avumele ukuthi uyithenge, kodwa kusasa ngizohamba ngithenge." Izingane zizizwa kahle noma yikuphi ukuhlukumeza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokushesha nje lapho eqaphela ukuthi angakwazi ukukusebenzisa, uzosebenzisa ngokushesha leli thuba. Futhi ukubuyisela igunya lakho emuva kuyoba nzima kakhulu.
Njalo uthembeke naye. Ukwenza ubudlelwane nentombazane eseduze futhi eyimfihlo nakho kuyinkimbinkimbi, futhi emva kokuhlukanisa - kunzima kakhulu. Ingane ivame ukuxhumana nokuhlangenwe nakho ngenxa yesahlukaniso sakho, izifo ezifana ne-neuroses, ukukhathala, ukucindezeleka, isisu somzimba, i-eczema kanye nokuthungatha kungavela. Yiba yisekelo kuye, ube nesithakazelo emizwa yakhe nasezifundweni zakhe.
Naphezu kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, ungalokothi ukhohlwe ngomntwana. Khulumisana naye njalo, hamba naye ukuhamba epaki, noma ukuyothenga, yenza konke ukuze ingane yakho ingazizwa ilahliwe. Khumbula ukuthi umsebenzi wakho ukuqala ubudlelwane nentsha emva kokuhlukanisa nokusiza futhi kumsekele.
Khumbula ukuthi uma yonke impilo yakho eyaziwa njalo izotshela indodakazi yakho ukuthi bonke abahlukumezi besilisa abangakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwane kanye nothando lwangempela, amathuba okuphila komntombazane wakho ngeke athuthuke kakhulu. Emva kwakho konke, uzokhathazeka futhi akhathazeke ngokuthi ubuhlobo bakhe kanye neyakho, buzophela ekuhlulekeni. Udinga ukutshela njalo ukuthi: "Ubaba wakho nami asizange sisebenze - uzophumelela nakanjani".
Ngesikhathi sesahlukaniso ingane iyenzeka, kunzima ngokwanele ukugxila ezikoleni esikoleni. Angaba yinto engathandeki futhi engaqondakali ebaleni lokudlala, abe ngumuntu othakazelisayo futhi obhekene nabangane bakhe. Esimweni esinjalo, udinga ukukhuluma naye, uchaze ukuthi konke kwenzeke ngokuphathelene nesahlukaniso, ukuthi akuyona iphutha lakhe lokuthi into ethile ayisebenzi. Isikhathi sizodlula futhi konke kuzokulungiswa nakanjani.
Ukuze uqale ubudlelwane nengane ngemuva kokuhlukaniswa, kunokwanele ukuba ube naye, ukumsekela, ukukhuluma kaningi ngothando lwakho noyise wakhe, ukumchazela ukuthi, naphezu kokuhlukana kwakho, uyohlale ehlala kuwe nobaba ingane oyintandokazi.
Okubaluleke kunazo zonke ukuhlukana kwabazali ababhekene nabantwana abangaphansi kweminyaka eyi-15. Izazi zengqondo zibonisa ukuthi phakathi nonyaka wokuqala, bobabili amantombazane nabafana bakhombisa ukuziphatha okungazinzi, ukukhathazeka nokuhlukumezeka uma kuqhathaniswa nezingane ezivela emindenini ephelele. Kunzima kakhulu ukuhlukanisa kwentsha. Intsha evame ukuba nobudlova, ingalawuleki, ibonise ukukhathazeka, ukulahleka kokuzithiba, ihlushwa ukulahla kanye negazi. Abazali abaningi abaqapheli kuze kube sekupheleni ukuthi yikuphi ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo okubangelwa izingane ngokuhlukana kwabo. Into esemqoka esimeni samanje, ukusungula ubudlelwane nentsha emva kwehlukaniso, ungaphuthelwa kulolu chungechunge lokuxhumana okude okubaxhunyiwe. Ukugcina ubuhlobo nengane buqinile, udinga ukwazi izinto ezimbalwa ezibalulekile:
Ungalokothi ugcine ingane ingavimbela isahlukaniso esilandelayo, njengoba lokhu kuholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu kwengane ngenxa yomphumela wokumangala.
Akudingeki ukuqalekisa nokuhlambalaza phambi kwengane, ukuhlambalazana, futhi ngisho nangaphezulu, uma abazali benquma ukusabalalisa, akudingi ukuchaza isizathu kuye uma engafuni ukummazi. Akungabazeki ukuthi ingane izojabula ukuzwa ngokuhlubuka noma mayelana nothando oluye lwashiya impilo yakho yomshado. Ingane ingasho ukuthi ubaba uyashukumisela, kodwa, njalo uzofika kuwe futhi namanje uyomthanda kakhulu.
Ungalokothi umvimbele ingane yakho ukuba ihlangabezane noyise, ishukumise isenzo sakho ngokuthi uyise ubi, ukuthi kufanele axoshwe, ngoba ngaphandle kwakhe kungcono kakhulu. Phela, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini, ingane yakho iqhubeka ithanda ubaba wayo ngaphambili. Ubaba ushiya wena, hhayi indodakazi noma indodana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngaphandle kokuqaphela lokhu, ubeka ingane yakho kuqala ngokumelene nawe, njengoba uzocabanga futhi akusole ngokushiya kwakhe, futhi akubheke ukuthi unembi futhi unecala kukho konke okwenzekayo.
Ungamenzeli umntwana akhethe phakathi kwakho, amtshele ukuthi ukuhlangana okujulile nobaba kukukhaphela. Kuye kuyisinqumo esinzima kakhulu ekuphileni. Sidinga ukumsiza ukuthi abhekane nale nkinga, futhi angamngezi ezintsha. Kufanele kukhunjulwe ukuthi ukukhulumisana njalo nopapa kubaluleke kakhulu kumntwana, futhi kuyamsiza ukuba asheshe avuselelwe.
Ungamcindezeli ukuba ahlole uyise noma abe nezimfihlo ezivela kuye. Ungabuzi ingane, lapho ebuya kubaba, ukuthi bakhuluma ngani, uma efuna-yena ngokwakhe uzokutshela ngakho konke.
Ungamfumbathisi ingane ngezimpawu ezinjengokuthi "Uyabona, ubaba akazange avumele ukuthi uyithenge, kodwa kusasa ngizohamba ngithenge." Izingane zizizwa kahle noma yikuphi ukuhlukumeza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokushesha nje lapho eqaphela ukuthi angakwazi ukukusebenzisa, uzosebenzisa ngokushesha leli thuba. Futhi ukubuyisela igunya lakho emuva kuyoba nzima kakhulu.
Njalo uthembeke naye. Ukwenza ubudlelwane nentombazane eseduze futhi eyimfihlo nakho kuyinkimbinkimbi, futhi emva kokuhlukanisa - kunzima kakhulu. Ingane ivame ukuxhumana nokuhlangenwe nakho ngenxa yesahlukaniso sakho, izifo ezifana ne-neuroses, ukukhathala, ukucindezeleka, isisu somzimba, i-eczema kanye nokuthungatha kungavela. Yiba yisekelo kuye, ube nesithakazelo emizwa yakhe nasezifundweni zakhe.
Naphezu kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, ungalokothi ukhohlwe ngomntwana. Khulumisana naye njalo, hamba naye ukuhamba epaki, noma ukuyothenga, yenza konke ukuze ingane yakho ingazizwa ilahliwe. Khumbula ukuthi umsebenzi wakho ukuqala ubudlelwane nentsha emva kokuhlukanisa nokusiza futhi kumsekele.
Khumbula ukuthi uma yonke impilo yakho eyaziwa njalo izotshela indodakazi yakho ukuthi bonke abahlukumezi besilisa abangakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwane kanye nothando lwangempela, amathuba okuphila komntombazane wakho ngeke athuthuke kakhulu. Emva kwakho konke, uzokhathazeka futhi akhathazeke ngokuthi ubuhlobo bakhe kanye neyakho, buzophela ekuhlulekeni. Udinga ukutshela njalo ukuthi: "Ubaba wakho nami asizange sisebenze - uzophumelela nakanjani".
Ngesikhathi sesahlukaniso ingane iyenzeka, kunzima ngokwanele ukugxila ezikoleni esikoleni. Angaba yinto engathandeki futhi engaqondakali ebaleni lokudlala, abe ngumuntu othakazelisayo futhi obhekene nabangane bakhe. Esimweni esinjalo, udinga ukukhuluma naye, uchaze ukuthi konke kwenzeke ngokuphathelene nesahlukaniso, ukuthi akuyona iphutha lakhe lokuthi into ethile ayisebenzi. Isikhathi sizodlula futhi konke kuzokulungiswa nakanjani.
Ukuze uqale ubudlelwane nengane ngemuva kokuhlukaniswa, kunokwanele ukuba ube naye, ukumsekela, ukukhuluma kaningi ngothando lwakho noyise wakhe, ukumchazela ukuthi, naphezu kokuhlukana kwakho, uyohlale ehlala kuwe nobaba ingane oyintandokazi.