Izifo eziningi zibizwa ngokuthi "ukugula kwekhulu lama-21". Ngenhlanhla, iningi lazo lilapha. Ngaphandle kwesizungu, isifo esithathelwanayo sempucuko, esisheshisa isifo sengculazi sithinta izakhamuzi zamadolobha amakhulu.
Emsuka walo mzwelo, mayelana nesizungu - ukugula kwengqondo komuntu oyedwa kanye ngokwehlukana, izindlela zokunqoba sizokutshela.
Kubonakala sengathi lapho abantu behlangana ngaphansi kophahla lomuzi omkhulu, abantu kufanele bazwe ubunye. Kungani abantu ezindaweni zasemadolobheni ikakhulukazi bezwa sengathi uyedwa? Ephakeme izinga lokuthuthukiswa kwempucuko, abantu abanobuhlungu banomuzwa wokuthi banesizungu futhi baningi kakhulu lokuzibulala. Esikhathini esidlule, ukuze kuphile, kwakudingeka ukuba kube nokuqukethwe okuvamile kokuphila (abantu abazingela ndawonye ama-mammoths, bebuthana, benza amasiko emidlalweni). Abantu empeleni basinda ngenxa yokuthi babumbene. Namuhla, imali, ulwazi, izimangaliso zesayensi nobuchwepheshe zisenza sizimele kwabanye. Mhlawumbe othile endaweni ethile kithi wenza into ethile, kodwa, njengomthetho, ukude. Sithola umkhiqizo ophelile. Ukuba nesizungu kungukugula kwengqondo komuntu, kuyisimo esivamile somphakathi.
Iyini isizungu somntwana - ukugula kwengqondo komuntu kuhluke kumuntu omdala?
Isizungu esibuhlungu kunazo zonke sibhekene nentsha: sekuyiminyaka eyi-14-16 yezinga eliphezulu kakhulu lokuzibulala. Kule minyaka, ukuzibandakanya nomndeni wakhe kuphelile, manje osemusha kufanele ahambe ngaphesheya kwakhe futhi umbukiso womndeni onjalo ukuhlela nabantu abangabazi. Umoya wentuthuko ushayela intsha ukuthi ikhulume nomusa wayo. Okufanayo okwenzekayo emantwini wezilwane eziphakeme. Abantu abasha abakwazi ukuzibonakalisa esikoleni esivamile, baze baqeqeshwe eqenjini lezilwane ezincane. Lapha bathola ukuzimela, isikhundla sabo esihlalweni sobukhosi futhi, lapho bethola lesi sibonelo, babuyela emphakathini, bancintisane nabadala. Abantu abafani kakhulu nabo.
Insizwa noma intombazane ishiya umndeni, isetshenziswe eqenjini labasha, izwa kuye ngokwakhe endaweni yakhe - lokhu kuyimvelo yemvelo. Kodwa lokhu ukuphuma nokufuna inkampani efanayo kufana nobuhlungu kakhulu. Uma intsha ingaphumeleli ekutholeni iqembu elinjalo ekilasini noma ngaphandle kwayo (ngokuzithandayo), uyakhathazeka kakhulu-ngakho ukungabaza, ukungaqiniseki, izimo ezivusa amadlingozi nezokukhathazeka ezingabangela ukuzibulala kanye nesizungu - ukugula kwengqondo yomuntu. Ikakhulukazi ethintekile yedwa - ukugula kwengqondo yomuntu ongaphila ngesikhathi sakhe sokuphila okuzimele, eshiye yena. Uma lesi sizungu sasihlala eminyakeni engu-19-27, ekuphileni komuntu umuntu uzomthanda kakhulu umlingani wakhe, ikakhulukazi ukumthethelela.
Kule minyaka, asinamathuba okuba sibe nabangane. Abangane beminyaka yomfundi basondele ngempela. Ingabe umuntu ulahlekelwa amakhono akhe omngane oneminyaka yobudala? Isikhathi sokwakha ubuhlobo obuseduze nabantu - izingane, asebekhulile, ubulili obuhlukile buvela eminyakeni engu-18 kuya kweyengu-25. Uma phakathi nale minyaka iminyaka umfundi efundela ngenkuthalo, ehlala ekhaya kukhompyutha - akanalo ubungane. Kulesi sikhathi kubalulekile ukuba "uphume ezweni", uye kwelinye idolobha, uhlale ehostele nabantu abangabazi, ufunde ukuthola ulimi oluvamile nabo, ubambisane futhi uchithe isikhathi noontanga - bazohlala bangabangane bokuphila. Lesi yisikhathi esihle kakhulu sokwenza oxhumana nabo abanobungane. Ngemuva kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu, ubuhlobo obusha ubudlelwane kanye nokusetshenziswa (sisebenzisa ulwazi olusha, uyasisebenzisa). Oxhumana nabo abasebasha baningi kokuthuthumela, bomuntu siqu, obuseduze. Laba bantu bayazi okuningi ngathi, futhi siyazi okuningi ngabo. Ngabo ungahlanganyela izifiso zakho, ukwesaba, uphile izenzakalo ezibalulekile. Bingofakazi bokuphila kwethu. Uma sihlangana nabo, sihlale sizwa ukukhuphuka kwamandla, ngisho noma singakamboni isikhathi eside. Kubalulekile ukusetha amaqembu anjalo kuze kube yiminyaka engu-25.
Kungani isikhathi sihamba , futhi asibonakali nhlobo?
Esikhathini sethu, abazali banakekela kakhulu abantwana. Isikhathi esibalulekile nesidingekayo sokuhlukana - ukwephula intambo yengqondo nomndeni - akukwenzeki. Abantu abasha baphoqeleka ukuba baphile ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo nabazali babo, becela imali kumabhayisikobho - lokhu kukhulula umzwelo womuntu omdala.
Uma ubaba nomama beletha indodakazi yabo ku-disco bese balinde ekuphumeni ukuze baphinde babuyele emuva, yimuphi umfana angazijwayeza? Kunzima kakhulu intombazane yasekhaya ukukhetha umlingani: emva kwakho konke, kumele ilawulwe ngumndeni wonke. Omunye ubonakala engahlakaniphi okwanele ukuba upapa, owesibili akuyona ibha enkulu - kumama, kanti le ntombazane, ngokuthembela, ayikwazi ukungazinaki imibono yezihlobo. Amadodakazi ahlolwe ahlala ekhaya lapho ungaxhumana khona, uhlale ngokweqile, izimo ezicindezelayo, funda ukuzizwa uqiniseka kuzo.
Kuvela kuphi imithombo yedwa?
Lo mzwa wesizungu - ukugula kwengqondo komuntu kunezimpande ezijulile ezingokwengqondo. Njengoba esesesibelethweni, indoda yayiyingxenye yento engaphezu kwakhe, wazizwa emuhle, wazizwa evikelekile. Ukukhunjulwa kwalesi simo esihle kuhlale kusishukumisela ukuba sithole abantu nezimo esingazizwa siyingxenye yethu. Yingakho ungakwazi ukuhlabelela ngokuthokoza okunjalo kwi-choir. Futhi ube nobulili! Ukukhulumisana okuseduze kusivumela isikhathi esithile ukuba sibalekele umuzwa wokungaboni. Kodwa okwesikhashana nje. Mhlawumbe umuntu wayeyophila ngendlela ehluke kakhulu, ngabe wayeseqonda ngokucacile ukuthi wayengekho ngokuphelele. Eqinisweni, sonke sihlala emigodini yokuqonda kwethu futhi asikwazi ukuxhumana nanoma yikuphi. Kunezikhathi zokuthakazelisa ukuhlangana nabanye abantu, kodwa lokhu kuyinkolelo. Njengoba izigxivizo zeminwe noma ukudweba emaqabeni omuthi ofanayo akubukeka zifana, abantu abahambisani nhlobo - umuzwa wokusondelana uzoba wesikhashana. Umqondo wokuhlala unomphela ufika lapho sifunda ukuguquguquka ebuhlotsheni.
Ngemuva kokulimaza, ukutholakala kolunye uhlobo lokuzijabulisa kuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu - awekho amakhono okuphila ngokuzimela, uzizwe umuntu wakho, uthole amaqembu akho. Ukushayela ukudlula imingcele yomndeni wakho kuphakeme kakhulu eminyakeni eyi-15-17, kanti uma umndeni unikeza ingane ithuba lokuhamba, uzokhula ngokushesha, aqale ukucabanga nokuzinakekela yena, abazali bakhe. Ngaphansi kwe-oki yama-oki ayikhuli - lesi simo esikhulu sokukhula.
Emadodeni (angabikho ubuhle) ahlale egcwele amadoda, abanye - abahlakaniphile nabanhle - bahlezi bodwa - ukugula kwengqondo yomuntu. Iyini imfihlo? Indlela umuntu azokuhlakulela ngayo ubudlelwane nobulili obuhlukile, kuncike ekutheni ingane ihlangane kanjani nabazali, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzwela ukwamukelwa kwabo. Ikhono lokuthanda nokuqonda abanye lisekelwa ukwamukelwa kwengane, futhi kuthiwa yi-trust eyisisekelo emhlabeni. Ihlanganiswa kuze kube yiminyaka emibili - kuze kube manje, umuntu ufunda ukuthanda, ukuzwelana, ukuzwelana. Futhi uma lokhu kwenzeka, sithemba ngokuzethemba ekuphileni, sizibandakanye ngokwezimali zabanye abantu. Kodwa kwenzeka, ubudlelwane nomama nomntanami bunzima kakhulu. Khona-ke umuntu akhula i-daffodil - enhliziyweni yezimfanelo zakhe zobuntu ukhona ukuqiniseka okuqinile ukuthi uyindawo okuzungeze ngayo yonke into. Kodwa impilo ayihambisani nomunye wethu, iyaqhubeka njengenjwayelo, futhi siba yingxenye kuyo, noma asikho.
Ngakho-ke, abantu abangashadile ngokwemvelo - ama-daffodils? Okungenani, phakathi kwabo kunezinye i-daffodils. I-Narcissism yinhlekelele yekhulu lama-21, isimo sengqondo, lapho omunye umuntu edingeka kuphela ukuze agcizelele eyedwa eyedwa! Ngenkathi ebuka iso, uyangincoma - ngizobe naye, ngokushesha nje lapho injabulo isiphelile, ngizisola ukuthola enye. Abantu abanjalo baphila ngokuphila, bangalokothi bafinyelele kwabanye, basebenzise, ​​babasebenzise. Ngezikhathi ezibucayi, uma udinga ukuguqula ngokwakho, shintsha labo abaseduze nabo. Impilo yabo ibonakala ikhulu kakhulu, kodwa isaba yedwa.
Phakathi kwethu kukhona abaningi abangakwazi ukumthanda omunye umuntu, bazizwe behlukile. Futhi lokhu kuyisiqalekiso, ngoba uma singaboni ubuhle kwabanye abantu, sidonsa umhlaba ngopende omnyama - akukho lutho oluthakazelisayo kulo. Futhi-ke sinothando oluncane kakhulu, asinamathele kunoma yini futhi asazi kanjani ukushintshanisa amandla nabanye. Sizifaka ejele futhi sihlale kuyo ngaphandle kwengqondo.
Kukhona umbono: ukuze udale ubuhlobo obusha, udinga ukuphuma endaweni yawo.
Ingabe kuyiqiniso?
Isizungu esabekayo kunazo zonke ukugula kwengqondo yomuntu - lokhu kuyedwa yedwa. Uma ababili bashadile, akuvamile ukuba othile avele phakathi kwabo. Lezi amasiko: emva kwalokho, zathembisani isikhathi sabo, ukunakekelwa, izimpilo zabo. Futhi akekho owazi ukuthi unesizungu kanjani lo mbhangqwana. Kungenzeka bangakwazi ukuxhumana, bakhule kusuka komunye nomunye, kodwa bahlale ndawonye. Ukuze ubudlelwane obusha buvelele, umuntu kumele aqonde ukuthi ukhululekile. Umshado wuhlaka oluphula inqubo yokusesha (ulinganiselwe: mayelana nokuthi ungubani, nokuthi ungakwazi ukuxhumana nobani, ngasiphi isikhathi ukubuyela ekhaya, ukuthi ungachaza kanjani ukubuya kwakho kamuva). Futhi akukhona ngisho nokuba khona kwesitembu epasipoti. Kubalulekile ukuzwa ngaphakathi ngaphandle komunye. Ngake ngineklayenti ekululekeleni, umyeni womphakathi ongazange anikeze umshado isikhathi eside. Kwaba khona ukuthi indoda yakhe yangaphambili yayithatha impilo yakhe eminingi, bahlukana kahle, bavame ukuhlangana, baxoxa ngezinto ezivamile. Kodwa ngolunye usuku phakathi nomhlangano ovamile naye owesifazane wayenombuzo: ngenzani nalomuntu? Ngiyabulala isikhathi! Ngosuku olulandelayo indoda yakhe yammema ukuba amshade naye. Ukuze uqale ubuhlobo obusha, udinga ukuqedela omdala. Nakuba lokhu akuyona imfundiso. Abanye abantu banenhliziyo eyanele nothando lwabaningi: naphezu kwakho konke, sithanda umuntu ngamunye ngezindlela ezahlukene.
Indlela yokuqeda uketshezi lwezinsuku ezilodwa?
Okokuqala, udinga ukuqonda ukuthi uzohlala unesizungu futhi ungaqondwa ngokuphelele ngomunye umuntu, futhi wena ngokwakho ngeke uqonde abanye ngokuphelele. Isinyathelo sesibili ukuqwashisa: ngoba usuwe wedwa, khona-ke bonke abanye bayedwa njengoba ukhona. Ungakwazi ukusondela kunoma ubani futhi uthole ulimi oluvamile, uma nje ubumbene nesizungu. Isinyathelo sesithathu - ngoba sonke sodwa - ake sihlangane nenye into ekhanyisa isimiso sethu esiyimpunga. Sidinga ukuphuma esikhaleni sethu esivaliwe - ukuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala kumuntu futhi sihlangane nomuntu ukuqala ukwenza okuthile. Ngesinye isikhathi, kusontambama wonyaka omusha, intombazane encane yafika kimi ukuze ixoxe. Ukhononda ngokuthi unesizungu kakhulu futhi waphoqeleka ukugubha uNyaka Omusha nabazali bakhe. Ngambuza: "Futhi abaningi benu emsebenzini ngilabo abangaziphi ukugubha uNyaka Omusha?" Kwavela, hhayi okuncane. Futhi ngasikisela: "Ngakho ubabenze uMnyaka Omusha!
Hlangana ndawonye , uye kokunye okunye okuyisihlanu okufanayo. Hlela uhambo, hamba ufunde ukudansa u-salsa, uthatha isikhathi sakho sokuzilibazisa - ulethe umbono. " Phuma kunoma yisiphi isimo-esenzweni. Emazweni aseNtshonalanga, kuneziqalo eziningi eziphula le mbuthano - ukuzithandela kuma-hotlines noma okuthandwa kakhulu - ukuba ube unkulunkulu noma umama komunye umntwana. Abantu baseMelika bayadumisa, kodwa baqonda: umnikelo wesikhathi nemali ebuhlotsheni obunjalo buqinisekisa impilo ende. Izinhlelo eziningi nokukhathazeka esinakho, amandla engeziwe.