Uma sithi omunye umbhangqwana unento engalungile, khona-ke sibonakala sigcizelela ukuthi konke kuhle. Nakuba konke lokhu kwenzeka ezingeni eliphansi futhi kubonakala ngathi senza kahle, ngoba omunye umuntu wenza iphutha ngempela. Kodwa empeleni akunjalo. Okungenani ngoba sonke sibhekene namaphutha we-attribution.
Namuhla, kunezinkolelo eziningi mayelana nendlela yokuxhumana phakathi kwabathandekayo. Sahlulela okulungile kwabanye abantu, futhi okungekho. E-intanethi namuhla kunezindlela eziningi "amathiphu" ekukhulumisaneni nomthandekayo wakho, ukuthi ungaziphatha kanjani kulokhu noma kuleso simo. Ukungqubuzana kwemibhangqwana esivame ukuchaza ukuthi omunye wabo uziphatha "okungalungile", ngoba kwakudingeka enze ngendlela ehluke kakhulu. Sisho ukuthini ngokufaneleka kokuziphatha ebuhlotsheni? Ingabe le mithetho iqinisile? Imiphi imithetho efanelekile okufanele uyikhokhele ngokukhethekile?
Njengoba sicabanga ukuthi imelelwe
Wonke umuntu unombono ojwayelekile wokuthi kufanele umbhangqwana ubheke kanjani. Lezi ziphakamiso zisekelwe ekucaleni kobulili "intombazane kumele ibe yowesifazane futhi ifane nezicathulo, futhi umfana kufanele abe ngumuntu futhi athande imidlalo." Ukuphelele kwalezi zinkolelo kumelela uhlelo lwazo, ngokusho ukuthi yikuphi okubili othandanayo okufanele bathande. Indlela okumele imele ngayo iwukuba "iphethini" lokuziphatha lokuziphatha, futhi noma yikuphi ukuhluka okuvele kubonakale sengathi ukuphambene nokujwayelekile. Isibonelo. iqiniso lokuthi isinyathelo sokuqala kufanele ngaso sonke isikhathi senziwe ngumfana. Indoda kuphela kwisethulo sethu icela inombolo yefoni, ikumema ukuthi uhambe, futhi unikeze ukuze ujwayele. Uma intombazane yenza lokhu, siqala ukumcabangela njengomuntu -fana noma oyisiwula kakhulu futhi engavamile. Lokhu kubonakala sengathi "akulungile". Ngokwemibono evamile yokuqhuma kwenzeka ngokuya kwesimiso lapho kubalulekile ukusho khona inkulumo edidekile. "Kuyiqiniso ukuthi mina kanye nakho konke kufanele kube okuhlukile ... konke kuyamangalisa, kodwa ...", kodwa uma intombazane isitshela ngokuqondile umfana ukuthi iqonde futhi engakhulumi isikhathi eside, uzokhuluma ngokusobala ukuthi akanakho isifiso futhi abonise ukuziphatha okungalungile ... usevele "engalungile" futhi engenzi kahle . Futhi lo mfana uzobe yisikhathi eside ukuhola ukunyundela ngokumelene nesitha.
Imibono yethu mayelana nobudlelwane, njengokuthi kufanele ukuba, ukuphazamisa nathi. Sivame ukucabanga uhlelo oluhle lokusebenzisana nathi, sicabanga ukuthi zonke izinto kufanele ziphinde ziphinde ziqinisekiswe kanjani. Futhi konke kubonakala sengathi kuhle, kodwa lokho kusho okuthile. U-Anya usithatha ucezu lwengqondo yethu, ukusetjenziswa kwe "plan", eyathathwa esikhathini esidlule futhi lapho konke kuhamba khona. Siphinde siphazamise izinkolelo zethu ezivamile. Basenqabela izenzo ezithile ezingasenza sijabule. Ngokuvamile sesaba ukungajwayelekile, singafani nomunye umuntu, sikhohlwe ukuthi ubudlelwano buyindaba yangasese kubo bonke abantu. "Iseluleko" somngane wobudlelwane bethu singasenza sibe nokungabaza ngokwethu. Ngempela, kumafilimu esiwabonayo afana nawo, alungile futhi othandana. Siqala ukucabanga: singabe yini into engalungile?
Ungavumeli ukuthi izinkomba zizithobekele, uhlelo olufanele lokukhulumisana ngombhangqwana olulodwa oluhambisana nawe futhi luletha injabulo. Ubudlelwane kufanele buguquke ngokwemvelo ngokuvumelana nezifiso zakho futhi akunandaba ukuthi abanye bacabangani ngakho. Ingabe usakhathalele ngalokhu?
Ukuxhumana ngezamasiko
Indlela abathandekayo okufanele baxoxisane ngayo yilabo kuphela. Namuhla, sibhekene nezinkolelo nezinkolelo ezihlukahlukene kulokhu. Isibonelo, umbhangqwana ohlala njalo unento yokukhuluma nabantu abathandayo akufanele athule. Futhi lokho kuthula kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi kukhona okungalungile. Kukhona umuzwa wokuthi ngamunye wabalingani kufanele afike ngosuku olufingqiwe lwezihloko ezixoxwe ngazo. Kodwa iphuzu liwukuthi uma kukhululekile ukuthula - udinga ukuthula. Ngemuva kwalokho, uma umbhangqwana ungaboni ukuthula kwawo, futhi bathanda "ukuphumula" ngokuphambene nalokho, ngeke kube khona i-topo?
Izimo eziningi zengqondo ziphathelene nobuhlobo bobuhlobo phakathi kwamadoda nabesifazane. Namuhla, abesifazane bathethelelwa kakhulu "kwamaphale" abo kanye namaphutha, babhala lokhu ngezizathu zangaphandle. Akukhona nje ukuthi isonto labesifazane livunyelwe ukuziphatha ngendlela engafanele futhi lokhu kubhekwa ngokuthi "okuvamile", amadoda angase abhekane nezinkohlakalo ngokuphathelene nobulili, ukuziphatha, njll. Sivame ukubiza abesifazane ngokuthi "ama-maniac" noma abathintekayo, bancane amathuba okuba babonise ukuziphatha okubi, ngisho nalapho bekeza izimpawu ezifanayo njengamadoda. Uma umuntu ekhononda imisho efanayo noma eziphatha ngokweqile, lokhu kubeka inhlamba kuye. Uma umuntu ekhwela umlozi entombazaneni enhle kakhulu futhi emncoma emgwaqweni wonke, ungumuntu onamandla futhi engumuntu ongajwayelekile. Uma lona wesifazane eziphatha ngendlela efanayo, ungumuntu omncane.
Ngombono wabantu abaningi, yilo wesifazane okhuluma ngamagama adumile, lisp, ephuma namagama okuzijabulisa ahlekisayo, aziphatha ngendlela encane futhi ubiza umuntu ukuthi ufuna kanjani: i-tart, i-lapus, njll. Uma, kumaphiko othando, umuntu onjalo uthi, kubangela konke ukuvimbela. Ngokomphakathi, indoda nowesifazane babhekana nokungabi nabulungisa okuhlukile. Lokhu kuhlehlisela "uphawu" embonweni wethu wokuthi ukuxhumana nesimo sengqondo kufanele sibe kanjani.
Empeleni
Eqinisweni, konke kuqhutshelwa yiqiniso lokuthi ngamunye wabalingani ukhululekile ukuziphatha ngokubambisana njengoba okuthandayo, kuphela amabili okufanele awalandele. Ubudlelwano phakathi kwabathandekayo buyimbumbano evaliwe lapho kungafanele kube khona indawo yobandlululo kanye nezinkolelo ezivamile. Ngamunye wethu kusukela ebuntwaneni uvunyelwe imingcele ethile futhi wabeka imithetho ethile elawula ukuziphatha. Isimo sengqondo sabantu ababili yisikhathi esisha ngokuphelele empilweni yomuntu, iyunithi entsha yokuzimela lapho abantu abanothando kuphela abanquma ukuthi yini efanele kubo. Phela, iphuzu eliphelele ukukwenza omunye nomunye ajabule futhi afinyelele ukuqonda okufanayo nokusekela, ukunqoba konke, kufaka phakathi izinkolelo ezivamile.