Okungenani hhayi okuningi njengoba senza. Kodwa ososayensi baye bafakazela ngokuhlukile. Muva nje, izazi zezenhlalo zeMelika ziye zathola ukuthi amadoda ahlupheka ngezinkinga ezimpilweni zabo ngaphezu kwabesifazane. U-Anna Barrett waseYunivesithi yaseFlorida noRobin Simon wase-University of Wake Forest baxoxe nabantu abangaphezu kwenkulungwane namantombazane abasha futhi bathola ukuthi uma umbhangqwana ufika isikhathi esinzima, okunye okuhlangenwe nakho kocansi okunamandla, nakuba kungabonakali esidlangalaleni. Ngaphezu kwalokho, basabela ngokuphawulekayo ekuhloliseni ubudlelwano bobuhlobo. Uthando olulodwa lwenza kube nemizwelo emnandi kakhulu futhi ngcono kakhulu impilo yengqondo. Yiqiniso, ucwaningo alukona ngokuphelele. Ososayensi bacabangela imibuzo yemibuzo yabafundi kuphela, futhi lapho kwenziwa ukuhlolwa phakathi kokushada, ukungafani okubuhlungu kokuhlangenwe nakho kwamadoda nabesifazane akuzange kubonwe. Kodwa okwamanje ukutholakala kubonakala kunokwethenjelwa. Futhi, kubonakala sengathi sinesizathu sokukholelwa kuzibalo. Yeka kanjani ukuxabana nomuntu othandekayo futhi uhole uthando olunokuthula?
Futhi ukhulume
Abacwaningi baseMelika basikisela ukuthi: isizathu esiyinhloko sokushiya ngokomzwelo amadoda emva kwekhefu ukuthi umlingani uvele ngokuzumayo ukuthi nguye kuphela oxhumana naye eduze. Okungukuthi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuhlobo bakhe nomama nomngane wakhe buhle kanjani, vula ngokugcwele umphefumulo, yena kuphela ongakwenza. Futhi wena, ngokungafani naye, usondelene futhi ukhululekile nabangani, abazali kanye nodokotela wamazinyo wakho. "Kulula ukuba owesifazane anelise isidingo sokuxhumana okuyimfihlo. Iningi lamadoda liyakwazi ukukwenza ngenkinga - licindezelwa ukwesaba ukusondelana, futhi ukuvuleka kubhekwa njengobuthakathaka, "kuchaza u-psychologist u-Alexander Kuznetsov. Ukukhuluma ngobuqotho nokuqotho futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo asizwa sengathi izigqoko zethu abathandekayo bethu kuphela kuphela, ngoba thina ngabo, ngokushoyo, ubulili obubuthakathaka. Futhi ngokuzihlanganisa nabantu akusho ukuxoxa isikhathi eside nokuvuma okushaqisayo. Badinga ukwesekwa okungaphezulu, ukwethemba nokuqonda kahle.
Uma konke kuphelile
Ekucwaningweni kwezazi zezenhlalakahle, kukhona ukucaciswa okuncane, kodwa okubalulekile - amadoda angase abe nempikiswano nokuhlukunyezwa kwabambhangqwana, kuyilapho bebekezelela kakhulu igebe. Kodwa, ngokusho kokuhlaziywa komthengisi u-Elena Lazarenko, ukuhlukana kunikezwa kubo ngokungathí sina, njengoba ngokuvamile bengacabangi ukuthi yikuphi ukubaluleka ngokomzwelo ubuhlobo obunakho. "Ngibheka ukuhlangenwe nakho kwami, amadoda avame ukuphendukela kubesifazane ukuze basize ngokwengqondo lapho lo mdlalo usuphelile. Ngaphandle kwalokho, basencane amathuba okuvakashela isifo sengqondo ezweni lethu, "esho. Ngokwe-therapist, lokhu kungenxa yokuthi amadoda isikhathi eside akholelwa ngobuqotho: ubudlelwane buyadingeka, okokuqala, umlingani futhi, ngakho-ke, kufanele azinakekele. Kodwa uma kukhona ukuhlukana, kubo kuyisimanga esikhulu ukuthi umuzwa wokungabi nalutho, oqala ukuwuzwa. Abesifazane, ngokuphambene, bazi kahle ukubaluleka kobudlelwane futhi baze baphuthukise. "Amadoda avame ukuza kimi ngokuvuma:" Ngilwa ezindaweni ezishisayo, ngihamba emhlabeni wonke. Nginebhizinisi eliphumelelayo. Akukho lutho noyedwa obesabayo. Kodwa wayengenakucabanga ukuthi ngaphandle kwakhe kwakuzoqala. Ngitshele, yini engalungile nami? Ngacabanga ukuthi sizohlukanisa futhi konke kuzophela. Futhi manje angikwazi ukulala ngaphandle kwalo, angikwazi ukukudla! "- kusho u-Elena Lazarenko. - Okusho ukuthi, umuntu ongaqapheli futhi angazi izidingo zakhe ezingokomzwelo, ekugcineni uxhomeke ebuhlotsheni lapho lezi zidingo ziyaneliseka okungenani. Ngokuvamile lokho kwenzeka ngamaDayzhuans, abesifazane beshintsha njalo, abangavumeli noma ubani osondelene ngokomzwelo futhi enqabe isidingo salo. "
Kusho izinyembezi
Singakwazi ukukhala ngokuzwakalayo. Ngisho nasesidlangalaleni. Futhi futhi kususa ngokuphelele ukucindezeleka. Amadoda alondoloza isipiliyoni ngokwabo. "Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyabukela intombi yami kuphela. Uzophula amapuleti ambalwa odongeni, umlenze futhi ulungele ukubekezela, - uVeveni uyavuma (27). - Futhi angikwazi ukuphonsa izitsha noma ukuphahlazeka ifenisha, ngoba nginamandla, izenzo ezinjalo zizobukeka sengathi zihlukumeza. Uyesaba nje. Mhlawumbe, yingakho ngidinga njalo, isikhathi esiningi kunezintombi zami, ukuze ngiphinde ngivele empini. " Omunye uzozama ukukhulula ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo emzimbeni wokuzivocavoca, omunye - omanzi ophuza utshwala, kanti okwesithathu uzobheka i-TV futhi alindele ukuba idlule ngokwayo. Abafana kusukela ebuntwaneni bayatshelwa: ungalokothi ukhale, ungumuntu ozayo. Ukubonisa isisa, ukwesaba, ukudabuka, ukukhathazeka kwabaningi babo akunakwenzeka. Ngakho-ke imizwa enzima ukuyiveza, amadoda, evame ukuthatha indawo ejwayelekile futhi ephephile - intukuthelo noma ukuhlukunyezwa. Kodwa kaningi abakhulumi ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo ngokuvulekile futhi bashiya imizwelo egxiliwe ngaphakathi ngaphakathi. Lokhu njengomphumela kungaholela ekuguleni kwengqondo, ukucindezeleka, ukuhlaselwa kwesibindi.
Okuhle kakhulu
"Sasivame ukuphikisana nomkami wokuqala. Izizathu zaziyizinsuku zonke: ngubani ozohamba ekuseni ukuhamba nenja, ophule i-kettle kagesi nokuthi yini okufanele akhethe entsha, ukuthi yini okumelwe akwenze ngempelasonto? Imibono yethu ihluke ngokweqile kukho konke, - kusho u-Anton (32). Ekuqaleni ngacabanga: konke ngoba sinokuncane kakhulu. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngaqaphela ukuthi ngangibulawa ngokoqobo ngoba ngangingeyona igunya lakhe. Ngisho ne-teapot. " Izingxabano kulezi zibili zithinta kakhulu ukuzethemba kwabantu besilisa. Yiqiniso, nathi asijabule uma singalaleli umbono wethu noma (esabe kakhulu!) Uma kuqhathaniswa nabanye. Kodwa ngomuntu othandekayo, izingxabano nokuxokozeleka kusho ukuhluleka kwakhe ngokuphelele esigabeni sothando. Futhi ukusinda ukwehluleka komuntu owayevame ukuzicabangela ukuthi uyinqola akulula. Kumuntu, ukuhluleka ebhizinisini elinenjongo kuye kuyinkinga enkulu yokuzihlonipha kunokwesifazane. Imiqondo "yokunqoba" ne "ukunqoba" imbala kakhulu kumzwelo. Yingakho amadoda ephuka kakhulu kakhulu futhi isikhathi eside. Kuvela ukuthi ubulili obuqinile kunamandla kunathi kukho konke, kufaka phakathi imizwa. Kuphela kulokhu abasoze bavuma.